Rakim, On tour

Who could forget that immortal couplet: "Me and Eric B and a nice big plate of fish/ Which is my favourite dish"? Besides promoting the healthy benefits of an Omega 3-rich diet, Eric B & Rakim's 1987 album and single Paid In Full marked hip-hop's coming of age. Recorded in less than a week, Eric B's liberal use of 70s funk samples and the smoothly methodical lyrical contributions of Rakim marked it out as a turning point in the genre's evolution. To celebrate this influential album's 25th anniversary, Rakim (now sadly split from Eric B amid royalty wrangles) brings a night of highest quality old-school hip-hop to the UK on his own tour, before joining Mos Def's Black Star and De La Soul for two dates of hip-hop royalty. A fear of flying keeps him from playing here more often, so catch him while you can.

O2 Academy Bristol, Sat; Rescue Rooms, Nottingham, Sun; The Arches, Glasgow, Mon; with Black Star at HMV Hammersmith Apollo, W6, Tue & O2 Apollo Manchester, Wed

John Mitchell

Riffraff, Middlesbrough

Besides a few adventurous nights at The Empire, you couldn't say there was that much cool stuff going on in Middlesbrough's club scene. However, as with most places, scratch beneath the surface and you'll usually find something of worth, like Riffraff's cool house parties, helmed by Paul Bowen and Lee Pennington. They've had Berlin-themed evenings and hosted guests such as Benoit and Sergio, Miguel Campbell and Dyed Soundorom. Tonight's party sees them welcome Secretsundaze as Giles Smith and James Priestley make a rare joint appearance in support of their nomadic session's 10th anniversary.

The Medicine Bar, Corporation Road, Sat

Marc Rowlands

Field Day Night, London

With the eclectically awesome likes of James Blake, Omar Souleyman, Faust, Gruff Rhys, Wild Beasts and Warpaint all lined up for the Field Day festival on 6 Aug, it's fair to say this year's Victoria Park party will be worth a peek at the very least. There's no slouching from the organisers in the run-up to the event either, with tonight's Field Day Night giving a taster of things to come later this summer. DJ Omar-S – not to be confused with the aforementioned Omar, Mr Souleyman – will be playing an exclusive set of his own brand of deep Detroit goodness. Ramadanman collaborator Midland will also be making an appearance, as will Bloggers Delight's Casper C and Skull Juice's Benedict Bull. Further help in counting down the weeks until Field Day proper comes from Huntleys & Palmers and Secret Danger Society, who'll be adding to this squidgy house and "tech-yes" get-together.

XOYO, Cowper Street, EC2, Sat

Leonie Cooper

Highlife, Glasgow

Despite being big in the 1980s, thanks largely to the exposure given by Paul Simon's Graceland, the chances are that the last time you heard any actual South African music was during the World Cup, when it was honking out of the business end of a vuvuzela. Spurred on by the recent global successes of DJ Mujava's Township Funk and MC Okmalumkoolkat's Boomslang, Highlife's dedication to world music brings South African house to the fore at tonight's outing, with special guest Esa making an appearance. Born in Cape Town, Esa moved to Glasgow four years ago and is now a regular deckside presence at several local club nights, recently setting up his own label, Rememory Music. Esa's Sound Of South Africa at Highlife set contains a mix of music from his homeland that rarely gets aired at his usual residencies in the city.

La Cheetah, Queen Street, Sat

Patric Baird

Deptford Dub Club, London

It might sound like the sort of legendary happening that's been running for yonks and yonks, but rather than being as entrenched in SE8 lore as local branches of the WI and Neighbourhood Watch, it transpires that the Deptford Dub Club is a brand-new venture. In spite of this lack of anecdote-riddled musical history, the brains behind the party have picked two legendary talents to get the ball rolling. First up is record producer Adrian Sherwood, who's making the pilgrimage from north to south London to ply the punters with reggae, funk, R&B; and the cream of the Jamaican crop. He'll be followed by the unparalleled Mad Professor, a man who's worked with everyone from Lee Perry and Sly and Robbie to Horace Andy and Massive Attack. With both of tonight's acts boasting second-to-none dub credentials, expect to hear the very best the genre has to offer.

The Albany, Douglas Way, SE8, Sat

LC

Gaga's latest clip mixes the sacred with the profane and includes a nod to Marlon Brandon too — here are all the references!
By James Montgomery

Lady Gaga
Photo: George Pimentel/ Getty Images

Love her or hate her, you've got to admit that Lady Gaga knows how to make a music video. Her clips always have been a mixture of high-art posturing and knowing nods to pop-culture ephemera, and "Judas" is no different. While it's not filled with blink-and-you'll-miss-it references like "Telephone" or odes to German Expressionism like "Alejandro," there's still plenty to wrap your eyes around in "Judas," offering a mixture of the sacred and the profane. Gaga merges mentions to religious iconography and cult biker flicks (and pretty much everything in between) in the video, and so, we decided to take notes. Here's our "Judas" pop-culture cheat sheet, alphabetized for your perusing pleasure ... you can't tell your Botticellis from your Brandos without it.

"The Birth of Venus": Iconic 15th century painting by Sandro Botticelli depicting the Roman goddess Venus emerging from the sea. Art historians have interpreted the work in many ways — a contemplation on physical and spiritual beauty, a celebration of the divine, a "wedding painting" meant to, uh, inspire the bride and groom — but in "Judas," when Gaga strikes a pose similar to the painting, she seems to be paying tribute to all three.

"Electric Chapel": Gaga has said that she created her Monster Ball Tour so that her fans "would have a place to go ... a safe place ... an 'Electric Chapel.' " It's also the name of a song on her upcoming Born This Way album. In "Judas," the Chapel is reimagined as a biker bar, where LG attempts to warn Jesus about Judas' impending betrayal.

Eye of Horus: An ancient Egyptian symbol of protection, closely associated with the goddess Wadjet. In "Judas," Gaga wears eye makeup that recalls the symbol, which makes sense, since, as Mary Magdalene, she attempts to protect Christ from Judas' backstabbing.

Foot Washing: A religious rite observed by several Christian denominations. In the Bible, Christ washed the feet of his apostles before the Last Supper, the final meal he shared before his crucifixion. Gaga washes Christ's feet in "Judas," perhaps symbolizing his forthcoming demise, something that Judas certainly had a hand in.

Golden Gun: Fictional weapon from the 1974 James Bond film "The Man With the Golden Gun," and a totally kick-ass sidearm in the "GoldenEye" video game. Gaga wields a similar piece in "Judas," though hers doesn't contain bullets; instead, it's a rather grandiose tube of lipstick, which she smears on Judas' face.

The Kiss of Judas: In the Bible, it is Judas' final act of betrayal — he kisses Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane after the Last Supper as a way of identifying him to the soldiers who have come to arrest him. The same scene is played out in "Judas," as the betrayer plants a pair of kisses on Christ's cheeks.

Mary Magdalene: A disciple of Jesus and one of the most controversial characters in the Bible, early scholars painted her as a repentant prostitute, while in the 20th and 21st century, she has come to be celebrated as a patron saint of women's preaching and ministry. Not surprisingly, Gaga takes on the role of Magdalene, reimagining her as a badass chick with a penchant for chola fashion.

Norman Reedus: American actor/model known for his roles in "The Boondock Saints" and, more recently, AMC's "The Walking Dead." In "Judas," he plays the titular apostle with gleefully evil aplomb.

Rick Gonzalez: American character actor who has appeared in dozens of films, most notably "Coach Carter" and, uh, "Old School," where he played "Spanish." In "Judas," he's given a gangster makeover as Jesus Christ.

Sacred Heart: Religious icon that symbolizes Christ's divine love for humanity. Often depicted as bleeding and wrapped in thorns, in "Judas," Gaga can be seen wearing a Sacred Heart on her wardrobe.

Simon Peter: One of Christ's 12 apostles, also known as Saint Peter, he is regarded by the Catholic Church as the first pope. Before the Last Supper, when Christ washed his apostles' feet, Peter originally refused, claiming he was not worthy. During Christ's arrest, Peter sliced the ear of a servant of the High Priest who had come to seize him. In "Judas," Gaga singles out Peter at the "Electric Chapel," patting him on the back.

"The Wild One": 1953 biker film starring a young Marlon Brando as the leader of the Black Rebels Motorcycle Club. That leather-clad gang of ne'er-do-wells seems to be the direct inspiration for Christ's biker-apostles in "Judas."

Can you spot any other literary, historic or pop-culture references in Lady Gaga's "Judas" video? Tell us in the comments.

• Lady Gaga's 'Judas' Video Premieres

• Lady Gaga's 'Judas' Video: Decoded

• Lady Gaga

It kind of seems like Lady Gaga's shocking behavior is getting predictable. I mean, we always know to expect something wild and controversial out of her to begin with (hence, predictable). And it kind of seems like we should just start expecting said behavior to be Madonna-esque. Sorry, Gags.

In her newest video, for her song "Judas" (which I'm not a fan of, but that's a whole 'nother post), Gaga "shocks" people by playing a bad-ass, biker version of Mary Magdalene. (You know, from the Bible?) Controversy commence! "Oh, that Gaga! How could she use Catholicism in her videos? How could she take something so sacred, like Mary Magdalene, and gyrate her hips to it?"

Um, has anyone else seen Madonna's "Like a Prayer" video? If imitation is the most sincere form of flattery -- Madonna, consider yourself flattened.

Now, I'm not one to get super offended by "religious references" ... or anything controversial for that matter. As the cast of the Jersey Shore has taught me -- I do me. However, I am taking a wee bit of offense to Gaga continually imitating Madonna, then trying to act like she's not.

Gaga recently made headlines when she not only denied plagiarizing Madonna's "Express Yourself" for her song "Born This Way," but for how defensive she got, and the ... "r" word she used. She told magazine, NME:

I'm a songwriter. I've written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I'm getting one over on everybody? That's retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about… If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It's the same one that's been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first f***ing artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist, it means that I’m f***ing smart. Sorry.

Damn, girl. Usually people don't get that defensive unless they have something to hide! Oh, and a little word of advice, Lady G: If you don't want people to think you're biting off of her Madge-esty, you might want to ditch the Catholic-themed videos that feature hunky Latin men. Just sayin'.

Check out Lady Gaga's "Judas" video, then Madonna's "Like a Prayer." Any similarities?

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Even the length of the videos is almost exact! Thoughts?

Image via Domain Barnyard/Flickr

Since One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest this gifted bit-part actor has played the psychopath to perfection – but don't expect him to come out into the light in his new vampire movie Priest

Fans of the vampire apocalypse sub-genre will already be en route to the nachos, but no matter what your taste there is at least one reason to recommend the newly released Priest. That reason, buried as he usually is in the depths of the supporting cast, is Brad Dourif. Because I don't think it would be rash to claim Dourif as king of the character actors – champion of that noble tradition of bit-part players and background colour, a self-confessed "whore" who never fails to elevate even the dopiest hokum, psychotic creeps a speciality but capable of much, much more.

Almost everyone reading will, I imagine, have relished a Dourif performance at some point in their lives, in part because the man is as tireless as he is gifted, in part because among his many jobs have been a number of near-inescapable cultural behemoths (leaving aside Star Trek: Voyager, he reportedly dispensed with his eyebrows to appear in two of Peter Jackson's three Lord of the Rings films). But he's due far more reward than a place for life signing headshots at comic conventions. For all his workhorse tendencies, it would be a mistake to laud them over his actual talent – the waxy delicacy of his features the canvas for a rare, skewed intensity, his unnerving presence never once played as smirky camp.

But his gifts were obvious from the start. Because, of course, when we rewind as far back as 1975, we find him as the very newest of Hollywood sensations, and rightly so – the breakthrough Miloš Forman's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and his pivotal turn as frail, doomed Billy Bibbit, a role he fitted so perfectly it was if Ken Kesey had foreseen a vision of him writing the source novel 13 years earlier. For a boy of 25 it was a staggering performance, deft and touching and every bit as compelling as those of Jack Nicholson and Louise Fletcher. His Oscar nomination was inevitable; a stellar career was assured.

Except, as it turned out, it wasn't. Instead of an ascension to the upper slopes of the industry, the decades since have provided a hectic route through strange landscapes and scenic backwaters. There were more great performances – shortly after Cuckoo's Nest came some masterful jitters in the prime slice of New York kink that was The Eyes of Laura Mars, after that John Huston's mordant Wise Blood, most recently a lovely moment as a melancholy alien (surely the role he was born to play) in Werner Herzog's The Wild Blue Yonder. There were also roles in a number of grand cinematic missteps: the daddy of them all, Heaven's Gate; David Lynch's Dune, in which he gamely held forth about "the juice of sapho"; Jean-Pierre Jeunet's rickety Alien Resurrection. But while Lynch would hire him again for Blue Velvet, and Herzog has used him as a one-man rep company, the best part of the last 20 years has been spent paying the bills in all manner of horror projects, from the iconic (in some circles he'll be forever best known as the voice of Chucky in the Child's Play series) to the altogether less celebrated – but always performed with respectful sincerity.

In interviews, Dourif himself talks about the shape of his career as simply a product of a working actor needing work, particularly as a father – in the same year Cuckoo's Nest came out, his first daughter was born. But sometimes when I think about him I also find it hard not to picture that otherworldly bearing and remember the example of another thin young man too wispy and off-kilter to be anyone's male lead: Anthony Perkins. But then, much as I love Anthony Perkins, Dourif is by a long way the better actor, both more intense and more versatile. He could always do repellent (as racist wifebeater Clinton Pell in 1988's Mississippi Burning his presence is skin-crawling) – but his Doc Cochran in TV's old west saga Deadwood was a masterclass in unexpected decency, while what made his work in Herzog's Bad Lieutenant so fine was the way he acted as a steadying hand amid the crazed whirl of breakdancing souls and watchful iguanas.

And it's important, I think, not to embrace him just because he's a favourite of Herzog and Lynch, but because he's been fantastic in their films as he has so many others – and because the risk with anyone so reliable is that they get taken for granted, particularly when the wonders they deliver are small in scale. I'm sure Dourif himself would see his career as anything but thwarted for all that he never did get that Oscar, and we should follow his example. Bills have to be paid, and it would be patronising to assume he would have been happier with his name above the titles of wood-stupid action flicks. In any sane hall of fame, his place is safe already.

Crops (primarily corn, beans, squash, and tobacco) were planted along the creeks and bottomlands near the villages. The area would be first cleared by cutting and burning. The ashes of the burnt wood and cane would then nourish the crops. In addition to the primary crops, the Indians of the Southeast also raised sunflowers, pumpkins, sumpweed, chenopodium, pigweed, knotweed, giant ragweed, canary grass, amaranth, and melons.  
In order to obtain a maximum yield from their fields, the Southeastern Indians practiced both intercropping and multiple cropping. Intercropping involved planting several different kinds of plants together in the same field. By planting corn and beans together, for example, the bean vines could twine themselves around the corn stocks.  

One interesting aspect to intercropping was the practice of leaving and/or planting trees in cultivated fields that yielded nuts and fruits. This practice helped maintain long-term soil fertility. These trees included cherries, white and red mulberries, persimmons, walnuts, chestnuts, plums, and dwarf chinquapins. In addition to helping provide nutrients, the trees also attracted birds. The birds, in turned, helped to restrain the insect population in the fields.

Multiple cropping involves the planting of two successive crops in the same field. Thus, early corn was planted first. It ripened early and was picked green. Then the field would be cleared and a second crop was planted. However, double-cropping drains soil fertility unless there was some method of restoring nutrients to the soil. It is evident from both historical accounts and from the archaeological record that the Southeastern nations retained their fields for long periods of time and therefore must have replenished soil fertility.

The farming practices of the Southeastern Indians did not rapidly exhaust the soil. They planted beans with corn, thus offsetting the latter's great consumption of nitrogen. They also carefully hoed the fields to avoid eroding the land. Among the Yamasee, who planted their fields near lagoons and marshes, the cultivated areas were regularly rotated to avoid soil exhaustion.

There is another important reason for raising both corn and beans. While corn supplies some essential protein, it lacks the amino acid lysine. On the other hand, lysine is abundant in beans. Thus, when beans and corn are eaten together they are a good source of vegetable protein.

As a fresh vegetable, squash was often used in stews. It was also sun dried, which concentrates the sugar so that dried squash could be cooked as a sweet dish.

A number of tribes in Florida, including the Timucua and the Calusa, cultivated a tuber known as Zamia. The Zamia plant appears to have been introduced into Florida by the ancestors of the historic Calusa from a source area in the Caribbean islands.

Not all cultivated plants were food plants. The Southeastern Indians also grew bottle gourd (Lagenaria siceraria). When cured, the bottle gourd has a hard shell that is very light and difficult to break. Bottle gourds were used for making water vessels, dippers, ladles, bowls, cups, rattles, masks, and bird houses. Tobacco was also grown.

Unlike the Europeans, the Indians of the Southeastern Woodlands did not view land as private property. Land was held in common with individuals and families having use rights. These farming rights were held as long as they continued to use the land. Use rights were generally respected and an individual or family would not seek access to a piece of land until it had been abandoned.

Among the Creeks, the amount of land under cultivation at each town would be increased whenever a child was born. To determine the amount of land needed by the town, a census would be taken each year.

The fields were worked communally. The entire field was not tilled, but rather worked into small hills about a foot in diameter which were spaced about three feet apart and which were laid out in straight lines. This method of preparation prevented soil erosion and preserved the fertility of the soil longer than did the plow-agriculture introduced by the later European colonists.

Among the Seminole, everyone in the village helped keep the crops healthy until they could be harvested. During the day, the children and the older people would drive away the nuisance birds. At night, the men would patrol the fields to keep the nocturnal animals away. Deer, bear, and raccoon were fond of Seminole crops.

The Cherokee built large scaffolds in their fields so that they could watch for crows and raccoons. During the summer, elderly women would sit on the scaffolds watching the fields. They would attempt to scare away animals which might eat the crops.  

Fields were cultivated with handled implements that the first Europeans described as hoes. These implements had blades of stone, oyster, mussel shell, fishbone, or wood. In addition, they used a digging stick for making holes into which the seeds were planted.

An important part of agriculture is the ability to store the harvested crops in such a way that they are kept safe from mice and other animals. To do this, the Southeastern Indians built corn cribs which were raised 7-8 feet on posts. The posts were polished so that the mice could not climb them. The crib itself was plastered and the door was sealed. When corn was taken from the crib, the seal would be broken, the door opened, some of the corn removed, and then the closed door was resealed to protect the corn which remained in the crib.

The early European settlers were amazed at the number of different ways that the Indians prepared corn. It is estimated that there were at least 42 different ways of preparing corn, each with its own name. Corn was processed into hominy which has been described as the staff of life for the Southeastern Indians. This process involved the use of wood-ash lye which selectively enhanced the nutritional value of the corn by increasing amino acid lysine and niacin. This protects people who eat a corn-based diet against pellagra.

To produce the wood-ash, the Choctaw women would pour cold water over clean wood ashes placed in a hopper. This would produce a yellow lye which would drip down into a small container. This lye would then be added to the cornmeal.

Among the Choctaw, corn was made into paluska holbi, which was a kind of bread. Boiling water would be poured into cornmeal, which was then pounded into a stiff dough, and shaped into small rolls. These rolls were then wrapped in corn husks and cooked under hot ashes. For a richer taste, they would add chestnut or hickory oil to the cornmeal.

Another Choctaw cornbread was bunaha. This was prepared by mixing dried beans, wild potatoes, and/or hickory with the cornmeal. The rolls of this mixture, wrapped in cornhusks, were then boiled in water.

As with tribes in other parts of North America, the tribes of the Southeast raised and gathered tobacco which was used for smoking. Among the Choctaw, tobacco was mixed with the leaves of other plants when used for smoking.

Many of the tribes also cultivated plums, particularly the Chickasaw plum (Prunus chic?sa). Later Europeans described this as a wild plant and failed to notice that it was found only near abandoned Indian fields.  

New Born This Way song has Gaga 'living on the edge of the law.'
By Gil Kaufman

Lady Gaga (file)
Photo: Kevin Mazur/ WireImage

Lady Gaga picked the perfect place to unveil yet another song from her upcoming Born This Way album. During a show in Guadalajara, Mexico, on Tuesday night, Mother Monster did a slow, sexy flamenco seduction at the piano as she pulled back the curtain on the funky bilingual outlaw love tune "Americano."

A YouTube video of the performance shows Gaga sitting at a piano, playing the song's seductive Latin melody and opening with some lines in Spanish about her rebel spirit: "Mis canciones son de la revolucion/ Mi corazon late por mi generacion," she sings at the outset, which translates to "My songs are of the revolution/ My heart beats for my generation."

The next bit will surely cause some serious discussion in Gagaland, as the singer teases, "If you love me/ We can marry on the West Coast/ On a Wednesday/ En el verano o en agosto (in the summer or in August)."

The emphatic chorus has her repeating the phrase "I don't speak your language, oh no," with mentions of Jesus ("Jesus Cristo") and the titular "Americano," before she busts into a section where she growls "Aaaahhh America, Americano" repeatedly.

By the end, Gaga seems ready to hop on the controversial motorcycle on the cover of Born This Way and hit the road for some "Born to be Wild" action, as she warns, "Don't you try to catch me/ No, no, no/ I'm living on the edge of/ Living on the edge of the law, law, law."

After mostly performing on piano, the band kicks in, joining her for a full-on Latin jazz breakdown to bring the tune home.

Tell us your thoughts on "Americano" in the comments below.

• Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way' Video Premieres

• Lady Gaga And The Scissor Sisters Perform At Staples Center

• Lady Gaga

Politicians are hiding their real values and intentions behind snide, loaded euphemisms

While sitting at my desk performing my usual "back-office function" recently, I was struck by a story on the debate over cuts to police budgets and the likely impact on the "frontline".

Warwickshire police officers are being ordered off the beat into civilian roles as the force tries to manage its budget after the 20% cuts imposed by the coalition government.

The Home Office response was familiarly blunt: forces should cut back on "bureaucracy" and "wasteful spending" while "increasing efficiency in the back office". David Cameron weighed in the following day: there is no reason for frontline policing to be affected, he said.

Sir Denis O'Connor, the chief inspector of constabulary, hit back in a report stating how important "middle-office" and "back-office" roles were in supporting "frontline" officers. All in this together, if you like.

Elsewhere in austerity Britain, Hull council was being lauded by a Times leader for making "substantial savings by rationalising back-office functions and reducing the number of buildings from which it delivers services". Eulogies were reserved for other local authorities reacting to the big cut in central funding by launching "efficiency" drives.

The BBC has been caught up in the fight between government and opposition to win a spin contest over the precise terms to use when covering stories about the cuts.

Savings or cuts? Here at the Guardian, we normally use cuts. It's shorter, to the point and is a shoo-in for headline writers. Oh, and Lord Littlejohn of Maildom rants about its use. For the record, he prefers to talk about "massive waste, non-jobs and vast salaries of senior council officers".

All around us these figurative euphemisms are being trotted out by ministers defending the burden placed on the NHS, local councils and the police to protect the all-important frontline services. Get rid of the back-office staff, the thinking goes. Not quite as "unproductive" as the "feckless workshy", the unworthy and disposable state employee has the cheek to draw a salary – paid for by "you, the taxpayer" – while easing towards retirement and, yes, a "gold-plated" pension.

These invidious phrases aimed at those with lower qualifications and on lower pay are not new. "Deregulation" of the job market and enhanced "labour mobility" have long been phrases associated with the school of economic thought that implies the market will naturally find full employment and equitable wage levels as long as it remains unfettered by state legislation and intervention. Unemployed people must get on their bikes and find work or stay on the dole through "lifestyle choice".

The phrases du jour are rooted in the economic doctrine of the neoclassical orthodoxy of the 1930s – the father of Thatcher's 1980s monetarist mayhem and grandfather of Cameron and Osborne's supply-side wild child currently ravaging the public sector and ushering in an era of militant privatisation.

They are utterances born of the strict economic theory that sees employees purely as factors of production; not human beings with occasionally irrational urges, needy families, hefty mortgages, complex relationships, myriad emotional commitments and a need for belonging, a place in society, "big" or otherwise.

The longest-serving Labour prime minister in history, Tony Blair, set the current trend for euphemistic political buzzwords while masking an ideological drift to the right. "Choice", "hard-working families", "fairness", "prepare for change" and "rights and responsibilities" were all key elements of New Labour's "reform" policy agenda in health and education.

Such fuzzy language was noted by George Orwell in his 1946 essay Politics and the English Language as increasingly used by politicians as a "defence of the indefensible". For this reason, he went on: "Political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness."

Back in coalition Britain 2011, the back-office function is a prime example of Orwell's target. The implication is that those employed in these jobs are virtually useless and their loss would be no great shame for the organisation; the reality is that unemployment can turn a person's life upside down.

There are, however, members of an organisation who no doubt do meet the criteria of vulnerability and exposure to ruthless market forces.

Take the coalition ministers spouting these snide, loaded, euphemistic circumlocutions. As Anne Robinson might ask: "Who's 'frontline' and who's 'back-office' in this government?"

Clearly Cameron, Osborne, Hunt, Gove and Pickles are out there flying the flag for "reform" while fighting the big ideological battles. Frontline, maybe.

But the three most prominent Lib Dems in the coalition – Nick Clegg, Danny Alexander and Vince Cable – should perhaps think twice before using such inhuman, pejorative and invidious language. Some observers might argue they're no more than "human shields" for the Tory generals leading the fight.

So with the knife-edge AV referendum and the potentially devastating local elections just days away, the Lib Dem high-ups and ward councillors alike may be about to feel like the most disposable of team members.

As for the coalition – with its stark divisions on AV increasingly apparent – who knows how the result will play out for the losers facing their party faithful?

Even from my "back-office" position, I can see that Thursday's elections might just unleash the powerful yet precise force of the political "invisible hand" as voter "rationalisation" sweeps through polling stations all around the country.

by Sebastian Rotella

This story was originally published on Dec. 29, 2010.

Update May 2, 2011: As the world now knows, Osama Bin Laden was found not in a cave but just a short walk from the Pakistan's top military academy. That raises many questions about Pakistan, its military and security services.

We have long reported on the security services’ seeming double-games. Last year, we detailed the Mumbai attacks, laying out the evidence that officers in Pakistan’s powerful intelligence service, the ISI, collaborated on the plot with the Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorist group.

Pakistan's powerful intelligence service has been accused for years of playing a "double game": acting as a front-line U.S. ally in the fight against terror while supporting selected terrorist groups which serve Pakistani interests.

Now, for the first time, there is a detailed inside account of how that game is played. The U.S. investigation of the 2008 Mumbai attacks has built a strong case that officers in Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence Directorate (ISI) collaborated with the Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorist group in the plot that killed 166 people, six of them Americans. U.S. and Indian investigators say their understanding of the ISI-Lashkar alliance is drawn from the confessions of David Coleman Headley, an American convicted of participating in the Mumbai plot, as well as documents, phone records and electronic eavesdropping.

Officials from both countries say they are persuaded that ISI officers recruited and trained Headley in spying techniques and gave him money and instructions to scout targets in Mumbai and elsewhere. Headley has told investigators that a Pakistani Navy frogman helped plan the maritime attack on Mumbai, according to a 119-page report recounting his interrogation this year by Indian authorities. The report, which was obtained by ProPublica, quotes Headley as saying his Pakistani intelligence handler took part in a discussion about a subsequent Lashkar plot to attack a Danish newspaper -- information that Pakistan did not share with Danish authorities.

In essence, U.S. and Indian officials say, Headley was more than a terrorist: He served as a Pakistani spy.

During the period that ISI officers allegedly helped Lashkar plan to kill Americans and Jews in Mumbai, the intelligence service was working closely with the CIA and U.S. military in counter-terrorism efforts and Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari was pledging his support for the U.S. campaign against militants in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

Pakistani officials deny any link to Lashkar and point out that hundreds of ISI officers have died in clashes with militants. They accuse India of politically motivated distortion in the report on Headley's interrogation.

"It is a stereotype, a Pakistan-specific version of an Indian interrogation," said a Pakistani official who requested anonymity because of the sensitive topic. "The Indian version is totally distorted and fabricated as there was no involvement of the ISI whatsoever. Nor did any serving official interact with Headley or any of the perpetrators."

But U.S. investigators see much of Headley's account as credible, U.S. officials said. The investigators believe his main handler, a man identified only as Major Iqbal, was a serving member of ISI and one of several Pakistani intelligence officers who had contact with Headley, according to U.S. officials.

The Obama administration has expressed frustration with Pakistan's failure to bring to justice the suspected masterminds of Mumbai and to rein in Lashkar, the ISI's longtime proxy army against India. Recent intelligence shows Lashkar remains intent on striking the West, according to a U.S. official who requested anonymity.

Tensions between Washington and Islamabad worsened earlier this month when the CIA was forced to abruptly withdraw its station chief from Pakistan after his identity was made public in a lawsuit there. U.S. government officials suspect that the ISI leaked the station chief's name to Pakistani lawyers suing the CIA for deaths in drone missile strikes, the U.S. official told ProPublica. The official said the move may have been "tit-for-tat" because of a recent civil lawsuit filed in New York by relatives of the victims of the Mumbai attacks naming the ISI and its chiefs as plaintiffs along with Lashkar.

The ISI plays a dominant role in Pakistan's fractured government. Most experts see its long-standing alliance with militant groups as a mix of geo-political strategy -- extremists are a useful weapon against India -- and anti-Western ideology. Headley's story of his high-level dealings with spies and militants alike opens a door into a secretive underworld, according to officials and experts.

"I don't know of any other cases in which ISI has used and worked with Americans," said Charles Faddis, a former CIA counter-terror chief who worked in South Asia. "Having a guy like this would be great for LeT and ISI. The Indians are working off a profile of what they think enemy operatives look like. This guy does not fit that profile. He can walk through the screen without being seen."

When he spoke to Indian investigators in June, Headley repeated much of the account he had given U.S. investigators before pleading guilty in March to conducting reconnaissance for the Mumbai and Denmark plots, U.S. officials say. Since his arrest in late 2009, the FBI and Indian counterparts have spent more than a year checking his confessions against other evidence: witness testimony, phone and e-mail intercepts, travel and credit card records, data stored in his computer.

"Most of the Headley statement is consistent with what we know about the ISI and its operations," said an Indian counter-terrorism official who requested anonymity. "And it's consistent with what he told the FBI and what they told us. A lot has been cross-referenced to travel, communications, other evidence."

Aspects of the Indian report of the Headley interrogation have been previously disclosed, but its significance in detailing the ISI's interaction with Lashkar has not been fully described. This article is based on that document, U.S. court papers and interviews with Western and South Asian investigators, intelligence officials and experts.

Headley's revelations have led to differing interpretations. Indian leaders and some Western experts say his account reinforces accusations that the ISI plays an active role in terrorist operations.

"For the first time you have an American talking about this agency not just being aware of, but involved in, a terrorist plot," said Sajjan Gohel of the Asia-Pacific Foundation, a security consulting firm based in London. "What have the last nine years since 9/11 been about? And all the money from the U.S. taxpayers to fund and stabilize Pakistan? Is that money being used for terrorism?"

On the other hand, U.S. counter-terrorism officials do not see evidence that ISI chiefs made an "institutional, top-down decision" to attack Mumbai, the U.S. official said. Some feel that Headley's nuanced, sometimes ambiguous narrative tends to exonerate the top spymasters. For example: Headley told investigators that the ISI's director general was apparently caught off-guard by the carnage in Mumbai, the Indian report says.

"We should not assume that simply because the ISI policy is to sustain Lashkar that the leadership is aware of every detail in terms of the group's operations," said Stephen Tankel, author of the forthcoming book "Storming the World Stage: The Story of Lashkar-e-Taiba." "The ISI policy is not to allow Lashkar to cross certain red lines, but sometimes the interpretation by ISI handlers of what constitutes an acceptable operation is different than that of the leadership."

Between June 3 and June 9, investigators of India's National Investigation Agency questioned Headley for 34 hours in Chicago in the presence of U.S. prosecutors, FBI agents and his lawyers, the report says. He cooperated as part of a plea deal enabling him to avoid the death penalty. The Indian interrogation report offers Headley's story in his own words: the wild odyssey of a Pakistani-American businessman-turned-militant who was also an informant of the Drug Enforcement Administration.

At each step along the way, the ISI emerges as a central player.

Headley begins the account with his trip to Lahore in 2000 to visit his family home. While there, he befriended Lashkar's spiritual leader, Hafiz Saeed, who draws tens of thousands of followers to rallies.

Headley, a former heroin dealer, was on U.S. federal probation and working as a DEA informant, according to U.S. officials.

Over the next several years, Headley embraced the cleric's ideology. Between 2002 -- when Pakistan officially outlawed Lashkar -- and 2005, he did five stints at Lashkar terror camps where officers of the ISI and the Pakistani army helped provide arms, screening and training, according to the report and Western investigators. Lashkar assigned him to work with a militant chief named Sajid Mir, also known as Sajid Majid, who allegedly became a lead plotter of the Mumbai attacks. Western investigators say that Mir had close ties to the ISI and may be a former military or intelligence officer.

Throughout this period, Headley told interrogators, he saw Lashkar maintain an almost-symbiotic relationship with the ISI. The spy agency has "control over the most important operatives" of Lashkar and every chief "is handled by some ISI official," he said, according to the Indian report. An ISI brigadier general served as handler for Zaki-ur-Rehmane Lakhvi, Lashkar's military chief, who also "is close to the [Director General] of ISI," he said.

The ISI funds Lashkar and shields Saeed, the spiritual leader, from interference, Headley said.

"He is very close to ISI," Headley said of Saeed. "He is well protected."

The description conforms to what is known by foreign intelligence agencies, officials and experts said. Lashkar was born as a guerrilla force fighting against India's control of the disputed Kashmir region. In exchange for funding and direction from the ISI, the militant group has steadfastly avoided attacking the Pakistani state in contrast to al Qaeda, its longtime ally, and other groups. The ISI retains alliances to selected militant networks both because of ideological sympathy and a strategic imperative to fight Indian influence in the region, U.S. officials say.

Critics see those ties as a key source of violence and instability in the region. In a blunt speech this month in Washington, former Afghan spy chief Amrullah Saleh accused Pakistan of supporting Lashkar and also declared that the headquarters of the Taliban "are in Pakistani intelligence's basements."

Pakistani officials deny such allegations.

Headley began a direct relationship with ISI officers in January 2006 after Pakistani authorities briefly detained him for trying to smuggle arms into India, according to his account. An ISI officer named Major Samir Ali interviewed the American, then referred him to a Major Iqbal, who became his main handler in Lahore. Major Iqbal, described as fat, deep-voiced and in his mid-thirties, introduced Headley to a man identified as Lieutenant Colonel Shah, who promised Headley financial support for terrorist operations against India.

At subsequent meetings in safe houses, Major Iqbal gave Headley secret documents on India. He assigned a non-commissioned officer to give the American standard intelligence training. Headley learned techniques for detecting surveillance, developing sources and other skills, then practiced with the lower-ranking officer on the streets of Lahore. The specialized training lasted several months and continued intermittently afterward as Major Iqbal taught Headley how to use cameras and other devices for missions, the report says.

"I became close to Major Iqbal," Headley told interrogators. "The training given by this NCO under the guidance of Major Iqbal was much more scientific and effective than the trainings I did in the LeT camps."

Phone and e-mail evidence have corroborated Headley's contact with Major Iqbal and other suspected ISI officers, U.S. and Indian officials say. Major Iqbal has been detected directing intelligence and terror operations in other cases, officials say.

Because Lashkar keeps the spy agency informed about activities of its foreign militants, the arrest of Headley near the Pakistani border may have been part of a plan to recruit a promising American operative, the Indian counter-terror official said.

"I have come across previous cases of Lashkar recruits trained by ISI separate from the camp training," the Indian official said. "There was a guy from the south of India who underwent similar training. He was an attractive recruit because he was very articulate. He had connections to several militant groups and knew two or three languages."

Pakistani officials say they have not been able to identify Major Iqbal or confirm any involvement of military officers.

"It's possible people impersonate the ISI or the army," the Pakistani official said. "Uniforms have been stolen in the past for this kind of thing."

Headley said Major Iqbal gave him $25,000 to set up a front company in Mumbai as a cover while conducting reconnaissance for the attacks. Headley spent months scouting the Taj Mahal hotel and other targets for Mir and Major Iqbal, who also sent him on separate missions to gather intelligence on an atomic research center and military sites around India. Major Iqbal called Headley from a phone number with a 646 area code (one used in the New York area), the report says. This could have been a technique to conceal the origin of the calls in Pakistan and avoid eavesdropping by American and Indian intelligence agencies, experts say.

Headley told investigators that Major Iqbal contributed advice about tactical issues to the Mumbai plot: escape routes for the gunmen, setting up a safe house, hijacking an Indian vessel at sea. Headley said the major approved of Mir's decision to attack Western targets such as the Chabad House Jewish center directed by an American rabbi.

"He was very happy to know that Chabad House had been chosen as a target," Headley said.

The rabbi and his pregnant wife were killed by gunmen during the Mumbai attacks.

Headley reported separately to Iqbal and Mir, his Lashkar handler, but the two handlers coordinated with each other, the report said.

"The whole thing feels like ISI is trying to maintain plausible deniability," Faddis said, using the intelligence term for operating through an intermediary who can be disavowed. "They are running in parallel with LeT and clearly leveraging sources for their own purposes, but they are still trying to avoid being directly tied to the attack planning, most of the time."

Indian investigators say Headley's confession portrays Iqbal as a mastermind of the attacks. U.S. investigators analyze his account differently, attributing a more limited support role to the ISI officer.

In the interrogation, Headley implicated other Pakistani military men. He said a Pakistani Navy frogman helped plan the portion of the assault that involved hijacking an Indian vessel at sea, according to the report. Headley described attending a two-day meeting of plotters in Muzzafarabad in 2008 at which the guest of honor was the crew-cut, clean-shaven frogman named Abdur Rehman. He gave the Lashkar chiefs technical advice, the report says.

"They had discussed various landing options along the coast of Mumbai," Headley said. "The sea chart brought by the frogman was discussed. ... The frogman told them that the sea became rough after the month of June. ... [He] told me to check the position of the naval vessels on the Indian side so as to avoid a gunfight."

ISI officers supplied a boat for a failed first attempt to send the gunmen to Mumbai and intervened when the American's chaotic personal life got him in trouble just two months before the attack, the report says.

Headley had married a Moroccan medical student in Lahore in 2007, though he already had a Pakistani wife and a third wife in New York. The Moroccan wife quarreled with him and visited the U.S. embassy in early 2008 to warn officials that she thought her husband was involved in terrorism, according to U.S. officials.

In September, the wife also complained about Headley to "senior police officials" in Lahore, the Indian report says. Headley said Pakistani police jailed him for eight days; his account does not specify the charges. Headley's Pakistani father-in-law put up bail and "Major Iqbal also helped me [in] this case," Headley said.

The incident, which could not be independently confirmed, joins a list of a half-a-dozen missed warnings from Headley's wives and associates dating back to 2001.

The Pakistani official denied the story. Noting that Headley had worked for the DEA, he blamed U.S. officials for failing to tell Pakistan about intelligence that was shared with India in 2008 warning about a possible attack on Mumbai.

"He was not arrested in Lahore in September 2008 as he claims," the Pakistani official said. "The U.S. had intelligence reports about this plot but they were not shown to Pakistan. Perhaps with Pakistan alerted, the plots could have been avoided."

Headley said the Mumbai plot caused -- and resulted from -- conflict in the Lashkar-ISI partnership. Disillusioned militants demanding a bigger role in fighting in Afghanistan were defecting to al Qaeda and the Taliban, while chiefs of Lashkar and the ISI tried to keep the main focus on Kashmir, he said.

In response to the dangerous internal rifts, Lashkar decided on a spectacular al Qaeda-style strike on Western targets in Mumbai, and the ISI approved the shift in tactics, Headley explained.

"The ISI I believe had no ambiguity of understanding the necessity to strike India [and]... shifting and minimizing the theater of violence from the domestic soil of Pakistan," he said.

The analysis rings true, according to officials and experts.

"Lashkar's senior leaders are sometimes pulled between adherence to the ISI and their dedication to pan-Islamist jihad," Tankel said. "Meanwhile, the ISI is trying to pressure the group enough to keep it in line and not so much that it fragments. That becomes more difficult as LeT integrates further with other outfits and a segment of its members agitate for breaking free of ISI control."

Three months after the Mumbai attacks in November 2008, the ISI arrested Lakhvi, the Lashkar military chief, and six other militants. In a potentially significant revelation, Headley said Gen. Ahmed Suja Pasha, the director general of the ISI, went to see Lakhvi in custody, according to the report.

"Pasha had visited him to understand the Mumbai attack conspiracy," the report quotes Headley as saying, without further elaboration.

Pakistani officials deny that the spymaster made the jailhouse visit. U.S. and Indian officials and experts are more willing to believe the story.

Headley's language suggests that Pasha, who had become director only two months before Mumbai, was surprised by the attack or at least its dimensions. This reinforces the U.S. view that top ISI brass were not involved.

Once again, Indian officials disagree. They believe Pasha visited the jailed Lashkar chief to ensure his silence and obedience.

"I think Pasha was aware of the plot beforehand, or he is not chief of the ISI," the Indian counter-terror official said.

Headley's testimony that Lashkar bosses have high-ranking ISI handlers, if accurate, suggests that information about the plot must have circulated among senior ranks of the spy agency. Key questions center on how much ISI liaison officers to Lashkar -- in addition to Major Iqbal -- and others in the spy agency knew about the Mumbai plot, U.S. investigators say.

ISI officers certainly knew of Lashkar's increasing determination to take its terror campaign into the West, Headley said. The report describes a crucial meeting in November 2008. After almost two years maintaining a careful distance from each other, Headley's handlers from the ISI and Lashkar paid him a joint visit in Lahore, the report says.

"This is the first time Major Iqbal and Sajid came together to my home," he said. "We discussed about the Denmark project."

The project was a plot to attack a Danish newspaper that had published caricatures of the Prophet Mohamed. Mir directed and funded Headley's subsequent reconnaissance on the newspaper's offices in Denmark, according to the report and U.S. court papers. But U.S. officials have not previously mentioned Major Iqbal's involvement in the high-stakes meeting to launch an attack in the heart of Europe.

"The presence of Iqbal at a meeting about the Denmark plot is pretty seismic," Gohel said. "They take it to the next phase. Either the hierarchy was aware or there was no accountability."

Experts said Iqbal's visit alongside Mir sent a message of trust to Headley. But the extent to which the major approved of the Danish plot, and the degree to which he was acting on his own, remain unclear.

"I think this was a particularly sensitive discussion and somebody above Iqbal's pay-grade told him to sit in and be present for the conversation between Headley and Mir," Faddis said.

Major Iqbal soon cut off contact with Headley because "the Mumbai investigation was getting bigger and hotter" and a suspect had revealed "ISI cooperation" in the plot, the report says. Lashkar shelved the Denmark project, so Headley continued plotting and scouting in Denmark and elsewhere in Europe under the direction of al Qaeda, U.S. court documents say.

But Headley did not sever all links to the ISI. He remained in touch with Ali, the major who had first recruited him, until June 2009, even during trips back to the United States, he said. The report does not say whether Major Ali knew Headley was conducting reconnaissance for al Qaeda and Lashkar until his arrest in October of 2009.

Pakistan charged Lakhvi and six other militants in the Mumbai attacks, but their trial has stalled. Pakistani officials say lack of evidence has prevented them from identifying or arresting Major Iqbal, Mir and other suspected masterminds. But they insist that they want to get to the bottom of Headley's explosive allegations.

"Pakistan is considering an interrogation of Headley, making a request to the U.S.," the Pakistani official said. "We are pursuing the matter. Pakistan is committed to not allowing its soil to be used for terrorist attacks on any other country."

Fight 1: Featherweight

Pablo Garza vs. Yves Jabouin (Montreal)

Round 1:

Jabouin is the aggressor early on, knocking down Garza with a punch midway through the round. It ends quickly, however, when the fighters go to the ground and Garza locks in a triangle choke. Jabouin attempted to fight it off — much to the crowd's approval — but eventually taps out. The official ruling is tapout by triangle choke.

Garza said after the fight:

“The triangle got him, not the armbar. He was rolling but I cranked it very hard. I thought my last fight was a trip but this was mind blowing.”

“The leg kicks didn’t bother me. I was a little jittery, the biggest crowd I ever fought in front of was a couple thousand. This was like ‘holy%#41’ and it took a while to concentrate on the fight.” 

Fight 2: Lightweight

Kyle Watson vs. John Makdessi (Halifax)

Round 1

The fighters start tentatively. They circle each other, Makdessi scores a leg kick. Watson followed with a kick of his own, misses. They exchange a flurry of punches just after a minute into the round. Makdessi hits with a solid punch to the head. Watson attempts A meek takedown attempt that Makdessi stuffs. Another flurry of punches, at 2:40. Makdessi lands a superman punch. Fighters taking turns exchanging flurries. Makdessi scores a hook kick that lands on Watson’s face. He’s the more active fighter, although Watson keeps pushing forward. Metro gives this one to Makdessi 10-9.

Round 2

Makdessi starts by pushing forward this time. The fighters exchange shots right away. More circling in the middle of the ring. Watson lands a hard head kick. Makdessi goes for another hook kick, misses this time. With 1:25 to go, Makdessi rocks Watson with a couple of hard punches. He’s too cautious and Watson recovers. Watson seems to be attempting high kicks. Metro also gives this round to Makdessi 10-9.

Round 3

Nasty cut on Watson’s face after the two exchange punches. Makdessi is pushing forward, lands a hard spinning backfist and Watson is out. He’s still down by the time Makdessi is interviewed about the win. Makdessi wins by knockout.

 John Makdessi said after the fight:

“I knew I hit him well, but I didn’t know I knocked him out. I guess when you train that much, it’s just a feeling to know when to use it. I like to feel out my opponent first. It’s a true testament to my great coaches and my kickboxing coach.”

(on Dana tweeting that he’s going to win Knockout of the Night)

“This is going to change my life.”

Fight 3: Middleweight

Ryan Jensen vs. Jason MacDonald (Nova Scotia)

Round 1

The crowd roared as MacDonald is introduced. He quickly takes Jensen down and works his way to back control. Jensen manages to escape and lands in MacDonald’s guard. The crowd roars again as MacDonald attempts a triangle. Jensen picks him up and slams him, but the tringle sinks deeper. Jensen attempts to punch, but it’s too tight. He taps, and the Rogers Centre becomes very loud. This one ends at 1:37 of the first round.

John MacDonald after the fight:

“Words can’t describe what I’m feeling right now. I had the triangle locked in and I knew he was going to slam me. I knew as long I kept him tight it would be no problem. ”

Fight 4: Bantamweight

Charlie Valencia vs. Ivan Menjivar (from El Salvador, trains in Montreal)

Round 1:

The Rogers Centre looks nearly full by the time this fight starts. The fighters touch gloves and circle in the middle of the ring until Valencia goes for a high kick. Menjivar attempts a hard hook. Valencia is looking for leg kicks and swings wildly as they clinch. Menjivar lands an elbow to the nose that drops Valencia. He follows with a flurry of punches as Valencia, on the ground, covers his head. He’s not fighting back. The referee ends it. It’s Menjivar by TKO.

Ivan Menjivar after the fight:

(on the finish)

“From the clinch we were kneeing each other and then by reflex I threw my left elbow and connected. That spun him and then I followed him to the ground and that was it.”

(On fighting in front of the Canadian crowd)

“I was born in El Salvador but then I came here and now I represent both countries. I’m very proud to be here. It’s probably because I’m Latino too. We try to represent our culture and we work hard.”

Fight 5: Welterweight

Daniel Roberts vs. Claude Patrick (Toronto)

The Rogers Centre is loudest for this one.

Round 1:

Patrick immediately takes Roberts down. Roberts attempts to shake an arm loose, but Patrick is tight and moves into half-guard. He manages to escape and the fighters stand up again. Patrick’s lead hand is open, but he follows with punches – takes Roberts to the fence but the San Francisco fighter spins around. They take turns exchanging positions before moving to the middle of the Octagon. Crowd starts to chant “Let’s go Canada.” Patrick is the aggressor here, lands a punch before they tangle up against the fence. They go down, Patrick is on top again. He attempts a choke, but Roberts recovers guard. Roberts stands up, Patrick chases and lands several hard punches. Then a high kick. They tangle up again and the crowd asks for knees. Metro gives this round to Patrick 10-9.

Round 2:

They circle and Patrick is clearly the aggressor. The crowd chants, “Let’s go Patrick.” He lands a low kick that Roberts catches and uses to take him down. Roberts is on top, but Patrick recovers. They’re against the fence again. Patrick lands a hard knee to the head as they move away from the fence. Roberts attempts a superman punch and misses. Patrick lands a low kick, then goes for a takedown attempt. Roberts goes for a guillotine and in getting away from it, Patrick ends up on the bottom. Roberts has side control and looking to mount. He gets to half-guard. Patrick slaps the back of his head, Roberts doesn’t seem to find enough balance to land clean shots. Patrick works back to full guard then gives up his back. He recovers and has Roberts against the fence. He’s again stalking Roberts, who looks tired. Metro also gives Patrick this second round, 10-9.

Round 3:

Roberts lands a hard kick to the body as he moves away from Patrick, who keeps pushing forward. Roberts goes for another kick and Patrick takes his leg. They go to the fence before Patrick finishes the takedown. He’s in full mount. Roberts recovers to half-guard, but not before eating a couple of punches. Patrick lands a knee as Roberts stands up. More tangling at the fence. Roberts can’t take the fight to the ground and after a while the referee breaks them up. Back in the middle of the Octagon, Patrick lands a punch to the head, Roberts goes for a takedown, but gets stuffed. Metro gives this round to Roberts 10-9.

Official decision: Toronto's Claude Patrick wins by unanimous decision with all three judges scoring the bout 29-28.

Claude Patrick after the fight:

“It was a long time in the making. I never thought it would be possible. It was an honor to perform in front of my hometown crowd.”

(On his opponent)

“The guy did something different that I will never let get to me again. He went on the computer and made a whole bunch of ridiculous remarks which I didn’t even read because I turn the computer off when I’m training for a fight. He made this video about my head being so big so that’s why I came at him so hard in the first round and let my fists do the talking.”

Fight 6: Welterweight

Jake Ellenberger vs. Sean Pierson (Toronto)

Round 1:

Chants of “Let’s go Sean Pierson” to start this one. Ellenberger lands a hard counter to the body. Pierson is pushing the action but Ellenberger is counterpunching well, lands a cross to the head. Elleberger takes Pierson down, but he quickly gets back up. They circle the Octagon again, throwing some punches. Ellenberger lands his, while Pearson seems to be struggling to close the distance. Ellenberger catches rim with a hard jab and Pierson is out. It’s a knockout win for Ellenberger.

Jake Ellenberger after the fight:

“There’s so many people, it’s hard to stay relaxed in there. I didn’t know I caught him until he went down. He was jabbing and then I just caught him with the hook. I was a little worried because it was a late-notice fight, but I came out with the win so I was happy about that.”

“Mentally, I was ready to go three rounds but nothing can get you ready for that crowd. I’ve been to a lot of UFC shows, but I’ve never heard anything like that. It’s hard to explain. It’s hard to stay relaxed in there.”

Fight 7: Welterweight

Rory MacDonald (Quesnel, B.C.) vs. Nate Diaz

Round 1:

Crowd is loud again for B.C.’s Rory MacDonald. Diaz gets booed during the introduction. MacDonald throws a few tentative jabs to start, Diaz seems content to wait. MacDonald throws a high kick, misses. Diaz is trying to adjust his timing. Diaz now opening up his hands and inviting MacDonald to punch him. They exchange. Diaz has MacDonald at the fence. Diaz eats an elbow, they reverse positions. MacDonald takes Diaz down, but Dias quickly gets back up. MacDonald lands a superman punch and stays active alternating the odd jab with a headkick. But it’s Diaz moving forward. Opens his arms again and the crowd boos. They clinch, with Diaz defending MacDonald’s knee attempts. Diaz goes for a takedown and gets stuffed. They go to the fence and Diaz lands an elbow. MacDonald replies with a punch to the head. A very even round, Metro gives MacDonald the edge, 10-9. 

Round 2:

They circle in the middle of the Octagon with Diaz in pursuit. It ends in a clinch at the fence. MacDonald takes Diaz down. Lands a hard punch and head kick as Diaz gets back to his feet only to be taken down by MacDonald again. Diaz gets back up but eats a punch along the way. Diaz connects with a punch to the head and continues to stalk MacDonald. MacDonald goes for a takedown, but gets stuffed. Diaz then pins MacDonald against the fence and trips him. He gets back up, and misses a superman punch. Both land hard punches during an exchange. MacDonald appears to land a flying knee. Lands a superman punch and leg kick. Metro gives this round to MacDonald 10-9.

Round 3:

Diaz stalking again but it’s MacDonald’s range is better. They clinch and MacDonald takes Diaz to the fence. Both stay active. Diaz attempts a takedown, slips and eats a punch on the ground. He attempts to get back up and MacDonald throws him back down with a highlight-reel slam. Diaz attempts to pull gruad and MacDonald stands. Diaz attempts to do the same and gets brutally slammed again. The crowd is going wild — it’s very loud right now. Diaz gets back up, attempts another failed takedown and eats more elbows. He gets back up. They clinch at the fence. Diaz’s takedown attempt fails and it’s MacDonald who takes him down landing punches along the way. MacDonald in total control from standing position while Diaz defends the punches raining down on him. Diaz has a nasty cut above his left eye but gets up. It’s over, very impressive round by MacDonald. He’s loving it, the crowd is loving it.  Metro gives the round 10-8 to MacDonald for a 30-26 win.

The official decision: 30-26, 30-27, 30-26 — It's a unanimous decision for MacDonald.

Rory MacDonald after the fight:

(on the first slam)

“He turned and exposed his back to me and that’s a pretty natural movement for me. I feel very strong in that position. He kept turning his back to me. I was really surprised by the third one. I felt like I was going to keep slamming him until the end of the round.

(on the crowd)

“It was awesome. I definitely heard them when I hit the slams and then on the ground-and-pound. It was like a big wave of noise.”

(on facing Nate Diaz / defending the possibility of a kimura when having Diaz’s back)

“I respected his skill level. He’s a very durable guy. I trained the defense to the kimura a lot. I didn’t feel threatened by the kimura. He wasn’t in position for it. I was on the offensive at that point.”

LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW:

Fight 8: Lightweight

Ben Henderson vs. Mark Bocek (Toronto)

Round 1:

Both the crowd and sound system are very loud for this first pay-per-view fight. The fighters start cautiously and soon they clinch on the fence. Henderson on the outside stays active with knees to the thighs but the referee breaks them up. Henderson lands a hard kick to the body. Bocek lands to the head and they clinch at the fence again. Back in the middle of the Octagon, Bocek is pushing the action but Henderson counterpunching well. Bocek grabs a leg, takes Henderson down, but eats a hard punch on the way to the mat. The jiu-jitsu specialist is now on Henderson’s guard, by the fence. Metro gives Bocek a slight edge and the round 10-9.

Round 2:

The fighters take measure of each other in the middle of the Octagon again. Bocek goes for the takedown, but gets stuffed when Henderson is back up against the fence. Bocek picks Henderson up, takes him down, but they’re quickly on their feet again. This time Henderson has Bocek against the fence, but the referee breaks them up. Henderson takes Bocek down, whose open guard is ineffective. Henderson landing hard punches, but Bocek gets back up. He sinks a choke and takes Henderson down. It’s not deep enough to finish, but it’s tight enough to control the other fighter. In trying to finish he loses the hold and Henderson replies with a flurry of hard punches. Bocek is bleeding from the top of his head. Metro gives Henderson a slight edge, 10-9.

Round 3:

It’s Bocek pushing forward to start and when Henderson throw a kick he catches it and takes him down. Bocek struggling to punch from Henderson’s closed guard. Henderson escapes and it’s Bocek on the bottom now, eating punches. He takes Henderson’s leg and moves behind the other fighter. They clinch on the fence again. Henderson is active with knees and elbows. Henderson also winning the exchange of punches while standing up but Bocek takes him down. He’s going for another choke, just a few seconds to go and they stand up. It’s over. A close round in a close fight. Metro gives this round to Henderson 10-9 for a 29-28 win.

The official decision: All three judges score it 30-27 against the Toronto fighter. It's Ben Henderson by unanimous decision.

Ben Henderson after the fight:

“I can do all things through Christ! Toronto, can I get an amen. It feels great to get the win. I hate losing and that I was coming off a loss. Yes, this was a big moment and it’s a big night but I’ve fought for the world title before so I was able to stay composed in there. I’m a pretty reserved guy until all these cameras get in my face.”

(on getting out of submissions)

“I always try and stay calm and relaxed. I have to credit that to [my Brazilian jiu-jitsu coach] John Crouch.”

(on the crowd)

“It was surreal. At first they were booing because I was fighting the local guy but it’s all good. At one point I took a look around and was like ‘Wow, that’s a lot of people’.”

Fight 9: Light-heavyweight

Jason Brilz vs. Vladimir Matyushenko

Round 1:

Matyushenko lands a flurry standing up. Brilz backs up and Matyushenko follows, landing along the way. Brilz is on the ground and appears to go limp only to be brought back by another punch. This one is over as the referee correctly stops the fight. It’s Matyushenko by TKO after 20 seconds.

Fight 10: Light-heavyweight

Lyoto Machida vs. Randy Couture

Round 1:

Floor crowd on their feet as people attempt to shoot photos of Randy Couture in what he said will be his final fight. Crowd chanting, “Randy.” Cautious approach by both fighters with Machida moving forward in his usual karate stance. Machida throws a jab, Couture moves in and Machida hits him with a cross. Machida more active with his jabs, until Couture lands a hard hook to the head. It’s Couture doing the stalking now. He attempts to clinch, but Machida gets away. Every time Couture closes the distance Machida throws a flurry of punches. Machida counter-attacking only at this point. Randy moves for a takedown and Machida lands a knee to the head. They stay up. Machida stuffs another takedown attempt. And another. Lands a hard roundhouse kick to Couture’s stomach. Metro gives this round to Machida, 10-9.

Round 2:

They start cautiously again. Couture looking for an opening without much success. Machida throws a light low kick followed by a hard punch to the head. Machida lands a jumping straight front kick to Couture’s head. He goes down immediately and is out. Eerily similar to training partner Anderson Silva’s win over Victor Belfort earlier this year. Couture is up and the crowd gives him a standing ovation. They’re chanting his name, “Randy, Randy, Randy.” The official decision is Machida by knockout at 1:05 of the second round.

During post-fight interview Machida says Steven Seagal also thought him that kick. Machida then calls Couture a "hero."

Lyoto Machida after the fight:

“I had a dream when I was 18-years-old that I would fight Randy Couture. But I thought I would never get the chance because I was too young. It was an honor to fight Randy. He’s the man and a legend.”

(on the fight-ending kick)

“My father said in martial arts to always be different. He taught me to look for different techniques and angles.”

Randy Couture after the fight:

“This is it. I think the last time we had this conversation I had all my teeth.”

“He’s a tremendous fighter. It felt like I was standing still out there, and he caught me with a great kick.”

“The fans have always treated me great, but to go out on that ovation was very special.”

Fight 11: Featherweight Title Bout

Mark Hominick (London, Ont.) vs. Jose Aldo

Round 1:

Screen flashing a maple leaf and snow flakes just before Hominick’s entrance to the Octagon. They touch gloves and it’s Hominick pushing the action. Aldo landing counters, punches and low kicks. Hominick stumbles after being hit with one, recovers and continues to stalk. Aldo kicks, he catches the leg and Aldo slips down. The champion is quickly back on his feet and takes Hominick down. As he attempts to pass the guard, Aldo has to work to get away from an armbar attempt. He ends up in Hominick’s guard and stays active by throwing elbows. Hominick is bleeding from his nose, also appears to have a cut under his right eye. The referee stands them up to the crowd’s approval. Hominick is on the attack again, but gets taken down. He quickly pulls guard and the round ends. Metro scores it 10-9 for Aldo.

Round 2:

Hominick starts quickly, but Aldo manages to escape damage. Aldo lands a hard low kick as they move to the centre of the Octagon. After Aldo lands a hard punch, Hominick gives one right back. The crowd cheers. Hominick lands another hard punch only to get taken down. He’s fighting from the guard again and defending elbows from Aldo. The crowd is starts to boo and the referee stands them up agan. Aldo’s face looks bloody, but it’s hard to tell if he’s cut or if it’s Hominick’s blood. The the champion shoots and scores another takedown. The round ends, Metro gives it to Aldo, 10-9.

Round 3:

Hominick looks alert in-between rounds. Damage seems superficial. He runs up to Aldo again and they exchange shots. Hominick lands a low kick and Aldo returns it. Hominick throwing double jabs, but it’s Aldo who lands a hard jab. Hominick avoids a takedown they move back to the centre of the Octagon.  Hominick buckles after another low kick. Aldo landing more punches, but Hominick holding his own — he avoids another takedown. When Hominick punches Aldo moves his head side-to-side and stands his ground. He lands a hard punch and Hominick goes down. The challenger looks hurt, but kept his hands up. The fight is still going. Hominick pulls guard again. His left eye is starting to close as Round 3 comes to an end. Metro scores it 10-9 for Aldo.

Round 4:

Hominick again goes after Aldo and they exchange. Aldo lands a hard right low kick and buckles Hominick. It looks like Hominick got hit in the groin, Aldo offers to pause the fight but the challenger turns the invitation down. They touch gloves. Despite taking numerous low kicks Hominick does not appear to be limping. Aldo tags him with a hard punch and Hominick goes straight down. Aldo on top, but Hominick has guard. The champion is landing elbows and the crowd winces when the screens show a large bubble forming above Hominick’s right eye, under the skin. It’s nasty. The referee stops the fight so the ringside doctor can take a look at the growth. Huge reaction from the crowd to the bump on Hominick’s head — it’s twice the size of the doctor’s thumb. But the fight goes on and Aldo immediately goes after Hominick. They exchange and Aldo takes him down. Hominick hitting him with palm heels to the side of the head, it’s all he can do. Metro gives another round to Aldo, 10-9.

Round 5:

Hominick’s face looks battered but he’s coming back for the fifth and final round. The crowd roars in approval. Aldo smiles as they touch gloves, his face also showing bumps and bruises. Aldo is faster as they exchange punches and kicks in the centre of the Octagon. Hominick is hurt and goes down. Aldo goes for a choke that fails and ends up on the bottom. Hominick is in Aldo’s half-guard and working to pass. Aldo recovers to full guard and Hominick starts to land from the top. Some on the crowd are on their feet. Hominick still landing from the top, he’s giving it his all. Aldo is just defending, he doesn’t appear to be trying to get up. Two minutes to go, it’s deafening in here and Hominick is now landing body shots. Aldo looks tired on the bottom. Every time Hominick lands a hard shot the crowd noise gets louder. Hominick is in control. Aldo has never taken this kind of beating in the WEC. The champion is still defending and seems content to survive only, mounting no attacks. The challenger looks at his corner and they tell him he’s out of time. He steps up the assault, but the round ends. The crows is on their feet, clapping their hands above their heads. What a showing by Hominick. Metro scores this round 10-8 for Hominick. Aldo is likely to win 48-47.

The official result: Aldo wins a unanimous decision. Hominick is standing tall in the ring. It's announced that one of the judges scored the fight 50-43, but a UFC official quickly tells journalists that's a scoring error.

Mark Hominick after the title fight:

“First off, I just want to say to my wife that I hope I didn’t put you into labor. I know you’re do any minute. I love you, babe and I hope that you’re okay. And second, I just want to thank John McCarthy for not stopping the fight. I was never going to give up.”

“I didn’t throw enough combinations. I was throwing all single shots. I wanted to get one up on him and I let him get one up on me. It’s one of those things, you go back to the drawing board and I’ll come back stronger.”

“I thought I could’ve attacked a bit more on the ground. I thought he was going to be attacking me more instead of holding me down. I fought hard for you guys and I hope you enjoy the fight.”

Main Event: Welterweight title bout

Jake Shields vs. Georges St-Pierre (Montreal)

Round 1:

Crowd on their feet, cellphone cameras above their heads for Georges St-Pierre. The fighters start by circling each other. Neither is landing much. Shields grabs a hold of GSP’s leg and they clinch at the fence. GSP reverses and throws knees before they pull apart. GSP attempts a spinning back kick, misses, but the crowd loves it. GSP throwing the harder punches during exchanges. Both fighters very cautious. GSP landing overhand rights. Shields attempts a kick, falls and the crowd reacts. GSP lands a kick to the body. GSP also scoring with jabs. A cautious round ends and Metro scores it 10-9 GSP.

Round 2:

They start by exchanging jabs. Shields seems to throw more multiple-punch combinations, but GSP making each hit count. GSP alternating jab and jab-counter. He’s pushing the pace. GSP lands a hard spinning back kick to the mid-section. Both fighters still cautious. GSP misses with another spinning kick, Shields grabs the leg, but it’s too sweaty and he can’t hold on. GSP shifting stances, seems to be communicating that he’s going to step it up, but the round ends. All stand-up, nothing on the ground so far. Metro also gives this round to GSP, 10-9.

Round 3:

More exchanges in the middle of the ring. GSP seems to be throwing the harder shots, he’s really leaning into his punches. He scores with another overhand right. Shields attempts a weak kick and GSP moves in with a couple of punches. They clinch, but GSP pushes away. He doesn’t seem to want to go to the ground. Finally a takedown attempt from Shields but GSP calmly moves out of the way. GSP throwing hard low kicks. Shields not landing anything with power. GSP takes Shields down and ends up in half-guard. Little time left and they maintain position until the horn sounds. Metro scores it 10-9 GSP.

Round 4:

They meet in the middle and Shields goes after GSP, but his punches don’t appear to cause damage. GSP takes him down, Shields moves to full-guard and GSP stands up. GSP picking Shields apart, but only the overhand rights seem to hurt the challenger. GSP lands a hich kick to the head and Shields goes down. He’s not out of it and grabs GSP’s leg. The champ backs off and Shields stands up, blood flowing from his nose. Shields looks tired but has his hands up and is inviting GSP to hit him. Both turn it up. Shields seems to be going for broke. He’s landing more in the exchanges. GSP has a bloody face now. It’s Shields pushing the action, until the round ends. The high kick knockdown earns GSP this round, 10-9.

Round 5:

Both fighters seem revitalized. Shields moving forward, GSP countering with the jab, overhand right. Shields seems to expect it and usually blocks them. They clinch briefly, but GSP just pushes away. He doesn’t seem to want to test the challenger on the ground and Shields isn’t attempting takedowns. GSP continues to throw techniques from long range. Another spinning back kick attempt that grazes Shields. The crowd is becoming restless with 30 seconds to go. They’re urging GSP on, but he seems to be sticking to his game plan. The champ goes for a late takedown and gets stuffed. The horn sounds, it’s over. Another round for GSP, who took few chances and was never in trouble, 10-9. Metro scores the fight 50-45 for GSP.

The official decision: Ringside judges score it: 50-45, 48-47 and 48-47. GSP wins by unanimous decision and is still the reigning welterweight champion.

GSP apologizes to fans for not finishing fight during the post-fight interview. 

Wild weather in the last four months has already killed the insurance industry, and capitalism itself may not long survive it. Floods, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, bushfires caused by lightning strikes, oil spills, inundated farms and smashed and muddied Main Streets have made a mockery of insurance. Socialism is back and sorting things out world-wide: money that should have come from insurance is coming, in trillions, from Government to reconstruct and refinance the devastated regions, and rightly so.

For this is what Government is for: to save lives, ease pain, lessen sorrow, cure sickness, feed, rebuild and solace those whom the Shafts of Fate have rendered helpless and, in Chifley’s grave words, without hope. Government and Socialism are, in fact, synonymous, and a military-industrial-academic-media conspiracy has wickedly convinced the West this isn’t so.

Because Socialism these days (or "government" as it is now known) feeds the weapons industries, the grunts on the ground, the admirals on their useless aircraft carriers and the blam-blamming crazies in their helicopter-gunships, while the Free Market (as the slave market is now known) starves the poor and swindles the Third World and kills a child every 20 seconds. Jimmy Carter has railed against this, begging food for North Koreans while billions are being spent instead on people-shredding land mines and Star Wars devices and A-bombs nobody will ever use. Socialism is the subsidization of the killing-industries now, and little else, when it could be rebuilding Main Streets and Elm Streets in flood-ravaged, earthquake-sundered and fire-burnt small towns.

Because it won’t be for long that insurance executives on millions a year can call "flood damage" a different thing from "storm damage" and refuse to pay for it and get away with it, and assert flood water that comes from two hundred miles away "doesn’t count". And it won’t be for long that the banks, who benefit from every inundation, holocaust and earthquake, are routinely made to contribute half a billion a year to a National Catastrophe Fund that slowly, or swiftly, replaces the insurance industry.

For if there is an argument for having an insurance "industry" I have yet to see it. Personal injury, communal tragedy and wild sudden weather should never blow bank-notes into the pockets of the unaffected, should never bilk the injured to enrich the greedy. A local ombudsman can assess bushfire damage and the sum to be paid by Government more cheaply than any system of nit-picking, small-printing assessors there to dud the victims of calamity of their chance of a new life.

The insurance "industry" should be abolished and local councils do its work. The weather patterns demand it. The volcanic patterns demand it. The smashed and stoic Japanese demand it. The rubble of Gaza cries out for it. The mud of Toowoomba weeps for it. (Pray continue in this vein, using one side of the paper only, for ten more paragraphs, if you will.)

And if capitalism continues, and there’s a fifty-fifty chance it might, it will do so in the same way as Catholicism has, as an act of religious blindness, a kneeling and a crossing and a taste of sacred flesh, a secret confession and a few Hail Marys and off you go, in spite of all the evidence – of greed, incompetence and international disintegration – in the last three years. CEOs are being paid tens of millions for deep-sixing the wealth of nations, and children stepping on land mines to keep the system going when a better system is available, proven, and very easy to kick-start, immediately.

It’s called Protectionism, and it means what it says. Like contraceptive sheathes that protect us from AIDS and armies that protect us from invasion and injections that protect us from Asian Flu it protects us from poverty. Protectionism  protects us. It delivers us from evil.

It means dairy farmers don’t have to sell their farms to Chinese corporations and teenage girls can make hats and shirts in country towns. It means kids don’t move to big cities to sell Ecstasy -- or their firm young bodies -- on the mean streets to fund their new smack habits in Kings Cross or St Kilda. It means you keep your job all your life if you want to, and pay your mortgage on time for 20 years. It means a backyard and a dog and a child or two and tinny and a caravan. It means a fair go for a few of us, for a change, in the way my generation understood it in the 1950s.

And, oh yes, it requires a good deal of careful administration, of course it does. It means a tariff on imported cotton of, say, 40 percent (as it was in 1988); on imported wool 40 percent (as it was in 1988); on imported motor cars 25 percent; on golf clubs and tennis balls 25 percent; on zips, buttons, biros, fountain pens 20 percent; on nuclear reactors 15 percent; on juice extractors and toasters 35 percent;  on dolls, writing ink, lipstick and fireworks 20 percent; on tobacco products 15 percent;  on pasta, preserved gherkins and olives 10 percent; on wine, 11 percent. This kind of protection requires eternal vigilance, it requires competence in counting. And it requires, oh boy, an unfloated dollar.

But it means we are no longer shackled to the incompetence of other countries, as we are at present, when an inflated dollar, born of America’s foolery, is killing the last of our family farms, our export industries and our hard-earned Anzac optimism.

It means we sort out problems as they arise and not just beweep our helplessness when earthquakes rattle the shelves and flash floods deluge our honest hard-working lives with bankruptcy. It means we look for help in time of trouble and not just a shrug and the manly sagacious assertion "shit happens". It means we do more than stand at the salute while the Free Market goes thundering by and tramples our grandchildren under its hooves.

It means we have some control of our lives and our fortunes again. And property and shares and hope to leave to our children.

Protectionism. Protection. Help in trouble. Socialism for the bad times, protection for the good. Social-ism. Society helping us, and not just the Big Bomb corporations, to better, more fulfilling lives.

Any takers?

• Read all responses to this article

Welcome back to the tantrums of Tuesday, hosted by your favorite Uncle Fan.  Time to bust some balls…

MLB.  Boys and Girls, Uncle Fan is not the picture of couth, that much I think we can all agree on, but Roger McDowell (Atlanta Braves pitching coach), what the hell are you thinking getting into an insult match with fans at AT&T; Park which included “homophobic comments”, “crude sexual gestures with his hips and a bat”, and threats of violence with a bat?  Hey Roger, you’re in SAN FRANCISCO spewing gay slurs and threatening violence just weeks after a Giants fan took a beatdown in LA???    

Atlanta must be a pretty boring town.  Not only did Redneck McDowell get off his stupid verbal blast, dumb ass Derek Lowe apparently failed at his Bo or Luke Duke imitation.  This Einstein decided to get all liquored up and get into a car race, where Johnny Law decides that isn't a good idea, pulls him over, and charges Lowe with DUI. 

On top of that,  a top prospect in the Texas Rangers organization decides to throw a bag of trash at a fan?   

Speaking of morons, we had a Milton Bradley sighting Saturday Night.  Guess what Gabbers, he got tossed from a game while sitting at second base after his manager had went back to the dugout after arguing with the 2B umpire.  How many times does a 2B Ump toss somebody?

Hey Bud Selig, where are you?  I know - you're busy...

suspending that whack-job by choice Ozzie Guillen cause after he got tossed from a game he went right to twitter, or facebook or whatever the hell you call it saying that "This one's gonna cost a lot - it's pathetic".  Apparently, he went on a rant about the umpiring.  Props to Ozzie, at least that crazy fucker is the most

What the hell with the Colorado Rockies?  Playing .700 ball?  The best record in the league, 10-3 on the road?   So I go to look at the stats to see what’s up – and lo and behold I see the Rocks are 22^ndin Batting average, ninth in team ERA, and eighth in fielding.  So can somebody tell me how these boys are doing it?  Smoke and mirrors, or what?

NHL.  Guys, I’m freaking hooked.  Wednesday was a good night for me what with Montreal and Pittsburgh getting knocked out. 

Thanks San Jose for finally beating the LA Kings.  The folks here in NORCAL need to be able to claim at least one victory over the fakes down south…

Holy Wild Puck, Batman!  How crazy was that Game 7 Vancouver/Chicago?  I know, I know, it was pretty boring most of the game, but the ‘Hawks squeezing one in with two minutes left?  That was some wicked shit that made me think those crazy Canucks were just about out of it.  I thought Sacramento had great fans, but those guys up there are something else!   I don’t know much, but the boys from Vancouver were skating with a purpose.  Luongo might be overhyped, but he did OK.  Of course, his defense really bailed him out many times!  Chicago bows out, but they sure as hell played like champions!

Hey Boston, you let the FRENCHIES take you to Game Seven?  That's OK, you can make it up to me by knocking out the thugs from Philly.  If it'll help, I'll swallow my pride and say PLEASE!!!

NBA.   Thank you Charles Barkley.  You were the only one to tell the rest of the media to knock it off with all of the knob-gobbling over Kobe Bryant's rolled ankle that everybody called an “injury”.  Barkley said Bryant wasn’t injured and that Bryant “loves drama”.  Finally somebody in the media with a set of balls and whose honest!  As for Bryant, you ain’t Paul Pierce, STOP FAKING INJURIES YOU STUPID BASTARD.  Willis Reed did the shit for real (with his knee) back three decades ago.   Everybody knew you were gonna come back and beat up on an obviously outmanned New Orleans team.  Save the drama!

My man black bandit pointed this out last week, but the freaking bandwagon fans are just dominating arenas anymore.  Did you hear Laker fans in New Orleans, Bulls fans in Indy?  When Basketball fans in Indy get shouted down by the visitors, then you know you've got a problem.  Its starting to get stupid and embarrassing.  The NBA has a major problem on their hands with this.  They need to start an AGGRESSIVE marketing campaign to push some of the smaller and lesser known teams.  Why aren’t teams like Memphis being pushed? 

The Lakers just got guaranteed another finals appearance.  Look at it this way, the final four in the West are the Fakers, Dallas (who will implode as usual), Oklahoma City (who will get screwed by $tern), and Memphis (they can't stay that hot forever, although they have the size to give the Lakers fits, but will get screwed so they can't get past OKC).

It has been said that San Antonio’s greatness was nothing more than a mirage, as they were 36-2 against below .500 teams, 8-36 against over .500 teams.  I guess that stat is pretty telling now that Memphis got 'em.  I hate to say this because I really like the Spurs, but I wonder if they don't start falling on hard times now.

NFL .   Did anybody catch that amount of booing when the Sheriff came out to open the draft, followed almost immediately by the booing of Cam Newton at #1 to Carolina?  Here’s a hint NFL – your fans are PISSED OFF BEYOND BELIEF!  Fix it now!  Forget the courts, forget the posturing in the media, forget the name-calling and split the shit in half.  You know, each side compromise equally.

 I’m sitting here listening to the draft experts blast off on New England’s draft.  Hey experts, go ahead at the risk of your own credibility.  True, the Patriots didn’t address their D-line, but then again, whenever these douches get around to football again, there is this thing called free agency, and talented veterans do gravitate to New England.  By the way, they were 14-2 last year, and have a buttload of draft picks next year.  I don't exactly think they're hurting.

The draft was kinda boring, but there’s one thing I picked up out of it.  Did you notice during this draft with all the run on D-Lineman that the two winning-est teams of late (New England and Indy) grabbed O-Lineman?  Whose the smart ones here?

Cleveland comes out of nowhere, gets four or five draft picks from Atlanta in order for them to draft Julio Jones at #6?  The dude played at Alabama, not known as a passing team of late. 

As for Atlanta, again the draft experts are wrong.  You go for offense when you gave up 48 points to Green Bay in a playoff game BEFORE they called off the dogs in the 3^rdQuarter? 

I’m convinced that the 49ers are beyond stupid.  No disrespect to Aldon Smith, but dude is 6’4 260.  Where the hell do you play him?  Too small for D-Line, and Linebacker is the last spot on the defense that needed help.  Meanwhile, the D-backfield is almost as bad as freaking Houston’s.  I like Kapernick at QB, but I wonder what

Tennessee needs two things - first a natural born leader (check, Jake Locker), and second to get rid of Vince Young the very day that the league gets back to its real business. 

Peace and ranting forever...

Fight 1: Featherweight

Pablo Garza vs. Yves Jabouin (Montreal)

Round 1:

Jabouin is the aggressor early on, knocking down Garza with a punch midway through the round. It ends quickly, however, when the fighters go to the ground and Garza locks in a triangle choke. Jabouin attempted to fight it off — much to the crowd's approval — but eventually taps out. The official ruling is tapout by triangle choke.

Garza said after the fight:

“The triangle got him, not the armbar. He was rolling but I cranked it very hard. I thought my last fight was a trip but this was mind blowing.”

“The leg kicks didn’t bother me. I was a little jittery, the biggest crowd I ever fought in front of was a couple thousand. This was like ‘holy%#41’ and it took a while to concentrate on the fight.” 

Fight 2: Lightweight

Kyle Watson vs. John Makdessi (Halifax)

Round 1

The fighters start tentatively. They circle each other, Makdessi scores a leg kick. Watson followed with a kick of his own, misses. They exchange a flurry of punches just after a minute into the round. Makdessi hits with a solid punch to the head. Watson attempts A meek takedown attempt that Makdessi stuffs. Another flurry of punches, at 2:40. Makdessi lands a superman punch. Fighters taking turns exchanging flurries. Makdessi scores a hook kick that lands on Watson’s face. He’s the more active fighter, although Watson keeps pushing forward. Metro gives this one to Makdessi 10-9.

Round 2

Makdessi starts by pushing forward this time. The fighters exchange shots right away. More circling in the middle of the ring. Watson lands a hard head kick. Makdessi goes for another hook kick, misses this time. With 1:25 to go, Makdessi rocks Watson with a couple of hard punches. He’s too cautious and Watson recovers. Watson seems to be attempting high kicks. Metro also gives this round to Makdessi 10-9.

Round 3

Nasty cut on Watson’s face after the two exchange punches. Makdessi is pushing forward, lands a hard spinning backfist and Watson is out. He’s still down by the time Makdessi is interviewed about the win. Makdessi wins by knockout.

 John Makdessi said after the fight:

“I knew I hit him well, but I didn’t know I knocked him out. I guess when you train that much, it’s just a feeling to know when to use it. I like to feel out my opponent first. It’s a true testament to my great coaches and my kickboxing coach.”

(on Dana tweeting that he’s going to win Knockout of the Night)

“This is going to change my life.”

Fight 3: Middleweight

Ryan Jensen vs. Jason MacDonald (Nova Scotia)

Round 1

The crowd roared as MacDonald is introduced. He quickly takes Jensen down and works his way to back control. Jensen manages to escape and lands in MacDonald’s guard. The crowd roars again as MacDonald attempts a triangle. Jensen picks him up and slams him, but the tringle sinks deeper. Jensen attempts to punch, but it’s too tight. He taps, and the Rogers Centre becomes very loud. This one ends at 1:37 of the first round.

John MacDonald after the fight:

“Words can’t describe what I’m feeling right now. I had the triangle locked in and I knew he was going to slam me. I knew as long I kept him tight it would be no problem. ”

Fight 4: Bantamweight

Charlie Valencia vs. Ivan Menjivar (from El Salvador, trains in Montreal)

Round 1:

The Rogers Centre looks nearly full by the time this fight starts. The fighters touch gloves and circle in the middle of the ring until Valencia goes for a high kick. Menjivar attempts a hard hook. Valencia is looking for leg kicks and swings wildly as they clinch. Menjivar lands an elbow to the nose that drops Valencia. He follows with a flurry of punches as Valencia, on the ground, covers his head. He’s not fighting back. The referee ends it. It’s Menjivar by TKO.

Ivan Menjivar after the fight:

(on the finish)

“From the clinch we were kneeing each other and then by reflex I threw my left elbow and connected. That spun him and then I followed him to the ground and that was it.”

(On fighting in front of the Canadian crowd)

“I was born in El Salvador but then I came here and now I represent both countries. I’m very proud to be here. It’s probably because I’m Latino too. We try to represent our culture and we work hard.”

Fight 5: Welterweight

Daniel Roberts vs. Claude Patrick (Toronto)

The Rogers Centre is loudest for this one.

Round 1:

Patrick immediately takes Roberts down. Roberts attempts to shake an arm loose, but Patrick is tight and moves into half-guard. He manages to escape and the fighters stand up again. Patrick’s lead hand is open, but he follows with punches – takes Roberts to the fence but the San Francisco fighter spins around. They take turns exchanging positions before moving to the middle of the Octagon. Crowd starts to chant “Let’s go Canada.” Patrick is the aggressor here, lands a punch before they tangle up against the fence. They go down, Patrick is on top again. He attempts a choke, but Roberts recovers guard. Roberts stands up, Patrick chases and lands several hard punches. Then a high kick. They tangle up again and the crowd asks for knees. Metro gives this round to Patrick 10-9.

Round 2:

They circle and Patrick is clearly the aggressor. The crowd chants, “Let’s go Patrick.” He lands a low kick that Roberts catches and uses to take him down. Roberts is on top, but Patrick recovers. They’re against the fence again. Patrick lands a hard knee to the head as they move away from the fence. Roberts attempts a superman punch and misses. Patrick lands a low kick, then goes for a takedown attempt. Roberts goes for a guillotine and in getting away from it, Patrick ends up on the bottom. Roberts has side control and looking to mount. He gets to half-guard. Patrick slaps the back of his head, Roberts doesn’t seem to find enough balance to land clean shots. Patrick works back to full guard then gives up his back. He recovers and has Roberts against the fence. He’s again stalking Roberts, who looks tired. Metro also gives Patrick this second round, 10-9.

Round 3:

Roberts lands a hard kick to the body as he moves away from Patrick, who keeps pushing forward. Roberts goes for another kick and Patrick takes his leg. They go to the fence before Patrick finishes the takedown. He’s in full mount. Roberts recovers to half-guard, but not before eating a couple of punches. Patrick lands a knee as Roberts stands up. More tangling at the fence. Roberts can’t take the fight to the ground and after a while the referee breaks them up. Back in the middle of the Octagon, Patrick lands a punch to the head, Roberts goes for a takedown, but gets stuffed. Metro gives this round to Roberts 10-9.

Official decision: Toronto's Claude Patrick wins by unanimous decision with all three judges scoring the bout 29-28.

Claude Patrick after the fight:

“It was a long time in the making. I never thought it would be possible. It was an honor to perform in front of my hometown crowd.”

(On his opponent)

“The guy did something different that I will never let get to me again. He went on the computer and made a whole bunch of ridiculous remarks which I didn’t even read because I turn the computer off when I’m training for a fight. He made this video about my head being so big so that’s why I came at him so hard in the first round and let my fists do the talking.”

Fight 6: Welterweight

Jake Ellenberger vs. Sean Pierson (Toronto)

Round 1:

Chants of “Let’s go Sean Pierson” to start this one. Ellenberger lands a hard counter to the body. Pierson is pushing the action but Ellenberger is counterpunching well, lands a cross to the head. Elleberger takes Pierson down, but he quickly gets back up. They circle the Octagon again, throwing some punches. Ellenberger lands his, while Pearson seems to be struggling to close the distance. Ellenberger catches rim with a hard jab and Pierson is out. It’s a knockout win for Ellenberger.

Jake Ellenberger after the fight:

“There’s so many people, it’s hard to stay relaxed in there. I didn’t know I caught him until he went down. He was jabbing and then I just caught him with the hook. I was a little worried because it was a late-notice fight, but I came out with the win so I was happy about that.”

“Mentally, I was ready to go three rounds but nothing can get you ready for that crowd. I’ve been to a lot of UFC shows, but I’ve never heard anything like that. It’s hard to explain. It’s hard to stay relaxed in there.”

Fight 7: Welterweight

Rory MacDonald (Quesnel, B.C.) vs. Nate Diaz

Round 1:

Crowd is loud again for B.C.’s Rory MacDonald. Diaz gets booed during the introduction. MacDonald throws a few tentative jabs to start, Diaz seems content to wait. MacDonald throws a high kick, misses. Diaz is trying to adjust his timing. Diaz now opening up his hands and inviting MacDonald to punch him. They exchange. Diaz has MacDonald at the fence. Diaz eats an elbow, they reverse positions. MacDonald takes Diaz down, but Dias quickly gets back up. MacDonald lands a superman punch and stays active alternating the odd jab with a headkick. But it’s Diaz moving forward. Opens his arms again and the crowd boos. They clinch, with Diaz defending MacDonald’s knee attempts. Diaz goes for a takedown and gets stuffed. They go to the fence and Diaz lands an elbow. MacDonald replies with a punch to the head. A very even round, Metro gives MacDonald the edge, 10-9. 

Round 2:

They circle in the middle of the Octagon with Diaz in pursuit. It ends in a clinch at the fence. MacDonald takes Diaz down. Lands a hard punch and head kick as Diaz gets back to his feet only to be taken down by MacDonald again. Diaz gets back up but eats a punch along the way. Diaz connects with a punch to the head and continues to stalk MacDonald. MacDonald goes for a takedown, but gets stuffed. Diaz then pins MacDonald against the fence and trips him. He gets back up, and misses a superman punch. Both land hard punches during an exchange. MacDonald appears to land a flying knee. Lands a superman punch and leg kick. Metro gives this round to MacDonald 10-9.

Round 3:

Diaz stalking again but it’s MacDonald’s range is better. They clinch and MacDonald takes Diaz to the fence. Both stay active. Diaz attempts a takedown, slips and eats a punch on the ground. He attempts to get back up and MacDonald throws him back down with a highlight-reel slam. Diaz attempts to pull gruad and MacDonald stands. Diaz attempts to do the same and gets brutally slammed again. The crowd is going wild — it’s very loud right now. Diaz gets back up, attempts another failed takedown and eats more elbows. He gets back up. They clinch at the fence. Diaz’s takedown attempt fails and it’s MacDonald who takes him down landing punches along the way. MacDonald in total control from standing position while Diaz defends the punches raining down on him. Diaz has a nasty cut above his left eye but gets up. It’s over, very impressive round by MacDonald. He’s loving it, the crowd is loving it.  Metro gives the round 10-8 to MacDonald for a 30-26 win.

The official decision: 30-26, 30-27, 30-26 — It's a unanimous decision for MacDonald.

Rory MacDonald after the fight:

(on the first slam)

“He turned and exposed his back to me and that’s a pretty natural movement for me. I feel very strong in that position. He kept turning his back to me. I was really surprised by the third one. I felt like I was going to keep slamming him until the end of the round.

(on the crowd)

“It was awesome. I definitely heard them when I hit the slams and then on the ground-and-pound. It was like a big wave of noise.”

(on facing Nate Diaz / defending the possibility of a kimura when having Diaz’s back)

“I respected his skill level. He’s a very durable guy. I trained the defense to the kimura a lot. I didn’t feel threatened by the kimura. He wasn’t in position for it. I was on the offensive at that point.”

LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW:

Fight 8: Lightweight

Ben Henderson vs. Mark Bocek (Toronto)

Round 1:

Both the crowd and sound system are very loud for this first pay-per-view fight. The fighters start cautiously and soon they clinch on the fence. Henderson on the outside stays active with knees to the thighs but the referee breaks them up. Henderson lands a hard kick to the body. Bocek lands to the head and they clinch at the fence again. Back in the middle of the Octagon, Bocek is pushing the action but Henderson counterpunching well. Bocek grabs a leg, takes Henderson down, but eats a hard punch on the way to the mat. The jiu-jitsu specialist is now on Henderson’s guard, by the fence. Metro gives Bocek a slight edge and the round 10-9.

Round 2:

The fighters take measure of each other in the middle of the Octagon again. Bocek goes for the takedown, but gets stuffed when Henderson is back up against the fence. Bocek picks Henderson up, takes him down, but they’re quickly on their feet again. This time Henderson has Bocek against the fence, but the referee breaks them up. Henderson takes Bocek down, whose open guard is ineffective. Henderson landing hard punches, but Bocek gets back up. He sinks a choke and takes Henderson down. It’s not deep enough to finish, but it’s tight enough to control the other fighter. In trying to finish he loses the hold and Henderson replies with a flurry of hard punches. Bocek is bleeding from the top of his head. Metro gives Henderson a slight edge, 10-9.

Round 3:

It’s Bocek pushing forward to start and when Henderson throw a kick he catches it and takes him down. Bocek struggling to punch from Henderson’s closed guard. Henderson escapes and it’s Bocek on the bottom now, eating punches. He takes Henderson’s leg and moves behind the other fighter. They clinch on the fence again. Henderson is active with knees and elbows. Henderson also winning the exchange of punches while standing up but Bocek takes him down. He’s going for another choke, just a few seconds to go and they stand up. It’s over. A close round in a close fight. Metro gives this round to Henderson 10-9 for a 29-28 win.

The official decision: All three judges score it 30-27 against the Toronto fighter. It's Ben Henderson by unanimous decision.

Ben Henderson after the fight:

“I can do all things through Christ! Toronto, can I get an amen. It feels great to get the win. I hate losing and that I was coming off a loss. Yes, this was a big moment and it’s a big night but I’ve fought for the world title before so I was able to stay composed in there. I’m a pretty reserved guy until all these cameras get in my face.”

(on getting out of submissions)

“I always try and stay calm and relaxed. I have to credit that to [my Brazilian jiu-jitsu coach] John Crouch.”

(on the crowd)

“It was surreal. At first they were booing because I was fighting the local guy but it’s all good. At one point I took a look around and was like ‘Wow, that’s a lot of people’.”

Fight 9: Light-heavyweight

Jason Brilz vs. Vladimir Matyushenko

Round 1:

Matyushenko lands a flurry standing up. Brilz backs up and Matyushenko follows, landing along the way. Brilz is on the ground and appears to go limp only to be brought back by another punch. This one is over as the referee correctly stops the fight. It’s Matyushenko by TKO after 20 seconds.

Fight 10: Light-heavyweight

Lyoto Machida vs. Randy Couture

Round 1:

Floor crowd on their feet as people attempt to shoot photos of Randy Couture in what he said will be his final fight. Crowd chanting, “Randy.” Cautious approach by both fighters with Machida moving forward in his usual karate stance. Machida throws a jab, Couture moves in and Machida hits him with a cross. Machida more active with his jabs, until Couture lands a hard hook to the head. It’s Couture doing the stalking now. He attempts to clinch, but Machida gets away. Every time Couture closes the distance Machida throws a flurry of punches. Machida counter-attacking only at this point. Randy moves for a takedown and Machida lands a knee to the head. They stay up. Machida stuffs another takedown attempt. And another. Lands a hard roundhouse kick to Couture’s stomach. Metro gives this round to Machida, 10-9.

Round 2:

They start cautiously again. Couture looking for an opening without much success. Machida throws a light low kick followed by a hard punch to the head. Machida lands a jumping straight front kick to Couture’s head. He goes down immediately and is out. Eerily similar to training partner Anderson Silva’s win over Victor Belfort earlier this year. Couture is up and the crowd gives him a standing ovation. They’re chanting his name, “Randy, Randy, Randy.” The official decision is Machida by knockout at 1:05 of the second round.

During post-fight interview Machida says Steven Seagal also thought him that kick. Machida then calls Couture a "hero."

Lyoto Machida after the fight:

“I had a dream when I was 18-years-old that I would fight Randy Couture. But I thought I would never get the chance because I was too young. It was an honor to fight Randy. He’s the man and a legend.”

(on the fight-ending kick)

“My father said in martial arts to always be different. He taught me to look for different techniques and angles.”

Randy Couture after the fight:

“This is it. I think the last time we had this conversation I had all my teeth.”

“He’s a tremendous fighter. It felt like I was standing still out there, and he caught me with a great kick.”

“The fans have always treated me great, but to go out on that ovation was very special.”

Fight 11: Featherweight Title Bout

Mark Hominick (London, Ont.) vs. Jose Aldo

Round 1:

Screen flashing a maple leaf and snow flakes just before Hominick’s entrance to the Octagon. They touch gloves and it’s Hominick pushing the action. Aldo landing counters, punches and low kicks. Hominick stumbles after being hit with one, recovers and continues to stalk. Aldo kicks, he catches the leg and Aldo slips down. The champion is quickly back on his feet and takes Hominick down. As he attempts to pass the guard, Aldo has to work to get away from an armbar attempt. He ends up in Hominick’s guard and stays active by throwing elbows. Hominick is bleeding from his nose, also appears to have a cut under his right eye. The referee stands them up to the crowd’s approval. Hominick is on the attack again, but gets taken down. He quickly pulls guard and the round ends. Metro scores it 10-9 for Aldo.

Round 2:

Hominick starts quickly, but Aldo manages to escape damage. Aldo lands a hard low kick as they move to the centre of the Octagon. After Aldo lands a hard punch, Hominick gives one right back. The crowd cheers. Hominick lands another hard punch only to get taken down. He’s fighting from the guard again and defending elbows from Aldo. The crowd is starts to boo and the referee stands them up agan. Aldo’s face looks bloody, but it’s hard to tell if he’s cut or if it’s Hominick’s blood. The the champion shoots and scores another takedown. The round ends, Metro gives it to Aldo, 10-9.

Round 3:

Hominick looks alert in-between rounds. Damage seems superficial. He runs up to Aldo again and they exchange shots. Hominick lands a low kick and Aldo returns it. Hominick throwing double jabs, but it’s Aldo who lands a hard jab. Hominick avoids a takedown they move back to the centre of the Octagon.  Hominick buckles after another low kick. Aldo landing more punches, but Hominick holding his own — he avoids another takedown. When Hominick punches Aldo moves his head side-to-side and stands his ground. He lands a hard punch and Hominick goes down. The challenger looks hurt, but kept his hands up. The fight is still going. Hominick pulls guard again. His left eye is starting to close as Round 3 comes to an end. Metro scores it 10-9 for Aldo.

Round 4:

Hominick again goes after Aldo and they exchange. Aldo lands a hard right low kick and buckles Hominick. It looks like Hominick got hit in the groin, Aldo offers to pause the fight but the challenger turns the invitation down. They touch gloves. Despite taking numerous low kicks Hominick does not appear to be limping. Aldo tags him with a hard punch and Hominick goes straight down. Aldo on top, but Hominick has guard. The champion is landing elbows and the crowd winces when the screens show a large bubble forming above Hominick’s right eye, under the skin. It’s nasty. The referee stops the fight so the ringside doctor can take a look at the growth. Huge reaction from the crowd to the bump on Hominick’s head — it’s twice the size of the doctor’s thumb. But the fight goes on and Aldo immediately goes after Hominick. They exchange and Aldo takes him down. Hominick hitting him with palm heels to the side of the head, it’s all he can do. Metro gives another round to Aldo, 10-9.

Round 5:

Hominick’s face looks battered but he’s coming back for the fifth and final round. The crowd roars in approval. Aldo smiles as they touch gloves, his face also showing bumps and bruises. Aldo is faster as they exchange punches and kicks in the centre of the Octagon. Hominick is hurt and goes down. Aldo goes for a choke that fails and ends up on the bottom. Hominick is in Aldo’s half-guard and working to pass. Aldo recovers to full guard and Hominick starts to land from the top. Some on the crowd are on their feet. Hominick still landing from the top, he’s giving it his all. Aldo is just defending, he doesn’t appear to be trying to get up. Two minutes to go, it’s deafening in here and Hominick is now landing body shots. Aldo looks tired on the bottom. Every time Hominick lands a hard shot the crowd noise gets louder. Hominick is in control. Aldo has never taken this kind of beating in the WEC. The champion is still defending and seems content to survive only, mounting no attacks. The challenger looks at his corner and they tell him he’s out of time. He steps up the assault, but the round ends. The crows is on their feet, clapping their hands above their heads. What a showing by Hominick. Metro scores this round 10-8 for Hominick. Aldo is likely to win 48-47.

The official result: Aldo wins a unanimous decision. Hominick is standing tall in the ring. It's announced that one of the judges scored the fight 50-43, but a UFC official quickly tells journalists that's a scoring error.

Mark Hominick after the title fight:

“First off, I just want to say to my wife that I hope I didn’t put you into labor. I know you’re do any minute. I love you, babe and I hope that you’re okay. And second, I just want to thank John McCarthy for not stopping the fight. I was never going to give up.”

“I didn’t throw enough combinations. I was throwing all single shots. I wanted to get one up on him and I let him get one up on me. It’s one of those things, you go back to the drawing board and I’ll come back stronger.”

“I thought I could’ve attacked a bit more on the ground. I thought he was going to be attacking me more instead of holding me down. I fought hard for you guys and I hope you enjoy the fight.”

Main Event: Welterweight title bout

Jake Shields vs. Georges St-Pierre (Montreal)

Round 1:

Crowd on their feet, cellphone cameras above their heads for Georges St-Pierre. The fighters start by circling each other. Neither is landing much. Shields grabs a hold of GSP’s leg and they clinch at the fence. GSP reverses and throws knees before they pull apart. GSP attempts a spinning back kick, misses, but the crowd loves it. GSP throwing the harder punches during exchanges. Both fighters very cautious. GSP landing overhand rights. Shields attempts a kick, falls and the crowd reacts. GSP lands a kick to the body. GSP also scoring with jabs. A cautious round ends and Metro scores it 10-9 GSP.

Round 2:

They start by exchanging jabs. Shields seems to throw more multiple-punch combinations, but GSP making each hit count. GSP alternating jab and jab-counter. He’s pushing the pace. GSP lands a hard spinning back kick to the mid-section. Both fighters still cautious. GSP misses with another spinning kick, Shields grabs the leg, but it’s too sweaty and he can’t hold on. GSP shifting stances, seems to be communicating that he’s going to step it up, but the round ends. All stand-up, nothing on the ground so far. Metro also gives this round to GSP, 10-9.

Round 3:

More exchanges in the middle of the ring. GSP seems to be throwing the harder shots, he’s really leaning into his punches. He scores with another overhand right. Shields attempts a weak kick and GSP moves in with a couple of punches. They clinch, but GSP pushes away. He doesn’t seem to want to go to the ground. Finally a takedown attempt from Shields but GSP calmly moves out of the way. GSP throwing hard low kicks. Shields not landing anything with power. GSP takes Shields down and ends up in half-guard. Little time left and they maintain position until the horn sounds. Metro scores it 10-9 GSP.

Round 4:

They meet in the middle and Shields goes after GSP, but his punches don’t appear to cause damage. GSP takes him down, Shields moves to full-guard and GSP stands up. GSP picking Shields apart, but only the overhand rights seem to hurt the challenger. GSP lands a hich kick to the head and Shields goes down. He’s not out of it and grabs GSP’s leg. The champ backs off and Shields stands up, blood flowing from his nose. Shields looks tired but has his hands up and is inviting GSP to hit him. Both turn it up. Shields seems to be going for broke. He’s landing more in the exchanges. GSP has a bloody face now. It’s Shields pushing the action, until the round ends. The high kick knockdown earns GSP this round, 10-9.

Round 5:

Both fighters seem revitalized. Shields moving forward, GSP countering with the jab, overhand right. Shields seems to expect it and usually blocks them. They clinch briefly, but GSP just pushes away. He doesn’t seem to want to test the challenger on the ground and Shields isn’t attempting takedowns. GSP continues to throw techniques from long range. Another spinning back kick attempt that grazes Shields. The crowd is becoming restless with 30 seconds to go. They’re urging GSP on, but he seems to be sticking to his game plan. The champ goes for a late takedown and gets stuffed. The horn sounds, it’s over. Another round for GSP, who took few chances and was never in trouble, 10-9. Metro scores the fight 50-45 for GSP.

The official decision: Ringside judges score it: 50-45, 48-47 and 48-47. GSP wins by unanimous decision and is still the reigning welterweight champion.

GSP apologizes to fans for not finishing fight during the post-fight interview. 

I’m so not a morning person. I haven’t been for as long as I remember. I got up earlier when I was a kid I suppose but for decades now I’ve been someone who loves to stay up late and sleep late the next day (this has been a problem for over eight years now, what with having two kids who enjoy mornings very much). However, this morning – even though I had nowhere to go for hours – I purposely got up with my alarm clock at 5 am so I could watch two people I’ve never met get married.

Yes, I got up before the sun just to see Prince William and Kate Middleton tie the knot.

Since I hadn’t gotten to bed until after 11:30 last night, I was groggy and bleary-eyed during the time that it took to boot up my laptop and head over to the live BBC stream on YouTube (God I love the Internet). As soon as I saw William and Harry in their car leaving Buckingham Palace I woke right up though and it was worth it to be a bit tired just to be able to watch their wedding.

I don’t know how to explain why I’m interested in the Royal Family. I wouldn’t want to be a part of it, I really don’t think I could handle the pressure, the scrutiny, and the whole deal of always being told how to act. William seems to handle it quite well, Harry appears to blow it off by being the unpredictable wild child, and from what I can tell so far Kate is going to deal with it with the self-confidence she has. However, despite not wanting to be a royal person myself (well, maybe when I was a little girl. Or when I’m washing dishes and wishing I had a house full of servants) I am fascinated by this family. It started with Diana and I remember hearing she had died as I sat in a bar downtown. I also remember getting up in the middle of the night to watch her funeral so of course I was going to get up to see her first born son marry his own princess-to-be.

The ceremony was wonderful and beautiful and I am a sap so I was a little teary in parts. The speeches and sermons and lessons were fantastic and I enjoyed every minute of it. I had to get Hayley ready for school but the ceremony was wrapped up before I had to usher her out the door. She missed the balcony kiss but Breanna and I watched it together (and then she re-watched it repeatedly on YouTube, I think I’m in for trouble in the future) and then I showed Hayley after school. The three of us did sit and watch the whole wedding together though, eating scones on the couch.

I also remarked on Facebook and Twitter that Harry was going to wind up single again if he didn’t put his eyeballs back in his head and stop drooling over Pippa Middleton – who looked unbelievably gorgeous.

I know not everyone is into watching the Royal Wedding and that’s okay, I don’t mind if people have no interest. However I saw a few people here and there snidely making comments about how it must be nice that we can all just forget about Libya, murders, Japan, etc etc since all news coverage was set aside to cover the wedding. I completely disagree. I don’t think it’s disrespectful to leave the tragedies for a few hours. They’ll still be there at the end of the day. Meanwhile I started my day with a big smile because for once I turned on the news channel while I prepared breakfast and instead of horror and despair I saw hope and love and joy. I think I might need to re-think my compulsion to watch the national news in the mornings because it really changed my outlook first thing out of bed. There’s something to be said about happy news for a change.

In the meantime, although Hayley enjoyed the wedding tremendously, it seems to have had a huge effect on Breanna. After the wedding was over (and once she was done staring down the balcony kiss), she changed out of her pajamas which is rare for her to do of her own free will. She pranced out of her room with a long fancy dress on, brushed her hair until it gleamed, and has been wearing a tiara for so many hours that I’m wondering if I’ll be able to convince her to take it off at bedtime. She has also been referring to herself as Princess Breanna and practiced curtsying a few times.

And in the time that it took me to type this up she watched this a few more times.

I think she fully intends to find herself a prince. Now I just need to get myself a really awesome fancy hat.

Tina Jackson meets descendants of Ernest Shackleton's polar exploration team, who set off to recreate their forebears' famous Antarctic expedition … and had more success

At new year 2009, three men reached the south pole in what was an unusual expedition. What marked out this feat wasn't just that none of them was a regulation explorers – one was a lawyer, another a City worker, the third a soldier – but that the main criterion for joining the team was that they all had to be related to members of an expedition that had tried – and failed – to reach the pole a century before.

Of this team selected by genes rather than experience, Henry Adams was a late addition, and one who probably best exemplifies how the pull of an illustrious ancestor can exert its way down the generations.

Every family has its legendary figures, but not many have an ancestor so pivotal in the history of polar exploration that a mountain has been named after him. Jameson Boyd Adams is one of these: second-in-command to the Antarctic pioneer Ernest Shackleton for his 1908-09 Nimrod expedition to the south pole, and a larger-than-life character, his heroic exploits have been treasured by the Adams family ever since.

So large, in fact, that when his great-grandson, Henry, was offered the chance to follow in his hallowed footsteps 100 years later, there was really only one answer for the man who had been steeped in stories about this illustrious ancestor since he was a boy.

"You just have to look at a map," urges Henry, 36, from Suffolk. "Antarctica is the highest, wildest, most desolate place on earth. To think of those men setting out to conquer it, armed with nothing but tweeds and derring-do … it's enough to grip any child."

Shackleton is perhaps most famous for his subsequent Endurance expedition, between 1914 and 1917, which set out to cross the Antarctic. Although it failed, it cemented him in the annals of polar exploration after he successfully led his team to safety.

But it was his earlier attempt to reach the south pole that first catapulted him to popular attention. On 9 January 1909, Shackleton, with Adams, Frank Wild and Eric Marshall, reached a new furthest south point, 97 miles short of the pole. But a shortage of supplies forced them into turning back and racing against starvation to base.

Despite failing to attain its goal, the expedition was feted on its return to England, and Shackleton received a knighthood. His wife, Emily, remembered: "The only comment he made to me about not reaching the pole was: 'A live donkey is better than a dead lion, isn't it?' and I said, 'Yes, darling, as far as I am concerned.'"

This was the adventure that cemented Jameson's place in Adams family lore, and which resonated down the generations to Henry.

But Henry nearly didn't make it on to the 2009 expedition. "I was busy as a lawyer, about to start a family, and my sister heard some bloke called Will Gow talking about a plan to stage an expedition to celebrate the centenary, using descendants." At first, Henry was on the reserve team but after various would-be explorers changed their minds, team leader Henry Worsley – whose account of the expedition is thrillingly detailed in his book In Shackleton's Footsteps – offered Henry third place, alongside himself and Gow.

Worsley described the process of building the team as "gene-pool selection", something Henry was happy to go along with – Jameson had cast a concentrated spell of fascination over his whole life. "I was aware of him from my earliest years – he was an absolute beacon for the whole family. He was my father's father's father. My grandfather lived slightly in the shadow of Jameson, who was an enormous personality and gave a lot to the world. He was known mainly as 'The Mate'. He called everyone 'mate' – he even called the King 'mate'. I was the kind of child who spent the first eight years of his life up a tree. Jameson had played in my mind since then – for Antarctica, and for being such a remarkable character.

"I wish I knew more about what he went through personally. I can only imagine how it must have felt to get within 97 miles of the pole, the closest in history at the time, having sacrificed and risked so much over many months, before having to turn back in order to stay alive as their supplies dwindled."

Jameson – later Sir Jameson – was a colourful, determined individual who ran away from home as a youth to join the merchant navy, swore freely, and exerted a warm, powerful charisma. After returning from the Nimrod expedition, he joined the civil service, but was recalled to the navy at the start of the first world war. He was awarded the Distinguished Service Order and the Croix de Guerre, but was invalided out after a head wound. He rejoined the civil service, then became secretary of King George's Jubilee Trust For Youth; in the second world war he rejoined the services and was, again, distinguished. In 1948, he was knighted.

"He took absolutely everyone at face value, and everyone seemed to know him." Henry's father told tales of being taken to Jameson's club, White's. "He lived there for many years, paid for by the other members because he was such good value," recounts Henry. "The waiter would say 'Sir Jameson, what can we recommend?' And he'd reply: 'Did the waiter piss in the soup?' And the waiter would say: 'Oh no, sir.' He'd say: 'I won't have it then.'"

But tales of Ripping-Yarns-style naughtiness are not the only reason that the young Henry grew up idolising the great-grandfather who died in 1962, 15 years before he was born. "He was so much his own man – a real maverick," says Henry. "He devoted his later years to youth development and that's one of the reasons he hobnobbed in high society; he'd tap up the king, whom he knew, for funds."

Following on from a man with such a reputation must have been daunting, but Henry went one better than Jameson, because instead of turning back, he, Worsley and Gow completed the final 97-mile leg to the south pole – and en route they saw Adams Mountain.

This was an astonishing moment for Henry. He and his teammates had spent eight days battling the terrifying Beardmore Glacier, hauling their sledges over the treacherous ice field with broken crampons strapped so tightly that they caused lasting damage to their feet. "And then, you've got your great-grandfather's mountain standing to your right," he says. "I felt the most intense feeling of joy and privilege. I looked at the mountain, and it was a lovely feeling of kinship. I thought: you really earned the right to have a mountain named after you."

Each night, the team would read that day's extract from Shackleton's diary. It's a matter of great sadness to Henry that Jameson's diary was lost. "It was burnt in the Harrods depositary fire during the war," he says. "I think The Mate's diaries would have been so colourful."

Henry learned through the expedition that he has something else of Jameson in his makeup. "He didn't like self-aggrandisement and plaudits, and one thing I learned about myself is that you derive satisfaction from what you have done, not what other people think of it. You get laid bare on an expedition like that and you know whether you like yourself or not. You know whether you shaped up, or not, as a person. The Mate had that innately, and I learned it on the expedition." Does Henry think he has other similarities to his illustrious ancestor?

"Jameson was a great spinner of yarns, and this is a great thing to spin a yarn about. He was a jovial sort, and I am a jovial sort," concedes Henry. "The optimism is important. If you put your head around what you're actually doing, it's a monumentally boring task. You are three guys pulling weight – that's all you are – so keeping your spirits up is important. I value few things more than banter and I love a good laugh."

Henry says the support of his wife, Alex, and that of his parents made it possible for him to go. "Alex is selfless – not just to allow me to do it, but to want me to do it, which makes all the difference. And my mother and father too. Being happy – being positive – is the only thing you need in the Antarctic."

He would "go back tomorrow" to the Antarctic and felt devastated to leave. "It's so vast, you lay yourself open, really, as there's nothing else to do. You're pitting yourself against something so hostile it wants you dead – but it wants you to live very vividly in doing so."

Shackleton is a hero to many polar explorers but to Henry, Jameson's brand of heroism is even more impressive. "If there is one person I would have liked to have met, it's him. Shackleton is overtly heroic, and what he achieved was mind-boggling – that he defied the odds and came back with his men intact is awesome. But he's not a hero of mine – he's a man who did heroic things. Jameson, however, didn't seek accolades – he would just go about his business in a unique fashion and with an unassailable integrity. He was the strongest of men, and the closest thing I have to a hero – and he happens to be my great-grandfather."

In Shackleton's Footsteps: A Return to the Heart of the Antarctic by Henry Worsley (Virgin Books, £18.99). To order a copy for £15.19 with free UK p&p;, go to guardian.co.uk/bookshop or call 0330 333 6846

HAWKS		CANUCKS
	AT

I would be less angry if the Canucks actually put up a solid effort in a loss in Game 4 but they threw it away. It could come back to haunt them. Yeah yeah not many teams come back from a 3-0 series deficit but that doesn't rule the possibility. With Brent Seabrook out the Canucks pissed away an opportunity. In losing by the huge margin of 7-2 they not only embarrassed themselves, they also allowed Dave Bolland to get red hot in his first game back. Frolik got the monkey off his back. Patrick Sharp is heating up. Brent Seabrook may play in Game 5. The momentum may now have shifted. And to think that Kane, Toews and Hossa aren't even scoring yet (but Kane and Toews are getting assists). This just gives them another opportunity to get going. Pathetic.

Burrows and Raymond, where have you gone? Especially Alex! I know he's playing well defensively but when you play on the top line you need to score more than 1 goal and 1 assist in your last 7 games. Raymond has 1 assist in his last 5 games. These guys gotta step up.

LINKS

-The Hawks fans-Canucks management joust (The Province)

-Mike Gillis a finalist for the top NHL GM award (Vancouver Sun)

-Duncan Keith shows his leadership in Game 4 (Bob McKenzie-TSN)

PROJECTED FORWARD LINES

CANUCKS

Daniel Sedin-Henrik Sedin-Alex Burrows

Chris Higgins-Ryan Kesler-Mikael Samuelsson

Raffi Torres-Mason Raymond-Jannik Hansen

Tanner Glass-Maxim Lapierre-Victor Oreskovich

BLACKHAWKS

Patrick Sharp-Jonathan Toews-Mary Hossa

Ben Smith-Michael Frolik-Patrick Kane

Viktor Stalberg-Dave Bolland-Bryan Bickell

Troy Brouwer-Marcus Kruger- Fernando Pisani

STARTING GOALTENDERS

Roberto Luongo

#1 / Goalie / Vancouver Canucks

Height: 6-3

Weight: 217

Born: Apr 04, 1979

Profile: Ass-kicker, destroyer of dreams, Hawk-hater

Corey Crawford

#50 / Goalie / Chicago Blackhawks

Height: 6-2

Weight: 200

Born: Dec 31, 1984

Profile: Playoff virgin, virgin,  fear of Orcas

WHO IS HOT / COLD

CANUCKS

HOT

-Daniel Sedin:  4 goals and 6 assists in his last 6 games

-Henrik Sedin: 4 assists in his last 3 games.

-Ryan Kesler: 4 goals and 3 assists in his last 6.

-Christian Ehrhoff: 1 goal and 3 assists in his last 3.

-Alex Edler: 1 goal and 2 assists in his last 3.

COLD

-Alex Burrows: 1 goal and 1 assist in his last 7. Get your shit together, Burr.

-Maxim Lapierre: 1 goal in his last 29.

-Mason Raymond: 1 assist in his last 5. It's time, MayRay.

-Tanner Glass: 0 points in his last 16 dating back to February 24.

-Jeff Tambellini: 0 points in his last 25. Go away. GONE

BLACKHAWKS

HOT

-Patrick Kane: 7 assists in his last 6 games.

-Bryan Bickell: 2 goals and 1 assist in his last 3.

-Dave Bolland: 1 goal and 3 assists in Game 4. God help us.

-Michael Frolik: 1 goal and 2 assists in Game 4.

-Duncan Keith: 2 goals in his last 2 games.

-Patrick Sharp: 3 goals in his last 2 games.

-Jonathan Toews: 3 assists in his last 2 games.

COLD

-F*ck off, Pisani

INJURIES

CANUCKS

-F Manny Malhotra: eye, out for playoffs

BLACKHAWKS

-D Jordan Hendry: left knee surgery

-F Tomas Kopecky: upper body, (doubtful for Game 5)

-D Brent Seabrook: Has Raffi on the brain (possible for Game 5)

VIDEO

I'll let Red Foreman describe how I feel about the Canucks:

I thought I saw a Canuck player take the game puck away from Chicago at the end of Game 4:

The title of this post comes from a Faith No More song called "RV". It's comedic, check it out:

"Raffi Madness runnin' wild! Ooooo yeeaaahhh!"

Zaarly - it's not a new verb expressing something extra cool. Not yet, anyway. But it's got a pretty good start if you're judging by its remarkable first two months alone. In that time they've pitched and launched the product, wowed celebrity judges at a startup competition in LA and accepted a million bucks in seed funding from, among others, Ashton Kutcher and venture fund Lightbank created by Groupon's founders. And that's all before the semi-official launch at SXSW or making a single dime.

Street Fight recently caught up with with the 32-year-old CEO behind this i-need-it-you-got-it service, Bo Fishback.

Just prior to Zaarly's whirlwind start Fishback was leading the Kauffman Foundation's Kauffman Labs where they offer programs to support entrepreneurs - good place to pick up prep for launching a startup from scratch. While still there Fishback was invited by a friend (his soon-to-be COO Eric Koester) to a pitch event in LA (Startup Weekend); he flew out from Kansas City to meet up with Koester, who came down from Seattle, neither with a product in mind: "We weren't really planning on working on a specific company, mostly we just went to help other teams and have fun," he said. "But I ended up pitching something and that ended up leading to Zaarly."

With such all-star funding, and with lightning speed, it could be forgiven had they pressed for more: "Our seed round was raised within days of Startup Weekend... we could have raised much more money very quickly but opted to close our seed round quickly with an incredible group of investors. Ashton Kutcher, Aydin Senkut, Naval Ravikant, Bill Lee, Lightbank, Paul Buchheit, the Kushners, and SV Angels have all been super star angel investors for quite a while and they've all been really helpful already. The entire roster of investors, Ashton included, was able to act super quickly because the market we're going after is enormous and we've got the beginnings of an amazingly talented team."

Great, but that glosses over a most important detail and useful lesson for any budding entrepreneur. Did you catch it? The idea they emerged with at the startup event was something completely different just hours before.

"The underlying concept of Zaarly was really officially born on Friday night of Startup Weekend in a conversation that took place at about three in the morning between Eric and I," said Fishback. "Our entire Startup Weekend team had been collaborating on the idea of building better local marketplaces, but the real focus came when we honed in on building a buyer-driven economy."

Buyer-driven local commerce. Ok, let's back up just a bit for those not RSS'd into every hyperlocal and location story emerging from SXSW or elsewhere, even those that read like star-studded fairytales. For that crowd, the, er, Luddites, what exactly will Zaarly do for them?

"Zaarly is a proximity-based, real-time, buyer-powered market. In short, if you've ever said 'I'd pay X for Y,' then Zaarly is the place where you go to make that happen," Fishback says. "Buyers list what they want, how much they are willing to pay for it, and how quickly they want it, and people nearby make it happen."

Check out this video for an overview: http://vimeo.com/22389660?ab

On the other side of the transaction, Zaarly functions like a marketplace for cash, Fishback says.

"People who want money can see what people around them are willing to pay for things that they might already have or can make happen," he says.

The use cases for Zaarly are "pretty much unlimited." In the later testing they performed, people paid for cheeseburgers, suitcases, for people to bring them coffee, for tickets to events, backstage passes, and introductions.

"Really, if you've ever thought that you'd pay for something if you could get it when you wanted it from someone near you then the use cases become clear," says Fishback.

I can certainly think of a few things I would pay a pence for right now. For instance, can someone bring me lunch?

After the initial pitch and success in LA came what's become the Big Show for location service launches, SXSW, just over a month ago. As Fishback tells it:

"Immediately following Startup Weekend we started toying with the idea of doing some customer development and maybe a small experiment at SXSW. We weren't actually planning on any kind of an official launch. In hindsight I'd say it was much more execution around getting a minimum viable product defined and built than anything else. The week of SXSW we did a couple days of planning, rented an RV and a parking spot, spent a lot of hours at Kinko's, and put together a small team on the ground in Austin to help us get the word out.

"The Startup Weekend community, our families, friends, and even just people who heard about what we were working on all made it possible to get a huge amount done in a really tight timeframe. Literally, we were all staying at my aunt's house, my father-in-law was bringing supplies to our RV daily, my brother was cooking for us, our wives were out on the town in Austin talking to everyone they met about Zaarly, our friends were calling in their friends to help us... it was just a super fun team effort."

But even with all the grassroots help when SXSW began the team was not ready to test the product.

"Sunday (three days into SXSW) was the first time we were confident in releasing it into the wild," said Fishback. "Between designing and building the product, closing our seed round, and putting together the beginnings or our team, there wasn't much time for sleep... but other than that it was really a blast."

Ahh, the life of a startup CEO.

Overall at SXSW there were around $10,000 in transactions successfully completed, including a $100 cheeseburger, lots of tickets to concerts, Starbucks runs, and a keg. But currently Zaarly gets none of that cash. The transactions happen outside of the application (which is in HTML5 but soon to be on iPhone and Android) but in upcoming releases Fishback says "we'll have integrated payment options that allow for a much better user experience and on these transactions we'll charge a small transaction fee."

If Zaarly's value prop sounds a tad familiar that's because it probably is. Sites like fiverr and others have been allowing regular folks with everyday needs go direct to providers and people with sometimes odd offers to find a paying audience. And Localmind has helped pioneer the real-time location-based connections movement. So what is at least one key element that makes Zaarly stand out from the crowd?

"Buyer-powered commerce," says Fishback, going back to the core of the pitch. "Zaarly is all about enabling buyers to get whatever they want, when they want it. On flip side, it has the potential to enable an entirely new job economy."

If nothing else, he's got the necessities of hope and ambition.

"If you've ever wanted something that you couldn't get as quickly as you wanted it then Zaarly makes life better."

"The use cases for Zaarly are pretty much unlimited. In the testing people have paid for cheeseburgers, suitcases, people to bring them coffee, tickets to events, backstage passes, introductions... Really, if you've ever thought that you'd pay for something if you could get it when you wanted it from someone near you then the use cases become clear."

Fishback said "thousands" of people used the services it during the first set of experiments and based on learnings from that he and the team are heads-down getting Zaarly ready for much broader availability next month.

And since the Austin event he says the company has not slowed down, making some "phenomenally talented" additions to the team (nine and counting) in development and marketing, opening an office and San Francisco, making "huge strides on the product and rollout plan." Fishback says overall they are just having fun building a company at hyper-speed.

But he's also not immune to Internet cliches: "We continue to be laser-focused on building a team of rockstars and executing on the vision of enabling a powerful new form of buyer-powered commerce."

Executing the vision includes rolling the product out in a number of cities next month. Which ones? Fishback would only offer that he was targeting the cities that have "shown the most excitement and engagement around Zaarly coming their way."

You can petition for your city on the Zaarly web site and follow the city on Twitter. Currently it looks like NY, LA and SF are battling it out ... no surprise.

So what else is coming with the release that we should care about?

"The product that we're rolling out in May is going to be significantly more robust... we're pretty excited," says Fishback.

Beyond the iPhone and Android apps, they'll have a much improved Web version for May... in terms of features beyond integrated payments, "I'd just say that what we released at SXSW was the ultimate minimum viable product -- just really intended to test the concept... since then we've been hard at work putting together a significantly more robust product, even after release though the possibilities and opportunities to continue improving Zaarly will be huge."

Question is will the money be huge or will it be the ultimate minimum viable sum. We'll be watching, and perhaps Zaarlying.

*Not really.

Rick Robinson writes for Street Fight (streetfightmag.com), the only spot on the Web completely focused on the business of hyperlocal.

For the latest tech news, visit SAI: Silicon Alley Insider. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook.

Join the conversation about this story »

Photo by Qlint Chesney, courtesy of Laura White

These tattoos were done by amazing Annie Frenzel, who used to be at Blue Flame Tattoo in Raleigh, N.C. but is now at Lowbrow Tattoo Parlour in Berlin, Germany. The bluebird on my shoulder was done about four years ago, and the half-sleeve finished up this past October. I was born and raised in Northeastern North Carolina, where the Eastern Bluebird is a common sight.

Detail of Photo by Qlint Chesney

Aside from being an absolutely beautiful, brilliantly blue and orange bird, they hold a special place in my heart because as a kid my grandparents had a nesting box behind their house. Together, we would keep an eye out on the little inhabitants, shooing away larger birds and guarding the nest from snakes and other predators. When my grandfather passed away about five years ago, I knew exactly how to grieve for him.

            The half-sleeve came later, and is a continuing tribute to the people and places that have made me who I am today.

Detail of Photo by Qlint Chesney

The three kinds of flowers are pink gerber daisies, red poppies, and orange tiger lilies, which my family and I always called cow lilies, because they grow wild in the pastures around our home. The gerber daisies are a personal favorite, because they are strikingly pretty, but in a spunky and fresh way. The poppies are a tribute to a trip I took to Turkey a few years back, in which I realized that the poppies that grow wild all over the Greek and Roman ruins are the same as the poppies that grow along the roadside in my own hometown. And the "cow" lilies, as suggested before, are a tribute to my parents and my childhood family. I remember a specific trip to my grandparents' house in which my dad pulled the car off on the side of the road, shooed us all out of the car, and helped us pick handfuls of lilies from the ditch by the road to take to our grandma.

            I'm far from finished with my body art  -- but maybe don't tell that to my mother. Something that I really hope to incorporate into these pieces one day is the last line of a Philip Larkin poem. It's from "An ArundelTomb," and I think it perfectly sums up not only my tattoo aesthetic, but my poetic one as well: "What will survive of us is love."

My Man

I am a bundle 

of bruised attempts,

a pair of pursed lips,

ringed fingers trembling 

at the task again.

I bandage his fist,

all white gauze and 

wishes I would just 

be done already,

gather the broken glass 

of the curio cabinet, 

the specter of a sentence.      

I wear it like cracked  

concealer, his whiskey

hesitation, silent musing

which tends to bloom

violent in the evening.

Some nights

he just doesn't 

come home at all,

but goddamnit

how I love him.      

His mouth, 

a hot wash of pink

lilies struggling open,

the brown of a petal 

giving up.

His sun touch,

the frozen ground

absence of it.

His hands,            

wisteria when we

breathe together, when

my perfect words 

are his and

                        

Dear 

Dear

Dear       

Poetry

has to be

like this.  

  ~ ~ ~

On the eve of his 70th birthday, the singer and guitarist Martin Carthy talks about tradition, family – and why subversion is at the heart of English folk music

The cliff walk along North Yorkshire's wild, wonderful coastline is at last lined with primroses and blossom again, and Martin Carthy – the sage, mentor and political conscience of English folk music – has news to match the resurrection of the land as he approaches his 70th birthday.

"Norma walked for the first time since her illness yesterday," he reports, making coffee in his homely kitchen right at the entrance to the blooming Cleveland Way. That would be his wife, Norma Waterson, as renowned as Carthy himself, for this is a dynasty of musicians. "She fell ill just as the clocks went back," says Carthy, "and asked me the other day: 'Have they gone forward yet?' So she's missed the whole winter, which she hates anyway – but that's not the point." No, the point is that the Mercury-nominated singer, who had been in intensive care as far away as Warrington, is now back in Whitby hospital up the road and will soon be homeward bound.

And there are further welcome tidings: Eliza, their daughter, and the family's third renowned solo performer, is returning to the beauty of Robin Hood's Bay with her two children, so that the most accomplished family ensemble in English folk music becomes a homestead once again. Toys compete with Carthy's guitar cases for space by the sitting-room hearth – including a soft, cuddly guitar. In the Waterson-Carthy family, you learn young: "Eliza first appeared with us on stage when she was six," says Carthy. "The point came when she knew all the songs and she joined in." Now she plays the fiddle as well – like her father's longtime musical partner Dave Swarbrick – and like him is a leader in the field.

But this is Martin Carthy's moment too: all Watersons and Carthys have trajectories in music together and in their own right, and next month Carthy turns 70. He does so three days before his friend Bob Dylan, who has never failed to acknowledge his debt to Carthy's "Lord Franklin" for "Bob Dylan's Dream", nor "Scarborough Fair" for "Girl from the North Country" (Paul Simon was more famously obliged to Carthy's "Scarborough Fair"). Although Carthy insists that folk should be played at point-blank range, preferably in caverns and cellars, there will be a special birthday concert at the Queen Elizabeth Hall in London.

Carthy has been described as the "godfather" and "elder statesman" of English folk, but neither term feels right. Too regal, they omit the mischief, wit, fascination with the macabre; they discount that very special balance between humility towards people and certainty over his craft, and that crucial word Carthy loves: "subversion". "Folk music is by definition subversive," he says, and this, as well as the excavation of a trove of songs, is the bedrock of Carthy's immeasurable contribution to English music over half a century. It is also a heretical philosophy of great and guiding cogency.

"I regard tradition as progressive," he says, "and a traditional song as a progressive force, because it is concerned with the continuity of things." The word "radical" is derived from "radix", a root, and this is Carthy's radicalism: "You come from somewhere, for Christ's sake – it's like holding a grandchild in your arms – and let me tell you, there is nothing in parenthood to prepare you for the feeling of grandparenthood. Good folk music is like me holding my grandchildren and wanting to know more about my great, great, great uncle – I've got a picture of him – Tom Carthy from Ballybunion, County Kerry. I see his fingers on the uilleann pipes, and I see my father's hands and my grandfather's hands. The continuity of folk music is similar, because it is also our continuity."

Carthy illustrates his point with the exactitude of the cultural genealogist he is: "There's a great storyteller called Hugh Lupton, who cited the words of a man called Duncan Williamson, who said that when he told a story, he felt behind him a long line of all the people who had told that story before. What we are doing singing folk songs is full of ghosts, and that is what is exciting".The term "nostalgia" is pointless in a conversation with Martin Carthy; the past is a propulsion, a well of riches, and folk songs are the history of its common people, the expressions of their struggles, tribulations and superstitions, their guile, humour, love, lust and violence – and their "subversion", often in its subtlest form.

Carthy reflects: "The older I have got, the more the songs have become three-dimensional. They're not words set to pretty tunes. You are being told something about people. Things that are wicked, naughty, true, funny. About what human beings do to each other, and it never changes. Folk music, says Carthy, "is not an archive. If you see it as that, it becomes like a butterfly in a glass case. Folk music has to live and breathe. I'm not interested in heritage – this stuff is alive, we must claim it, use it."

Martin Carthy was born in Hertfordshire, son of a trade unionist of Irish descent, and grew up in the 1950s as a diligent schoolboy and choirboy, but also conjoined to a generation in north London with a rapacious appetite for musical exploration: playing American skiffle in coffee bars, but also hypnotised by Big Bill Broonzy and Ravi Shankar. Then, one night at Ewan McColl's Ballad and Blues club on Edgware Road, Carthy heard a Norfolk fisherman born in 1878 called Sam Larner sing a song called "Lofty Tall Ship" – "And I thought: 'What kind of song is that?!' I walked away that night stunned by the words, the sound. Whatever it was, I wanted more." Captivated by American folk, blues and bluegrass, Carthy followed their roots back to the British Isles whence many of the songs came – and, specifically, to England.

Interviewed by the local paper from Hull, Norma's home town, on the eve of his 60th birthday, Carthy said, talking about folk: "If you want to control people, you control what they read and hear. They [those in power] tried to do it with the Welsh, the Scots and the Irish, but they only succeeded with the English."

It is a fascinating point. Irish, Scottish and Welsh folk songs are – among many things – inherently rebel music, because they are propelled by a narrative history of uprising against English occupation and repression. Which puts English folk music somewhere else, somewhere harder to define.

"In England, people lived in a society that had been oppressed for so much longer. And so with English folk songs, you have to lift the lid to find out what is going on, and think about what is implied. This is why, for instance, there are so many songs about poaching, after the laws suddenly created criminals out of almost everyone – their way of life became a crime for which they would be hanged or deported. So poaching became a metaphor, and often the meaning wasn't too deeply hidden – look at that song 'The Gallant Poacher', it goes: 'Our goods were gone/ Our money spent/ We'd nothing left to try.' You don't have to dig very far to work that one out."

But the subversion of folk is more complicated – darker and deeper – than that. It is rage and laughter at the appalling state of things, and it still is: during a concert of political songs for Richard Thompson's Meltdown last year – and when I last saw him in Liverpool – Carthy elected to sing his hallmark "Prince Heathen", a story of murder, rape, childbirth and savagery in the most flamboyant traditions of the English folk macabre. "These are dangerous songs to sing," says Carthy. "Some of them are very, very cruel and confront people with their very worst fears."

Carthy cites a line from another of his favourites: "A cold-blooded song called 'The Death of Young Andrew', which goes: 'One night as I lay on my bed/ A dreadful draught of sleep I drew/ For I dreamed as all the trees turned brown/ That I saw the death of young Andrew.' I mean, what the fuck is going on?" asks Carthy. "When I started out, the folk scene was a highly political affair, but I didn't understand until later the way in which English folk music has a subversive quality which creeps in under the door. It gets under your skin. And so I have come to realise the value of folk music as our collective understanding of the value of subversion for and of itself."

As such, "it becomes a music of the present, of all time. I was singing a song about incest one evening – as one does," he laughs, "and a man came up to me and said: 'Where did you find that song? I come across this stuff every day of my working life!' He was a social worker; it was 1968. I think until then I was choosing songs because I found them interesting. I don't think I'd imagined until that night that I was singing about cruel, cruel things that happen every day."

But if there is a distinctive macabre in English folk, Carthy is quick to insist: "I must say this: folk music has no border checkpoints. In the end, it has – it can have – no country." Not only because it deals with primal narrative, but because of the way its protagonists, tunes and stories travel, hear, teach, learn and sing. "The Irish will make a song, and it gets to America or anywhere and it becomes a song of that place. There's a song called 'Loch Maben Harper', a Scottish subversive song that had been collected but hadn't been sung since the late 18th century. Now I've sung it a thousand times as though it were an English folk song, so what does that make it?

"You're talking about a maritime identity with a maritime culture and music," says Carthy, coming up with this irresistible notion: "Actually, I think there probably is some kind of Atlantic country which connects the west coast of the British Isles and the American eastern seaboard – and if there is, it certainly has its music." This discourse leads inevitably towards the tendency to view the English folk tradition as soundtrack to the sentiment of the UK Independence Party, or worse. Indeed, there was an illuminating exchange last year on the pages of the Guardian, which brought the "Englishness" of English folk music into harsh relief. An article by Christian Koch said of the British National Party leader, Nick Griffin: "No prizes for guessing the BNP chief's favourite type of music. Yes, it's that most arthritically white of genres, English folk."

A retort from a reader was published: "These words offend me in their ignorance and prejudice. Ancestral music is blameless in this, constantly evolving, and what does my ancestors being white have to do with anything if us civilised people know that race is irrelevant?" The author signed off: Eliza Carthy.

Good folk music in general, and Martin Carthy's songs in particular, are the antidote to, the diametric opposite of, our postmodern world of digital cacophony, crisis in concentration, library closures and hyper-materialist phantasmagoria. It makes sense that Carthy lives in a corner of England cut off from the nightmare by a sturdy buffer zone of heather and dry-stone walling.

"I think some people are ready for a revival of narrative," says Carthy. "It happened during the 1990s, when we started to have younger performers at folk clubs, and then younger audiences too. Thank God! It's been a long time coming. I remember Swarb and I playing to fourth-form kids in Bromsgrove and it didn't work at all; then we played to the sixth form and they were agog, hanging on to the narrative. I think there are more young people fed up with being told by some DJ that this is cool or that is cool."

Carthy is rarely asked about his technique as a guitarist, something which also evolves. He was always versatile – percussive, lyrical, abrasive – and played with astonishing dexterity, but now seems more often to accompany his songs with notes played in harmony or unison with the voice. And for a reason, it turns out: "I love the decisions people make when they sing you a song, the little extra accents they put in, and I'm interested in some way of playing those things as well as singing them, so the guitar too sings the song, if you like. Every instrument which plays a melody will do different things to that tune, and I've become interested in this style which is basically playing the song itself on the instrument." Then there is Carthy's singular tuning of his guitar – and his own endearing dispelling of its perceived uniqueness: "I tuned my guitar a different way from normal, to try and get a resonant sound that worked well. Then I realised that what I was doing was closely related to the tuning of a cello, so that my brilliant idea had actually been had by someone 400 years ago, and maybe that is why it worked so well."

Back to talk about the youngsters and folk, Carthy recalls "another time, in Manchester, these kids came up and said: 'You're Martin Carthy, aren't you?' I said yeah and they said: 'You must sing "Famous Flower of Serving Men"', and I said OK, but it'll have to wait until after the interval." The song's title is a play on the name of the ship that sailed from Plymouth to Massachusetts in 1620, in turn "named after the flower of bad luck and mischief", says Carthy. "And there they were, sitting right in front of me on the floor, listening. It amazed some of the older people there, but the song galvanised them, and they certainly galvanised me."

The mention of that song raises a question: who wrote that giddy tune to "Famous Flower of Serving Men" which also drives the far more famous instrumental at the end of Fairport Convention's "Matty Groves"? One does not need to know the song to savour the story: "Well, it was 1966, Swarb and I were in Skopje, doing a festival to say thank you to countries which had supported Yugoslavia. And Hedy West, whom Bob Dylan cites among his influences, was there, messing around with the tune of a song called 'Kate and the Cowhide' from Utah, written in 3/4 time. She sang a version in 9/8, and Swarb and I were flabbergasted. Well, I went on to use it in an arrangement of 'Famous Flowers' and Swarb joined Fairport and added it to 'Matty Groves'. That's what folk music is: the intuitive nature of the whole thing among people who love messing about with stuff and coming up with something else to keep the continuity going; people who aren't intimidated by how venerable it is. A song cannot survive if it is not being played – it is either played or it perishes."

Martin Carthy's 70th Birthday Concert with special guests is at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London on 14 May. His "best of" double CD, Essential, is released by Topic Records on 9 May

To listen to a special Observer playlist of songs by Martin Carthy, Eliza Carthy and Norma Waterson, go to Spotify