Top five will tackle two themes on tonight's performance show, the 1960s and the enigmatic 'now.'
By Eric Ditzian

James Durbin
Photo: Michael Becker/ Fox

This week, "American Idol" thrusts us into a temporal and philosophical conundrum as we try to suss out what exactly producers mean by "now." For that of-the-moment adverb is one-half of Wednesday's (May 4) musical theme, which will have the final five contestants singing two songs each. The other half is straightforward, if unimaginative, enough: the 1960s. But "now"?

Are we talking about tunes currently on the radio or the Billboard Hot 100? Songs penned this year or this decade or this millennium? Or, like the nature of the space-time continuum itself, is there something ultimately unknowable and thus, up to individual interpretation, about just what "now" truly means?

Ugh, our heads are starting to hurt! Let us turn our attention instead to Casey Abrams, who exited the "Idol" stage in a tornado of growls and grunts and promises to "do everything I can to get myself out there and bring jazz back." We've been hard on Casey in recent weeks. Perhaps more so than we should have been, if only because we so often beg contestants to give us something fresh and unexpected, and then dismiss them when they do. Take one look at a YouTube video he uploaded last year — in which he not only sings but plays guitar, bass, drums, piano and clarinet — and you'll know the kid is a true musical talent, as well as a loveable goofball. Dude, we wish you well, now and forever (whatever that means in the "Idol" universe these days).

So, too, are we wishing for the top five to build on last week's generally impressive performances and pop off another standout show. Here's where the singers stand at this point and what each one will have to deliver on Wednesday.

Lauren Alaina
"Idol" producers made a puzzling decision last week, declining to identify a bottom three or even a bottom two and instead announcing the elimination in random order. Any thoughts on that one, reality-show conspiracy theorists? The problem — and, perhaps, the intention — was that the elimination process didn't leave us with a clear sense of who's up and who's down with the likes of Casey, Stefano Langone and Paul McDonald out of the contest. Lauren has thus far avoided bottom-three territory, but there's no doubt she's been struggling to find her form over the last month. She seems confused up on stage and dejected off of it. There's no reason to doubt her dedicated fanbase yet, but Lauren is in dire need of a breakout performance. We think she needs to bust out a hit contemporary tune — Taylor Swift, anyone? — and a slow '60s number that allows her a bit of sultry swagger reminiscent of her early season-10 performances.

James Durbin
While Lauren needs to bounce back, James needs to build on his stellar take on "Will You Love Me Tomorrow" and solidify his status, according to Randy Jackson, as a singer who can take home the "Idol" crown. We're as surprised as anyone that it's come to this, but he's gotten better and smarter as the season has gone on. He's a true contender. With the opportunity to sing two songs, we expect James to go righteous and heavy metal with his "now" tune and somber and sensitive with his '60s one. We know which one we'll prefer, but voters seem to dig anything the 22-year-old has to offer.

Jacob Lusk
Of all the remaining contestants, Jacob was done the biggest favor by the random elimination. And that's coming off of a pre-performance package in which Jimmy Iovine did his best to encourage voters to send Jacob home. His cheesy take on "Oh No Not My Baby" didn't help matters much. We'd say nothing short of a miracle can save Jacob this week, but miraculous voting results are an "Idol" institution. Regardless, Jacob should confine to history's dustbin the advice he's been given recently to let loose and go wild; instead he should remember how well vocal restraint has served him and latch onto a velvety '60s soul or gospel track from somebody like Sam Cooke, Al Green or Otis Redding. A fine new tune with an uplifting message to explore would be John Legend's take on "Wake Up Everybody."

Scotty McCreery
The random elimination might have made for good TV, but it was deeply unfair to Scotty. The country kid has never fallen into the bottom three, and yet he had to suffer up onstage next to Casey as America waited in disbelief, wondering if Scotty might actually be going home. He didn't, and he won't for a long time — not with the singer finally injecting some emotional heft into his radio-hit-ready country renditions. "Now," we think, gives Scotty a chance to bite into something from Rascal Flatts or Zac Brown Band, which would be a refreshing change (though musical evolution has never been high on his list of "Idol" priorities). And a little '60s era Johnny Cash could be a good, change-it-up-a-bit fit.

Haley Reinhart
Conventional wisdom would seem to suggest that, before she even steps out onto the stage, Haley's in deep trouble this week. Her fanbase is suspect and the judges have never embraced her, for whatever unjust reason, the way they have Lauren. What Haley needs to have on Wednesday, more so than ever, is one of those much-hyped "moments" — a performance that lets voters know she's not some unlikely hanger-on but a singer deserving of fervent support. She's got the potential — the bluesy, old-soul promise — and now's the time for her to convert ability into reality. We hear her favorite tune is Etta James' "At Last," so that emotion-heavy ballad seems a likely (and savvy) choice. For her contemporary tune, she should choose something highly recognizable and give it a stripped-down, bluesy makeover. She's already tackled an Adele song. Would it be crazy to take a bite out of Katy Perry? Well, crazy might just be the fuel Haley needs to propel her forward.

Don't miss "Idol Party Live" every Thursday at noon on MTV.com for analysis, celebrity guests and even some karaoke — get in the conversation by tweeting with the hashtag #idolparty! In the meantime, get your "Idol" fix on MTV News' "American Idol" page, where you'll find all the latest news, interviews and opinions.

Related Videos

• 'American Idol' In 60 Seconds
• 'Idol Party Live' With MTV News' Jim Cantiello

Related Photos

• 'American Idol' Season 10 Performances

Un terremoto blanco, del este de los Estados Unidos, que es una mezcla casi perfecta entre Sam Cooke, el gospel y el funk de un tal James Brown. El éxito que ha logrado con Come and get it, y con sus álbumes anteriores, justifica esta presentación. Actúa en el Black Music Festival, en Salt, el día 8 en la sala La Mirona y del día 9 en la La Casa del Loco de Zaragoza.

Monica Ali's Untold Story; Philip Hensher's King of the Badgers and Margaux Fragoso's Tiger, Tiger

Princess Diana did not die in Paris, according to Untold Story: Monica Ali's novel posits instead that she survives a car crash, but then (wrote the Evening Standard's Sarah Sands) "fakes a drowning accident in order to start a new life, as Lydia, in smalltown America". "The fatal flaw in the novel is one of taste, " Sands declared, "which is somehow made worse because Ali is a distinguished novelist rather than a workaday hack. . . She should not be writing prurient royal novels based on wacko conspiracy theories." The Mail on Sunday's Craig Brown was harsher still, pronouncing the book "tosh" that "never rises above the level of Jackie Collins". As for the author's "pious explanations" of her motives: "Ali portrays the paparazzi as singularly insensitive, but where does that leave her? If she really intends it as a 'tribute' to Diana, would she be happy to give a copy to the princess's two sons?"

Reviews of Philip Hensher's King of the Badgers have not been so astringent, though it too draws on material with tabloid appeal. In the TLS, Edmund Gordon noted that the novel's fictional Devon town "becomes the focus of a national media storm" when a girl goes missing, a "central drama evidently based on the abductions of Madeleine McCann and Shannon Matthews". While praising "a powerfully delightful book, rich in drama and pathos, rowdy with life", he criticised the lack of a "cogent link" between its themes of privacy and surveillance. In the Independent on Sunday, DJ Taylor confessed to being "seduced" by Hensher's "coruscating intelligence", but spotted that he "seems to lose interest" in the child abduction storyline, and sniffed "the faint scent of desultoriness" in the myriad conversation scenes. Not seduced at all, the Evening Standard's Nick Curtis complained that it "left a bad taste in my mouth", calling the choice of subject matter "opportunistic at best, cynical at worst"; but Jane Shilling, in the Sunday Telegraph, enthused that Hensher's "enjoyment of his own cleverness and fluency is utterly infectious", oddly venturing that "were he not so marvellously himself, he might remind one of Thackeray".

Margaux Fragoso's Tiger, Tiger, a memoir of a 14-year relationship with a paedophile that began when she was seven, has polarised reviewers. For the Sunday Times's Daisy Goodwin, it was "almost as troubling as its awful subject matter", leaving the reader unsure if "her flat, affectless prose is a stylistic choice or simply the deadened testimony of a survivor". "I can't imagine why anyone would want to read this book," Goodwin concluded, "outside of Fragoso's therapist, members of her family and the odd paedophile looking for a cheap thrill." Julie Myerson disagreed in the Times, impressed by the author's ability "to explore her past with such unswerving honesty, courage and clarity". In the Observer, however, a debate on the book's merits proved one-sided. Rachel Cooke felt "exploitative, prurient and sometimes rather sick" after reading it; while the psychologist Oliver James commented that writing her experiences down may have benefited the author, but asked: "Why do we need to hear the story?" Like Goodwin, who referred to Lolita and Emma Donoghue's Room, he offered a literary comparison, contrasting the "undigested fact" of Tiger, Tiger with the "conversion of the lead of maltreatment into the gold of valuable literature" in the depiction of a family including an abusive father in Edward St Aubyn's Melrose novels.

Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.

• Puck Daddy Reader Art Contest Gallery 3 coming next. Until then, please enjoy this image of Santa in a jersey that probably should have gone under the suit. [Stick tap Eric E.]

• The New Jersey Devils holiday flash card couldn't be more awkward and halfhearted. Well, at least the snowman has an erection. [Devils, via Joe P.]

• NHL All-Star Game (pointless) Fan Balloting Update: Sidney Crosby (464,832), Jonathan Toews (277,418) and Evgeni Malkin (242,851) lead at forward, with Sean Avery at No. 16 (129,580). Kris Letang (342,118) and Duncan Keith (271,227) lead on defense, followed by Chris Pronger (254,500). Carey Price leads in goal (286,602) with Marc-Andre Fleury closing in (259,596). Oh, and Bryan McCabe is the only player listed on the ballot with less than 6,000 total votes (5,464). [NHL]

• It's Toni Lydman night, as the Anaheim Ducks take on the Buffalo Sabres in a game so highly anticipated that it's not on television. [Ducks Blog]

• The case of Jim Balsillie and the Twitter impostor. [FP]

• Sports Business Journal's take on the NHL's next TV deal, sounding very much like Paul Kelly on PD Radio yesterday: "The NHL has momentum as it wraps up the final year of its TV contract, and I'd be shocked if the league didn't improve on the three-year, $207.5 million deal (with an option for three more seasons) that it signed in 2005 with Versus. Don't be surprised to see the NHL sell a "Game of the Week" package for ESPN2, including some Stanley Cup games. Under this scenario, Comcast-owned Versus would keep the bigger cable package, and Comcast-owned NBC would keep a broadcast schedule." [SBJ]

• What does Brad Richards have to do to get some MVP love up in here? [USA Today]

• Dustin Byfuglien over Nicklas Lidstrom for the Norris? [SI]

• Really terrific piece by Mike Heika on why the Dallas Stars' epic turnaround isn't bigger news locally: "Bottom line, the wheel of fame is a tough thing. When you are on it, people crave attention about you, they get information about you and that feeds the fame. When you're not on it, they don't, and it's tough to get people excited about your product. The Stars are not on the wheel right now, so they have to fight extra hard to get back on." [Dallas Stars Blog]

• Providing the entertainment at the Winter Classic: Jackie Evancho, the 10-year old singing sensation from Pittsburgh who gained notoriety for her big voice on NBC's America's Got Talent. Evancho joins a line-up that includes Juno award-winning singer Steven Page, multi-platinum selling rock band Hinder and Pittsburgh-based rock band The Clarks. [NHL]

• On the Washington Capitals' stunning offensive struggles: "Through thirty-five games this year, the Caps have scored a grand total of 102 goals; that still works out to a fairly respectable 2.91 goals per game, 11th best in the League, but it's a number that is buoyed by a much stronger start (59 goals in the first 17 games, 43 in the last 18). And it's a far cry from the juggernaut we're accustomed to. Consider that over the same span last year the Caps had 123 goals that were much more evenly spread out and went on to finish the season with an amazing 3.82 goals per game overall." [Japers' Rink]

• Alex Semin is a game-time decision for the Capitals' impending victory over the New Jersey Devils tonight. [Capitals Insider]

• Why Donald Fehr and the NHLPA could mean trouble for hockey. [Puck Update]

• Tampa Bay Lightning goalie Mike Smith is out 2-3 weeks with a "minor" knee injury. Dan Ellis will carry most of the load, but will we see Cedrick Desjardins make his presence known. [Lightning Strikes]

• Steven Stamkos becomes the sixth-youngest player in NHL history to reach 100 goals. [Raw Charge]

• Damn the cynics: Being a New York Rangers fan is fun again. [Blueshirt Banter]

• Down Goes Brown presents NHL letters to Santa. Well done. [DGB]

• Were Dan Carcillo, James van Riemsdyk and Nik Zherdev all on the trading block for the Philadelphia Flyers? [Broad Street Hockey]

• Good piece by Chris Burton on Matthew Lombardi, the Nashville Predators center that's missed a massive amount of time with a concussion: "If Matthew Lombardi doesn't play another game this season, or the next two, then that's alright with me - I'd rather he return to complete health not playing hockey, and be able to raise his children symptom-free than contribute a single second of ice time to the Nashville Predators. I'll celebrate right along with you when he's been cleared for physical activity, but we'd do well to remember that, at the end of the day, its just a game." [On The Forecheck]

• Keith Yandle on Matt Cooke: "Dirty player. He's got no respect." [Tribune Review]

• Please to be checking out Lambert's U.S. World Junior blog. [The Sleeping Giant]

• Finally, the waffle meme is out of the control, as fans have begun adding them in the most random of places. Like, for example, this Sidney Crosby viral Reebok clip (stick-tap to Mark F. for the clip):

Editor's note: There’s no doubt that WikiLeaks and its figurehead-on-the-run Julian Assange are among the hottest items for discussion on the planet right now.

Feelings are running high, and many in this country take the view that the Australian Government ought do more to assist its vilified, beleaguered citizen.

Assange has become a cause celebre, as evidenced by the signatories to this open letter, a who’s who of sorts, from Noam Chomsky to Helen Garner...

We wrote the letter below because we believe that Julian Assange is entitled to all the protections enshrined in the rule of law – and that the Australian Government has an obligation to ensure he receives them.

The signatures here have been collected in the course of a day-and-a-half, primarily from people in publishing, law and politics. The signatories hold divergent views about WikiLeaks and its operations. But they are united in a determination to see Mr Assange treated fairly.

We know that many others would have liked to sign. But given the urgency of the situation, we though it expedient to publish now rather than collect more names.

If, however, you agree with the sentiments expressed, we encourage you to leave your name in the comments section.

Dear Prime Minister,

We note with concern the increasingly violent rhetoric directed towards Julian Assange of WikiLeaks.

“We should treat Mr Assange the same way as other high-value terrorist targets: Kill him,” writes conservative columnist Jeffrey T Kuhner in the Washington Times.

William Kristol, former chief of staff to vice president Dan Quayle, asks, “Why can’t we use our various assets to harass, snatch or neutralize Julian Assange and his collaborators, wherever they are?”

“Why isn’t Julian Assange dead?” writes the prominent US pundit Jonah Goldberg.

“The CIA should have already killed Julian Assange,” says John Hawkins on the Right Wing News site.

Sarah Palin, a likely presidential candidate, compares Assange to an Al Qaeda leader; Rick Santorum, former Pennsylvania senator and potential presidential contender, accuses Assange of “terrorism”.

And so on and so forth.

Such calls cannot be dismissed as bluster. Over the last decade, we have seen the normalisation of extrajudicial measures once unthinkable, from ‘extraordinary rendition’ (kidnapping) to ‘enhanced interrogation’ (torture).

In that context, we now have grave concerns for Mr Assange’s wellbeing.

Irrespective of the political controversies surrounding WikiLeaks, Mr Assange remains entitled to conduct his affairs in safety, and to receive procedural fairness in any legal proceedings against him.

As is well known, Mr Assange is an Australian citizen.

We therefore call upon you to condemn, on behalf of the Australian Government, calls for physical harm to be inflicted upon Mr Assange, and to state publicly that you will ensure Mr Assange receives the rights and protections to which he is entitled, irrespective of whether the unlawful threats against him come from individuals or states.

We urge you to confirm publicly Australia’s commitment to freedom of political communication; to refrain from cancelling Mr Assange's passport, in the absence of clear proof that such a step is warranted; to provide assistance and advocacy to Mr Assange; and do everything in your power to ensure that any legal proceedings taken against him comply fully with the principles of law and procedural fairness.

A statement by you to this effect should not be controversial – it is a simple commitment to democratic principles and the rule of law.

We believe this case represents something of a watershed, with implications that extend beyond Mr Assange and WikiLeaks. In many parts of the globe, death threats routinely silence those who would publish or disseminate controversial material. If these incitements to violence against Mr Assange, a recipient of Amnesty International’s Media Award, are allowed to stand, a disturbing new precedent will have been established in the English-speaking world.

In this crucial time, a strong statement by you and your Government can make an important difference.

We look forward to your response.

Dr Jeff Sparrow, author and editor
Lizzie O’Shea, Social Justice Lawyer, Maurice Blackburn
Professor Noam Chomsky, writer and academic
Antony Loewenstein, journalist and author
Mungo MacCallum, journalist and writer
Professor Peter Singer, author and academic
Adam Bandt, MP
Senator Bob Brown
Senator Scott Ludlam
Julian Burnside QC, barrister
Jeff Lawrence, Secretary, Australian Council of Trade Unions
Professor Raimond Gaita, author and academic
Rob Stary, lawyer
Lieutenant Colonel (ret) Lance Collins, Australian Intelligence Corps, writer
The Hon Alastair Nicholson AO RFD QC
Brian Walters SC, barrister
Professor Larissa Behrendt, academic
Emeritus Professor Stuart Rees, academic, Sydney Peace Foundation
Mary Kostakidis, Chair, Sydney Peace Foundation
Professor Wendy Bacon, journalist
Christos Tsiolkas, author
James Bradley, author and journalist
Julian Morrow, comedian and television producer
Louise Swinn, publisher
Helen Garner, novelist
Professor Dennis Altman, writer and academic
Dr Leslie Cannold, author, ethicist, commentator
John Birmingham, writer
Guy Rundle, writer
Alex Miller, writer
Sophie Cunningham, editor and author
Castan Centre for Human Rights Law
Professor Judith Brett, author and academic
Stephen Keim SC, President of Australian Lawyers for Human Rights
Phil Lynch, Executive Director, Human Rights Law Resource Centre
Sylvia Hale, MLC
Sophie Black, editor
David Ritter, lawyer and historian
Dr Scott Burchill, writer and academic
Dr Mark Davis, author and academic
Henry Rosenbloom, publisher
Ben Naparstek, editor
Chris Feik, editor
Louise Swinn, publisher
Stephen Warne, barrister
Dr John Dwyer QC
Hilary McPhee, writer, publisher
Joan Dwyer OAM
Greg Barns, barrister
James Button, journalist
Owen Richardson, critic
Michelle Griffin, editor
John Timlin, literary Agent & producer
Ann Cunningham, lawyer and publisher
Alison Croggon, author, critic
Daniel Keene, playwright
Dr Nick Shimmin, editor/writer
Bill O'Shea, lawyer, former President, Law Institute of Victoria
Dianne Otto, Professor of Law, Melbourne Law School
Professor Frank Hutchinson,Centre for Peace and Conflict Studies (CPACS), University of Sydney
Anthony Georgeff, editor
Max Gillies, actor
Shane Maloney, writer
Louis Armand, author and publisher
Jenna Price, academic and journalist
Tanja Kovac, National Cooordinator EMILY's List Australia
Dr Russell Grigg, academic
Dr Justin Clemens, writer and academic
Susan Morairty, Lawyer
David Hirsch, Barrister
Cr Anne O’Shea
Kathryn Crosby, Candidates Online
Dr Robert Sparrow, academic
Jennifer Mills, author
Foong Ling Kong, editor
Tim Norton,  Online Campaigns Co-ordinator,  Oxfam Australia
Elisabeth Wynhausen, writer
Ben Slade, Lawyer
Nikki Anderson, publisher
Dan Cass
Professor Diane Bell, author and academic
Dr Philipa Rothfield, academic
Gary Cazalet, academic
Dr David Coady, academic
Dr Matthew Sharpe, writer and academic
Dr Tamas Pataki, writer and academic
Miska Mandic
Associate Professor Jake Lynch, academic
Professor Simon During, academic
Michael Brull, writer
Dr Geoff Boucher, academic
Jacinda Woodhead, writer and editor
Dr Rjurik Davidson, writer and editor
Mic Looby, writer
Jane Gleeson-White, writer and editor
Alex Skutenko, editor
Associate Professor John Collins, academic
Professor Philip Pettit, academic
Dr Christopher Scanlon, writer and academic
Dr Lawrie Zion, journalist
Johannes Jakob, editor
Sunili Govinnage, lawyer
Michael Bates, lawyer
Bridget Maidment, editor
Bryce Ives, theatre director
Sarah Darmody, writer
Jill Sparrow, writer
Lyn Bender, psychologist
Meredith Rose, editor
Dr Ellie Rennie, President, Engage Media
Ryan Paine, editor
Simon Cooper, editor
Chris Haan, lawyer
Carmela Baranowska, journalist.
Clinton Ellicott, publisher
Dr Charles Richardson, writer and academic
Phillip Frazer, publisher
Geoff Lemon, journalist
Jaya Savige, poet and editor
Johannes Jakob, editor
Kate Bree Geyer; journalist
Chay-Ya Clancy, performer
Lisa Greenaway, editor, writer
Chris Kennett - screenwriter, journalist
Kasey Edwards, author
Dr. Janine Little, academic
Dr Andrew Milner, writer and academic
Patricia Cornelius, writer
Elisa Berg, publisher
Lily Keil, editor
Jenny Sinclair
Roselina Rose
Stephen Luntz
PM Newton
Bryan Cooke
Kristen Obaid
Ryan Haldane-Underwood
Patrick Gardner
Robert Sinnerbrink
Kathryn Millist
Anne Coombs
Karen Pickering
Sarah Mizrahi
Suzanne Ingleton
Jessica Crouch
Michael Ingleton
Matt Griffin
Jane Allen
Tom Curtis
John Connell
David Garland
Stuart Hall
Meredith Tucker-Evans
Phil Perkins
Alexandra Adsett
Tom Doig, editor
Beth Jackson
Peter Mattessi
Robert Sinnerbrink  
Greg Black
Paul Ashton
Sigi Jottkandt
Kym Connell, lawyer
Silma Ihram
Nicole Papaleo, lawyer
Melissa Forbes
Matthew Ryan
Ben Gook
Daniel East
Bridget Ikin
Lisa O'Connell
Melissa Cranenburgh
John Bryson
Michael Farrell
Melissa Reeves  
Dr Emma Cox
Michael Green
Margherita Tracanelli
David Carlin, writer
Bridget McDonnell
Geoff Page, writer
Rebecca Interdonato
Roxane Ludbrook-Ingleton
Stefan Caramia
Ash Plummer

• Read all responses to this article

Kevin Robinson reports in with his fifth and final update of the year from the UK National Triathlon League. If you have any queries or corrections on the scoring, please direct them to: kevinrobinson@cambridge2.freeserve.co.uk. Hello Leaguers, This final report for 2010 will be brief, as the general comments I wanted to make about the season were made in the fourth, provisional report which appeared earlier on Tri247. This report, therefore is primarily concerned with a few corrections to that earlier report, plus tables and comments on the various competitions that are to be found within the framework of the the Team Table and the Individual List. First, you will see a slight correction to Derby Tri's team score, a correction which still leaves them, once again, as worthy League Champions and the Club and team to beat in the UK League. Passing on to the Individual List, the eagle-eyed leaguers will see which corrections have been made. The most notable of these being the inclusion of Lucy Gossage (Cambridge University Tri) in 6th place in the Individual List, a remarkable achievement which put her among some of the very best triathletes in the UK League. Other changes include the proper scores for Lance Conway and Paul McCrossin of Tri London, and for Chris Nicholl and Danny Evans of Derby Tri. Experienced leaguers know that corrections like these have to be made every year. Sometimes the difficulties that occasion them are not of my making. In some years, I have seen three individuals with the same surname and initial all competing in the League. Easily resolved, you might think, by looking at the club name given in results. However, some organisers of events held abroad do not usually include that detail. I have resorted to trying to solve such problems by reading race reports put on club's websites. But for example, there were this year three triathletes competing for Tri London with the initials P.M. Only one of these, fortunately, was registered with the League, but the other two were of course free to do League-listed events whenever they wished! So I really do appeal to athletes reporting on events to 'sign' there articles with their full name, not just their initials. And once again I appeal to club secretaries/race captains to let me know when registered leaguers finish in events held abroad, particularly long-distance events. Of course I have to hold up my hand and admit that some mistakes are of my own making. I won't list the reasons for these, but I will say that psychologists do describe some individuals as 'labouring under a be perfect injunction.' I do occasionally try to convince myself that I also labour, happily or unhappily under such an injection. Fortunately, however, I nearly always fail to fulfill the requirements of the injunction, and that is when I need, occasionally, leaguers and others to come to my aid. But to continue. In the last report I mentioned the standard of excellence achieved by Joanna Carritt and Tom Williams in both the Individual List and the Endurance Competition. Given below is the complete List for the latter competition, which once again has shown that the UK League is easily the best league in the country for those interested in the longer events. In addition to her 6th place in the Individual List, Lucy Gossage placed 3rd among the endurance athletes, only some sixty points behind Jo Carritt. John Manders, of Hartlepool Tri, who won the 40+ age-group this year, finished in 5th place in the Endurance Competition, and Andy Collier (Cambridge University Tri), took 7th place in the Competition, an outstanding achievement for a novice. Moving now to the competition for the Best 4 standard-distance results. Surprisingly, to me at least, was the reduction in the number of leaguers participating in this competition. But to say this is not to detract from the standard achieved by Steve Thompson of Tri London, who won with his score of 702.684 points, which also earned him 5th place in the Individual List. Seven hundred points by any fair means in not to be sneezed at in the UK League, and to do this without the aid of a long-distance score is certainly worthy of note. Steve did finish the Ironman UK, but that event doesn't of course count in a competition for the Best 4 standard-distance events,and moreover, Steve's ironman score didn't match those he achieved in each of his best four standard-distance events. Each to his own, I say. My marathon P.B. Is better than Lord Coe's, but some of you may remember that marathon wasn't the distance that Lord Coe was world-famous for. Before leaving the Best 4 standard-distance Competition, I'll just say a few words about the other athletes who, like Steve, did well at that distance. Three of them are ladies and, like Steve, all competed for Tri London; Amy Forshaw, Lotte Carritt, and Olivia Hetreed, who scored 625.324 (626.824 in best 4 all distances), 592.493. and 565.473 respectively. In a year in which some of the Tri London men have been a little less active, these ladies have stepped into the breach to some extent and competed regularly and well at their chosen distance. Amy is on the UK League scene for the first time, and is 3rd lady overall, Lotte is only just behind her in points, and I can't help thinking that if Jo and Lotte had another sister of about their level of quality, the Carritt family could win the Ladies' UK League title on their own! And just one place behind Lotte in the Individual List, and !st lady in her age-group, Olivia Hetreed completes that trio of ladies who have done very well for Tri London this year. Lastly, but by no means to be neglected, a few words about Terry Brooks of Derby Tri, who finished 5th in the Best 4 standard-distance Competition, 24th in the Individual List, and winner of the 60+ age-group. Terry Brooks has been a member of the Derby Tri squad competing in the UK League for decades now. He is on record as saying 'I love the League' which, if we ever decided to adopt an official slogan, might be as good as anything that any of us could devise. Terry, his sentiments, and the excellence and dedication of Derby Tri, in large measure do reflect the spirit of the League. They don't stand alone in this, but certainly in the forefront, and Terry is among them. Passing now to the Duathlon Competition, which I devised as requiring competitors to complete, not just three duathlons, but a triathlon as well, so that those not perhaps among Nature's swimmers, could be encouraged to take on at least one challenge involving that skill. There is never a long list of athletes in this competition, but nevertheless, some of those involved, to be exact, precisely four of those competing this year, show real quality. First, James Ratcliffe of Black Country Tri, who has won this competition, and indeed been League Champion before, with 677.432 points, just ahead of Paul Rogers, also of Black Country Tri, with 663.625 points. Roger Hamilton, of Leeds & Bradford Tri, was a very close third with 657.209 points, and Darren Riddout fourth with 620.486. There was another competitor, scrubbing around with 380.880 points, but I can hardly bear to mention his name in comparison with the first four, so we'll leave it at that. Now for the age-group competitions which start, in the UK League, at 40+. Well we have some very good age-groupers, and at the top of the list this year is John Manders of Hartlepool Tri, whose 692.935 points earned him seventh place in the Individual List, and whose 537.424 earned him fifth place in the Endurance Competition. John is enduring very well, and with Dave Francis is spearheading the Hartlepool drive to win the League Championship. In this 40+ group, the ladies' winner is Olivia Hetreed, whose 565.473 earned her fourth place in the Best 4 standard distance competition, and twenty-third place in the Individual List in which she was sixth Lady. I have already commented on how Olivia and the other Tri London ladies, led of course by League Champion Jo Carritt, have helped to keep alive this year Tri London's ambition to regain the League Title. But what can I say about the 50+ group? Did all the former leaguers who used to compete in this group hear that Steve Howes was back again this year and decide to stay at home? Some years ago Steve was, and still is, the leader and inspiration of the Coventry Tri group that set an outstanding record for a team score at ironman distance. I haven't time to look up the score now, but I think it was very close to six hundred points. Any takers for 2011? But I don't think Steve really bothered himself this year getting his 469.714 points from three short events, perhaps because he knew there was no opposition in his age-group, perhaps he was recovering from injury, or perhaps he was just spinning his wheels in preparation for next year. Time will probably tell, as it very often does. Of course, time does begin to be a little bit of an issue to those who can look back on their sixtieth birthday. Just a very faint knocking on the door at first, but it does gradually become a little louder. In our 60+ category this year we had just two leaguers who featured. I've said a few words about the group winner, Terry Brooks already, so I won't say much more here, except that his 515.995 points total makes him a worthy winner in this group. But a few words are justified where the group runner-up is concerned. Graham (Joe) Reynolds scored 392.861 points from just two events, and so his average score was actually better than Terry's. Terry did four events, and so if Joe could manage a similar number in 2011 he might be giving Terry something to think about. The same sort of situation exists in the 70+ group, and as I've said already how pleased I am to have beaten Nigel Dimmock I won't say any more about that here! But focusing, as I did with the 60+ group, on average scores, I must acknowledge that Nigel's average, with 367.938 points from three events, was much better than my average with 380.880 from four events. So I really could get the chop next year if Nigel cares to put himself about a bit more. We'll see. Before I finally conclude, I'll just say something very briefly about the novices. There were only four this year, and I have commented already in the last report on the really excellent achievement of Andy Collier. I said then that he had finished in seventh place in the Individual List. In fact he was eighth with the same score of 688.811 points. In second place was Simon Rolfs of Derby Tri, with 534.659 points, a very good score for a novice and one which in most years would have won Simon the novices' trophy, but that's a story one sometimes encounters in sport. I remember, I think it was in 1956 or '57, I beat a course record by two seconds in a 38 mile hilly time trial, but came second. But the man who won the race smashed the old record by seven minutes! There's nearly always someone out there who can do it better. So in addition to congratulating those leaguers who've won something this year, I say this to leaguers who've finished second, or third, or fourth , or whatever – don't beat yourself up about this, don't be discouraged, keep on trying and maybe, just maybe, one day you'll be one of those who really can do it better. Trophies will be sent out, as usual, in time for Christmas. Kevin TEAM TABLE POS. CLUB POINTS EVENTS 1 DERBY TRI 2088.41 4 2 HARTLEPOOL TRI 2045.7 4 3 LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 2027.79 4 4 TRI LONDON 1995.87 4 5 TRI LONDON LADIES 1706.17 4 6 SWINDON TRI 1063.13 2 7 BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 953.24 2 8 BLACK COUNTRY TRI 950.08 2 9 CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 931.06 2 10 SWINDON TRI LADIES 524.01 1 11 COVENTRY TRI 475.73 1 12 LEEDS & BRADFORD LADIES 447.94 1 INDIVIDUAL TABLE POS. NAME CLUB SCORE EVENTS 1 JOANNA CARRITT IST LADY TRI LONDON 773.24 4 2 TOM WILLIAMS LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 726.83 4 3 JAMES RATCLIFFE BLACK COUNTRY TRI 711.48 4 4 DAVE FRANCIS HARTLEPOOL TRI 708.3 4 5 STEPHEN THOMPSON TRI LONDON 702.68 4 6 LUCY GOSSAGE 2ND LADY CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 699.1 4 7 JOHN MANDERS HARTLEPOOL TRI 692.97 4 8 ANDY COLLIER CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 688.81 4 9 THOMAS PEOPLES DERBY TRI 688.17 4 10 RICHARD HOWARTH LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 686.19 4 11 PAUL ROGERS BLACK COUNTRY TRI 663.63 4 12 JAMIE BRUNNING CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 663.46 4 13 ADAM CHADBURN TRI LONDON 659.44 4 14 PAUL FREEMAN LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 658.41 4 15 RICHARD HAMILTON LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 657.2 4 16 LANCE CONWAY TRI LONDON 652.84 4 17 AMY FORSHAW 3RD LADY TRI LONDON 626.82 4 18 KEVIN LINEHAM TRI LONDON 620.98 4 19 DARREN RIDDOUT DERBY TRI 620.49 4 20 NAOMI WARR 4TH LADY DERBY TRI 616.62 4 21 CHARLOTTE CARRITT 5TH LADY TRI LONDON 592.49 4 22 OLIVIA HETREED 6TH LADY TRI LONDON 573.07 4 23 JAMES CRESSWELL DERBY TRI 551.916 3 24 CHRIS NICOLL DERBY TRI 522.14 3 25 TERRY BROOKS DERBY TRI 516 4 26 STUART CORDNER DERBY TRI 500.83 3 27 TIM ASHELFORD LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 499.61 3 28 RUTH BRADBROOK 7TH LADY BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 496.73 3 29 DAVID WILSON HARTLEPOOL TRI 481.45 3 30 STUART EMERTON DERBY TRI 472.99 3 31 STEVE HOWES COVENTRY TRI 469.71 3 32 DONNA EDMONDSON-BOOKER 8TH LADY LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 454.96 3 33 THOMAS SWIFT DERBY TRI 446.47 3 34 DANNY EVANS DERBY TRI 417.12 3 35 SIMON ROLFS DERBY TRI 403.07 3 36 GRAHAM (JOE) REYNOLDS COVENTRY TRI 392.86 3 37 KEVIN ROBINSON CAMBRIDGE CAMARO TRI 384.48 4 38 JUSTIN ROBBINS BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 371.35 2 39 JULIAN HATCHER BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 368.44 2 40 NIGEL DIMMOCK COVENTRY TRI 367.94 3 41 GARY WILSON HARTLEPOOL TRI 362 2 42 MATTHEW NEWMAN BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 349.5 2 43 MARTYN BRUNT COVENTRY TRI 347.79 2 44 ROZLYN McGINTY 9TH LADY TRI LONDON 328.16 2 45 ALISTAIR COOKE LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 322.81 2 46 JENNY LATHAM 10TH LADY LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 322.17 2‪ 47 YOANN BOURGEOIS TRI LONDON 312.96 2 48 NEIL WILLIAMS BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 307.62 2 49 CHRIS KEMPTON LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 303.04 2 50 IAN KITCHING LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 303.04 2 51 EDWARD LEE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 300.62 2 52 RAY BRUNSBERG TRI LONDON 296.38 2 53 LISA GREENFIELD 11TH LADY BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 295.46 2 54 SIMON GILBERT CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 292.58 2 55 KAREN HALLAS 12TH LADY TRI LONDON 292.07 2 56 GORDON DALGARNO LEEDS & BRADFORD 290.07 2 57 PAUL McCROSSIN TRI LONDON 287.43 2 58 ALISON HARDIE 13TH LADY SWINDON TRI 282.18 2 59 KATHERINE BROOMHALL 14TH LADY BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 274.69 2 60 GORDON KENNEDY TRI LONDON 273.35 2 61 JENNY BROWN 15TH LADY CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 260.06 2 62 RICHARD HAWKSWORTH DERBY TRI 259.36 2 63 BRIDGET VIRGO 16TH LADY TRI LONDON 248.52 2 ATHLETES WHO HAVE COMPLETED ONLY ONE LEAGUE-LISTED EVENT IN THE 2010 SEASON HAVE NOT BEEN CLASSED (This is standard practice in the UK League). ENDURANCE COMPETITION (3 x 190 TARIFF) POS. NAME CLUB SCORE 1 JOANNA CARRITT (F) TRI LONDON 607.14 2 TOM WILLIAMS LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 561.18 3 LUCY GOSSAGE (F) CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 546.46 4 DAVE FRANCIS HARTLEPOOL TRI 545.24 5 JOHN MANDERS HARTLEPOOL TRI 537.42 6 THOMAS PEOPLES DERBY TRI 526.66 7 ANDY COLLIER CAM. UNIV. TRI 522.28 8 PAUL FREEMAN L&B 502.04 9 LANCE CONWAY TRI LONDON 499.92 10 RUTH BRADBROOK (F) BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 496.73 11 KEVIN LINEHAM TRI LONDON 480.28 12 GRAHAM (JOE) REYNOLDS COVENTRY TRI 392.86 BEST FOUR STANDARD DISTANCE COMPETITION POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 STEVE THOMPSON TRI LONDON 702.69 2 AMY FORSHAW (F) TRI LONDON 625.32 3 CHARLOTTE CARRITT (F) TRI LONDON 592.49 4 OLIVIA HETREED (F) TRI LONDON 565.47 5 TERRY BROOKS DERBY TRI 526.78 DUATHLON COMPETITION (3 x DUATHLON + 1 TRIATHLON) POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 JAMES RATCLIFFE BLACK COUNTGRY TRI 677.43 2 PAUL ROGERS BLACK COUNTRY TRI 663.63 3 RICHARD HAMILTON L&B 657.21 4 DARREN RIDDOUT DERBY TRI 620.49 5 KEVIN ROBINSON CAMBRIDGE CAMARO TRI 380.88 AGE GROUP COMPETITIONS 40-49 years POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 JOHN MANDERS HARTLEPOOL TRI 692.94 2 PAUL ROGERS BLACK COUNTRY TRI 663.63 3 PAUL FREEMAN LEEDS & BRADFORD 658.42 4 LANCE CONWAY TRI LONDON 652.84 5 KEVIN LINEHAM TRI LONDON 620.98 6 OLIVIA HETREED (F) TRI LONDON 565.47 7 TIM ASHELFORD L & B 499.61 8 DAVE WILSON HARTLEPOOL TRI 481.45 9 MARTYN BRUNT BLACK COUNTRY TRI 347.77 10 CHRIS KEMPTON L & B 305.8 11 IAN KITCHING L & B 303.04 12 RAY BRUNSBERG TRI LONDON 296.38 13 GORDON DALGARNO L & B 290.1 14 GORDON KENNEDY TRI LONDON 273.35 50-59 years POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 STEVE HOWES COVENTRY TRI 469.71 60-69 years POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 TERRY BROOKS DERBY TRI 516 2 GRAHAM (JOE) REYNOLDS COVENTRY TRI 392.86 70-79 years POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 KEVIN ROBINSON CAMBRIDGE CAMARO TRI 380.88 2 NIGEL DIMMOCK COVENTRY TRI 367.94 NOVICES COMPETITION POS NAME CLUB SCORE 1 ADAM COLLIER CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 688.811 2 SIMON ROLFS DERBY TRI 534.659 3 JENNY BROWN CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 260.062 4 TOM HODGSON CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 123.723

Courtesy of In A Blue Mood... http://inabluemood.blogspot.com/2010/11/rob-stone-lively-celebration-of-chicago.html

Chicago harmonica player Rob Stone was new to these ears until I heard him on several tracks on a new Earwig disc by Chris James and Patrick Rynn, “Gonna Boogie Anyway.” Stone is a long-time associate of James and Rynn and they worked together as the C-Notes, which included touring with drummer Sam Lay. Stone had an album on Earwig 7 years ago, Just My Luck,” and the label has just released his new album, “Back Around Here,” which reunites Stone with the pair along with pianists David Maxwell and Aaron Moore, drummers Willie Hayes, Willie ‘Big Eyes’ Smith and Sam Lay, and a sax section led by Rodney Brown. The result is a set of classic Chicago blues that rocks and swings.

As a harmonica player, Stone has a fat tone that shows the influence of Little Walter, Big Walter, the two Sonny Boys and Junior Wells, while vocally his influences include Sam Cooke and Ray Charles as well as Muddy Waters and Howlin’ Wolf. Eight of the twelve songs were co-penned by Stone, James and Rynn and are solid idiomatic tunes. I really like Stone’s unforced, unaffected singing which is mixed with some exceptional ensemble playing.

The title track is a marvelous rocker with great piano from maxwell and a cutting solo from James as the saxophones add an uptown flavor. Aaron Moore’s piano is the anchor behind the slower tempo and Sonny Boy II styled harp on Sonny Boy I’s “Love You For Myself,” with Moore taking a terrific solo. Magic Sam’s “Give Me Time,” is in a more R&B tinged vein with James supplying guitar evoking the blues legend who left this world way too young 40 years ago which is followed by a terrific shuffle about spending too much, “I Need to Plant a Money Tree,” with some very effective Big Walter Horton inspired harp and Jeff Stone adding guitar to that of James to help sustain the driving groove.

“Chicago All Night,” has a rumba groove with Maxwell setting the tone with his two-fisted playing as the saxes riff away. “Sloppy Drunk Blues,” has been recorded numerous times, but Stone’s interpretation goes back to the Leroy Carr rendition as James lays off here as Maxwell and Rynn provide support. “Can’t Turn Back The Clock,” is a rocking boogie with Maxwell, Rynn and Sam Lay, with a terrific piano boogie woogie solo from Maxwell. “It’s Hard But It’s Fair,” is an bluesy reworking The 5 Royales classic vocal group rocker. “Dragon Killers,” is a hot instrumental that suggests Little Walter’s “Roller Coaster.” His playing on this shows plenty of drive as well as a clean, full-bodied tone.

Stone is a regular at the Chicago House of Blues’ “Back Porch Stage,” and the strong, Windy City sounding blues heard here, one can understand why. He plays strong blues that plays tribute to the music that is his inspiration. But as evidenced by the music on “Back Around Here,” Stone treats the idiom as not simply history, but as a living tradition to be celebrated.

GREATEST ROCK ARTISTS OF THE 60'S http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com 1. The Beatles 2. James Brown 3. The Beach Boys 4. The Supremes 5. The Rolling Stones 6. Bob Dylan 7. Aretha Franklin 8. Elvis Presley 9. Sam Cooke 10. The Jimi Hendrix Experience 11. Ray Charles 12. Otis Redding 13. The Temptations 14. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles 15. The Byrds 16. Marvin Gaye 17. The Four Seasons 18. The Who 19. Wilson Pickett 20. Stevie Wonder I have nothing against the Supremes and I love Motown but the Supremes being above the Stones, and Bob Dylan as the greatest 1960's artist? I don't agree with this opinion at all.

As Primal Scream prepare to play the full Screamadelica album live after 20 years, Caspar Llewellyn Smith explores the alchemy that drove the group who defined an era

It is a beautiful day, the last sunshine of the year putting a spring in the step of Bobby Gillespie, waifish ringmaster of Primal Scream, who is dressed, none the less, all in black: black skinny jeans, black T-shirt, long black hair, only streaks of grey making him look any older than he did 20 years ago. He's in expansive form, too, talking up the task that he and his co-conspirators – childhood friend Andrew Innes and the rest of the band; long-time friend Alan McGee, their old manager, of sorts, and record label boss; Andrew Weatherall and others – set themselves amid the last gasp of freedom for independents in the record industry, in the final days of Thatcherism and in the chemical haze of acid house.

"I honestly felt we were redeeming rock'n'roll," says the 48-year-old. "I know it sounds ridiculous, right? But my attitude was that rock'n'roll should be a celebratory, euphoric, ecstatic experience. High energy. Ram-a-lama! I felt that rock had become too inward and it was maybe a bit too serious. I felt that what we were doing at that point was what rock'n'roll should be, except it was modern, it was futuristic."

The mainstream charts at the tail end of the 80s were moribund, dominated by post-Live Aid rock monsters and the flimsy charms of Stock, Aitken and Waterman. Opposition came from two fronts: from the awkward squad creativity of the indie scene and from the similarly underground but more optimistic and leisure- and pleasure-obsessed rave movement. (The paradox was that both owed a debt to the DIY ethos of Thatcherism.) Those two threads were united on Screamadelica, a marriage of Gillespie and co's impeccable understanding of pop history with what they were imbibing from a nascent form of club culture – an act of alchemy.

It was the record that won the inaugural Mercury prize in 1992 and ever since it has been hailed as perhaps the defining album of the era. Certainly, to an impressionable teenage fan, it sounded like nothing before and, as the band prepare to play it live in its entirety for the first time next month, the question presents itself: has anything since sounded quite so visionary? It was, if nothing else, the most improbable of triumphs.

Gillespie was schoolboy friends with guitarist Robert – later "Throb" – Young and, later, with Alan McGee, who was in the year above at King's Park secondary in Glasgow and who took him to his first gig: Thin Lizzy. "The relationship between Alan and Bobby was fundamental," the writer Irvine Welsh remembers in Upside Down, a new film about Creation Records, which had its premiere last week at the London Film festival. "They were kind of two old-school Glasgow punk rockers who were best mates and they had this whole joint vision: Bobby as the artist, Alan as the enabler."

Gillespie became the drummer with another group of Glaswegian pals for a spell, the Jesus and Mary Chain, but also formed Primal Scream, involving Young and another teenage acquaintance, Andrew Innes. At first, they cast themselves as fey imitators of the Byrds and Love and one of their songs, "Velocity Girl", was the first track on a cassette called C86, given away with the NME, that summed up indie music at the time as something defiantly homespun and rather bloodless.

McGee, meanwhile, had moved to London and cast himself as an impresario, setting up Creation, releasing the Mary Chain but also other C86 acts like the Bodines, as well as Primal Scream's 1987 debut album, Sonic Flower Groove. It was hard to imagine that, within a decade, the same label would launch Oasis on the world, with landmark albums by My Bloody Valentine and Screamadelica to its credit.

But the Scream's next album was not their breakthrough: rather, 1989's Primal Scream saw the band's "testicles drop catastrophically", as one writer put it. This was a greasier record altogether, in thrall to the Stooges and the MC5. And, truth be told, it couldn't have been less fashionable. The big hope at Creation at the time was the House of Love, whose Guy Chadwick, a more middle-class chap than his label peers, remembers Gillespie's gang at the time: "Everyone was so obsessed with being cool. I know bands [and] this is what it's like. But that lot... they really did take the biscuit." But coolness didn't equate to groundbreaking music, not yet anyway.

Bubbling up all the while, however, was the acid house scene, the first great underground youth movement since Gillespie and McGee's beloved punk, and while the squelch of a Roland 303 Bass Line and the repetitive beats of an 808 drum machine at first sounded alien, the latter of the two teenage pals became a convert when he tried the drug then driving the culture: so much so that McGee moved to Manchester, home of the Hacienda and Happy Mondays. The record label boss was quite candid about this, answering Anthony H Wilson's question on Granada TV's The Other Side of Midnight of why Manchester with the laconic: "Better class of drug, Tony."

In Upside Down, Douglas Hart, bassist with the Jesus and Mary Chain as well as the film-maker soon to be responsible for the Scream's "Higher Than the Sun" video, recalls his own epiphany upon stumbling into a rave at the Astoria: "It was like something I'd not felt for years, this incredible dirty, sexy energy. I went into rehearsals with the Mary Chain the next day and said, 'I went to this club last night, and described it, and they were saying, 'What? Youse went to a disco?!' [But] all of us, one by one, had that moment."

Gillespie had gone to a warehouse party in Brighton, in 1988, to score some speed. "There weren't that many people there," he remembers, "but they weren't dressed up in swish-looking designer clothes; these were council estate kids. We'd never heard music like that before. I wasn't sure what to make of it."

McGee and his friend Jeff Barrett were, in the words of the singer, "proselytisers for acid house and ecstasy – they were like religious converts", and would return to Brighton for parties. "Everyone would be getting fucked up and we'd be playing Link Wray and Johnny Thunders on the stereo," Gillespie recalls. "It would get turned off and they'd put on this weird house music. I didn't know what it was: 'Fucking turn that shit off!' The music would be on for five, 10 minutes and someone would turn it off. And they'd be left panting: 'Where's my tape?' And they'd turn off the Johnny Thunders and put it back on.

"We were destroying their buzz, but we didn't know they were on ecstasy."

It was in April 1989 that McGee took Gillespie clubbing and gave him his first ecstasy pill. "The first one he gave me didn't work. Second one: worked."

"Gillespie got it," McGee later said. "By about June, [he thought] he'd invented acid house!" Back at Creation HQ, in a rabbit warren of a building in Hackney, the parties would carry on, with the boss of the label spinning records like

"Good Life" by Inner City and force-feeding his charges pills. "McGee was literally… a big bag... 'Open your mouth, open your mouth...'" Gillespie remembers. "And we started getting into it."

Innes recalls the much-heralded effects of this new love drug: "You went from being out at some indie club where some drunken idiot would start trying to pick a fight with you to this incredible new-sounding music and beautiful girls and everyone's being friendly. You'd bump into some football hooligan and think, 'Oh God, here we go...' and he'd give you a cuddle and that would be your new best friend for the night."

It was Jeff Barrett, now working as a press officer at Creation, who introduced Primal Scream to a figure pivotal to this story: Andrew Weatherall. He was a bricklayer from Windsor turned DJ and occasional journalist who spun records upstairs at Shoom in London. "Growing up, I'd flirted with glam rock, punk, new romanticism," he remembers. "But this was the first time I was actually an integral part of a scene, with barely more than 200 people part of it."

None the less, Weatherall, wearing leather trousers and motorbike boots, "looking a bit Charles II, a bit dandy-ish, bordering on the fop", still loved rock in anything other than its indie incarnation. So it was that at a time when no one else seemed to appreciate the ragged charms of the Primal Scream album, Barrett passed Weatherall a copy, and the DJ latched on to its ballads, dropping the band's name in football-cum-club culture fanzine Boy's Own.

Barrett very briefly introduced Weatherall to the band at a rave somewhere outside Brighton in the summer of 1989 and then fixed it for him to review a Scream gig in Exeter that September for the NME (a review that subsequently appeared under the pseudonym Audrey Witherspoon).

"He came backstage," Innes recalls. "We thought this acid house guy was coming, he'd have that bob haircut." The suggestion is that the Scream felt almost intimidated. "But this guy with long hair and tattoos who liked Thin Lizzy came in and we thought, OK..."

In Weatherall's memory: "Bobby said, 'Cool hair. You look like Marc Bolan. Is it a perm?' I was being sounded out but I took the piss-taking in good heart."

Shortly thereafter, one Monday night, Innes met Weatherall upstairs in the chill-out room of another London club, Spectrum, and while Alex Paterson of the Orb DJ'd, he suggested he might chance his arm at remixing one of the album's ballads, "I'm Losing More Than I'll Ever Have".

"I was making it up as I went along," says Weatherall, who started taking the song apart, adding a Soul II Soul drum loop from an Italian bootleg mix of Edie Brickell's "What I Am". "My first attempt was a bit subdued, a bit respectful. But then Innes came in and said, 'Just fucking destroy it.' So what's a man to do when given those instructions in a low Glaswegian growl?"

The only thing missing was a way of introducing the track. Innes suggested sampling some dialogue from a late 60s bikersploitation movie, The Wild Angels, in which Peter Fonda answered a preacher's question – "Just what is it that you want to do?" – with the line: "We want to be free to do what we want to do... we want to get loaded and we want to have a good time."

The single "Loaded" was released in March 1990 and rose to No 16 in the charts, which in the context of the indie scene, and Creation in particular at the time, constituted a huge triumph.

"There's probably no greater human being on God's earth that would be surprised that Primal Scream had a hit," McGee later said (he declined to speak for this piece). He had been bemused that Gillespie's vocals had been taken off the track, but the band had been going nowhere. "We had them for six and a half years before they had a hit single."

For Gillespie, the moment of vindication had come at last. "Punk's what made us want to be in a band. But when things started to happen for us with 'Loaded', it was like, 'This is our time now.' Everything we'd learned we were going to put to use."

Three months earlier, the band had crowded around the TV in their dressing room before a gig for 300 students at Keele University to watch Happy Mondays and the Stones Roses together on Top of the Pops; the two Manchester bands, as Gillespie has always recognised, helped break down the doors for Primal Scream. Now it was their turn to travel to Elstree to appear on the show, Gillespie still with long hair and in leathers. In typically chaotic fashion, keyboard player Marin Duffy hadn't paid his union dues, so the singer from another Creation act, Ride, was a last minute call-up, miming in his place. The only problem for the band now was that some commentators thought it didn't really count as their record. "Suffice to say," said Norman Cook (soon to transmogrify into Fatboy Slim), "that if I'd done all the work Weatherall obviously has on this record, I'd assume it was my song, not theirs."

Weatherall, however, never saw it that way: "Later on in my career, I'd get calls from A&R; men asking me to remix indie bands – but they weren't bands you'd see hanging out in the clubs. The calls were politely declined.

"The Scream never were and never will be careerists. Who ended up on the records didn't matter, because Bob still wrote the tunes and it was still the Scream."

Today, Gillespie concurs: "That's my band playing that song, just with a breakbeat and Weatherall's visionary arrangement. But we didn't give a fuck what people thought – we were having too good a time."

With the success of the record, McGee put the band on a wage for the first time: £50 a week. "We were fucking poor," the singer remembers. "We had no money. Creation had no money. It was a small, proper, old-school indie label and we just had an unspoken agreement with McGee: we'll put your records out."

Now, however, with cash in hand, plus a small publishing advance, the band built and soundproofed a tiny studio in an industrial estate opposite the Creation offices. That summer, Innes, Gillespie and Robert Young retreated there to start cooking up the songs that became Screamadelica.

Whereas before, the band had mostly written with their guitars, the new material was based mainly on keyboard chords, while key to the creative process was an Akai S1000 sampler. "That changed everything," Innes recalls. "Suddenly we could experiment. You're a rock'n'roll band, but you can take a James Brown drum loop and play along with that; you can add horns, you can add strings. The engineer would give you a floppy disk with some tablas on it and you'd stick that in the sampler and try that. It was like we'd been painting in black and white and suddenly we had a full palette of colours to play with.

"The sheer imagination that went into these records on everyone's part... it was people let loose with their ideas: we're out here in space now."

Not that the band weren't still partying. McGee told Upside Down director Danny O'Connor that during this period: "The group were so off their head. We had the hottest band in the UK at the time that couldn't get to the studio and make a record because it was too complicated."

But for Innes, the work ethic won out. "I can remember going to the clubs on Thursday night and getting home on Monday, but because we were young, we'd be in the studio Tuesday," he recalls. "We'd get up and try to find that energy from the night before and the mad sounds you'd hear on these acid records – because they were pretty crazy sounding."The first fruit of their labour was "Come Together", a house-gospel anthem released in August. Its opening invocation on the version mixed by Weatherall sampled a Jesse Jackson speech and sounded like the perfect explanation of Primal Scream's new direction: "This is a beautiful day, it is a new day. We are together... today on this programme, you will hear, gospel and rhythm and blues... and jazz. All those are just labels. We know that music is music."

The other mix, by Terry Farley, had Gillespie's vocals, but the Weatherall version removed them and, according to McGee in David Cavanagh's history of Creation, the singer was dismayed: "[Bobby] was going, 'Well, there's no point in me being in the band.' He had real, total self-doubt." But this is not how the singer chooses to remember events: Gillespie says he wanted to release the house anthem "Don't Fight It, Feel It" as their next single, but it was the label boss who had serious misgivings because there was no recognisable lead vocal, just the guesting Denise Johnson singing the chorus. "It was like Parliament/Funkadelic," Gillespie says. "The band could be anything we wanted it to be. There were no rules. You could do anything. We just felt free."

Whatever the rights and wrongs, instead the band released a third bona fide classic single in June 1991, "Higher Than the Sun", featuring Jah Wobble, with mixes by the Orb and by Weatherall. Here was Gillespie's mission statement, combining rock'n'roll attitude with something more beatific: "I'm beautiful, I wasn't born to follow," he sang. "I live just for today, I don't care about tomorrow, what I got in my head you can't buy, steal or borrow."

Speaking that month, the singer said it was "the best record we've ever made. It's as good as anything I've ever heard; as good as T-Rex, the Temptations or the Rolling Stones. It's a record that people will be able to listen to in 40 years' time and it's still gonna be as relevant then as it is now. It's got more in common with free jazz, John Coltrane and Ornette Coleman than anything that's gone down in contemporary rock music in 1991. It's like a massive jump on to another planet."

Perhaps most surprising was that the band were finally walking the walk. Now sporting a bob haircut, Gillespie listed his favourite records of that summer to the same interviewer, including cuts by the New York Dolls and the Cramps. But he was also listening to the likes of Sun Ra and King Tubby. From some point in that period, I still have a battered tape of Weatherall hosting a show with Gillespie on radio station Kiss FM, where they played that music, as well as songs including "Sister Friction" by Haysi Fantayzee (Weatherall's choice) and soul classic "Am I Grooving You" by Freddie Scott (one of Gillespie's).

By now, an indie-dance bandwagon was fully in train, with acts like the Farm and C86 alumni the Soup Dragons charting with records that students could enjoy in campus discos. But nothing seemed faked about Primal Scream's direction.

Another personal memory: listening to "Loaded" on repeat at a friend's cousin's place in Edinburgh before tripping refreshed into the night and into the first-ever night of Pure, a dance club that became the most influential in that city for a decade. And the transition from the music in the flat to the music in the club seemed wholly natural.

Come the new year, following the fall of Margaret Thatcher in November 1990, also seeming to herald a rosy future, the band started recording the rest of the album. The group moved between London studios in Crouch End (where, to Gillespie's delight, Thin Lizzy had recorded "Whiskey in the Jar") and Chiswick. Production duties were shared between Weatherall, the Orb and another DJ, Tony Martin, as well as programmer Hugo Nicholson, but for "Movin' on up", a gospelly slice of rock'n'roll that opened the album, Gillespie sought someone else: Jimmy Miller, the veteran New Yorker who had worked with the Rolling Stones on their classic albums from Beggars Banquet to Goats Head Soup.

"Weatherall had made some disparaging remark about it," Gillespie recalls, "but we didn't want a dance mix. No one could find Jimmy: he was thought within the record industry to be burned out. But we tracked him down." That track paid tribute to classic rock'n'roll while "Slip Inside This House", a cover of a 13th Floor Elevators song, made explicit the link between acid rock and acid house. With lyrics and titles for the record borrowed from Sam Cooke, Can, the MC5 and more, the record that was emerging would be like a secret scrapbook of their influences.

The gentler charms of "Damaged", "Shine Like Stars" and "Inner Flight" completed proceedings. Duffy was tripping on acid for the latter recording.

In July, the band hit the road for a short UK tour to whet the appetite for the album. Weatherall and the Orb supported the band as DJs in a novel attempt to make a gig feel more like a rave. Merchandise vendor Grant Fleming later wrote about the show in Glasgow: "One of the promoter's pals has laid on an aftershow at a flat over near the Gorbals. Deary, deary me, there's some naughty tablets in town and whatever's left over from the gig have ended up here. Gobble, gobble, gobble. 'Anyone seen Smiler?' The whole house stood up."

Screamadelica was released on 23 September 1991, the cover a trippy image of the Sun created by Paul Cannell, another of the band's associates who was allegedly inspired by a damp patch he'd seen on the Creation offices ceiling after taking acid.

In the course of its 18-month gestation, McGee had enjoyed critical acclaim with the House of Love and My Bloody Valentine, two bands who had both also embraced ecstasy: in Upside Down, McGee recalls Guy Chadwick trying to strip naked at a gay club after popping one pill too many, whereas the Valentines absorbed new textures suggested by the drug into their sound. But the Primal Scream record was also a commercial triumph. In that same film, McGee remembers that an initial pressing of 60,000 copies proved far too few. "We had no idea that the world was going to get it... we were clueless. What I was really proud of, obviously, is... my friend made this incredible record."

Gillespie likewise acknowledged his old friend's input at that time: "McGee was always travelling to America, Europe. It was quite distant, the relationship. But when things started happening for Primal Scream in a big way with Screamadelica, McGee was incredible, he was invaluable as a friend and as an adviser and as a supporter."

The record charted at No 8 and the band rode the tail of their success, embarking on an even more debauched winter tour. In December, Miranda Sawyer reported for Q magazine on the band's rider at Barrowland in Glasgow: "Tonight's menu includes: 'glug' (methadone, a soporific heroin substitute); ecstasy (inhibition-dismissing, dancefloor friendly 'love' drug); amphetamine sulphate; magic mushrooms; cocaine and – backstage staple – hash. The varied and various mood alterants are liberally distributed among the tour regulars. 'You know,' muses Bobby, 'it was a love of music that brought us all together and that's what we really get excited about. But we also get excited when the drugs turn up... really excited.'"

Perhaps inevitably, after the high, a comedown followed. The band made it to Memphis to record the Dixie-Narco EP that contained a 10.46 min track called "Screamadelica", another wide-eyed, largely vocal-free tour de force. But the further touring took its toll and heroin replaced ecstasy as the drug of choice within the band. A great set at Glastonbury that summer was followed in September by the inaugural Mercury music prize, which saw the Scream beat the Mary Chain as well as U2 and Simply Red to the £20,000 prize.

In the ensuing celebrations, whoever was in charge of the cheque managed to lose it. That was a metaphor for the Scream's next album, Give Out But Don't Give Up, a rockier, more lethargic beast that only emerged in 1994. "It was a mess," Gillespie recalls.

By now, Gillespie's relationship with McGee had also started to deteriorate, never to recover fully. Inspired, arguably, by the mainstream success of Screamadelica, the label boss became increasingly preoccupied with his new discovery, Oasis, whose domination of the mid-90s helped kill off the old indie aesthetic. Boom and bust also followed: Creation was subsumed by corporate giant Sony and folded for good in 1999.

This came just as Primal Scream were releasing their sixth album, Xtrmntr, and Gillespie resented the lack of label support. Some think that his band's best album. But no record could feel as in touch with the spirit of its time as Screamadelica.

"I don't think we could have done Screamadelica 2," says Innes. "Everyone wanted that, but it wasn't where we were heading." To his mind, it wasn't simply the band to blame: the culture itself had changed, with clubland becoming more commercial. "It went mass market and it stopped getting interesting, like most things. And we just went somewhere else…"

Today, Gillespie is looking forward to the London shows next month, when the band will play the album in full for the first time; some tracks, like "Shine Like Stars", have never been played live before. "It's going to sound fresh and modern," he insists, sipping water and munching from a box of salad. "It's not going to sound nostalgic... it's going to be now."

If Innes has any concerns about the forthcoming gigs, they're to do with his ability to last the pace come the aftershow. "If I went out for a weekend now," he says, "it would take me a month to get over it. You come out of the starting blocks like you're 18, but you get about 20 yards into the race and realise you can't do this any more! But it's a good thing, thinking you are 18…"

Before the Olympia shows, warming up the crowd, will be DJ Andrew Weatherall, who never succumbed to the superstar DJ mentality. He is aware of the potential pitfalls. "I've spurned the chance to see a lot of reunion gigs; you're always taking a risk when you go to see someone trying to recreate the past," he says. "But with the Scream, there'll be emotional resonance in the building even before the first chord is struck."

Two decades ago, in December 1990, Gillespie said: "I've got a lot of theories about music but ultimately as long as it moves me – either makes me dance or want to cry or feel happy – I love it.

"Edgar Allen Poe wrote this thing about music where he said, 'People think that when they cry to music it's because they're being sentimental about the memories of a time gone past, but it's not true. The reason they cry is because they get a glimpse of the banquet that gods are feasting upon.' I completely agree with that."

Primal Scream sentimental? Not yet.

Primal Scream play Screamadelica live at London's Olympia on 26 and 27 November, with a UK tour and the reissue of Screamadelica (complete with different mixes) next March

Kevin Robinson reports in with his fourth update of the year from the UK National Triathlon League. If you have any queries or corrections on the scoring, please direct them to: kevinrobinson@cambridge2.freeserve.co.uk. THE TEAM TABLE (Given below) The UK League has now completed its 17th year. The current recession has had a slight effect on numbers, but new clubs continue to be attracted, and competition and achievement continue at a high level. The results from the early part of the season were not really unexpected. The Tri London Ladies, with a little help from their male clubmates, were setting a good pace in the shorter events. Then Stephen Lord and Jo Carritt, supported by Lance Conway and Kevin Lineham, posted a very good result (512.219 points) at Lanzarote. But the first real domestic pointer to how things might turn out came at the Bala Middle, where several League teams were in contention. Derby Tri took the League honours at that event, with Hartlepool Tri in second place, Leeds & Bradford Tri in third, and Swindon Tri in fourth. Hartlepool Tri finished only 1.5 points behind Derby Tri, both team scores being very close to 500 points. Not long after that I received an e-mail from a member of the Hartlepool Tri squad saying that he and another member of the squad would not be contributing much to the Club's team scores in 2010 as they were doing events not targeted by the squad. He said that the Club would therefore not score so well in 2010 and that its real attempt on the League Championship would come in 2011. At least as far as the 2010 season is concerned I would say the prediction was not entirely correct. Soon after I received that e-mail Hartlepool Tri scored 525.28 points at the Day in the Lakes, and then 563.00 at Challenge Roth. At this point Tri London were still leading the League, mainly thanks to high scores contributed by Jo Carritt and Steve Thompson, and the consistency of the Tri London Ladies, with a strong contingent comprising Amy Forshaw, Lotte Carritt, and Olivia Hetreed. The latter group's consistency throughout the season made an important contribution to Tri London Ladies achieving their highest ever place, fifth overall, in the final Team Table of the 2010 League. But whereas it is possible for a squad doing mostly standard distance triathlons and short duathlons to lead the League in the first half of the season, the balance tends to change in the mid-to-later months when the longer-distance triathletes come into their own. It doesn't happen overnight of course, or even in the space of a week, and for a while the balance will often tip one way and then another. As the longer events become more available, squads are not always able to manage team finishes, while those doing shorter events can continue to score well. Jo Carritt was supported by Steve Thompson at Ironman UK, but they lacked a third finisher, whereas at Bedford, Tri London and Tri London Ladies had a good turnout, with the men (Adam Chadburn, Stephen Hurley, and Steve Thompson) scoring 484.723, and the ladies (Amy Forshaw, Lotte Carritt, and Olivia Hetreed) scoring 431.076. But the balance was changing. L&B had scored 522.002 at Cleveland Steelman (Richard Howarth, Paul Freeman, Chris Booker) and then 511.040 (Richard Dunn, Richard Howarth, Tim Ashelford) at Ripon, and as already mentioned, Hartlepool weighed in with 563 points at Roth. It was however, as I anticipated, in August that things really changed. Derby Tri opened their August account with 497.778 points at Blithfield (Mark Couldwell, James Cresswell, and Simon Rolfs), then Thomas Peoples, Chris Nicoll, and Mark Beighton scored 555.308 at the Outlaw, before the champions scored 574.468 points at Challenge Copenhagen and thus effectively put the result of the League Championship beyond real doubt. Of course, results could have been different if, (but what a big 'if' it is, haven't you heard it before), if Jo Carritt and Steve Thompson had had a third finisher at Ironman UK, or if Hartlepool had had a third finisher at Wensleydale, or at Ironman UK, or at Helvellyn. But Championships in the UK League are not won by two-man teams, so perhaps the correspondent I carefully didn't name earlier in this report wasn't so mistaken after all, even though Hartlepool took an excellent second place in the League table. At this point there were nevertheless some superb events to come in September, including the Edinburgh Duathlon, Budapest, the Vitruvian, Zofingen, Helvellyn, the Bala Standard. One of these did produce an interesting surprise, namely the result of the Cambridge University Tri Club at the Vitruvian, where James Gill, Andy Collier, and Simon Gilbert earned 480.422 points, and surely gave some indication of even better results in the future. If this result was promising, the Black Country result at the Bala Standard was truly heartening. I mentioned earlier that Coventry Tri was once one of the top UK League clubs; well, Black Country was even more than that, being League Champions in four consecutive years. Some of their 'old firm' squad were there at the Bala event, led by James Ratcliffe, a former League Champion of recent years, and by no means 'old firm' himself. The Black Country team scored no less than 502.856 points. Furthermore, rumour has it that another Black Country member, who was League Champion several times, Paul Mountford, will be returning to the fray next year. A few words now on a couple of the late scores and some of the mid-table teams. In Budapest, Steve Thompson, Amy Forshaw, and Lotte Carritt scored a very creditable 492.663 points, with Olivia Hetreed combining with Amy and Lotte to score 455.562 for the Tri London Ladies. But both teams were beaten at Budapest by L&B who achieved their best score of the season through Tim Ashelford, Roger Dunn, and Emily Dove, who earned 515.321 points. This brought L&B's total for the season to 2027.792 and it might have been higher if the Club had had a third finisher at some other events. So far I haven't said much about Bristol (BAD) Tri and Swindon Tri. Bristol were entirely new to the League this year and entered a relatively small squad intended to test the water so to speak. But some of those entered did participate and showed what they could do. Ruth Bradbrook was the highest scorer in the Bristol group, with 496.739 points all gained in the Endurance Competition. Julian Hatcher and Neil Williams were the most prominent of the men, and they were supported by Katherine Broomhall and Lisa Greenfield, but in general the Club needed more team finishes. The Swindon Tri Club, which entered a much larger squad, were also somewhat restricted in their results because they competed with a chosen restricted purpose of doing well as one Ironman event. The Club did manage two team finishes for the main team, and one for the ladies' team, and if it competes with a broader focus in 2011 we can almost certainly expect them to achieve a higher place in the Team Table. Before passing on to the Individual Table I'll just say a few words about Cambridge University Tri. I mentioned earlier the problems Cambridge face with Spring and Summer competition. Nevertheless, the Club did surprise me by having a good turnout (8 members) at the National Sprint Championships, and then three members (Andy Collier, Simon Gilbert, and Jenny Brown) at the more demanding Vitruvian where they managed a respectable team score and so enabled the to finish in ninth place in the Team Table. All in all it has been a kind of transitional season with new clubs coming in, but with the 'old firm' of Derby Tri still in charge. Hartlepool Tri were in second place for the second time in the last four years, L&B were again consistently good, and finishing ahead of Tri London, in spite of the scores of the top Londoners and the consistency of the Tri London Ladies, who achieved their highest ever placing. Is there the beginning of a trend here, and will the newer clubs, following Hartlepool Tri's example, begin to erode of dominance of clubs like Tri London, L&B, even perhaps Derby Tri? I can tell you that it won't happen without a fight! But we'll see, and what I can tell you is that I've already received some enquiries from interesting clubs for 2011. But that's to get ahead of ourselves. Let's now focus on the individual results, which are very interesting in the here and now. PROVISIONAL RESULTS: UK TRIATHLON/DUATHLON LEAGUE 2010 POS. CLUB POINTS EVENTS 1 DERBY TRI 2119.98 4 2 HARTLEPOOL TRI 2045.70 4 3 LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 2027.79 4 4 TRI LONDON 1995.87 4 5 TRI LONDON LADIES 1706.17 4 6 SWINDON TRI 1063.13 2 7 BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 953.24 2 8 BLACK COUNTRY TRI 950.08 2 9 CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 931.06 2 10 SWINDON TRI LADIES 524.01 1 11 COVENTRY TRI 475.73 1 12 LEEDS & BRADFORD LADIES 447.94 1 INDIVIDUAL RESULTS & TABLE (Given below) First, and without further delay, I'll give leaguers the news that I've been holding back since I started writing this report (how's that for self-control!)? For the first time in the seventeen year history of the League a female leaguer has topped the Individual List! Yes, it's our favourite lady (unless that is, you're part of the opposition), JO CARRITT. Her total score was not a record (Stephen Lord won last year with 808.16 points), but Jo's total of 773.241 (Lanzarote, Ironman France, Wimbleball, and Ironman UK) put her almost twenty points clear of Tom Williams of L&B, and more than two hundred points clear of Tom in the Endurance Competition, in which Tom again placed second to her. In 2009, Jo achieved a total of 742.52 points, which then earned her third place behind Stephen Lord and second placed Mike Hall of Hartlepool Tri, and again earned her third place behind Stephen and Mike in the Endurance Competition with a total of 588.11 points. So in her first year as a professional, Jo is clearly still improving. Congratulations to her, and long may it continue. Tom Williams has also had another really good season, with excellent scores at Lanzarote the Bala Middle, the Outlaw, and Ripon, which put him fifteen points clear of James Ratcliffe (Black Country Tri), a former League Champion who showed a return to form to achieve third place this year. Only five leaguers topped 700 points in 2010, whereas nine did so in 2009, when Tom Williams finished in ninth in the Individual List with James Ratcliffe in 11th place. In 2009, Tom scored 708.60 points, and James 686.37, so both these leaguers improved their scores this year with Tom achieving 726.825 and James 711.477. The other two leaguers who passed the truly excellent total of 700 points were Dave Francis of Hartlepool Tri with 708.302 points, and Steve Thompson of Tri London with 702.674 points. Among those leaguers (see below) who are perhaps moving towards the magic 700 were four ladies who were among the top twenty in the Individual List. These were Amy Forshaw, with 626.824 points, Naomi Warr, 616.615 points, Lotte Carritt, 592.493 points and Olivia Hetreed 561.678 points. Counted with Jo Carritt, these ladies comprised exactly 25% of the top twenty, and as four of them compete for Tri London, it's easy to see why Tri London Ladies have had their best ever year. Details of the various other winners and placing's will appear in the next and final report for the 2010 season, but in the context of the Individual List it seems appropriate to mention here one member of the Cambridge University Tri Club who has absolutely run away with the Novices Competition – Andy Collier, who amassed a total of 688.811 points! What, I wonder, was Andy doing before he became a novice triathlete? Competing in individual swimming, cycling, and running races? Andy finished just behind John Manders of Hartlepool Tri and achieved seventh place overall, which is amazing for a novice. Could this result be signalling the presence of a future League Champion? Of course, the difference between a top ten place and being League Champion is a very hard road to travel, but as is always the case, time will tell and we'll see. That's one speculation which is appropriate here, now here's another which is perhaps somewhat inappropriate. The World Ironman Championships in Hawaii used to figure in the League List, but when our economy got into trouble recently I removed the event from the list on the grounds that it could given an important advantage at the end of the season to those who could afford to travel so far; I said I would put it back in the list when things at home improved. That may not be for some time. But some leaguers do still make the journey. Jo Carritt was there again, in spite of the heavy demands she had already made on herself this year, and so also did a member of the Cambridge University Tri Club, Lucy Gossage. There were no League to be won for either of these ladies, but both returned very good times. Lucy is not a novice, but she had had a relatively easy season compared with Jo, and just as we could be looking at someone who can sparkle in the League in Andy Collier, so could we in Lucy Gossage. Once again, we'll see. Time, as usual, is pressing, so just a few concluding points. First, as established leaguers know, I never class those who only finish one League-listed event – two is the minimum. But this year there were not only several leaguers who scored well with only two events, but also several who scored very well with just one – I'll just mention one of these, a lady who competes for Swindon Tri, and who scored 200.983 points at the Swiss Ironman. I could go on speculating like this for a long time, but I'll just say that I hope we'll see more of Claire Smith, and Lucy Gossage, and Andy Collier in the UK League. Secondly, I shall be discussing age-group winners, along with the top duathletes and novices in the final report, but how can I possibly conclude remarks on the Individual List without referring to those two outstanding 70+ members who competed in the League this year? I'm sure many of you will know who they are. They are of course Nigel Dimmock of Black Country Tri and one Kevin Robinson of Cambridge Camaro Tri. It's not easy, I'm sure you appreciate, to compete at 70+. For some of us, getting out of bed in the morning counts as training! Going up stairs counts as hill climbing, and coming down as a technical descent. So I'm delighted to be able to report that I beat Nigel this year, although I had to do four events to do it, whereas Nigel did only three, but I know he'll be out to put me in my place next year! Finally, yes, finally, one last point. There is the 'honour' of having to carry the red lantern. That task falls to Bridget Virgo of Tri London. But Bridget shouldn't be abashed. I think she's probably now a better competitor than Nigel and myself. She did only two events, and if she had done four, or even three, would probably have beaten both of us. So get your wheels spinning next year Bridget, and see what life is like in the faster lane! Kevin PROVISIONAL INDIVIDUAL TABLE POS. NAME CLUB SCORE EVENTS 1 JOANNA CARRITT IST LADY TRI LONDON 773.24 4 2 TOM WILLIAMS LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 726.83 4 3 JAMES RATCLIFFE BLACK COUNTRY TRI 711.48 4 4 DAVE FRANCIS HARTLEPOOL TRI 708.30 4 5 STEPHEN THOMPSON TRI LONDON 702.67 4 6 JOHN MANDERS HARTLEPOOL TRI 692.97 4 7 ANDY COLLIER CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 688.81 4 8 THOMAS PEOPLES DERBY TRI 688.17 4 9 RICHARD HOWARTH LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 686.19 4 10 PAUL ROGERS BLACK COUNTRY TRI 663.63 4 11 JAMIE BRUNNING CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 663.46 4 12 ADAM CHADBURN TRI LONDON 659.44 4 13 PAUL FREEMAN LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 658.41 4 14 RICHARD HAMILTON LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 657.20 4 15 AMY FORSHAW 2ND LADY TRI LONDON 639.76 4 16 KEVIN LINEHAM TRI LONDON 620.98 4 17 DARREN RIDDOUT DERBY TRI 620.49 4 18 NAOMI WARR 3RD LADY DERBY TRI 616.62 4 19 CHARLOTTE CARRITT 4TH LADY TRI LONDON 592.49 4 20 OLIVIA HETREED 5TH LADY TRI LONDON 573.07 4 21 DANNY EVANS DERBY TRI 549.43 3 22 TERRY BROOKS DERBY TRI 516.00 4 23 CHRIS NICOLL DERBY TRI 512.14 3 24 STUART CORDNER DERBY TRI 500.83 3 25 TIM ASHELFORD LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 499.61 3 26 RUTH BRADBROOK 6TH LADY BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 496.73 3 27 DAVID WILSON HARTLEPOOL TRI 481.45 3 28 STUART EMERTON DERBY TRI 472.99 3 29 DONNA EDMONDSON-BOOKER 7TH LADY LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 454.96 3 30 THOMAS SWIFT DERBY TRI 446.47 3 31 SIMON ROLFS DERBY TRI 403.07 3 32 KEVIN ROBINSON CAMBRIDGE CAMARO TRI 384.48 4 33 JAMES CRESSWELL DERBY TRI 379.45 2 34 JUSTIN ROBBINS BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 371.35 2 35 JULIAN HATCHER BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 368.44 2 36 GARY WILSON HARTLEPOOL TRI 362.00 2 37 MATTHEW NEWMAN BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 349.50 2 38 MARTYN BRUNT COVENTRY TRI 347.79 2 39 ROZALYN McGINTY 8TH LADY TRI LONDON 328.16 2 40 MARK COULDWELL DERBY TRI 324.42 2 41 ALISTAIR COOKE LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 322.81 2 41 JENNY LATHAM 9TH LADY LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 322.17 2‪ 42 LUCY GOSSAGE 10TH LADY CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 319.00 2 43 YOANN BOURGEOIS TRI LONDON 312.96 2 44 NEIL WILLIAMS BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 307.62 2 45 CHRIS KEMPTON LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 303.04 2 46 IAN KITCHING LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 303.04 2 47 EDWARD LEE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 300.62 2 48 RAY BRUNSBERG TRI LONDON 296.38 2 49 LISA GREENFIELD 11TH LADY BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 295.46 2 50 SIMON GILBERT CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 292.58 2 51 GORDON DALGARNO LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 290.10 2 52 KAREN HALLAS 12TH LADY LEEDS & BRADFORD TRI 290.07 2 53 ALISON HARDIE 13TH LADY SWINDON TRI 282.18 2 54 KATHERINE BROOMHALL 14TH LADY BRISTOL (BAD) TRI 274.69 2 55 JENNY BROWN 15TH LADY CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY TRI 260.06 2 56 RICHARD HAWKSWORTH DERBY TRI 259.36 2 57 BRIDGET VIRGO 16TH LADY TRI LONDON 248.52 2 NOTES ATHLETES WHO HAVE COMPLETED ONLY ONE LEAGUE-LISTED EVENT IN THE 2010 SEASON HAVE NOT BEEN CLASSED. PAUL McCROSSIN of Tri London may have completed four events, but as he, or someone else, was entered in two of them as Paul Martin, he has not, as yet, been classed. I have contacted Tri London about this and an identity check is, I hope, in progress. LANCE CONWAY of Tri London appears to have completed four events, but his name has not appeared in the final results of one of the events. I hope to publish the scores and placings for these two athletes in my next report, which will also include details of scores and placings in the various additional competitions.

by Quendrith Johnson, Los Angeles Correspondent

 

Somewhere in Connecticut, Bill Haber, one of the founders of CAA, got a flash that Hollywood history should ride again. To that end, he contacted four-time Emmy winning documentary veteran Jon Wilkman and the rest is "A History of Hollywood."

 

Set to air Nov. 1 through mid-December, "MOGULS & MOVIE STARS: A HISTORY OF HOLLYWOOD" will unspool every Monday night at 8 PM (ET) on Turner Classic Movies (TCM). Academy Award Nominee Christopher Plummer narrates this seven-part series.

 

"Moguls" provides not only a bird's eye view into the founding of the film business, but it offers a chance for film buffs to test their skills. Divided into distinct eras, from 1889 to 1969, the series dares you to guess who'll be included and keep track of things missing.Luckily Wilkman, who researched, wrote and directed this piece of newly minted Hollywood memorabilia, knows his Kinoscope from his Biograph. 

 

Mrs. Thomas Alva Edison is depicted as screening the first flickering images for her "Ladies Club" based on her husband's "new invention." W. K. L. Dickinson, Edison's assistant, is shown in the very first pantomimes captured in light. There's even vintage footage of a Victorian clad woman named Alice Guy Blanche making a synch sound picture 22 years before Jolson in "The Jazz Singer." 

 

"The movies did not come from nowhere," as they say, and "Moguls" runs the gamut from the science and art dating back to Greece and perfected in France to the invention of B-movies.

 

TCM's own Robert Osborne joins a list of film historians, directors, producers, surviving mogul offspring, and critics tapped for insider information. Sidney Lumet, Peter Bogdanovich, Gore Vidal, and Molly Haskell speak to the Hollywood of their experience while second-generation moguls Richard Zanuck and Samuel Goldwyn, Jr., Jack Warner's grandson Greg Orr and Daniel Mayer Selznick all offer touching personal perspectives on an industry that by now has almost become unrecognizable to most of its founders.

 

Commentary from Osborne, Molly Haskell, U of T's Tom Schatz, Peter Biskind, once mega-mogul Peter Guber, producer David Brown, George Stevens, Jr., and the very fine mind of legendary film maven Pauline Kael, flesh out the story of the movies as we know them today. What lingers from this series is not how much Hollywood has changed, but how much it remains a mercurial and transitioning business based on a few outlandish ideas... like pay-per-view and 3-D.

 

"Peepshows & Pioneers" (1889-1907) kicks off the run of episodes with the boys from Back East, most by way of Staten Island: Louis B. Mayer, Carl Laemmle, William Fox, D. W. Griffith. "The Birth of Hollywood" (1907-1920) demarcates the formal start of "show business" with Jesse Lasky, Samuel Goldwyn, Cecil B. Demille, and Mack Sennett profiled up to the Roaring 20's. THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY's importance as a chock-a-block money-making eye-opener is made clear. The next installment, chronicling 1920 to 1928 is aptly called "The Dream Merchants."

 

Seminal movie stars Mary Pickford, Charlie Chaplin, Greta Garbo and Clara Bow debut in "Dream Merchants," but the scope of what the industry would become is truly sketched out in "brother Can You Spare a Dream?" Wilkman follows this new burgeoning revenue stream right through the Great Depression, and focuses a keylight on Oscar Micheaux, an African-American filmmaker who carved his own place as a counterpoint to "Birth of a Nation" stereotypes. Frank Capra, Katharine Hepburn, Shirley Temple, Mae West, The Marx Bros., Fred Astaire, and the accepted panoply of stars of the period are also explored in some rarely seen footage.

 

"Warriors and Peacemakers" details the wartime and post-WWII world Hollywood helped shape from 1941-1950. Next, "Attack of the Small Screens" (1956-1960) weaves film era lows (Sen. McCarthy's "Black List") with television's increasing new highs. 

 

This series underscores how TV was much more than an upstart medium with distinctly different aspect ratios and demographics. Wilkman illustrates how the movie moguls had to bow down to the small screen from the very beginning. Lucille Ball and Desilu Productions are rightly shown in the context of a B-List movie star making A-List bank in broadcast.

 

"Fade In, Fade Out" rounds out the series with a hard look at the shudders that went through the "glamorous" self-image Hollywood had created for itself when, from 1960 to 1969, race riots, political assassinations, and the Counterculture ripped a hole in the American Dream.

 

Here's what Jon Wilkman shared recently in an exclusive interview about his (and CAA founder Bill Haber's) new series, "MOGULS & MOVIE STARS: A HISTORY OF HOLLYWOOD" for TCM:

 

Q: What was the first movie you saw, that blew you away? 

 

A: That's a great question -- I would not say 'blew me away,' but opened my eyes to the fact that movies could be more than just fun. I would say there were two movies from the 1950's that did that for me. 

One was THE DEFIANT ONES, and the other was BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK. About that same time I started seeing some of the foreign films, the Bergman films, things like that.  I just (thought) this is more than fun and games, this is thought-provoking.

Mainly as a kid, I went to the Jerry Lewis movies, and the Abbott & Costello's, and I went to the movies that were popular.

 

Q: Did you picture yourself being in the business? Or, when did you make that leap from 'these are amazing' to 'wow, I could do this'?

 

A: Again, I'm dating myself, but when I was a kid, watching television, I loved "Studio One" and "Playhouse 90." But more than anything else, I loved a series called "Omnibus" with Alistair Cooke. What was great about it was that it was a mixture of performance, informational documentaries, and that really started me thinking about documentaries and wanting to do that.

Another series was on CBS, "A History of the 20th Century." Irony of ironies, I found myself after graduating from college working on that series. That's were I started and were I learned. It taught you to have the highest standards, because in those days, CBS was known as "The Tiffany Network."

I worked as a researcher in the documentary unit -- it was kind of like the great era of the Studios that people talk about -- we were there to do interesting and informative and entertaining work. We were serious about what we were doing.

 

Q:  What's your greatest Walter Cronkhite story?

 

A: Oh, Walter was a wonderful man, he really was. He was as he appeared. I'll tell you one story, it's a long one. A number of years later, when I was President of the International Documentary Association, we decided to give Walter an award. And I hadn't seen him for a while, and there was a question as to whether he would accept this award and come out for it.

When he got out (to LA), I said 'what are you going to talk about.' He said 'I'd just like to tell some anecdotes and stories.' He said 'I have this one funny story I tell all the time. I had this young assistant, and we were doing a story on Open-Heart Surgery. In the middle of this surgery, the young assistant faints.' He said it was 'funny as hell because we had to stop the operation.' 

I looked at him, and I said 'Walter. That was me!' He said 'THAT was you?'

 

Q: Going from The Tiffany Network to forming your own production company, what made you split from CBS?

 

A: It was a gutsy thing to do, frankly. CBS was very much driven by a traditional journalism, although Edward R. Murrow was long gone, it was a reporter's world. But in the 60's a new (trend) emerged, they called it 'cinema verite,' it was free-er. I was very attracted to that, and it was very unlikely CBS was going to adopt that style. That's why I left. I had my own series in New York, won a couple of Emmy's. I wanted to be less of a traditional journalist and more of a filmmaker/documentarian. 

 

Q: In talking about cinema verite, are you referring to something like TWO-LANE BLACKTOP, where realism crept into the making of movies? That style of filmmaking? Something that shook up the Hollywood establishment?

 

A: TWO-LANE is not really cinema verite, but documentaries had a huge influence on American filmmakers, certainly Goddard. People don't give documentaries enough credit for its influence in the 60's, particularly the loose look of film, the hand-held, all that. My basic emphasis has pretty much always been documentaries. I loved the idea of confronting and grappling with the real world -- whereas you could make a feature film where you could design a character and narrative to capture a story.

In documentary, you have to use the raw materials to capture the story. You use what you have in front of you. I found that much more challenging as a filmmaker. I didn't have the excuse that a feature filmmaker has 'well, that's just the story!' If the characters didn't seem real in a documentary, then I failed. I had no excuse. It's your job to capture reality.

 

Q: For MOGULS & MOVIE STARS, did you come to Turner with the titles, dates and episodes already in place?

 

A: No. The way the project started was that the executive producer Bill Haber was the co-founder of Creative Artists Agency (CAA), a man with deep roots in Hollywood. He was CAA's TV (Head) Agent. We had met about 25 years ago when he had seen something I did on CBS that he liked very much.

Bill called up and said 'I've always wanted to do a history of the movies. Turner Classic Movies wants to do, so let's do it.'

 

Q: Ovitz didn;t come after him? Just kidding. The titles of these episodes are fantastic -- who did you approach for this, what libraries, because the footage is excellent.

 

A: We didn't want to do typical thing, a collection of great scenes from the movies, we wanted to go deeper -- to show how Hollywood become "Hollywood." How did it function? Who were the players that moved things to make the movies that we all know, also, how does Hollywood relate to the periods in history?

So we wanted to get the best story-tellers and biographers. That's why we have Sam Goldwyn, Jr., Richard Zanuck. That's why we have George Stevens, Jr. -- and the 100-year-old niece of Carl Laemmle, Carla Laemmle. She grew up on the Universal Lot in the 1920's. We also have James Zukor, the grandson of Adolph Zukor (founder of Paramount). They knew this story first-hand, shared family photos.

That's something we really wanted to do, not only for general audiences to find this entertaining and informative, but we wanted filmmakers to look at this and say 'this is the way it is.'

 

Q: Did you take a look at the "That's Entertainment" movies, or any other sort of sweeping coverage of Hollywood to get a sense of the format for this?

 

A: Of course, I'd seen those films, and a series made about 30 years ago called "The History of Hollywood Pioneers" by Kevin Brownlow, which is a great series. Those are great,but they are collections of the great scenes.

 

Q: You mean more eye candy than history?

 

A: You want eye candy, those wonderful musical numbers that are fun to watch. And the reminiscences are fun to watch, but we wanted to be more analytical. We wanted viewers, not matter how much they know about movies, to, at the end of this, say 'not only did I learn some stuff I didn't know, but I saw some stuff I did know. Now I see it in a different light. A different angle; I see more to it, a historic perspective.' Even if they just get 'the real story' of CASABLANCA.

 

Q: Well, when you're calling up a sound-synch film from 1905 shot by a woman, you know your stuff!

 

A: There is so much glitter in the glowing world of Hollywood as we know it, but Hollywood is a very cruel place. A very tough place. A very competitive place. Wonderful and entertaining, but a business based on dollars and cents. Movie stars are a product too, and I wanted to make sure while we celebrate these musical magical moments, that we saw the underbelly of the business. It's struggle between commerce and creativity.

 

Q: The blood, sweat, and tears you mean? But you didn't want to be like Kenneth Anger with HOLLYWOOD BABYLON, right?

 

A: No, but that's very interesting, because Clara Bow is one of our characters. What we do throughout the series is choose the important figures, whether they are actors, directors or moguls, but we chose them for what they represented. Clara Bow was a perfect example of cruelty of Hollywood. 

 

Q: She was the "IT" girl?

 

A: Yes. And during the Depression, she looked obscene with her excess and the press that had loved her turned on her with a vengeance. The way the history works out is that when Marilyn Monroe dies, someone finds Clara Bow and asks her about it. She says 'it's hard when you are hurt and bewildered.' She understood Marilyn Monroe, they were sisters in a way, in the business.

These great artists, creatives like Mary Pickford and D. W. Griffith, suffer as the world changes. That's another part of the story we tell. This is a very ephemeral medium. 

We talk in the series about Cary Grant. At the end of his life, he says 'I wish I was Cary Grant.' It's like Marilyn Monroe, you're loved as a sex goddess, but it's the image they love, not the person.

 

Q: What did you find in archives, or while researching this series, that was most moving for you? I'm sure it must have opened doors that were unusual for you, even though you are an expert.

 

A: We found people who were under-represented. Oscar Micheaux, the African-American filmmaker (early 20's - 1940's), really represents the power of the movies. Because he got inspired to make movies by seeing BIRTH OF A NATION. Black viewers were not seeing themselves accurately depicted on screen. He said 'I think we can find an audience out there.'

The movies should include everyone, depicted fairly. He started making movies, showing them in tiny towns.

 

Q: Tyler Perry has been shaking up the box office and everybody was shaking their heads for a while. It sounds familiar.

 

A: Tyler Perry is the (Hollywood) great god-son of Oscar Michaeux, and I bet he knows who Oscar Micheaux is! It is exactly that story -- 'I know my audience, it's not being fully served, and I am going to make those films.' 

In the 60's, as the blacks became more assertive and visible, Sidney Poitier led the way.

 

Q: The irony there is that movies "begin" with Al Jolson in black face mocking his own origins --

 

A: Yeah. "The Jazz Singer" is really the story of a young Orthodox Jew who wants to sing jazz. That's what these moguls wanted to do, sing their own songs, do business their way.

 

Q: What did you learn through the years, each time period, you marked off in the series? Did you have an 'ah-ha' moment that stays with you?

 

A: I think it's the way the movies morphed to survive challenges: sound, the Great Depression, radio, TV. The moguls were able to change and grow, evolve and thrive. We end the series when the studios are broken up and sold off and there's a lot of uncertainty, like there is now.

I think we really wanted people to see the parallels to now, with (the digital age). There are a lot of similarities. The business is changing again.

 

"MOGULS & MOVIE STARS: A HISTORY OF HOLLYWOOD" debuts Nov. 1 at 8 PM on TCM and runs through Dec. 

 

# # #

 

Though he is not as well-known as Marvin Gaye or James Brown, I'd nominate Solomon Burke, who died on Sunday aged 70, as the greatest soul singer of all time

Some things we can all agree on. The greatest footballer of all time? Pele. The greatest movie actor? Brando. The greatest boxer? Ali. When it comes to the question of the greatest soul singer, we will forever be arguing deep into the night. Sam Cooke or Clyde McPhatter? Marvin Gaye or Aretha Franklin? James Carr, Bobby Bland, Etta James, Percy Sledge, Levi Stubbs, OV Wright, James Brown, Bettye LaVette, Smokey Robinson, Dusty Springfield, Ray Charles, Don Covay, Tammi Terrell, Curtis Mayfield, Donny Hathaway, David Ruffin, Irma Thomas, Jackie Wilson, Roberta Flack … Whichever names are proposed, every last one of them has to reckon with the mighty, mighty Solomon Burke.

I came to him late. With the arrogance of youth I assumed that I knew all there was to know about the soul greats. Burke somehow slipped through the net, his name only familiar to me as a songwriting credit on the Rolling Stones' version of Everybody Needs Somebody to Love. One morning in 1983 I visited a friend's house in north London. A Solomon Burke compilation was spinning on the turntable. Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms) was blasting out. I stood transfixed. Anguish had never been rendered so beautifully. I'd never heard a voice that combined religious intensity with such natural poise. This was pure emotion, the embodiment of soul music. I was an instant convert.

I first saw him perform in 1984. The previous 15 years had not been kind to him or his reputation. Having arrived at Atlantic Records in 1961 just as Ray Charles was leaving, Burke enjoyed a stupendous run of hits (Cry to Me, Down in the Valley, If You Need Me, The Price) without ever delivering the solid-gone signature song that would make his name universally renowned. Years of decline followed, a period he would call "throne in exile". In 1980, when he called up Jerry Wexler to complain that The Blues Brothers movie had attributed his Everybody Needs Somebody to Love to Wilson Pickett, Atlantic's founder expressed amazement that Burke was still alive. That's how far his stock had fallen.

In 1984 he released a much-vaunted comeback album, Soul Alive, a terrific live set, and I happened to be in New York when he arrived to promote it. The venue was a shabby supper club in one of the roughest parts of town. There were 20 people present, including the staff. Burke, wearing his customary crown and cape, simply stormed it. I've never seen anyone so monumentally possessed on a stage, not even Little Richard comes close. After multiple encores he retreated to a tiny backstage dressing-room and I dutifully followed, keen to pay my respects. At this time Burke weighed in at much less than the 30 stone he eventually ballooned into. Even so, he filled the entire room with his bulk and his presence. We started talking. He had all the time in the world. For the next hour he regaled me with stories. About the time he fled a Philadelphia lunatic asylum where he was employed, making his escape to California on a horse and wagon. About the time he worked on a meat market with Chubby Checker. About the time he hung out with Richard Nixon on Sammy Davis Jr's yacht. About the time he was accidentally booked to play a Ku Klux Klan rally in Mississippi, somehow winning over the 30,000 crowd and playing three encores. I've never met anyone funnier, before or since. As Burke talked, he munched away on a large plate of pork chop sandwiches. Ever the gent he offered me one. I gently explained I was a vegetarian. Burke winked and said, "If you don't tell I won't tell". What was a poor boy to do? How could you refuse the offer of a pork chop sandwich from Solomon Burke?

The last time we spoke was in 2006. He was smack in the middle of a late-career renaissance that had begun with Don't Give Up On Me in 2002. He retold many of the same stories, with some delicious extra detail thrown in for good measure. Who was I to complain? "Will people remember me when I'm gone?" he asked me as our interview ended. He seemed genuinely concerned that he'd quickly be forgotten. "You'll be remembered," I told him, "as long as people listen to music. And you'll be remembered as one of the greats." He chuckled loud and long at that, apparently convinced.

Whether it's true, as Burke often claimed, that the term "soul music" was first coined for him … well, it might as well be true. What the hell? I'll nominate him as the greatest soul singer of all time. Argue it out among yourselves.

I have learned early on when I started to write Music Reviews, that it wasn't a good idea to prejudge a CD on whether or not you were going to like it, just because of it perhaps being a style you were not quite enthusiastic about. For the rare time that I did think I wasn't going to care for a CD, it always came back to bite me by being one of the better CD's I had heard in a while. Such is the case with with Charles Walker's Dynamic New Release "Soul Stirring Thing".

Charles Walker has been belting out his music for along time now and to this day is still considered to be one of the best soul singers out there. His fabled career started with recording in the late 50's with the Champion Label and then progressed to Chess Records and Motown, where he became very well known for his live performances as he burned through the Blues, Gospel, and Soul, like no other before him. Throughout his career he has opened for many of the greats such as , James Brown, , Wilson Pickett, Jackie Wilson, Otis Redding, Etta James, and Sam Cooke, to name just a few. He also played many of the great nightclubs, including the Apollo Theater.

After stints in Las Vegas and Atlantic City Walker did what many early performers did, he headed to Europe to continue his career. Returning to America in 1993, he once again headed to Nashville, which at that time was a Mecca for Blues and R&B. Soon after he hooked up with The Dynamites, becoming their lead singer. It was from that union that both The Dynamites and Charles Walker grew to the Natonal Celebrities they are today.

"Soul Stirring Thing" consists of 14 Tracks of some of the best Soulful Blues Music out there today. "Soul Stirring Thing" clocks in at around 66 minutes making for the best hour and a bit of time you could have possible wasted. Of the 14 Tracks, 4 were co-written by Walker, showing us even more how talented Charles Walker is.

"Soul Stirring Thing" starts out with the title track and from that moment on you know you are hooked into listening to the rest of this Album and you are very happy you are. The second Track, "There Is Nothing I Can Do", slows it down a bit and in doing so it allows you to fully appreciate how wonderful Walker's singing is. Most of the songs are slower ones that showcase Walker at his best and that is when he is belting out the Soulful Blues.

Accompaning Walker on "Soul Stirring Thing", are an absolutely stunning lineup featuring, Fred James (Guitar/ Bass/Drums/Background Vocals), Brian Earheart (Organ), and Mary-Ann Brandon (Background Vocals). These artist all work together for the good of Album and in doing so bring their own special brightness to this Release.

"Soul Stirring Thing", for all intensive purposes, is one of the finest Soulful Blues/R&B Albums you will find in todays marketplace. Fans of this type of Music are going to love this release, after all, I did and I am not that big of a fan.

Of note, I must mention the stirring Liner Notes which were written by Fred James as they really do an excellent job of introducing us to the magic that is Charles Walker.

"Soul Stirring Thing" is a Recommended CD Release... Thoroughly Enjoyed It...

Review By John Vermilyea (Blues Underground Network)

Additional Info Here... http://www.bluesundergroundnetwork.com/Charles_Walker_CD.html

Jonathan Franzen's Freedom, Wait for Me! by Deborah Devonshire and John le Carré's Our Kind of Traitor

After the rapturous American reception of Jonathan Franzen's Freedom, including two raves in the New York Times, British reviewers, unable to wait for publication, have so far been more measured. Most enthusiastic was the London Evening Standard's Sarah Sands, who found in Franzen's "almost perfectly written" family saga "an emotional grandeur worthy of Tolstoy", and "the best portrait of a marriage I can remember reading". The novel is "both a page-turner and a work of art," she concluded, displeased only with the story's politico-historical backdrop. "This novel has been launched on a tsunami of hype," began the Sunday Times's Peter Kemp, who also spotted that it "nudges you to note affinities with Tolstoy". But his verdict was that "Freedom isn't War and Peace for our times – rather, it's great expectations not entirely fulfilled"; he liked Franzen's satirical scenes, but complained that the "overview of warring freedoms in America is constantly obscured by a fixation on depression". Freedom is "not without faults", agreed Hari Kunzru who found in the Financial Times that "Franzen's wish to tackle complex questions through the medium of the realist novel sometimes feels strained", but "it seems certain to enhance, rather than diminish, its author's reputation."

Star reviewers bagged Wait for Me! Memoirs of the Youngest Mitford Sister by Deborah Devonshire, but not all were charmed. The Sunday Times's Lynn Barber groaned that "I seem to have been reading books on the subject for about 1,000 years." Craig Brown, in the Mail on Sunday, wrongfooted readers by acknowledging "many of us would feel an overwhelming sense of relief if we were never to read anything further about Muv and Farve and Aunt Pussy and Nanny Blor", but ended up celebrating "a greatest hits medley of all those Mitford stories", calling the book "for the most part . . . irresistible, even for Mitphobes like me". The Observer's Rachel Cooke challenged "all you Mitford haters" to acknowledge the attraction of the duchess's "uniquely Mitford-esque sensibility: loving but unsentimental; devoid of self-pity; unwilling to bore others with her own travails; able to find the ridiculous in almost anything". The Times's Diane Athill, as yet the nonagenarian duchess's only nonagenarian reviewer, found the memoir "very enjoyable" but condemned the "moral obtusenessness" of its soft treatment of Debo's fascist-loving sisters, Unity and Diana.

Another senior author, 78-year-old John le Carré, met with a largely positive response too. "Le Carré at his best . . . not a hair out of place," huzzahed the Times's Peter Millar, reviewing Our Kind of Traitor. James Naughtie, in the Sunday Telegraph , singled out the "crackling" language of this tale of a Russian money-launderer looking to defect; the thriller eloquently reflected "the depths of the author's discomfort and anger at the world", and "the set-piece confrontations and the moments when the story turns on its axis are handled with the old magic". "Though easy to mistake for an idiosyncratic and rarefied old man's novel," wrote John Dugdale in the Sunday Times, "in quizzically bringing together the Russian mafia and the banking crisis it slyly outscores younger men's output in journalistic topicality." The Independent's Boyd Tonkin remarked that Le Carré, when portraying City types, "hates these guys too much to let them breathe on the page . . . [settling for] cartoon villains and broad brush-strokes".

Filed under: Exclusives, Music

What happens when you marry magnificent music with beautiful beaches, friendly people and decadent cuisine? You get the North Sea Jazz Festival on the Dutch island of Curacao.

One of the Caribbean's best kept secrets, Curacao is part of the Caribbean's Netherland Antilles Islands and is positioned between Aruba and Bonaire and is just 35 miles north of Venezuela.

North Sea Jazz Festival - the Rolls Royce of international music festivals - presented its debut festival in Curacao at the World Trade Center in Piscadera Bay over Labor Day Weekend. Renowned for its festival in Rotterdam, Netherlands, North Sea Jazz Festival has a three-year deal in Curacao to execute the two-day music celebration.

Fusing jazz, R&B, salsa, pop and world music, Curacao North Sea Jazz Festival was headlined by artists like John Legend, Lionel Richie, Natalie Cole, George Benson, Roy Hargrove, Simply Red, Raul Midon, Sergio Mendes and Luis Enrique, among others.

"This island has got it going on. I'm going back to the US and telling the people y'all have it going on down here," Benson told the Curacao crowd. "Your buildings are great; this place has developed so much from the time I was here about a year ago. God has been good to you all in Curacao."

Two nights of overlapping concerts were performed on three distinctive stages - the trio of venues were named after Sam Cooke, Ella Fitzgerald and Duke Ellington and showed videos of the respective music icons on monitors between concert sets.

More than half of the 20,000-plus people who attended the debut Curacao North Sea Jazz Festival were tourists from Holland and Denmark, though they aim to reach more U.S. patrons. Having attended numerous music festivals in many countries and on countless Caribbean island, North Sea Jazz is one of the most organized and smoothly operated music gatherings by far!

Apparently Tom Cruise and wife Katie Holmes, as well as Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have all recently vacationed on the island of Curacao! While BV Buzz was there, we ran into actor Idris Elba and singer Jason Champion of Men at Large and his lovely wife, singer Paula Champion.

For more information on the North Sea Jazz Festival, go to: http://www.curacaonorthseajazz.com/en/
WHERE TO STAY: While visiting Curacao for the North Sea Jazz Festival, BV Buzz stayed at the brand new Hyatt Regency Curacao Golf Resort, Spa and Marina. This immaculately-made resort sits on 27 acres of land surrounding Table Mountain and in the midst of a spectacular golf course covering 7,000 yards. The property sits where the Caribbean Sea and Spanish Water Bay meet, offering a balanced option of either rough or calm waters on different sides of the private beach.

The Hyatt Regency features 350 guestrooms and 15 suites, while offering an assortment of amenities at its Atabei Spa, tennis and a variety of water sports. The hotel houses three dining establishments including a poolside restaurant SWIM, a Mediterranean-inspired restaurant called MEDI, and the divine seafood restaurant, SHOR. The Hyatt Regency Curacao Golf Resort, Spa and Marina truly offers paradise on earth! For details, visit http://curacao.hyatt.com


For related stories, read: 'Island Jazz: Chaka Khan & Erykah Badu Headline Festival in Tobago'

& 'Caribbean King: Tyler Perry Brings Hollywood Hoopla To The Bahamas.'

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Part two, the top ten of Observer Food Monthly's countdown

• Part 1: See who else made it into the top 50

Our panel of judges: Raymond Blanc, Bill Buford, Rachel Cooke, Monty Don, Fuchsia Dunlop, Fergus Henderson, Mark Hix, Simon Hopkinson, Atul Kochar, Prue Leith, Thomasina Miers, Tom Parker-Bowles, Jay Rayner, David Thompson and the OFM team

10 GREAT DISHES OF THE WORLD Robert Carrier
(Marshall Cavendish, 1963)

Good cookery books capture the culinary zeitgeist; truly great cookery books shape it. Few are as important or, frankly, as indispensable as Carrier's Great Dishes of the World, which gently explained to a Britain for whom the memories of rationing were still fresh, that there really was a world of food beyond their shores. Carrier delivered fabulously detailed and uncompromising recipes for the likes of beef stroganoff and bouillabaisse. The writer's attention to detail , and commitment to getting it right, is obvious on every page and explains why the books has endured. Carrier, who died in 2006, continued to update Great Dishes, and it remained in print for years. Though the colour plates now have a certain kitsch quality there is no doubting its reach or ambition. As well as roaming far and wide across Europe there were also recipes from China, India, the Middle East and Caribbean. Even so there's no doubting that its heart really belongs to France. Jay Rayner

9 SICHUAN COOKERY Fuchsia Dunlop
(Penguin, 2003)

Before I had finished even half of Fuchsia Dunlop's introduction to her first cookbook, I was kicking myself for knowing so little about such a diverse and clearly delicious food region that's as big as France and more populous than Britain. Her entertaining descriptions of her time spent cooking in Chendung's famous cooking school combined with her simple, concise translations of what she learned made me yearn to start cooking immediately. I was in Chinatown a few days later, loading up on ingredients, though many are readily available in good supermarkets.

The recipes veer from the incredibly simple, such as stir-fried potato slithers with chillies to the more elaborate, such as dry-braised fish with pork in spicy sauce. Clear chapters cover cold food, poultry, fish dishes and street food. The vegetable chapter includes a recipe for fish-fragrant aubergine that is so simple and yet so good that it would convert anyone to Sichuan food. Concise sections detail most common ingredients and different cooking methods. You're left aching to visit the region, just to learn more. Thomasina Miers

8 THE CLASSIC ITALIAN COOKBOOK Marcella Hazan
(Papermac, 1973)

Marcella Hazan often gets the blame for the craze for balsamic vinegar, and she has been known to complain people use it far too much. But in other matters, her influence has only ever been benign. Hazan, knowing that some pastas are most definitely not best made at home, has made cooks everywhere feel truly proud of their jars of dried spaghetti. She has also, down the years, encouraged them to chuck out their garlic presses, and use instead the blade of a knife to crush our cloves. Best of all, she has taught us to elevate what we used to call spaghetti sauce to the status of ragu, an altogether more sophisticated beast. We know now to add milk to it, and nutmeg and, if we are feeling really chi-chi, we can throw in some chicken livers, too, and call it 'ragu di fegatini'.

The Classic Italian Cookbook was published in 1973 in America, where Hazan taught cookery in her New York apartment. Then, in 1980, it was adapted for a British audience by Anna del Conte, at which point she won herself a whole lot of new fans, plus an Andre Simon Award. It is a very good book indeed: comprehensive, straightforward, with recipes that really work. If you want to know how to make proper risotto, minestrone, or lasagne, this is where to look. But it includes other delicious things, too: pot-roasted squab, stewed rabbit, braised oxtail. As Hazan notes, the Italians like to describe such dishes as "un bocone da cardinale", or a "morsel for a cardinal". We don't know too many cardinals, but we know what she means: this is gloriously tasty food, to be cooked for those you really love. Rachel Cooke

7 THAI FOOD David Thompson
(Pavillion Books, 2002)

Australian chef David Thompson first went to Thailand almost accidentally when some holiday plans fell through, and was smitten by the country and its food. He moved to Bangkok, where he studied in the kitchens of people skilled in the noble arts of traditional cookery, pored over the memorial books that documented palace recipes, and explored the food sold on the streets. He originally promised his publisher a small book on Thai snacks, disappeared for years of intensive and obsessive research, and finally came up with this remarkable and comprehensive study of Thailand's culinary traditions. (With characteristic irony, he mentions in his acknowledgments that writing it was 'an interesting, prolonged experience'.) Within its gorgeous pink covers, you will find information cultural, geographical, historical, spiritual and culinary, not to mention a vast collection of recipes that range from street food through palace cooking, to exquisite desserts. It's a book of rare depth and complexity, demanding and exotic, and one that opened the door to a new appreciation of Thai cookery among readers of the English language. Fuchsia Dunlop

6 ENGLISH FOOD Jane Grigson
(Ebury Press, 1974)

The great Jane Grigson, the Observer's food writer from 1968 until her death in 1990, was also the author of many wonderful cookbooks. It's perhaps debatable which is the best of these, but the one for which she will always be most celebrated is English Food. As the critic Fay Maschler put it: "She restored pride to the subject of English food and gave evidence that there is a valid regional quality still extant in this somewhat beleaguered cuisine."

English Food (it contains recipes from Wales, too) is undoubtedly a work of scholarship: carefully researched, wide-ranging and extremely particular. But it is also contains hundreds of excellent recipes, the vast majority of them short, precise and foolproof. Who could resist poached turbot with shrimp sauce, or a properly made Cornish pasty? As for the puddings, Grigson delivers recipes for some of our favourite ever: Yorkshire curd tart, brown bread ice cream, queen of puddings, and Sussex pond pudding. There is also an excellent – and blissfully long – section on teatime: every possible cake and bun is here in all their sugary, buttery glory. Rachel Cooke

5 ROAST CHICKEN AND OTHER STORIES Simon Hopkinson with Lindsey Bareham
(Ebury Press, 1994)

Simon Hopkinson is not a great cook because of his mastery of technique, though he has that by the bucketful. Nor is it his flair for innovation that makes him; even he would say his food cleaves tightly to the great European traditions. What defines him is his exquisite good taste. Nowhere is that better demonstrated than in this cleanly written, utterly reliable, delicious book. It is organised by ingredient – A is for anchovy, B is for Brains, P is for pork pieces and bacon bits – with a short essay on each. Then come the recipes, be it the roast chicken of the title – the trick is to rub it with butter and then squeeze over the juice of a lemon – one of his beloved tripe stews, or his saffron mash, pretty much the only dish he claims as his own invention. Pleasingly there is a direct link in this book back to the great Elizabeth David with recipes that she first introduced to these shores, such as the saffron soup with mussels or the heart stopping St Émilion au chocolat, refined for a modern palate. Jay Rayner

4 KITCHEN DIARIES Nigel Slater
(4th Estate, 2005)

Nigel Slater is the Philip Roth of food. The towering writer of his generation by whom all others are judged. Or simply "a bloody genius", according to Jamie Oliver. Real Fast Food is Slater's Portnoy's Complaint, the bold and brilliant arrival, packed with precocious appetites and ideas, that changed for ever the thought of what to do with food in the cupboard or fridge. But Kitchen Diaries is the full flowering of a mature talent, with a clear knowledge of who he is, where he comes from and what he wants to say.

Moving on from Richard Olney's defining understanding of seasonality, Diaries places food back in the heart of the British home, the garden, the market, the farm. "Roast rhubarb on a January morning; pick-your-own strawberries in June; a piece of chicken on a grill on an August evening; a pot-roast pigeon on a damp October afternoon." The concept was simple but game-changing. British food from now on would celebrate the right food at the right time. Open it on any page (but start, say, with 1 January on page 4) and savour the simple beauty of the recipes and the writing. Allan Jenkins

3 THE BOOK OF JEWISH FOOD Claudia Roden
(Penguin, 1996)

Cairo-born Roden has published many great recipe books, and there are few who can touch her knowledge of the Mediterranean and Middle East. But it is The Book Of Jewish Food which will stand as her masterpiece. In truth it is less a cookbook than a cultural over view of the entire Jewish diaspora, with appropriate recipes attached. It is a mark of just how reliable a piece of scholarship it is that, on publication, it was greeted with almost universal acclaim; a rare achievement for any work wading into the notoriously rancorous Jewish community. Every page and, more important, every recipe bursts with the vigour of a people that spent 2,000 years on the move. The dishes of the Sephardic Jews of North Africa and Spain are as rich and varied as you would expect of a writer who made her name with the food of the Middle East. Here are instructions for Iraqi date-filled pies, Tunisian couscous cakes and quinces in wine. More compelling still is her codifying of the eastern European Ashkenazi tradition: her irrefutable instructions for perfect chopped liver, latkes, gefilte fish and the rest. Any edition of this book is a joy, but the beautifully illustrated American version, published by Knopf, is particularly special. Jay Rayner

2 FRENCH PROVINCIAL COOKING Elizabeth David
(Penguin, 1960)

Elizabeth David came to me somewhat late, in cookery calendar terms. My mother, a very good cook indeed, had not, to my knowledge, a book of hers anywhere in the house when I was fettling away at the Aga in my early to late teens. Cordon Bleu, yes. Dad's dog-eared EP Veerasawmy paperback for his curries, indeed. But no Elizabeth David. It was not until I was 21 years old when friends in West Wales gave me a set of her Penguin paperbacks for my birthday, hoping that they may further inspire me in the kitchen of my little restaurant by the sea. Although I had already worked in a French restaurant and eaten in France with my parents, nothing compared to that which I was to learn and devour from French Provincial Cooking. Nothing had previously evoked such a sense of place and time with the richest prose. It was and remains, intoxicating. The recipe for poitrine d'agneau Sainte Ménéhould is a case in point, where this meagre, though supremely flavoursome joint, is quietly poached with aromatics, cooled, carefully divested of its flacid, corset-like bones and excess fat, it is then pressed between weighted plates, or some such. Once firm, this now flat cut is sliced into thick strips, smeared with mustard, beaten egg and coated with breadcrumbs. Gently grilled, or fried till crisp – not 'crispy', a description Elizabeth David abhorred. This is a remarkably good plate of food. Simon Hopkinson

1 THE FRENCH MENU COOKBOOK Richard Olney
(Ten Speed Press, 1970)

On a summer afternoon at his home in Provence in 1999, the American food writer Richard Olney went to lie down after a light lunch, and never woke up. He was 72, and had led an interesting and fulfilling life (his friends included the writer James Baldwin, the poet John Ashbery, and the painter John Craxton). He had also, unlike many people, been able to cook his own last meal. The story goes that when his brothers arrived to arrange the funeral, they found a plate and a glass by the sink. The plate contained traces of a tomato pilaff; the glass, red wine. The remaining pilaff was in the fridge. The brothers took it out, heated it up, and toasted him before tucking in.

This pilaff tells you everything you need to know about Olney. People favour risottos now, but before there was risotto, there was pilaff: buttery rice mixed with onions, garlic and tomatoes that have first been fried in olive oil. If the tomatoes are good and fresh, the oil sufficiently grassy, and the onions just so, this is the food of the gods. Olney was a hugely accomplished and knowledgeable cook, but his mantra was simplicity and, in this sense, he was ahead of the times. When The French Menu was first published in 1970, its determinedly seasonal approach was considered revolutionary. Four years later, he published Simple French Food, and his reputation was sealed.

Some read Olney for his uncompromising style alone. His sentences are longer than a prize pike; his salads are "composed", not tossed. Others like the way he pairs every dish with a wine. But it's his menus that really slay you. Olney lived alone, but he was a generous host, and his friends must have considered themselves truly lucky. Imagine a friend who cooked you sorrel soup, followed by frito misto, pheasant salmis with ceps, and an orange jelly. Or crayfish mousse, ravioli of chicken breast, roast leg of venison and moulded coffee custard. Or, perhaps best of all, cucumber salad, baked lobster, braised and roasted partridge, and fresh figs with raspberry cream. With this raspberry cream, we quietly rest our case. Rachel Cooke

By: Salamishah Tillet

During the second half of the 20th century, cosmopolitan Ethiopians were delighted to see jazz giant Duke Ellington receive their country's Medal of Honor from Emperor Haile Selassie. At the same time, by contrast, a Berklee College of Music-trained Ethiopian jazz legend, Mulatu Astatke, who fused jazz and funk with his country's folk and Coptic Church melodies, was unknown in the United States.

In the 1960s, as the tastes of American jazz fans shifted from bebop to avant-garde, Ethiopian musicians were establishing a tradition whose compositions are just reaching American ears. Why did it take so long for this riveting, emotionally charged music to arrive?

Ethiopian musicians like Astatke, singer Alemayehu Eshete, and guitarist and arranger Girma Beyene have devoted their lives to blending Ethiopia's traditional five tones per octave, or pentatonic scale, with Western chords. Listening to the music they have produced shows the variety of influences on their approach to jazz.

Astatke traveled to London, Boston and New York in the 1960s, where he heard African-American and Latin jazz to which he added pentatonic scales. This spawned "Ethio Jazz."

Eshete and Beyene created a subgenre called swinging Addis by combining the songs they learned from the Ethiopian Police Band and the Haile Selassie I Theatre Orchestra with the rhythms they heard on the records of Sam Cooke, Nat King Cole and James Brown, brought to Ethiopia by Peace Corps volunteers. As Ethiopian musicologist Simeneh Betreyohannes says, "Most Ethiopian jazz artists did not go abroad; music was their way of traveling."

The result is music that is primeval and present-day. French musical curator Francis Falceto was so entranced by the music's rawness and funky, haunting virtuosity that he has spent 30 years collecting it. The result is a monumental 23-volume series, much of it available on YouTube, called Éthiopiques.

American filmmaker Jim Jarmusch also became infatuated with this particular jazz fusion and used Astatke's albums to score his 2005 movie about loss and redemption, Broken Flowers. Recently, U.S. audiences could hear Astatke's energetic horns and mellow vibraphone sampled in Nas and Damian Marley's lead single, "As We Enter," which debuted on their album, Distant Relatives.

Politics and geography contributed to the music's late U.S. arrival. In the 1950s and 1960s, jazz was considered an American art form, except among Latin jazz fans. Much of the history of jazz in Africa focuses on musicians like Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong and Oliver Nelson, who toured the continent for the U.S. State Department, rather than on Africans creating a parallel jazz movement.

Another reason specific to Ethiopia was the 1974 overthrow of Emperor Haile Selassie by a communist military junta. Until that group was ousted in 1991, Ethiopia's popular music was censored, nightclubs were shuttered and only patriotic songs could be recorded. A generation grew up with scant memory of folk music, the root of Ethiopian jazz.

Today's jazz revival in Ethiopia can be attributed to the success of the Éthiopiques series and the popularity of the Addis Acoustic Renaissance Group. Led by guitarist Girum Mezmur, 35, the band performs in Addis Ababa weekly at the packed Club Alize. The group's mission when it rearranges Ethiopian songs from the 1950s and 1960s is to invigorate "a new generation of Ethiopian club goers with melodies of the past."

Members of the band also play traditional instruments like double bass, accordion and mandolin, as well as the kebero, a type of drum, and clarinet to make the old new.

The group, a mélange of novelty and tradition, consists of U.S.-trained Ethiopians, like the smooth double-bass player Henock Temesgen, as well as musicians from 1950s and 1960s, like the mesmerizing Shaleka Melaku on accordion and Ayele Mamo on mandolin. Now Ethiopians can relish a musical tradition that was nearly lost at home, and barely acknowledged in the West.

This music is no passing fancy but a spellbinding style that deserves the critical attention it now receives in the U.S. and Ethiopia. Whether you listen to the curated Éthiopiques or live music in Ethiopian nightclubs in Addis Ababa, Atlanta, Washington, D.C. or Los Angeles, you'll hear a transcontinental exchange of melody, history and culture, and discover one of jazz's greatest innovations.

Want more? Watch and listen to a range of music and a playlist of Ethiopian music videos, and check out the Roha Band's modern approach.

Salamishah Tillet is an assistant professor of English at the University of Pennsylvania and co-founder of the nonprofit organization A Long Walk Home, Inc. Follow her on Twitter.

Like The Root on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter.

... community. Instead of Marvin Gaye, James Brown, and Sam Cooke, there are the Dream, Pleasure P, Chris Brown and Trey Songz. These individuals, albeit talented, lack substance and often sing about the same topics. Looking at Trey Songz, it appears that most of his songs are about sex; titles include clear messages -- "Sex for Yo Stereo", "No Clothes On", "Make Love Tonight", "Just Wanna...

Source : Raw Dawg Buffalo (subscribe)

Explore : Activism

The Gazette's jazz fest team is writing up a prescription for James Hunter: an industrial-sized bag of lozenges and a week of rest.

I can't make any comments about his 9:30 p.m. performance on the TD stage at the Place des Festivals last night, but by the time Hunter came back at 11 for a second free set, he was sounding like he had gargled with battery acid. Sure, he could still scream like a gentlemanly James Brown, but his voice was wildly off pitch, frequently unable to stay on track when melody was required. Cheerful and professional as always,  Hunter nonetheless looked a bit under the weather, perspiring heavily and mopping his face with a towel between numbers.

And whether it was Hunter's voice or the monitors, it seemed, at certain points in most songs, as if everyone on stage was in a different key. 

So it's a testament to the enduring appeal of the smooth soul of Jackie Wilson and Sam Cooke, which Hunter so lovingly emulates, that the sizeable crowd didn't seem bothered by the valiant struggle that seemed to be taking place on stage. As long as Hunter and his five-piece backup band delivered the horn-pushed R&B that keeps his audiences growing, there was no need for scrutiny. People still danced and shouted their approval as Hunter shifted from sax-driven shakers to gently ska-shaded swayers and back again.

In the end, Hunter's songs are always strong enough to carry the day.

--- Bernard Perusse ---

In the middle of The Bawdies' "There's No Turning Back," is "Sad Song," a lament of lost love that comes dangerously close to being a Matchbox 20-styled ballad better suited for a breakup scene in some cheesy romance flick than a rock 'n' roll record. And while by no means their best material, the credit for the Tokyo quartet managing to make the track work at all goes solely to frontman Ryo "Roy" Watanabe and his fantastic soulful singing. Emulating legendary U.S. crooners such as Sam Cooke with ease, Watanabe's remarkable, raspy vocals have played a major role in making The Bawdies one of the most popular act's in Japan's revivalist rock scene.
The rest of "There's No Turning Back" is filled with the classic R&B-infused; sounds that people have come to expect from the group. The bluesy, Rolling Stones-ish single "It's too Late" already topped local radio charts late last year and still retains its infectious power on the album. "Hot Dog" mixes in a healthy dose of gospel-inspired goodness with the wailing Watanabe assuming the role of musical preacher on the energetic, uplifting cut. Although the dull "Try it Again" and "I Want to Thank you" weigh down the backend of the disc, they are quickly forgotten once the band kick into wild, funky closer "Movin' and Groovin'." An unquestionable highlight, Watanabe channels James Brown throughout the track and growls "Baby, there's no turning back" just before it fades out.

Jacqueline Joseph. Jacqueline Brown. Jacquline. Jacqueline Lane.

• Fairy Painting
• Jacqueline Ryan
• Jacqueline White
• Jacqueline Model

• Jacqueline Nude
• Jacqueline English
• Jacqueline Drunk
• Jacqueline Black

Jacqueline Le, Jacqueline James, Thuy Tram,

• Collen Pics
• Jacqueline Warner

• Jacqueline Cooke
• Jacqueline Kent Cooke
• Collen Camp
• Jacqueline White

Jacqueline Neal. Saburido.

Jacqueline Olivier. Jacqueline Gold. Jackie Jacqueline.

• Fairies Paintings
• Jacqueline Marris
• Collen
• Jacqueline Warner

These TV performances will dominate the election campaign – and the media are likely to call them wrong

Public disenchantment with party politics has rarely been more widespread. But the 2010 general election will be dominated to an unprecedented degree by an innovation that will bring the contest into the nation's sitting rooms as never before and perhaps engage even the most disaffected voters.

The three televised debates between the party leaders are not merely a breakthrough campaign event for British general elections. They are also likely to dominate the shape and priorities of the campaign, partly because of their perceived importance and partly because so much of the leaders' and the media's time will be concentrated on the build-up to, coverage of and aftermath of the weekly confrontations.

The debates are expected to take place on the three Thursday evenings before polling day – 15 April, 22 April and 29 April. Each debate will be shown by a single broadcaster; after drawing lots, the first will be on ITV, the second on Sky News and the third on the BBC. Each will have a theme that will occupy the first half of the debate, before moving into more general and topical issues: the first debate's theme will be domestic policy, the second will focus on international affairs and the final debate will tackle the economy. Each will be a tightly controlled 90-minute Q&A; session involving the three main party leaders: Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg, and will follow the terms of the 76-clause agreement drawn up in March between the parties and the broadcasters.

The parties have done their best to make sure as little is left to chance as possible. All the candidates fear the unexpected as intensely as the media – and probably the public – long for it. But there is not much chance of that. Though these confrontations are billed as debates, there will be very little in them that bears much relation to the so-called cut and thrust of debates as traditionally understood. Leaders will not be allowed to interrupt each other. The moderators will not be allowed to press the politicians. The audience will be allowed to ask questions, but are forbidden to applaud or interrupt in any way.

The debates will be intensely scrutinised as soon as they have finished. The parties and the media will use a variety of polling techniques to try to work out who has "won" and where each leader has scored well or badly. The media appetite for such information will be immense. The parties expect to spend the ensuing 24 hours, and perhaps longer, dealing with the aftermath. If the result of the first debate is that one candidate has done well or badly, this will frame the parties' and the media's approach to the later debates.

In all likelihood, and if debates in other countries are a guide, the debates will be quite cautious and dull, with few of the thrills and memorable zingers that the media would like but which the leaders will be extremely careful about launching or provoking. The debates will be widely discussed in the language of the boxing ring – winning on points, landing a punch and the knock-out blow. The reality will be watchful, cautious, the percentage game.

But the leaders cannot afford not to take the debates seriously. Even before the campaign began, each has already had prepping sessions with key advisers. Each has rehearsed the debates already and will do so again: Brown has practised with Alastair Campbell sometimes playing the part of David Cameron and his special adviser Theo Bertram as Nick Clegg. Cameron's rehearsal team includes Michael Gove as Brown and Jeremy Hunt as Clegg. Clegg's rehearsals have featured Chris Huhne as Brown and David Laws in the role of Cameron.

The degree to which the debates already dominate much of the leaders' thinking time, as well as the thinking of those immediately around them, can hardly be exaggerated. But the debates will also eat up a very large portion of their campaign time. At minimum, each leader is likely to spend three days of each campaign week preparing for, taking part in and then following up the debates. That doesn't leave much time to visit key marginals, hold rallies in big cities or press conferences for the London-based media.

But the debates will not only consume a lot of the leaders' time. They will also be a massive media focus. Well before Easter, the BBC had had more than 300 requests from UK media organisations for access to the debates, and more than 400 applications from international media. The three debates, which are expected to take place in Birmingham, Manchester and Bristol, will become the temporary home of a huge media and political circus. The BBC, for instance, is planning to anchor all its news programmes from Bristol for the two days leading up to its own, final, debate. As in US elections, the venues will provide post-debate "spin-rooms" in which officials working on behalf of each party will be available to give their interpretations to the media, who will be quick to pronounce a winner. If experience elsewhere is any guide, the media will generally get it wrong. In the 2008 US presidential debates, the media initially called two of the three debates for John McCain, with the third a draw. But polling showed that Barack Obama easily won all three.

Televised election debates are new for Britain, but they are part of the furniture in most other democracies. The United States presidential debates, which date from the famous John Kennedy-Richard Nixon encounters in 1960, always get most attention from Britain's Americo-centric political class. But the fact is that most European countries have had election debates for many years too. France's presidential elections have had candidates' debates since the 1970s. German general elections have had debates since 1972. Australia has had party leader debates since 1984.

Televised election debates between the British party leaders have been talked about in every general election since at least 1964, when Labour's Harold Wilson, buoyed by the Kennedy-Nixon debates, challenged the Conservatives' Sir Alec Douglas-Home to a ground-breaking British TV duel. Normally the incumbent party thinks a debate would not be in their interests and would boost the opposition. A rare exception to this rule was in 1979 when the Labour prime minister James Callaghan pressed Margaret Thatcher, then opposition leader, for a televised debate. Thatcher refused. At every election since then there have been talks about debates. On each occasion they have come to nothing. Now, after nearly half a century of trying, televised debates will finally take place.

But what, in the end, will there be to show for all the sound and fury? Will televised debates revolutionise our elections? Will they indeed make a difference at all? Alistair Cooke, then a Guardian correspondent, watched the first Kennedy-Nixon debate and concluded: "The most an objective reporter can do is to say that he saw it, in the company of other more or less attentive people and that nothing happening on the screen converted the personal preference of any one of them." The same thing could happen here. Televised debates may not shape the election result as much as confirm the viewers in the preferences they have already formed. But we are about to find out.

Wilson Pickett helped define 1960s soul, along with Sam Cooke, Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding and James Brown. Critic Ed Ward reviews Funky Midnight Mover, a new six-disc compilation of Pickett's recordings, released by Rhino Handmade.

iTunes has the list up right now. I’m working on it…

See the complete list HERE.  Compete list below (125 songs)

• At Your Best You Are Love – Aaliya
• Try Again – Aaliya
• Tell It Like It Is – Aaron Neville
• Let’s Stay Together – Al Green
• Tired of Being Alone – Al Green
• No One – Alicia Keys
• Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart – Alicia Keys
• Sweet Love – Anita Baker
• Chain of Fools – Aretha Franklin
• Respect Aretha Franklin
• You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman – Aretha Franklin
• Every Time I Close My Eyes – Baby Face
• Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love – Barry White
• Stand by Me – Ben E. King
• Don’t Be Cruel – Bobby Brown
• My Prerogotive – Bobby Brown
• A Song For Momma – Boyz II Men
• I’ll Make You Love to You – Boyz II Men
• It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday – Boyz II Men
• On Bended Knee – Boyz II Men
• Have You Ever – Brandy
• The Boy Is Mine (feat. Monica) – Brandy
• Back At One – Brian McKnight
• Rainy Night in Georgia – Brook Benton
• Tell Me Something Good – Chaka Khan & Rufas
• Forever – Chris Brown
• With You – Chris Brown
• Treat Her Like a Lady – Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose
• It’s All Right – Cutis Mayfield & The Impressions
• Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Diana Ross
• Let’s Groove – Earth Wind and Fire
• September – Earth Wind and Fire
• Knock on Wood  – Eddie Floyd
• I Heard it Through the Grapevine – Gladys Knight and the Pips
• Midnight Train to Georgia – Gladys Knight and the Pips
• (You’re Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher – Jackie Wilson
• I Want You Back – Jackson 5
• Never Can Say Goodbye – Jackson 5
• Who’s Lovin’ You – Jackson 5
• I Got You (I Feel Good) – James Brown
• On the Wings of Love – Jeffrey Osbourne
• What Becomes of the Brokenhearted – Jimmy Ruffin
• I Wanna Know – Joe
• Superwoman – Karyn White
• Here and Now – Luther Vandross
• If Only For One Night – Luther Vandross
• Never Too Much – Luther Vandross
• Stop to Love – Luther Vandross
• Love Won’t Let Me Wait – Major Harris
• Vision of Love – Mariah Carey
• We Belong Together – Maria Carey
• (Love is Like a) Heat Wave – Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
• Dancing in the Street – Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
• Nowhere to Run – Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
• Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing – Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
• I Heard it Through the Grapevine – Marvin Gaye
• Mercy Mercy me (The Ecology) – Marvin Gaye
• Be Without You (Kendu Mix) Mary J. Blige
• I Am – Mary J. Blige
• My Guy – Mary Wells
• Human Nature – Michael Jackson
• Rock With You – Michael Jackson
• Angel of Mine – Monica
• For You I Will – Monica
• Because of You – Ne Yo
• Mad – Ne Yo
• I’ve Been Loving You Too Long – Otis Redding
• (Sittin on) The Dock of the Bay – Otis Redding
• Georgia On My Mind – Ray Charles
• Unchain my Heart – Ray Charles
• Shut Up and Drive – Rihanna
• Umbrella – Rihanna & Jay-Z
• Hold On I’m Coming – Sam & Dave
• Soul Man – Sam & Dave
• Bring it on Home to Me – Sam Cooke
• Crusin’ – Smokey Robinson
• I Second that Emotion – Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
• The Tears of a Clown – Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
• The Tracks of My Tears – Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
• Home – Stephanie Mills
• Superstition – Stevie Wonder
• I Wish – Stevie Wonder
• Living For the City – Stevie Wonder
• Uptight (Everything is Alright) – Stevie Wonder
• Easy – The Commodores
• Watcha See is Whatcha Get – The Dramatics
• Baby I Need Your Loving – The Four Tops
• I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch) – The Four Tops
• Reach Out I’ll Be There – The Four Tops
• People Get Ready – The Impressions
• It’s Your Thing – The Isley Brothers
• This Old Heart of Mine – The Isley Brothers
• Shop Around – The Miracles
• You’ve Really Got a Hold on Me – The Miracles
• Could It Be I’m Falling In Love – The Spinners
• People Make the World Go Round – The Stylistics
• You Make me Feel Brand New – The Stylistics
• Back in My Arms Again – The Supremes
• Stop! In the Name of Love – The Supremes
• Where Did Our Love Go – The Supremes
• You Can’t Hurray Love – The Supremes
• You Keep Me Hangin’ On – The Supremes
• Ain’t Too Proud to Beg – The Temptations
• Just My Imagination – The Tempatations
• Papa Was a Rolling Stone – The Temptations
• Don’t Leave Me This Way – Thelma Houston
• I Can’t Stand the Rain – Tina Turner
• We Don’t Need Another Hero – Tina Turner
• Waterfalls – TLC
• Un-Break My Heart – Toni Braxton
• Burn – Usher
• My Boo (feat. Alicia Keys) – Usher
• Nice & Slow – Usher
• U Got it Bad – Usher
• U Remind Me – Usher
• Save the Best for Last – Vanessa Williams
• Greatest Love of All – Whitney Houston
• How Will I Know – Whitney Houston
• Saving All My Love For You – Whitney Houston
• In the Midnight Hour – Wilson Pickett
• Land of 1000 Dances – Wilson Pickett
• Mustang Sally – Wilson Pickett

Fancy, fussy food isn't likely to be welcomed at the children's table. But kid-friendly presentation, from colorful ingredients to playful plates, can ensure that nutritious meals are eaten, not artfully avoided.

"If you present food in a playful way, kids are much more likely to try it," said Shannon Payette Seip. She's a mom and the co-author of a new cookbook, "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Your Food" (Andrews McMeel Publishing, $14.99, 190 pages).

Seip and business partner Kelly Parthen drew inspiration for the cookbook from their popular cafe and cooking school in Middleton, Wis. Bean Sprouts is a family-oriented spot that features fresh, healthful food in fun new ways.

We're not talking the old ants-on-a-log snack. Insect-inspired dishes are included, but they're meal-worthy. Like the open-face turkey and whole-wheat pita sandwich made to resemble a dragonfly, or the avocado, mango and chicken roll-up with pretzel stick legs and a tomato head, a.k.a. The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

With some key tools, whimsical presentations can be created with just about any ingredient. Lollipop sticks or wooden skewers with the ends clipped off can turn mini-pancakes and fruit into cute kebabs. Or skewer teriyaki chicken onto a pineapple round and top with spinach leaves for a tantalizing tropical scene.

"It's just a stick, but somehow it makes it that much more fun," Seip said.

Stacking offers another way to get kids to do the unthinkable – eat their veggies. Seip's children don't eat a lot of tomatoes, but when they create "taco towers" – homemade baked tortilla chips layered with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes – a Jenga-like height contest can ensue.

"The tomatoes add height to the tower, so they chomp them down and try to get to the bottom," she said.

Clever names add fun to food and boost the chance that it will find its way into young mouths. A Cornell University study found that preschoolers given "X-Ray Vision Carrots" ate twice as much as they did at lunches when the veggies were simply labeled "carrots," and the 4-year-olds continued to eat about 50 percent more carrots – even on days when the food was no longer given a fun name.

It's important to think of a name the child will like, avoiding cafeteria-esque labels like "salmon surprise," Seip said. "It has to be relevant and cool to that child. It just really plays to the very essence of kids' nature."

Another good idea is to let children have some role in what they're eating, said Gale Gand, a James Beard Award-winning pastry chef and mother of three who advised Seip and Parthen on creating their cafe. "That is one area where kids can exercise their power. And they need that sense of power."

Gand, who teaches cooking classes for children and parents in the Chicago area, believes that if you bring kids into the kitchen and get them involved in cooking, they are more likely to eat the meals that result.

A breakfast hit in her household is simple crepes, which son Gio, 13, and 5-year-old twins Ruby and Ella can fill from an assortment of fruit and toppings on the table. "The more control and contribution your kids can make to what they're eating, the more likely they are to eat it and enjoy it," Gand said.

Quirky plating also can encourage more adventurous eating. Serve lunch out of a picnic basket, for example, or dinner out of a bento box.

Or indulge kids' silly streak and have a backward meal. "Start with dessert and eat backwards," said Gand.

Want to really turn a meal into a party? Dine while wearing clothing inside out and backward.

"Winters here in Chicago are long and tedious," she said with a chuckle.

Campfire Crunch

Prep time: 15 minutes

Serves 1

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen.

INGREDIENTS

3 to 4 green grapes, sliced in half

3 to 4 red grapes, sliced in half

1 slice cheddar cheese

2 to 3 medium carrots, finely sliced

6 pretzel sticks, broken into pieces

INSTRUCTIONS

Clap your hands and rub them together to get them nice and warm. Arrange the grape halves, cut side down, in a small circle, about the size of a cup.

Use clean scissors or rip the cheddar cheese to look like flames. Gently press the cheese flames together so they stand up. Place them in the center of the grape fire pit. Lay the carrot pieces on the cheese, upright.

Place the pretzel pieces around the flames. Now sing a campfire song!

Per serving: 178 cal.; 7 g pro.; 25 g carb.; 6 g fat (4 sat., 0 monounsat., 0 polyunsat., 2 other); 20 mg chol.; 226 mg sod.; 4 g fiber; 16 g sugar; 32 percent calories from fat.

Palm Tree Paradise

Prep time: 25 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Serves 4

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen.

INGREDIENTS

2 teaspoons lime juice

1 teaspoon honey

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin powder

Pinch of garlic powder

Salt and pepper

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 1/2 cups water

1 pineapple, cut into 4 (1-inch thick) round slices

1/4 cup cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup packed spinach leaves

8 dried figs

INSTRUCTIONS

Adult: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Kids: Pretend you're putting on sunscreen before you combine the lime juice, honey, cumin, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl. Place the chicken in a small baking dish. Pour the lime juice mixture all over the chicken, making sure it's all covered, then add the water to the baking dish. Place in oven and bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

While the chicken's baking, pretend to dip your toes in the ocean!

Adult: Slice each chicken breast into 4 long pieces. Push a skewer lengthwise through each chicken piece to form tree trunks. There should be 8 chicken skewers.

Kids: Stick two chicken skewers into each pineapple slice. The pineapple is your island. Do the hula with spinach leaves in your hands, then use cream cheese to stick the leaves onto the chicken tree trunks. Place the figs under the trees for coconuts!

Per serving: Per serving: 323 cal.; 30 g pro.; 37 g carb.; 7 g fat (4 sat., 2 monounsat., 1 polyunsat.); 84 mg chol.; 278 mg sod.; 5 g fiber; 31 g sugar; 19 percent calories from fat.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Prep time: 35 minutes

Serves 1

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen. The recipe was inspired by the children's book "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle.

INGREDIENTS

Each chef will need:

1/2 avocado, skin removed and thinly sliced

1 1/2 teaspoons packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoons light coconut milk

2 tablespoons diced mango

1/4 cup rotisserie chicken, shredded

1/2 teaspoon lime juice

3 teaspoons light soy sauce

1 (6-inch) piece of rice paper (available at Asian food stores)

Pretzel sticks

1 plum tomato

2 dried currants

2 thin carrot matchsticks

INSTRUCTIONS

Kids: Wiggle while you combine the avocado, sugar, coconut milk, mango, chicken, lime juice, and soy sauce in a mixing bowl. Let this sit for 5 minutes. (You can stop wiggling now!)

This step is like magic. Fill another bowl with warm water and place rice paper in the bowl. Let it sit until the rice paper is soft and almost invisible! Remove the rice paper from the water. Let it sit on a clean plate for 1 minute. Don't worry – it should be kind of sticky.

Place the avocado mixture on the lower center of the rice paper. Fold the outsides in so they touch and roll the bottom of the paper up to form a log shape. Carefully slice the log into four equal pieces. This is the caterpillar's body. Place pretzel sticks around the body for legs.

Adult: To make the caterpillar's head, carefully slice off 1/3 of the tomato. This piece will be the bottom part of his head.

Kids: Balance the other side of the tomato on top to make a goofy grin. Use a toothpick to poke eye holes in the tomato head and press in the currant eyes. Poke two more holes on top of the head and push in the carrot sticks for the antennae.

Enjoy your hungry caterpillar before he turns into a butterfly!

Per serving: 320 cal.; 14 g pro.; 25 g carb.; 20 g fat (6 sat., 11 monounsat., 3 polyunsat.); 30 mg chol.; 1,044 mg sod.; 6 g fiber; 14 g sugar; 52 percent calories from fat.

Fancy, fussy food isn't likely to be welcomed at the children's table. But kid-friendly presentation, from colorful ingredients to playful plates, can ensure that nutritious meals are eaten, not artfully avoided.

"If you present food in a playful way, kids are much more likely to try it," said Shannon Payette Seip. She's a mom and the co-author of a new cookbook, "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Your Food" (Andrews McMeel Publishing, $14.99, 190 pages).

Seip and business partner Kelly Parthen drew inspiration for the cookbook from their popular cafe and cooking school in Middleton, Wis. Bean Sprouts is a family-oriented spot that features fresh, healthful food in fun new ways.

We're not talking the old ants-on-a-log snack. Insect-inspired dishes are included, but they're meal-worthy. Like the open-face turkey and whole-wheat pita sandwich made to resemble a dragonfly, or the avocado, mango and chicken roll-up with pretzel stick legs and a tomato head, a.k.a. The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

With some key tools, whimsical presentations can be created with just about any ingredient. Lollipop sticks or wooden skewers with the ends clipped off can turn mini-pancakes and fruit into cute kebabs. Or skewer teriyaki chicken onto a pineapple round and top with spinach leaves for a tantalizing tropical scene.

"It's just a stick, but somehow it makes it that much more fun," Seip said.

Stacking offers another way to get kids to do the unthinkable – eat their veggies. Seip's children don't eat a lot of tomatoes, but when they create "taco towers" – homemade baked tortilla chips layered with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes – a Jenga-like height contest can ensue.

"The tomatoes add height to the tower, so they chomp them down and try to get to the bottom," she said.

Clever names add fun to food and boost the chance that it will find its way into young mouths. A Cornell University study found that preschoolers given "X-Ray Vision Carrots" ate twice as much as they did at lunches when the veggies were simply labeled "carrots," and the 4-year-olds continued to eat about 50 percent more carrots – even on days when the food was no longer given a fun name.

It's important to think of a name the child will like, avoiding cafeteria-esque labels like "salmon surprise," Seip said. "It has to be relevant and cool to that child. It just really plays to the very essence of kids' nature."

Another good idea is to let children have some role in what they're eating, said Gale Gand, a James Beard Award-winning pastry chef and mother of three who advised Seip and Parthen on creating their cafe. "That is one area where kids can exercise their power. And they need that sense of power."

Gand, who teaches cooking classes for children and parents in the Chicago area, believes that if you bring kids into the kitchen and get them involved in cooking, they are more likely to eat the meals that result.

A breakfast hit in her household is simple crepes, which son Gio, 13, and 5-year-old twins Ruby and Ella can fill from an assortment of fruit and toppings on the table. "The more control and contribution your kids can make to what they're eating, the more likely they are to eat it and enjoy it," Gand said.

Quirky plating also can encourage more adventurous eating. Serve lunch out of a picnic basket, for example, or dinner out of a bento box.

Or indulge kids' silly streak and have a backward meal. "Start with dessert and eat backwards," said Gand.

Want to really turn a meal into a party? Dine while wearing clothing inside out and backward.

"Winters here in Chicago are long and tedious," she said with a chuckle.

Campfire Crunch

Prep time: 15 minutes

Serves 1

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen.

INGREDIENTS

3 to 4 green grapes, sliced in half

3 to 4 red grapes, sliced in half

1 slice cheddar cheese

2 to 3 medium carrots, finely sliced

6 pretzel sticks, broken into pieces

INSTRUCTIONS

Clap your hands and rub them together to get them nice and warm. Arrange the grape halves, cut side down, in a small circle, about the size of a cup.

Use clean scissors or rip the cheddar cheese to look like flames. Gently press the cheese flames together so they stand up. Place them in the center of the grape fire pit. Lay the carrot pieces on the cheese, upright.

Place the pretzel pieces around the flames. Now sing a campfire song!

Per serving: 178 cal.; 7 g pro.; 25 g carb.; 6 g fat (4 sat., 0 monounsat., 0 polyunsat., 2 other); 20 mg chol.; 226 mg sod.; 4 g fiber; 16 g sugar; 32 percent calories from fat.

Palm Tree Paradise

Prep time: 25 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Serves 4

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen.

INGREDIENTS

2 teaspoons lime juice

1 teaspoon honey

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin powder

Pinch of garlic powder

Salt and pepper

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 1/2 cups water

1 pineapple, cut into 4 (1-inch thick) round slices

1/4 cup cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup packed spinach leaves

8 dried figs

INSTRUCTIONS

Adult: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Kids: Pretend you're putting on sunscreen before you combine the lime juice, honey, cumin, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl. Place the chicken in a small baking dish. Pour the lime juice mixture all over the chicken, making sure it's all covered, then add the water to the baking dish. Place in oven and bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

While the chicken's baking, pretend to dip your toes in the ocean!

Adult: Slice each chicken breast into 4 long pieces. Push a skewer lengthwise through each chicken piece to form tree trunks. There should be 8 chicken skewers.

Kids: Stick two chicken skewers into each pineapple slice. The pineapple is your island. Do the hula with spinach leaves in your hands, then use cream cheese to stick the leaves onto the chicken tree trunks. Place the figs under the trees for coconuts!

Per serving: Per serving: 323 cal.; 30 g pro.; 37 g carb.; 7 g fat (4 sat., 2 monounsat., 1 polyunsat.); 84 mg chol.; 278 mg sod.; 5 g fiber; 31 g sugar; 19 percent calories from fat.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Prep time: 35 minutes

Serves 1

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen. The recipe was inspired by the children's book "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle.

INGREDIENTS

Each chef will need:

1/2 avocado, skin removed and thinly sliced

1 1/2 teaspoons packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoons light coconut milk

2 tablespoons diced mango

1/4 cup rotisserie chicken, shredded

1/2 teaspoon lime juice

3 teaspoons light soy sauce

1 (6-inch) piece of rice paper (available at Asian food stores)

Pretzel sticks

1 plum tomato

2 dried currants

2 thin carrot matchsticks

INSTRUCTIONS

Kids: Wiggle while you combine the avocado, sugar, coconut milk, mango, chicken, lime juice, and soy sauce in a mixing bowl. Let this sit for 5 minutes. (You can stop wiggling now!)

This step is like magic. Fill another bowl with warm water and place rice paper in the bowl. Let it sit until the rice paper is soft and almost invisible! Remove the rice paper from the water. Let it sit on a clean plate for 1 minute. Don't worry – it should be kind of sticky.

Place the avocado mixture on the lower center of the rice paper. Fold the outsides in so they touch and roll the bottom of the paper up to form a log shape. Carefully slice the log into four equal pieces. This is the caterpillar's body. Place pretzel sticks around the body for legs.

Adult: To make the caterpillar's head, carefully slice off 1/3 of the tomato. This piece will be the bottom part of his head.

Kids: Balance the other side of the tomato on top to make a goofy grin. Use a toothpick to poke eye holes in the tomato head and press in the currant eyes. Poke two more holes on top of the head and push in the carrot sticks for the antennae.

Enjoy your hungry caterpillar before he turns into a butterfly!

Per serving: 320 cal.; 14 g pro.; 25 g carb.; 20 g fat (6 sat., 11 monounsat., 3 polyunsat.); 30 mg chol.; 1,044 mg sod.; 6 g fiber; 14 g sugar; 52 percent calories from fat.

Fancy, fussy food isn't likely to be welcomed at the children's table. But kid-friendly presentation, from colorful ingredients to playful plates, can ensure that nutritious meals are eaten, not artfully avoided.

"If you present food in a playful way, kids are much more likely to try it," said Shannon Payette Seip. She's a mom and the co-author of a new cookbook, "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Your Food" (Andrews McMeel Publishing, $14.99, 190 pages).

Seip and business partner Kelly Parthen drew inspiration for the cookbook from their popular cafe and cooking school in Middleton, Wis. Bean Sprouts is a family-oriented spot that features fresh, healthful food in fun new ways.

We're not talking the old ants-on-a-log snack. Insect-inspired dishes are included, but they're meal-worthy. Like the open-face turkey and whole-wheat pita sandwich made to resemble a dragonfly, or the avocado, mango and chicken roll-up with pretzel stick legs and a tomato head, a.k.a. The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

With some key tools, whimsical presentations can be created with just about any ingredient. Lollipop sticks or wooden skewers with the ends clipped off can turn mini-pancakes and fruit into cute kebabs. Or skewer teriyaki chicken onto a pineapple round and top with spinach leaves for a tantalizing tropical scene.

"It's just a stick, but somehow it makes it that much more fun," Seip said.

Stacking offers another way to get kids to do the unthinkable – eat their veggies. Seip's children don't eat a lot of tomatoes, but when they create "taco towers" – homemade baked tortilla chips layered with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes – a Jenga-like height contest can ensue.

"The tomatoes add height to the tower, so they chomp them down and try to get to the bottom," she said.

Clever names add fun to food and boost the chance that it will find its way into young mouths. A Cornell University study found that preschoolers given "X-Ray Vision Carrots" ate twice as much as they did at lunches when the veggies were simply labeled "carrots," and the 4-year-olds continued to eat about 50 percent more carrots – even on days when the food was no longer given a fun name.

It's important to think of a name the child will like, avoiding cafeteria-esque labels like "salmon surprise," Seip said. "It has to be relevant and cool to that child. It just really plays to the very essence of kids' nature."

Another good idea is to let children have some role in what they're eating, said Gale Gand, a James Beard Award-winning pastry chef and mother of three who advised Seip and Parthen on creating their cafe. "That is one area where kids can exercise their power. And they need that sense of power."

Gand, who teaches cooking classes for children and parents in the Chicago area, believes that if you bring kids into the kitchen and get them involved in cooking, they are more likely to eat the meals that result.

A breakfast hit in her household is simple crepes, which son Gio, 13, and 5-year-old twins Ruby and Ella can fill from an assortment of fruit and toppings on the table. "The more control and contribution your kids can make to what they're eating, the more likely they are to eat it and enjoy it," Gand said.

Quirky plating also can encourage more adventurous eating. Serve lunch out of a picnic basket, for example, or dinner out of a bento box.

Or indulge kids' silly streak and have a backward meal. "Start with dessert and eat backwards," said Gand.

Want to really turn a meal into a party? Dine while wearing clothing inside out and backward.

"Winters here in Chicago are long and tedious," she said with a chuckle.

Campfire Crunch

Prep time: 15 minutes

Serves 1

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen.

INGREDIENTS

3 to 4 green grapes, sliced in half

3 to 4 red grapes, sliced in half

1 slice cheddar cheese

2 to 3 medium carrots, finely sliced

6 pretzel sticks, broken into pieces

INSTRUCTIONS

Clap your hands and rub them together to get them nice and warm. Arrange the grape halves, cut side down, in a small circle, about the size of a cup.

Use clean scissors or rip the cheddar cheese to look like flames. Gently press the cheese flames together so they stand up. Place them in the center of the grape fire pit. Lay the carrot pieces on the cheese, upright.

Place the pretzel pieces around the flames. Now sing a campfire song!

Per serving: 178 cal.; 7 g pro.; 25 g carb.; 6 g fat (4 sat., 0 monounsat., 0 polyunsat., 2 other); 20 mg chol.; 226 mg sod.; 4 g fiber; 16 g sugar; 32 percent calories from fat.

Palm Tree Paradise

Prep time: 25 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Serves 4

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen.

INGREDIENTS

2 teaspoons lime juice

1 teaspoon honey

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin powder

Pinch of garlic powder

Salt and pepper

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 1/2 cups water

1 pineapple, cut into 4 (1-inch thick) round slices

1/4 cup cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup packed spinach leaves

8 dried figs

INSTRUCTIONS

Adult: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Kids: Pretend you're putting on sunscreen before you combine the lime juice, honey, cumin, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl. Place the chicken in a small baking dish. Pour the lime juice mixture all over the chicken, making sure it's all covered, then add the water to the baking dish. Place in oven and bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

While the chicken's baking, pretend to dip your toes in the ocean!

Adult: Slice each chicken breast into 4 long pieces. Push a skewer lengthwise through each chicken piece to form tree trunks. There should be 8 chicken skewers.

Kids: Stick two chicken skewers into each pineapple slice. The pineapple is your island. Do the hula with spinach leaves in your hands, then use cream cheese to stick the leaves onto the chicken tree trunks. Place the figs under the trees for coconuts!

Per serving: Per serving: 323 cal.; 30 g pro.; 37 g carb.; 7 g fat (4 sat., 2 monounsat., 1 polyunsat.); 84 mg chol.; 278 mg sod.; 5 g fiber; 31 g sugar; 19 percent calories from fat.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Prep time: 35 minutes

Serves 1

This recipe is from "Bean Appétit: Hip and Healthy Ways To Have Fun With Food" by Shannon Payette Seip and Kelly Parthen. The recipe was inspired by the children's book "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle.

INGREDIENTS

Each chef will need:

1/2 avocado, skin removed and thinly sliced

1 1/2 teaspoons packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoons light coconut milk

2 tablespoons diced mango

1/4 cup rotisserie chicken, shredded

1/2 teaspoon lime juice

3 teaspoons light soy sauce

1 (6-inch) piece of rice paper (available at Asian food stores)

Pretzel sticks

1 plum tomato

2 dried currants

2 thin carrot matchsticks

INSTRUCTIONS

Kids: Wiggle while you combine the avocado, sugar, coconut milk, mango, chicken, lime juice, and soy sauce in a mixing bowl. Let this sit for 5 minutes. (You can stop wiggling now!)

This step is like magic. Fill another bowl with warm water and place rice paper in the bowl. Let it sit until the rice paper is soft and almost invisible! Remove the rice paper from the water. Let it sit on a clean plate for 1 minute. Don't worry – it should be kind of sticky.

Place the avocado mixture on the lower center of the rice paper. Fold the outsides in so they touch and roll the bottom of the paper up to form a log shape. Carefully slice the log into four equal pieces. This is the caterpillar's body. Place pretzel sticks around the body for legs.

Adult: To make the caterpillar's head, carefully slice off 1/3 of the tomato. This piece will be the bottom part of his head.

Kids: Balance the other side of the tomato on top to make a goofy grin. Use a toothpick to poke eye holes in the tomato head and press in the currant eyes. Poke two more holes on top of the head and push in the carrot sticks for the antennae.

Enjoy your hungry caterpillar before he turns into a butterfly!

Per serving: 320 cal.; 14 g pro.; 25 g carb.; 20 g fat (6 sat., 11 monounsat., 3 polyunsat.); 30 mg chol.; 1,044 mg sod.; 6 g fiber; 14 g sugar; 52 percent calories from fat.

Broadway now beckons for 28-year-old Katori Hall, whose play had world premiere on tiny pub stage

It was meant to be the glittering awards night where Jerusalem went up against Enron. But they were both pipped by a play from a young, black female writer which had its world premiere on a tiny pub stage in south London.

Katori Hall's The Mountaintop was the surprise winner of best new play when this year's Laurence Olivier awards were handed out tonight.

Hall, from Memphis, Tennessee, was inspired to write her play – an imagined account of Martin Luther King's last evening before his 1968 assassination – by a family story about her mother. It was spotted by James Dacre, son of Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre, who directed its world premiere at the 65-seat Theatre503, above a pub in Battersea.

From there it was championed by producer Sonia Friedman, who took it to the West End, where it won glowing reviews and nightly standing ovations.

Now Broadway beckons for Hall, who is still only 28. Nica Burns, president of the Society of London Theatres, predicted an even brighter future for the playwright with an Olivier under her belt. "It is a wonderful fairy story and the award is going to a very talented and deserving winner."

Elsewhere, it was a bad Olivier night for Shakespeare, the National Theatre and the English National Opera but a good one for Tennessee Williams, the Royal Opera and the Royal Court theatre.

The last, led by Dominic Cooke, had the most to smile about after tonight's black-tie do at the Grosvenor House hotel in London, having a hand in many of the successful productions.

Jez Butterworth's Jerusalem began life there and it won two awards: best actor for Mark Rylance and best set design for Ultz. It was Rylance's second Olivier, winning from a strong shortlist that included Jude Law, James Earl Jones and Sam West.

Enron, meanwhile – a Royal Court and Chichester co-production written by Lucy Prebble – won Rupert Goold the best director award.

The Royal Court's success continued when Michael Wynne's The Priory won best new comedy and, finally, it won the outstanding achievement in an affiliate theatre award for the play Cock.

It was not a bad year either for the Donmar Warehouse. Its production of A Streetcar Named Desire won two acting awards: Rachel Weisz picked up best actress for her stunning Blanche DuBois and Ruth Wilson won best supporting actress for her portrayal of Stella. Further success for the small Covent Garden theatre came when rising star Eddie Redmayne won best supporting actor for his portrayal of Mark Rothko's put-upon assistant in Red.

Williams's Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, with its all-black cast, won best revival, beating strong competition that included The Misanthrope and A View From the Bridge.

In the musical categories the most striking winner was a production that was adored by critics – but failed to get audiences to come and see it.

Spring Awakening, an entertaining teenage sexual angst romp, won best new musical, beating musicals which the public, conversely, are going to see in their droves: Priscilla and Sister Act. Two of its young stars also won acting awards in shortlists that included such famous names as Rowan Atkinson, Sheila Hancock and Maureen Lipman. Aneurin Barnard won best actor in a musical and Iwan Rheon won best supporting actor/actress.

The Open Air Theatre in Regent's Park won best musical revival for Hello Dolly! beating A Little Night Music, Annie Get Your Gun and Oliver! Dolly herself, in the shape of Samantha Spiro, won best musical actress.

A new audience award for most popular show, voted for by members of the public, went to Wicked from a list that also included Billy Elliot, The Phantom of the Opera, War Horse and We Will Rock You.

The Royal Opera's Tristan und Isolde took both opera awards: best new production and outstanding achievement for the Swedish soprano Nina Stemme.

The best new dance award also went to a Covent Garden commission, a collaboration between choreographer Kim Brandstrup and Royal Ballet principal Tamara Rojo. The Rambert Dance Company won the outstanding achievement award for its strong year. A special award, equivalent to a lifetime achievement award, went to theatrical royalty – Dame Maggie Smith – while the theatre producer Michael Codron also won an outstanding achievement award for his 60 influential years in the business.

The awards, now in their 34th year, are decided by panels. The theatre panel, for example, which saw 87 shows, is made up of five professionals and four members of the public. And they come after the strongest West End year ever, with box office receipts topping more than half a billion pounds for the first time.

"Last year, with all the recessionary gloom, I predicted a 10% drop in audiences," said Burns. "I have never been so happy to eat my words."

Christine Bleakley waterskied the Channel; Eddie Izzard ran hundreds of miles - and now the nation's finest are preparing to entertain us. Watch with Heidi Stephens from 7pm

• Not donated yet? Click here to give to Sports Relief

9.23pm: I'm having a small moment. Bear with me.

Right, sorted. A stellar performance from Lemar and JLS. Ooh, it's time for James Corden.

9.18pm: Peter wins Strictly. To be honest, I'd have preferred it if they'd both lobbed in half a million each and spared us that horror, but maybe that's just me.

Before 10pm, JLS are performing with Lemar, James Corden and Robbie Williams, who is always wildly unpredictable on this occasions so that HAS to be worth sticking around for.

9.09pm: Meanwhile, back at Strictly, Duncan is dancing the cha-cha-cha with Lilia. In order to distract us from his hideous hip thrusting and split-to-the-navel top, Lilia is wearing a pink frou-frou bikini. It's only marginally less horrible than Duncan's dancing.

The judges tear him to shreds. He's a good sport, I'll give him that.

9.03pm: I had NO IDEA that Dick & Dom were still going. They're like a poor man's Trevor & Simon. Bloody hell, it's Cannon & Ball! Surely the Chuckle Brothers can't be far behind?

8.58pm: It's Dragon's Den does Strictly, featuring Duncan Bannatyne and Peter Jones. I fear this may be truly ghastly television.

Peter and Natalie are dancing a tango. Well, Natalie is dancing, Peter is clomping his size 14 feet around the floor in a deeply ill-fitting suit. He's having to squat because he's 6'7", making it look like he's messed his clown trousers.

The judges give their verdict - Len and Bruno are nice, Craig isn't. Blah yawn. Peter goes off to count his money; part two will be later, when Duncan is dancing the cha-cha. Kill me now.

8.43pm: It's Cheryl!! She's miming to her new single 'Parachute', whilst wearing one of Madonna's Blonde Ambition tour cast-offs. Great song though - I highly recommend the dance remix.

I believe Hammond just described her performance as 'mega'. He is so cool it hurts.

Cheryl's talking about children dying of malaria and welling up a bit. Bless her.

8.38pm: I'm getting quite annoyed with all the segments being no more than 5 minutes long, like we all have an incredibly short attention span and might wander off to the pub.

Also, what's the deal with Hammond these days? He appears to be attempting to work the midlife crisis 'surfing banker' look with the floppy hair and beady necklace, apparently without irony. If anyone gets this, please explain. Ta.

8.34pm: We're back to A Question of Sport Relief, a show that goes entirely over my head as I know even less about sport than Vicky does. But I do love a montage of winter olympians crashing in a painful manner, You've Been Framed-style. Can I also say that Sue Barker is looking marvellous, and I love her.

8.30pm: A brilliant film about how women with HIV are being supported in Africa. If you haven't donated yet, Rufus Hound in TKMaxx would be a brilliant opportunity.

8.20pm: later on, a special Outnumbered, Dragons dancing, JLS, Lemar and Cheryl Cole promoting their new singles for charity, and a massively hyped segment involving James Corden. If I'm not rolling off my sofa with mirth I shall be calling Ofcom.

Alas it's time for Christine and Gary to go home, to be replaced with Richard Hammond and Claudia Winkleman. Claudia has the fringe of an Afghan Hound, and Hammond and his floppy hair appears to be everywhere I turn these days. He's the new Ant & Dec.

It's Outnumbered. Personally I don't find this funny on a normal day, but I'll bear with it.

8.15pm: Time for Rufus Hound doing his marvellous Cheryl Cole dance from Let's Dance For Sport Relief. I will never tire of watching this, it's brilliant. Can we have Katy Brand's Beyonce too?

Cheryl has joined Rufus on stage, but alas isn't doing the dance with him, boo hiss. She's looking fabulous, albeit like a plate full of cream cakes wouldn't go amiss.

8.13pm: Christine is waterskiing the channel - as someone who used to waterski a lot (no, really), this really was a phenomenal achievement. Waterskiing on flat water for any length of time is hard enough, never mind huge waves and cold and giant ships. Christine Bleakley, I salute you.

8.09pm: Evening all - Heidi here! After an hour of punching my laptop it's finally working. Thanks Vicky for filling in brilliantly, I'm horribly behind on what's going on, have I missed anything exciting?

8.06pm:
Anyway. Heidi Stephens has now fixed the internet and is on hand to take over liveblogging duties. Thanks for bearing with us, enjoy the rest of the show, and remember to donate! *waves*

8.00pm:
"Will Mark have to defend his pasta carbonara with garlic bread?" That sounds a bit like he's going to have to clobber Gregg-the-Egg and John Toorude round the head with it. "That is inspired!" pronounces Too-rude, faced with sausages, cheesy mash and burnt onions. It's not quite seared scallops and black pudding on minted-pea puree is it?

Gregg and John are off to do the bit of Masterchef judging that makes them look like they're sitting at totally different rooms shouting at each other. So who's the winner? Alan Hansen. Phew! Morrisons can breathe easy ...

7.56pm:
Alan is cooking sausages, mash and onions. Given that he has a contract to advertise for a supermarket, he should be able to at least do that. Gary appears to be over-cooking some chips - insert your own crisps jokes here. Anyway, we don't find out yet which tastes the best - I'm imaging that none of them is probably a good bet

7.54pm:
COOKING DOESN'T GET TAFFA THAN THIS! How can three people never have cooked at all. Mark can't even use a knife - so now he appears to be wearing a condom on his finger. Luckily he's making pasta carbonara, which isn't too difficult or involve too much more chopping

7.42pm:
@caitlinb points out that Gary Linekar is being a bit insipid. So insipid that I've apparently failed to mention him at all. So - OH! some dancing birds, and a gorilla doing a fart, and some puffins … it's so easy to get distracted

7.27pm:
A right. A Question of Sport Relief. I'd like to just make very very clear now that I know really very little about sport. I have spent much of my life mystified by how anyone ever manages to guess the sportsman from only cryptic glimpses of their fingernail or ear-hair or whatever.

Anyway. Who do we have? Sue Barker, Paddy McGuinness and David Ginola; Jason Manford, Zara Phillips, Chris Hollins. Everyone appears to be dressed in shades of brown/taupe/purple. It's like a polite hotel room, with Jason Manford dressed in the table-cloth from the hotel restaurant. Presumably David Ginola has bagsied all the little bottles of shampoo (bad joke alert).

7.24pm:
Duncan Bannatyne vs Peter Jones. My money is totally on Peter Jones. He even looks a bit like a ballroom dancer from the 1940s. All he needs is the Brylcream.

7.12pm:
This is weird. Christine Bleakley is presenting the show - and yet she's also in a One Show skit. The One Show. It's a very very odd programme isn't it? I like, however, that they know it's ridiculous. Claire Balding on wondering if she'd left the oven on? Very close to an actual One Show feature.

I also like that Adrian Chiles is going to get rid of his beard. It hasn't been a good look for him. He should have talked to Imogen Fox to get some beard-growing advice. She divides beards into categories: the Hollywood beard; off-season beard; crisis beard; charity beard; mid-life crisis beard and testosterone beard. Now obviously there are several categories Chiles' beard could fit into - but most properly it is a charity beard. Which apparently means he's in good company: Brad Pitt is the king of the charity beard. Thank God Chiles didn't take up Pitt's love of beard-plaiting

7.09pm:
Oh! I thought that was actually Alan Sugar *searches for specs, and pops out iPlayer console into a bigger window*. Anyway, even though it wasn't there was a good point to that. When you give your money, make sure you Gift Aid it. Here's some info if you need it.

7.06pm:
Coming up: Match of the Day does Masterchef. That actually seems quite a good idea to me: both programmes have large chunks of time where it feels like you're waiting for the good bit/match to come on. But combined! That could be a marvellous time-saving strategy. Bring it on!

6.59pm:
And we're off! David Walliams is telling us all to donate money - which is a very good thing to do indeed. Click here to hand over some cash. Christine Bleakley has ditched her wetsuit for a lovely red dress. And now Robbie Williams is on doing some singing - let's hope he's better than he was on the X Factor, and indeed that Olly Murs doesn't suddenly appear from somewhere dressed in a minature version of Robbie's clothes (does that make Murs sound like a doll? A bit. That's not quite what I meant. Was thinking more mini-me)

6.54pm:
Evening! Heidi's having a few technical difficulties, so I (Vicky Frost) will be your host for the few frustrating minutes it takes her to fix the internet. Things to report so far: local weather presenters seem to take a massive amount of glee in reporting rain given that I need to spend all weekend digging out my garden.

preamble
Last time I liveblogged Sports Relief, Top Gear pretty much destroyed the garden of Steve Redgrave. So what delights await us tonight? We are promised Match of the Day does Masterchef; Dragon's Den does Strictly Come Dancing, and James Corden meeting various sports stars. There are also special episodes of Walk on The Wild Side, Mock The Week, Outnumbered and Ashes To Ashes and The One Show. The joyous Katy Brand will also be taking on Joe Calzaghe.

I'll be here from 7pm, so join me as all involved make fools of themselves/ complete amazing sporting feats for a really good cause. You can find out more about Sport Relief here (including the people helped by the money raised), and donate to the effort here. I'll keep you updated on all the action while you do so.

See you at seven!

With white plastic clapping noisemakers given to the sold out Staples Center crowd of 18,118, the Kings mustered all of nothing in their 3-0 shutout loss to the Chicago Blackhawks.

It’s actually really difficult trying to come up with a reason for this kind of effort. The Kings hadn’t played since Sunday. The Blackhawks were down yet another defenseman after their Wednesday night game at Anaheim. The Blackhawks were using their backup goalie Antti Niemi with Cristobal Huet out with the flu. And let’s not forget: the Blackhawks played the night before.

“It wasn’t that we looked bad,” head Coach Terry Murray said trying to explain the loss. “I thought they looked very good.”

So says the coach whose team was outshot 37-17 on goal. In fact the Kings were outshot 55-26 by the Blackhawks.

The Kings looked good in the first period when they successfully killed a four-minute power play on a Justin Williams double-minor high stick penalty. They allowed only three shots on goal during the penalty, and the Kings defense did a good job of absorbing the shots for Quick.

But everything changed in the second period when the Blackhawks woke up and hogged the puck while the Kings looked like hockey’s equivalent to the Washington Generals in a 20-minute long game of Keep Away. The Kings could not get the puck out of their zone at all. It was so bad Blackhawks goalie Niemi could have stayed on the bench the whole period sipping on margaritas.

“I thought our first period was a solid first period,” captain Dustin Brown said despite the Kings only getting six shots on goal in the first period. “Second period we didn’t have that jump.”

When the Kings had the rare opportunity of puck possession, they didn’t know what to do with it. After Brown won a faceoff 11:06 in the second period, Jordan Hendry picked away at it as Brown was trying to clear the puck into Chicago’s zone. That led to Troy Brouwer scoring the game’s first goal 30 seconds later.

“I turned the puck over twice in one shift and it ended up in the goal,” Brown said. “That kind of set the tone for the rest of the game.”

And it did. The third period was no different than the second when the Kings gave up two goals to Tomas Kopecky who only had four goals on the season.

It was frustrating to see the Kings mishandle the puck time and time again.

About eight minutes into the second period, Michal Handzus and Wayne Simmonds had a breakaway chance. They passed to each other about three times until Simmonds mishandled the final pass mere feet away from the net.

Another missed opportunity occurred 14 minutes in the period when Alexander Frolov made a pass to Rich Clune right in front of the net that inexplicably ended up in the side boards.

“We’ve got to hit the reset button,” Ryan Smyth said.

Something needs to be done as the Kings are plummeting down the standings. And it’s interesting to note that 2006 is starting to be talked about more and more up in the press box.

Notable Notes

• Anaheim Ducks defenseman James Wisniewski was suspended eight games by the NHL a day after his devastating hit on his former teammate Chicago Blackhawks defenseman Brent Seabrook which sent Seabrook out of the game (as seen below). The severity took into account of the fact that Wisniewski is a repeat offender having been suspended for two games on October 31, 2009, that Seabrook didn’t have possession of the puck at the time of the hit and that Wisniewski jumped off the ice to launch into the hit. Wisniewski will lose $268,292.72 in salary which will go into the Players’ Emergency Assistance Fund.

  
  While I certainly thought it was a cheap shot and that Wisniewski should be suspended, eight games seems a bit excessive considering that Pittsburgh Penguins forward Matt Cooke was not suspended after leveling Boston Bruins forward Marc Savard who was left with a Grade 2 concussion. Also Washington Capitals forward Alexander Ovechkin, who is also a repeat offender like Wisniewski, got a two-game suspension after his hit on the Blackhawks defenseman Brian Campbell who will miss seven to eight weeks with a fractured clavicle and rib.

• Is your bracket busted already? A 10-seed, two 11-seeds, a 13-seed and a 14-seed all notched upsets in the first day of the NCAA Tournament.
  • 10 St. Mary Gaels defeat 7 Richmond Spiders 80-71.
  • 11 Old Dominion Monarchs defeat 6 Notre Dame Fighting Irish 51-50.
  • 11 Washington Huskies defeat 6 Marquette Golden Eagles 80-78.
  • 13 Murray State Racers defeat 4 Vanderbilt Commodores 66-65.
  • 14 Ohio Bobcats defeat 3 Georgetown Hoyas 97-83.

  As thrilling as these games were, it’s hard not to wonder whether this is parity or mediocrity reigning in college basketball.

Tonight’s Action

Minnesota Timberwolves at LA Lakers. 7:30 pm FSWest, AM 710 KSPN.

New York Islanders at Anaheim Ducks. 7:00 pm KDOC, AM 830 KLAA.

15% of Sales to be Donated to Doctors Without Borders
Fans Quick to Order to Receive Freebies

"It's hard, maybe even impossible to upstage Sharon Jones, who fights her way through I Learned the Hard Way and channels the drama boldly and candidly." - Pitchfork

new album

I Learned The Hard Way, the highly anticipated new album from Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings is now available for pre-ordering direct from Daptone Records.

The band and label are proud to announce that 15-percent of all pre-order sales from Daptone's online store will be donated to Doctors Without Borders' Emergency Relief Fund, which will directly contribute to relief efforts in Haiti.

And making this even more special for SJDK fans are special offers for those among the first to pre-order the album. The first 1000 orders of the CD or LP will receive a FREE bonus 45 rpm single featuring the track "When I Come Home" (unreleased from the I Learned The Hard Way sessions) plus an instrumental b-side. The first 100 orders of the LP will be autographed, and all LP copies will come with a coupon to download the entire album in high-quality MP3 format. In addition, ALL pre-orders will arrive to the consumer at least one day before the official street date of April 6.

Fans can go here to purchase the album in the format of their choosing.

I Learned The Hard Way was produced by Bosco Mann and recorded on an Ampex eight-track tape machine by Gabriel Roth in Daptone Records' House of Soul studios. The record drips with a warmth and spontaneity rarely found since the golden days of Muscle Shoals and Stax. Sharon's raw power, rhythmic swagger, moaning soulfulness and melodic command set her firmly alongside Tina Turner, James Brown, Mavis Staples and Aretha as a fixture in the canon of soul music. From the lush Philly Soul fanfare that ushers in "The Game Gets Old" at the top of the record to the stripped down Sam Cooke-style "Mama Don't Like My Man" at the tail, the Dap-Kings dance seamlessly through both the most crafted and simple arrangements with subtlety and discipline. I Learned The Hard Way is the "Daptone Sound" at it's finest.

Didi Benami and Casey James also get praise from the judges during big-stage debut.
By Gil Kaufman

Crystal Bowersox on "American Idol" on Tuesday
Photo: Fox

The "American Idol" season-nine top 12 made it to the big stage Tuesday night (March 16) to take on the songs of the Rolling Stones. And, in a wakeup call on the first night of mixed-gender competition, the women served notice that they really are the ones to beat this year as Siobhan Magnus drew more raves and Crystal Bowersox had yet another solid performance.

Brawny football-player-turned-singer Michael Lynche was up first, singing the appropriately sexy "Miss You," playing it like a Sam Cooke-style soul burner, complete with plenty of falsetto whoops and hollers and vigorous hand gestures.

Randy Jackson and Ellen DeGeneres thought it continued Lynche's winning ways and provided a nice kickoff to the night. Kara DioGuardi thought Michael delivered on the swagger inherent in the Stones' live show, and Simon Cowell praised him for his confidence but thought the dancing was a bit "corny" at times.

Knoxville, Tennessee, native Didi Benami went torchy with "Play With Fire," singing the song as a dark jazz ballad while slinking across the big stage and emoting into the camera.

Kara thought the eeriness of the song combined with the sweetness of Benami's voice was a nice mixture. "For the first time for me in weeks, Didi, you're on fire," Randy said. Cowell thought the tune began to show what kind of artist Benami could be.

Casey James rocked out "It's All Over Now," playing a Dixie-fried boogie take on the tune while occasionally strumming an electric guitar and tossing his golden locks at all the right moments.

After telling him several weeks ago to stop trying to be a rock star, Kara said James finally was a rock star in his best performance yet. But Simon said, despite looking great and singing well, it felt more like an audition that didn't really make use of the big stage. "You've got to push yourself," he said. "Not just be a guy standing in the middle of the stage playing the guitar. It has to be more than that. ... Just be a star."

Another Texas kid, Lacey Brown, went with an orchestral version of 1967's "Ruby Tuesday" complete with a string quartet. She sang in her coquettish 1960s pixie pop voice, seated on the edge of the stage while tweaking the melody just enough to make it her own.

Cowell said Brown's vocals are strong but that she performs like an actress and overthinks it too much. Ellen didn't like how she sat down during the most uptempo bits and felt it was a bit sleepy.

Needing to get back into his early groove, Andrew Garcia let it bleed with "Gimme Shelter," laying on some gritty Cee-Lo-like soul as he awkwardly paced across the front of the stage with the mic stand while hitting a series of big notes at the end.

For Randy it was way pitchy, while Ellen dubbed it his best performance to date. Kara focused on the meaning of the lyrics again, saying the anti-Vietnam War intensity didn't come through even as the vocal chops finally crept back. "I wanted to feel that from you, what you were talking about," she said. "I felt it at times, but most of the times I didn't." Cowell mocked DioGuardi for taking the song too literally and said the vocals were good, if a bit weaker then they were in rehearsal.

Teenager Katie Stevens needed to go big to stay in the game, which she did with the iconic ballad "Wild Horses." Sitting on a stool under a harsh spotlight center stage, Stevens sang a big pop-diva version of the tune recently covered by Susan Boyle, struggling at first with the melody and then finding her big voice on the long final note.

Randy and Paula thought, despite some pitch problems, it was a strong performance, and Simon said it was the first time she's chosen a good song, even if the emotion drained out in the second half.

Clawing back from the abyss, Tim Urban had a chance to solidify his place on the show with a Jason Mraz-y acoustic reggae run through "Under My Thumb." The arrangement was lively and fun, though the vocals fell flat at points.

Kara and Simon applauded him for going out on a limb and making it his own, but Cowell said it just didn't work and probably offended Stones fans. "I think it was a crazy decision," he said.

Resident quirky girl Siobhan Magnus went with "Paint It Black." Wearing a gothy dress, Magnus opened the tune as a turgid symphonic ballad, then rocked it out, unleashing another one of her Adam Lambert-esque rebel yells as the song built to a wild crescendo.

"You rise above. ... You're like Snooki's poof — you just stand out and I like it," Ellen gushed. Cowell said it was the standout performance of the night because some people would love it while others would hate it.

Former paint-store clerk Lee Dewyze took on "Beast of Burden," transforming the sultry rock tune into a clap-along bro-down acoustic ditty with shades of Hootie and the Blowfish-meets-Dave Matthews.

Simon said he likes Lee and his voice but that he again chose a safe, forgettable song. "Stamp your mark on the competition and stop thinking other people are better than you," he said. Kara, meanwhile, said he's growing more than any other contestant from week-to-week.

Paige Miles just squeaked into the top 12 despite a rough week, so choosing the country swinging "Honky Tonk Women" was a bold move. The bump-and-grind urban-cowgirl arrangement suited her scratchy-soul vocal style.

Randy liked it but wanted more energy, and both women and Simon applauded her for hitting big notes despite struggling with laryngitis, though Cowell thinks she still needs to find a way to connect.

The other remaining teen in the competition, Pennsylvania native Aaron Kelly, took the sensitive route with a piano-ballad take on "Angie." Though it was low-energy and a bit glum, Kelly's urgent vocals were strong, and he brought his country twang to the soft-rock arrangement.

"Your mom was right — you were born to sing," Randy said, comparing Kelly to a young Justin Timberlake. After slamming him for not connecting with his song last week, Kara said the high-schooler set her straight with his emotional delivery. Cowell predicted disaster during Stones week but was pleasantly surprised by how Kelly sang the song well within his range.

Closing the show was this year's singer to beat, Crystal Bowersox, who couldn't miss with "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Strumming her beat-up acoustic, Bowersox strolled out and laid her bluesy pipes on a funky soul reworking of the legendary ode to yearning.

None of the judges thought it was her best performance, though Ellen started to see some personality for the first time in the competition as Crystal loosened up onstage. Despite coming out the clear favorite, Cowell said Magnus bested Crystal because her song had more of a dramatic flair.

What did you think of Tuesday night's performances? Who killed it? Who blew it? What was your favorite? Who should go home? Leave your comments below.

Get your "Idol" fix on MTV News' "American Idol" page, where you'll find all the latest news, interviews and opinions.

Related Photos

• 'American Idol' Top 12 Party
• 'American Idol' Season Nine Performances

[1]Ladies and gentlemen... the American Idols! (Image by AFP/Getty Images via Daylife) What was the most annoying thing about "American Idol" tonight and its tribute to the Rolling Stones? 1. Was it the way the less-talented contestants, when given the chance to break free and perform any song from the incendiary catalog of the world's greatest rock 'n' roll band, choose instead to hide behind ballads covered in a layer of schmaltz? 2. Was it the way Didi Benami, while trying to be smoldering and mysterious as she sang "Play With Fire," actually gritted her teeth and scowled with all the theatricality of an acting student who's been told to "pretend you're a puma"? 3. Was it the way idiotic judge Kara DioGuardi kept referring to the Stones in the past tense, apparently unaware that Mick, Keith, Charlie and Ron -- still very much a working, touring, recording band -- just finished a historic world tour? 4. Or was it the way Lee Dewyze mumbled his way through the line "C'mon baby, make love to me" while singing "Beast of Burden," obscuring the lyrics in an unintelligible mishmash of syllables? Was it Fox itself, or "Idol" producers, who instructed him to neuter the song's sexual pleading for the 8 p.m. family audience -- or did Lee just decide to do that himself? Either way, it's outrageous and shameful -- and somewhere Ed Sullivan is smiling. But despite all of those insults to the Rolling Stones -- and there were more along the way -- the night ends on a high note as eventual winner Crystal Bowersox actually -- take a seat if you're startled easily, pregnant or have a heart condition -- smiles and banters with the judges after her closing performance, allaying one of my greatest fears that might prove an obstacle to what should otherwise be a foregone coronation. Crystal is far and away the most talented artist of the group this year. She's a self-assured performer with a powerful voice and a clear and confident vision of who she wants to be -- she can run rings around the competition and make it look easy. Her version tonight of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" was the perfect choice for her -- and she matched the original's power while managing to add a little Crystal sass to it, too. But Crystal's performances are usually coupled with a humble, almost painfully shy, facade that's usually endearing when it's contrasted with her immense talent. But those two traits -- talent and humility -- in the wrong light, can be off-putting, too; taken the wrong way, Bowersox could be interpreted as a talented, but aloof, performer who isn't really enjoying herself and can't be bothered to reveal anything about herself beyond her singing voice. But that changed tonight -- as she 1. added a little ad-lib sass to her song, 2. smiled and chatted with the judges, 3. revealed that she's wearing one of departed contestant Lilly Scott's feather earrings in her hair as a tribute to the contestant she was closest to, and 4. compliments contestant Siobhan Magnus's performace when judge Simon Cowell says he thinks she was good, but that Siobhan was better. "She was amazing" Crystal nodded in agreement. The end result? I love her even more ... and wish we could watch her perform for an hour each week instead of being made to sit through dreck such as... oh, I don't know... say Tim Urban's seminal, historically notable, train-wreck of a version of  "Under My Thumb." Tim takes one of the Stones' early controversial hits and Mraz-es the hell out of it, reconstituting the dark misogyny of Jagger's lyrics into a slight and lilting island reggae breeze as imagined by Mel Torme. Different doesn't always mean good, Tim, and this is beyond awful. Simon crushes him, saying that any Stones fan would turn off his TV immediately and that what Tim just did on the stage was, simply put, "crazy." As for those aforementioned ballads, they were predictable choices from the usual suspects -- the contestants who wouldn't dare touch anything more challenging: -- Lacey Brown's takes on "Ruby Tuesday" and it's funny to think that a Jagger/Richards ballad could be challenging vocally -- but somehow this chorus seems a stetch for her at times. Oh, it's also incredibly boring. She actually sits down halfway through, as if she's as uninvested as the song as I am. -- Katie Price sings"Wild Horses. It's competant, but generic, which is a shame because she does have a lovely voice. -- And 16-year-old Aaron Kelly is introduced by host Ryan Seacrest with the phrase: "Let's keep it rockin' and rollin' with Aaron Kelly..." Has a more incongruous sentence ever been uttered this season? Aaron, of course sings "Angie" -- an OK song (not one of the Stones' finest), but one that neither rocks nor rolls. And it just doesn't fit him. The oddest point of the night is Siobhan Magnus' "Paint It Black." While Crystal seems to refuse to let the "Idol" stylists change her look, the quirky Siobhan has happily given herself over to the in-house fashion squad and saunters on stage tonight in an arresting sexy-goth-riot-grrl look. But she does a good job anyway, though, as Simon points out, she doesn't need to scream at the end of every song from now on. Paige Miles is not a bad singer, and she puts a fair amount of fun into "Honky Tonk Woman," but she's undermined by the show's house band. An approximation of an iconic Keef guitar riff is just that -- an approximation, and since they're playing one of Keef's most iconic, it's clearly nothing close to the real thing. And it totally distracts me from Paige's performance. Michael Lynche sings "Miss You" -- and he's very smart to take the Stones' semi-disco tune and update it into a modern dance track tailored to his vocals and style. Of course, he's actually not much of a dancer, as Simon points out, but it's not bad, though I nearly miss half the song trying to figure out if this personal trainer is wearing eyeliner. Casey James does with "It's All Over Now" what Casey James does every other week: country-fy the song and then dazzle with lead guitar licks. He's talented, but not exactly trying very hard. And as epically bad as Tim Urban's undercooked scramble of a song was, the true lowlight of the night is Andrew Garcia. Tim was laughably bad; Andrew is sacrilegious. To his credit, he drops the guitar pop shtick and goes for something bigger -- but that's where the plusses end. He blurts out a tepid and insulting version of "Gimme Shelter," turning the Stones' most threatening, menacing and emotionally apocalyptic political anthem into a bar band performance on covers night. He's looking for an Adam Lambert moment, but it's not to be; his voice falters when he goes for the big note/scream at the end. Andrew, "Gimme Shelter" is sacred ground. Don't ever do that again. [1] http://www.daylife.com/image/05xM0fD8fcagT?utm_source=zemanta&utm_medium=p&utm_content=05xM0fD8fcagT&utm_campaign=z1

Veterans, ill-served by middle men, arrive in debt to find their life here is far from good

A culture that prefers fast food to home-cooked meals and Twenty20 cricket to five-day Tests cannot endure the long haul of political struggle. Boredom sets in. Fickle eyes flick away. "Been there, done that," we say, a crass cliche at the best of times that turns delusional when we apply it to a political world in which very few causes are done within a decade, let alone a news cycle.

For those who like their gratification instant, no story appeared more satisfying than the campaign to give Gurkha soldiers the right to settle in Britain. The plot was so pat Richard Curtis could have directed it. A legal action, initiated by London solicitors Howe & Co, to compel the government to grant residency rights to some of the 36,000 soldiers who had retired before 1997 provided the backstory. The audience joined the action in April last year, when Nick Clegg demanded that Parliament do what the judges could not. He thundered at Gordon Brown: "If someone is prepared to die for this country, surely they deserve to live in this country?" David Cameron said the same, but Brown failed to listen or understand the public mood.

Even voters who denounced immigration were on the Gurkhas' side, reasoning that if Britain let in people who hated it, the government should not bar those who had fought for it. In Joanna Lumley, the Gurkhas had a formidable champion. The daughter of Major James Lumley of the 6th Gurkha Rifles served her family's regiment well by confronting Phil Woolas, Labour's immigration minister, at the BBC. She was glamorous and filled with righteous anger. She looked down on Woolas, a careworn and equivocating politician in an ill-fitting suit, and wiped the floor with him.

Her commanding performance was too much. Labour, whose back-benchers had already mutinied, gave in. It decided to do the decent thing and open a Gurkha settlement office in Nepal. Its staff provide advice to often elderly men on managing the move to Britain, give them National Insurance numbers so that they can find work or claim benefits and help them fill visa application forms . All free of charge.

In the final scene, the victorious Lumley flew to Kathmandu where members of the Gurkha Army Ex-Servicemen's Organisation (Gaeso) cheered her until they were hoarse.

As far as the media and the public were concerned, the movie ended there. For Dr Hugh Milroy from the London-based charity Veterans' Aid, the drama is just beginning. He is a battle-hardened officer, but nothing he has seen has prepared him for the homeless men who are arriving at his door. One Gurkha, just off the plane, was mentally ill and could not speak English. His possessions consisted of two flea-ridden blankets and an equally lousy jacket with pockets stuffed with dog ends. He didn't know where he was or what to do; in the end, Milroy and his colleagues had to find the money to send him home.

Milroy fears he will soon be overwhelmed by old soldiers. They have not gone to the resettlement centre for free advice. Instead, they have listened to middlemen, who are anxious to fill their pockets with a currency more valuable than dog ends. "I am deeply concerned," he told me. "It is clear to us that if people who have never opened a bank account or dealt with our welfare bureaucracy do not go through the MoD resettlement service they will not be prepared for life in a strange land. It is utterly immoral. I've nothing against Joanna, but we're seeing unintended consequences and exploitation."

In Nepal, rival veterans' groups are accusing Gaeso of doing the exploiting. No one disputes that it asks each veteran to give £500 for help the British government is offering for nothing, before sending him to see advisers from the UK law firms who have come to Nepal, including advisers from Howe & Co. Its lawyers told me they did not take money from Gurkhas, but claimed the fees for the 1,500 people they have advised to date from the British taxpayer. Gaeso insists that the payments it asks for before the men talk to Howe & Co are "voluntary, not compulsory".

£500 may not seem an inflated sum to readers from a rich country. But Nepal is poverty-stricken and still recovering from a civil war between monarchists and Maoists. When Gurkhas add the cost of the "voluntary contribution" to the £500 they must pay for a British settlement visa and £400 for the airfare, many find they must sell their homes and land.

On Tuesday, the Commons home affairs committee will hear from Tim Heaver, a solicitor, who married the widow of a Gurkha soldier and has seen middlemen take the money of his wife's family. "Guys are putting themselves in debt who are little old men," he said. "They give up everything to get here because they are told they will have the good life and find no work and long delays for benefits."

A media and public that claimed to care so much about Gurkhas in 2009 ought to be asking how they are managing in 2010. Relevant questions should include whether the Foreign Office should investigate if smart operators are relieving Gurkhas of their money, whether charities such as Veterans' Aid deserve public support and whether we should insist that only ex-servicemen who have received free and frank advice from British officials should come here. (The answer to all of them is "yes", by the way.)

But the circus has moved on. With the exception of Sue Reid of the Mail, no journalist has shown the smallest interest in what happened to the Gurkhas next, while Clegg and Cameron have found new distractions to stop the fickle viewers reaching for the remote control. The task of preventing a small outbreak of suffering on British streets has been left to Labour MPs. Backbenchers such as Martin Salter, who led the revolt against the government and is organising the home affairs committee hearings, are co-operating with Woolas and Kevan Jones, the defence minister, who wanted to maintain the status quo. Although they were once on different sides, they can sense trouble coming and believe they have a duty to alleviate it.

We will miss these unfashionable men in ill-fitting suits when we throw them out in May. Assuming we do throw them out, that is.

Just in case the DVR wanted to be uncooperative again I watched the show live, or as live as it gets in the West Coast. But at least I don’t have to stay up past midnight to see the end of the World Series games. I only have to stay up past midnight to type these recaps.

From Hollywood, this is the Ryan Seacrest Show. Trained Seal begins by telling us that the remaining contestants have seen “two of their own sent home.” Ryan then explains why the dudes were on stage instead of the chicks. Girl contestant Crystal Bowersox was taken to the hospital earlier today and was under doctor’s orders not to perform tonight, so to help her get into the Top 12 the producers decided to switch the schedule and pressured the dudes to “agree” to sing tonight instead. Ryan did not bother to say why Crystal was in the hospital nor did he speculate as to whether or not she will be able to perform tomorrow night. As soon as I post this I’ll check the Net and find out. I’m sure somebody has spilled the beams.

Randy and Ellen have switched seats from last week so I guess Little E is a little more comfortable sharing a stage with Captain Jack. I saw some reviews of Ellen on CNN.com and most of them felt that she was too nervous and tense and that she should just be herself. Kind of like the contestants. In reference to Crystal’s absence Trained Seal asks Little E if she ever missed a show, and Ellen tries to be humorous by saying that she missed American Gladiators and Bewitched but not her own show except for the day she spent in the hospital with Ryan. She was so much funnier when she was tenser. Horny Chick is sporting an 80’s style boofy hair-do reminiscent of some of the classic dos her ex-running mate Drunk Chick used to sport. Captain Jack is still holding the company line that the girls are better than the guys this season, though he concedes that the gap is “only a smidge.”

Michael Lynche, “It’s a Man’s World” by James Brown: For the second straight week Big Mike bats leadoff. Michael admits that he is big into musical theater and that he can bench 505 pounds. He wants to prove Simon wrong and be the main event by making an interesting song choice. Michael is as expressive as he was last week but his voice is much better. He is showing some soul for once. He is a little out of synch with Ricky and the band but overall it was well done. Randy gives Mike a standing O. Little E thought the song was “educational,” apparently offended by the song title, but she still liked the song choice. Horny Chick is now finally getting Michael and wonders what he ate that caused him to change so much. In his case that could be a dangerous question. Captain Jack attempts to compare Michael’s transition to that from a pussycat to a lion. I am pretty sure he has used that one before. Trained Seal tries to follow up on Kara’s comment by asking Michael if anything has changed in the last week. Turns out his wife and new baby will be flying out on Friday. He must be pretty confident that he’ll be back next week.

During the first break we learn that NASCAR driver Carl Edwards wants to call Kanye West from his new Ford and that K-Mart has layaway. Hello!

John Park, “Gravity” by John Mayer: John gets the first of three Coca-Cola treatments tonight. Apparently John is a member of an a-capella group at Northwestern called “Purple Haze.” You see, Northwestern’s colors are purple, and… oh forget it. John’s secret is that Korean is his second language instead of English. I’m not sure how secret that is. If he has said that his first language was Farsi, then I would have been more surprised. John promises that tonight he will be “honest and relevant.” Turns out he only batted .500 on that front. His performance was better than last week’s but his voice was too breathy and he had a hard time staying in rhythm with Ricky and the band. Big Sexy thought his performance lacked spice. I thought he was on a diet. Little E wanted more soul, or should I say Seoul (sorry, I could not resist). Kara did not think it was believable enough. Captain Jack thinks John is a goner after his “so what performance,” and Trained Seal quickly challenges him on that comment. In the meantime Horny Chick tells anyone listening to her that all the judges agree with her.

Casey James, “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin McGraw: Casey claims that he never watched Idol before he auditioned, so he wasn't aware that Bo Bice, Elliott Yamin, and Chris Richardson all sang this same song on the show. Casey also claims that he has not watched TV since the age of 7 and that he bought and restored his own house. Now isn't he special, and all this time I thought he was on the show because he was eye candy. Casey also mentions his pre-show ritual but he won’t tell us what it is unless he makes it to the Top 10. Now I really dislike this guy. Casey rocks it out with the electric guitar but his vocals are flat and nasally. If this was America’s Got Talent he would earn 4 stars but this is a singing competition. Big Sexy has apparently forgotten about this and compliments Casey for his Hendrix, Stevie Ray channeling. Little E thinks Casey is there “on paper” but was too stiff on stage. Speaking of stiff, Horny Chick is still a fan but thinks Casey took two steps back and then reminds Big Sexy and Little E that Idol is supposed to be a singing competition. Simon accuses Casey of being a poser and claims that Casey does not have enough grit in his voice. Trained Seal tries to provoke Casey to disagree with Captain Jack’s comments but Casey is too savvy to fall for that. I now question Casey’s claim that he had never seen the show before.

Alex Lambert, “Everybody Knows” by John Legend: During his Coca-Cola treatment Alex admits to Ryan that he was so scared last week that he threw up before the show. Alex has perhaps the most interesting secret of the night; he invented a language when he was in 6th grade. It sounded like a cross between Spanish and Japanese. Alex has his comfortable guitar this week and he sounds a little more confident, though perhaps starting the song unplugged was not the best idea, especially for someone who claims to suffer from stage fright. Alex is better than last week but it is still kind of flat. I am still waiting to hear the great voice the other judges claim that Alex has. Big Sexy bonds with Alex over the language thing and thought he was “way legit tonight.” Little E thought Alex’s ripe banana ripened during the past week and then tries to convince Alex that she meant the banana thing as a compliment. She also compared Alex to “Sam Cooke with a mullet.” Horny Chick thinks everyone would die for Alex’s tone, if only he were not so scared every time he tries to sing. Captain Jack thought it was a million times better than last week and then drops this tidbit of advice: “the only time you should be nervous is if you’re useless.” Words to live by. Simon still thinks Alex is missing a killer instinct. Trained Seal tries to draw that out of him but the best that Alex can muster is a weak “I really want to be here.”

Todrick Hall, “What’s Love Got to Do with It” by Tina Turner: During his Coca-Cola treatment Trained Seal asked Todrick about all of the heat he took last week for monkeying up a Kelly Clarkson song. This week Todrick promises that he won’t be compared to the original artist, and chose a Tina Turner song specifically for that reason. I see, the dude chose a song by a woman so that he would not naturally be compared to the original singer. Can’t fault the logic, even though it makes no sense in reality. Todrick also promises to sing to Ellen’s “baby blue” eyes, even though her eyes are actually hazel. To top it all off Todrick compares himself to Drunk Chick, a singer who can also dance instead of a dancer who happens to sing. Oh deary deary. Todrick’s performance is OK but pales in comparison to the original singer, but then I am not supposed to compare Todrick to Tina Turner. It sounded like a lounge act. Randy liked Todrick’s falsetto but not the “wild arrangement.” Instead Big Sexy wanted Todrick to “just sing” the song rather than change the arrangement. Ellen wanted Todrick to dance more and didn't like the song choice and got booed by the tweeners in the audience. Horny Chick still thinks Todrick is likeable by openly wonders where the Todrick from the auditions went. Perhaps he left with the pants on the ground guy. Simon thought it was a theme park performance and that Todrick has got it all wrong. Trained Seal tries to reconcile Big Sexy’s comment that Todrick was “one of the best that we found” with Captain Jack’s comment that Todrick has got it all wrong. Todrick then asks Ryan why the judges are upset about him changing the song arrangements when they tell all the other contestants that they want them to do just that. Dude, you should know by know that you are playing with fire if you actually listen to the judges’ comments. Except mine of course. I’m straight up with you buddy.

Jermaine Sellers, “What’s Going On” by Marvin Gaye: Jermaine rocks his “onesee,” which I guess is the new name for a one piece pajama. Jermaine then tells us how he could not believe how harsh the judges were last week. He trashed the band during Hollywood Week and then trashes the judges now. This will not score him points with the producers who control his fate. Jermaine turned this classic soul song into a really slow miasmic ballad straight from a wedding reception. He tries to change it up a bit at the end but by then it is too late. Big Sexy is frustrated that Jermaine butchered a Marvin Gaye song. I am just mad. Ellen got cheered for liking the onesee but got booed for saying that the performance did not work for her. These tweener chicks are way too fickle. Kara challenges Jermaine to find the meaning in the songs. As frustrated as Jermaine clearly is to hear this he refrains from challenging Horny Chick to find the meaning to her songs. Captain Jack is also frustrated and disappointed and thinks Jermaine is watering down his songs. In this case he sure did. Jermaine asks the judges to tell him what to sing next week as if that will actually help, and only Little E steps up to challenge by suggesting Maze. Jermaine also challenges the judges to come to church with him on Sunday, supposedly so that they can really hear him sing, and Captain Jack immediately accepts. Jermaine claims to be a God fearing person and that God will ensure that he will be back next week. Jermaine, let me tell ya, God has a plan for all of us, but it is obvious to everyone but you that God’s plan does not involve you sticking around for much longer.

Andrew Garcia, “You Gave Me Something” by James Morrison: For the second week in a row a singer confuses me by selecting a song that I first thought was performed by The Doors. Like everyone else tonight Andrew took in the judges’ comments from last week, a polite way to say that he blew them off. Andrew starts out with a decent imitation of Taylor Hicks but soon thereafter he starts to get a little pitchy and flat. He has a great voice if he ever learns to sing in tune. Big Sexy name drops Jason Mraz and gets booed for pointing out the pitchiness. Little E wants to tattoo Andrew’s name on her neck but then brings up his performance of Drunk Chick’s “Straight Up” again. Horny Chick also brings up the Drunk Chick song and claims that it has been all downhill for Andrew since then. The same could be said for American Idol. Captain Jack is still frustrated with Andrew and wants him to go back to changing up the arrangements, only 15 minutes after he told Todrick Hall not to do that. Trained Seal carries on the Drunk Chick theme by asking Andrew which Paula Abdul song he will sing next week.

Aaron Kelly, “My Girl” by The Temptations: The youngest dude in the competition talked about his love for photography and how awesome he felt after Captain Jack urged Aaron to believe in himself more. This must be the Backstreet Boys version of the song because that is what this performance sounds like. He has a decent voice and there were no major mess-ups but it was not all that impressive. Big Sexy amazingly did not bring up the age thing but got booed for saying that the second half of the song was not very good. Little E channels Captain Jack and says that the performance was forgettable. Now she is trying too hard. Horny Chick makes up for Big Sexy and brings up how much control he has for a 16 year old. Captain Jack thought Aaron was all over the place and, to Big Sexy’s approval, name drops Justin Bieber. Who the heck is Justin Bieber? I looked him up on line and he is one of those evil Canadians like the ones that took our hockey gold.

Tim Urban, “Come on Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson: Since I was already online looking up Justin Bieber and went ahead and did the same for Matt Nathanson since I had never heard of him either. As I said before, part of the reason why I watch this show is to learn about who the kids are listening to these days. I’m proud to say that he is one of us. This is my first opportunity to hear Mr. Urban’s voice and I am not all that impressed. It is decent but he is a bit pitchy. Big Sexy pulls out the K-word for the first time this season and got booed. Little E got booed for saying that Tim would be better off acting on Glee rather than sing on Idol. Horny Chick is frustrated because it is not adding up for her yet. Idol has apparently become a math competition in her eyes. Captain Jack shocks everyone, especially Tim, by saying that he liked the performance and his work ethic after telling Tim last week that he should not even be on the show. Trained Seal embarrasses Tim by asking him why he was exhaling during Kara’s critique. It’s called breathing Ryan.

Lee Dewyne, “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder: After 9 performances of songs that I heard before the last 3 contestants required me to look up the artist online just to find out who they are. Thanks for the education guys. Lee talked about the bad decisions that he made as a youth without going into any details. Dude, if you are going to use your experience to win this contest then we deserve to know what you got busted for. Lee shows off a nice deep voice, one of the few dudes that actually have a deep voice that would sound even better if he stopped trying to shallow the microphone. Big Sexy liked that Lee took chances, basically by choosing a song that was a bigger hit in Canada than it was in the USA. Little E interprets his nervousness as “intensity.” Horny Chick thinks he can sing on the radio right now, as if she would know. Simon thinks that he would be the one to beat if he can only lose the nerves. Trained Seal tries to help out by recommending that Lee get to know the mic stand.

The Final Score: 14 shots at Captain Jack Simon; 12 shots at Little E Ellen; 11 shots at Trained Seal Ryan; 10 shots at Big Sexy Randy; 7 shots at Horny Chick Kara (seriously? Only 7? I thought with that haircut there would have been more); 3 shots at Ricky Minor and the band, and 5 shots at the audience. 6 references to former Idol contestants, 8 references to other non-Idol performers, and 4 references to Drunk Chick Paula. 3 Coca-Cola treatments, 3 artists that I had never heard of before, 2 iTunes plugs, 2 references to old TV shows, 5 name drops, 1 NASCAR driver, 1 church invitation, 1 K-word utterance, and 1 reference to an evil Canadian.

Your 3 Stars of the Night: Michael Lynche defied the producers by being the best of the night even though he went first. Lee Dewyne had a decent voice once he figured out the mic was not a lollipop. Alex Lambert was not all that good but gets the award for most improved performer of the night.

Idol Gives Back: I think I need to have my 7 year old niece help me with these predictions because I clearly do not think like the 10 year old girls who dominate the phone lines. I was surprised that eye candy Tyler Grady was voted off last week, and I was really surprised about the girls who were sent home, which I’ll discuss in my next post. I was not surprised about Joe Munoz because I had no idea who he was.

The Fearless Prediction: Alright, I’ll try this again. I suspect that God has other plans for Jermaine Sellers and so that he will be one of the two dudes sent home on Thursday. Besides, he is starting to annoy me. Any number of dudes can join him tomorrow, but I suspect that Captain Jack is right and John Park will be rejoining his singing group back in Chicago.

A poignant portrait of the Wiltshire town that pays tribute to killed servicemen returning from Afghanistan

You hear the sound of the engines first. Then the lights of the C-17 military transport aircraft appear as it dips across the evening sky, making ready to land on a runway just out of sight over the hill. Ken Scott is watching through the window of his mobile home. The sight of these planes returning from Afghanistan, often with a tragic cargo, has brought this old soldier to the realisation that wars will continue well beyond his lifetime. Yet he tracks the planes in the sky like an excited boy.

Scott points to a glowing cluster out to the left and says, "That's RAF Lyneham . . . And see all those headlights there? That's the M4." Then the 93-year-old fixes on another flickering row of lamps visible from his living room window. "And that's the A3102, the road that comes out of Lyneham, through this town and on to the M4."

There, out of Ken's window, is the confluence of factors that has resulted in Wootton Bassett becoming known in the press as "the town that weeps". This is the place that stands and mourns Britain's war dead as they are driven to the mortuary, and a post-mortem that will determine how their life came to this end. Wootton Bassett keeps a seemingly endless number of silences for the fallen. This morning, the bodies of Lieutenant Douglas Dalzell and Lance Sergeant David Walker will be flown in from Afghanistan to RAF Lyneham – the 120th and 121st repatriations that have come through Wootton Bassett.

RAF Lyneham lies less than five miles from the north Wiltshire town's centre. But it was not until RAF Brize Norton in Oxfordshire was closed for runway repairs in April 2007 that the C-17s began to bring the bodies back here instead. To get to the special armed forces department of pathology at Oxford's John Radcliffe hospital, a hearse has no choice but to drive down Wootton Bassett's high street before heading east along the M4.

In those first days, there was no pavement vigil or saluting or silences: the coffins passed almost unnoticed. But one afternoon that summer, local members of the Royal British Legion happened to be on the high street when a union flag-draped coffin caught their eye. "The legion had a meeting," Scott recalls, "and it was decided that we would find out when these soldiers were being repatriated – then we would salute them as they passed through the town."

And so it grew. Now, there are never fewer than a few hundred people on the high street, and often more than a thousand. Because of this, the legion has appointed a repatriations officer: after almost three years of attending the drive-throughs, Anne Bevis has a list of 150 people she notifies by email and 70 more she calls on the phone.

"People call it a parade but it is not a parade. It's not organised, it just happens. I ring all these people and it's up to them if they turn up. That's the beauty of it; because it's unorganised, people feel at ease," Bevis says. "It's a gathering to pay tribute with a few moments of our lives – a few moments of our lives is nothing compared with what they have given."

The upgrading work on RAF Brize Norton has now been completed, but the repatriations have not been returned there because, according to a Ministry of Defence spokesperson, "The people of Wootton Bassett had done such a lot to lend their support, it was felt it would be insensitive to transfer the process back to Brize."

Last month, the radical Islamist group Islam4UK caused nationwide outrage by announcing it wished to stage an anti-war protest in the town (the idea was abandoned, and the group has since been banned under the Terrorism Act). The local Conservative MP, James Gray, a legion member who estimates he attends around three-quarters of the repatriations, says: "It was a publicity stunt and the people of the town don't want to be used for a publicity stunt. There are no politics here: people are not making any comment as to whether this war is good, bad or indifferent. These are solemn, simple little ceremonies and that's all the town wants."

Ken Scott has missed just three of the repatriations that have come through town, and one of those was because he was hospitalised with pneumonia after turning out to pay his respects on a foul and bitter day.

On every "repat" morning, Scott picks a starched and ironed shirt from the dozen that hang in his wardrobe, then his tie and blazer. Unlike "out of town" legion people, he does not wear his medals to the ceremonies – the 1939-45 Star, the Africa Star, the France and Germany Star, the defence medal, the victory medal and a medal given by the Dutch. None of the local legion members do. "We go up there as ordinary ex-servicemen. We don't wear medals or uniforms. I just wear a blazer or an ordinary anorak if it is cold. We don't wish to show ourselves off. All we want to do is pay our respects to the fallen."

Scott was once mayor of the town he has called home for 48 years. In his home, he has dozens of books on Churchill, a pocket collection of the war poets, a knife engraved with a swastika and the town name "Wismar" (taken from a German prisoner of war), and a uniform that Scott had made to resemble the one he did battle in.

"I do know what it is like for these soldiers in Afghanistan, I really do. I spent all of my young life at war, from 21 to 28. I know what it is like to see people die in front of you, for them to be taken off to hospital. People these days don't have a clue what it's like to be in a desert, where there's so many flies and heat and desert storms. This is what these lads experience."

Scott finds it difficult to walk far and he gets short of breath, but this doesn't stop him attending the repatriations. "At the end of the exhortation we say, 'We shall remember them' – that's the important part. I feel so sorry for a mum who has lost her son, for a father, for a little boy or girl who won't have their dad to take them to school or a football or cricket match when they grow up."

Just before he leaves home for the ceremony, Scott turns the oven on. Already, he has made a casserole – "so I have got a hot meal for when I get back". On the counter beside the cooker, he lays out a plate of lopsided coconut pyramids and another of rock buns that he has made himself. Then the former sergeant puts on his army hat, which saw him safely through north Africa, France, Belgium, Holland and Germany in the second world war, and closes the door. He sits himself down on his burgundy mobility scooter – number plate KEN S1 – and heads up the hill towards the war memorial.

Wootton Bassett (population 12,000 at the 2001 census) lies five miles west of Swindon. The first recording of its existence under its early name of Wodeton was in a charter dated 681. In around 1690, its striking half-timbered town hall was built atop 15 pillars, so a market could be held underneath. The last monthly cattle market took place in 1939 – the same year the town's Crimean war gun was carted off to make munitions. These days the stalls on the Wednesday market sell dog chews, budgie seed, bread, cheese, fruit and vegetables.

The town has long had military associations. In The History of Wootton Bassett, A Very Ancient Mayor Towne, published in 1977, PJ Gingell notes: "Wiltshire has always had a friendly feeling for the armed forces, and Wootton Bassett shared that interest. At the end of the century when the last Crimean veteran was laid to rest, the whole town turned out to pay their tribute. The relief of Ladysmith was celebrated with grand torchlight processions, and the news of peace with even greater rejoicings. In 1914-18 the realities of war came closer. Houses were requisitioned, troops billeted on families, the high street lined with horses and vehicles, and camps were everywhere."

Nearly a century later, support for the troops is almost an obsession. Union flags are prominent, along with collecting tins for the Help4Heroes charity, and shop windows display books such as Citizen Soldiers, Band of Brothers and Warriors.

Wootton Bassett's high street is still very old fashioned. It boasts two knitting shops as well as Aunty May's, whose window displays a mannequin wearing a crimplene dressing gown and a knotted headscarf, and a sign offering "Quality slippers made in ­England: reduce your carbon footprint."

Stepping into Trow and Sons is like walking into a time warp. The elderly Miss Mary Trow refuses to divulge her age, though she will tell you the business has been in her family for seven generations. "I have lived here all my life, dear," Miss Trow (as she is known to all) says, as she tidies balls of wool with hands in fingerless mittens. "The repatriation days are very sad. I stay inside the shop because I can see from in here very well. It is a wonderful thing that the people stand out there. It's dreadful though."

On a repatriation day, the numbers are swelled by high-alert police officers and sniffer dogs, soldiers in combat fatigues and caps, coiffed television people busying themselves on mobile phones, and technicians in satellite vans. There are the regulars from other branches of the British Legion, the ones who wear the medals and headgear and bring their standards or flags. Here too are the leathered-up bikers of the Royal British Legion Riders Branch. There are visiting mayors and town criers. And there are those wearing black: the friends and families of the dead soldiers.

The locals, the ones to whom the place is simply known as Bassett, stand further back from the kerbside, as if to acknowledge that, today, their town is given over to something else.

On a bitterly cold January day, the hearses that drive slowly by hold the bodies of Captain Dan Read, 31 (11 Explosive Ordnance Disposal Regiment, Royal Logistics Corps), Corporal Lee Brownson, 30, and Rifleman Luke Farmer, 19 (both of 3rd Battalion The Rifles). Ken Scott and his scooter are up by the war memorial – a bronze-cast sculpture of a globe held aloft by four hands. He takes his place beside other members of the Bassett Legion: Tony Perkins, 77, a former petty officer in the navy who looks, his friends josh, "like Captain Birdseye", and Danny Kaye, 77, a former chief technician in the RAF.

The chairman of the branch, Tom Blundell, 30 years in the air force, says: "I have stood here on a few occasions and asked myself, 'Why do I keep coming here and upsetting myself?' If you watch a little boy being lifted up to put a rose on the top of a hearse, say. I saw one aged 10 who just put his hands over his eyes in tears. That's what gets you."

Further down the street, Roger Haydock, a bellringer at St Bartholomew's and All Saints parish church, is waiting to hear over a police radio that the cortege has left Lyneham. As soon as it is on his way, Haydock nips up the wooden stairs to the bell tower, and waits for a call on his mobile to signal that the cortege has stopped outside the church. Then he pulls on the thick green and gold chord and the tenor bell rings its lament. Haydock says: "I am told it changes the mood on the street as soon as the bells start ringing. The sound they make goes deep into the psyche."

And so it does. The bell brings a hush that makes the noise of the police motorbikes all the more pronounced. As the cortege comes to a halt alongside the war memorial, the silence settles down, backs straighten like ramrods and, for those who wish to, hands are raised in salute. Almost all of those sitting in mobility buggies have got to their feet. A voice gives the signal "Up", and the 25 standards brought by the out-of-town legion members are hoisted into the air.

Then comes the wailing, as the shock of seeing the flag-draped coffin for the first time hits family and friends. Mourners step forward to lay roses and other flowers on the roofs of the funeral cars. They grip each other for support, and wail as the cortege moves off towards the M4.

Now the tenor bell is silent again; within a few minutes, people will begin to move off. The Legion Riders get their mounts roaring, and mourners take refuge in the Cross Keys, the pub that has become the unofficial repatriation headquarters. The manager, 38-year-old Kirsty Lambert, says at first there was just the odd person coming in, but now she sees coachloads.

"We are the hosts of Wootton Bassett," she says, "so we tend to step back and stay out of the way. The town is for the family and friends to pay their respects. I am up early in the morning, making all the tea and coffee and sandwiches. My kids see me dressed in black and say, 'Another repat, mum?' It is really emotionally draining."

Later, when the pub is almost empty, the emotional impact of the day is laid bare as a man explains that he attended purely by accident, but was profoundly moved. "I was in the Falklands," he says. "I was on HMS Sheffield [the Royal Navy ship that was hit by an Exocet missile in May 1982, causing 20 deaths]. I put it all in a box but seeing this has brought it back." The man asks for four shots of straight vodka in a glass – shaking her head sympathetically, Kirsty gives him two.

Later that evening, in his mobile home, Ken Scott flicks through a large folder in which he has placed cards and notes left at the side of the war memorial. There are photos of soldiers holding baby children in their arms; of others in dress uniform or in desert camouflage on the battlefield; notes that say "never forget you, you're my best mate" and "you will truly be missed, you're a braver man than any of us".

"These messages are sacred. They shouldn't be blown away on the high street," Scott says, as the lights dance and flicker out of his window. "I want the mums and dads and granddads to know that the messages are here, and that when I have passed on they shall go to the museum. History will know that Wootton Bassett respected the fallen that have passed through their town. We just didn't forget them."

LOS ANGELES — Long before Anze Kopitar’s skates hit the ice at Staples Center, years before superstar Hall of Famers Wayne Gretzky and Marcel Dionne lit up opponents on the ice at the Forum in Inglewood, California, and even before superstar and should-be Hall Of Fame goaltender Rogie Vachon often won games single-handedly at the Forum, center Robert Thomas “Butch” Goring thrilled fans with his speed, scoring ability and hard work for eleven seasons after being selected by the Kings in the fifth round (51st overall) of the 1969 National Hockey League Amateur Draft.

In the 1969-70 season, his first with the Kings, Goring scored thirteen goals and added 23 assists for 36 points in 59 games. But he wound up splitting time between the Kings’ primary minor league affiliate, the Springfield Kings of the American Hockey League and the big club the following season, playing in just nineteen games at the NHL level.

It was not until the 1971-72 season that Kings fans became enamored with the speed and scoring ability of the St. Boniface, Manitoba native, but Goring quickly became the Kings’ first fan favorite.

“We had probably 10,000-12,000 people who showed up on a fairly regular basis and they were great,” Goring said during a recent interview.

Although the Kings rarely played in front of capacity crowds back in those days, Kings fans were devoted and could get as raucous and rowdy as anyone.

“It’s obviously a lot more fun to be in front of a bigger audience because the more they get into it, the more you can get into it,” said Goring. “In spite of what people say, yeah, you may not hear some of the hootin’ and hollerin’ that’s going on because you’re concentrating on the game. But when you have 10,000, 12,000, 16,000 people that are really into the game, it does make a difference. There are times when you can hear them.”

In his NHL career, Goring scored 375 goals and tallied 513 assists for 888 points in 1,107 regular season games with the Kings, New York Islanders, and Boston Bruins. In 134 playoffs games, Goring scored 38 goals and added fifty assists for 88 points.

Goring gave Kings fans some great memories while scoring 275 goals and contributing 384 assists for 659 points in 736 regular season games with the Kings, along with nine goals and nine assists for eighteen points in thirty playoff games.

He too has some vivid memories of his days wearing the Forum Blue and Gold jerseys.

“My memories of the Kings, for me—I kind of grew up here,” he said. “I came in as a nineteen-year-old and left as an older guy in some ways. But I played with some great guys and had some great coaches. We had ownership that was very good to me in Jack Kent Cooke.”

“I do have a lot of great memories in LA and I always enjoy coming back,” he added. “I get a chance, once in awhile, to see some old friends and that’s always fun. But when you come back to LA and get inside the LA Kings building, even though it’s not the Forum anymore, it’s Staples Center, it still brings back a lot of memories and, for me, a lot of good times.”

Goring’s most vivid memory is also the one Kings fans remember most about him...the 1976 playoff series against the Bruins.

“We had some exciting times,” said Goring. “People remember the playoff series against the Boston Bruins, which was a particularly vivid moment for me. I can re-live that every once in awhile...”

That season, the Kings finished second in the James Norris Division and swept a best two-out-of-three preliminary series against the Atlanta Flames. That put them into the quarterfinals against Boston.

The Bruins were leading the series, 3-2, and the Kings faced elimination in game six on April 22, 1976, at the Forum. The game was a hard-fought battle and was tied, 3-3, at the end of regulation.

That set the stage for Goring in overtime, and he got the puck high in the Boston zone. From the high slot, he fired a wrist shot past Bruins netminder Gerry Cheevers, leading the Kings a 4-3 victory.

And as the team celebrated their overtime win, Goring’s teammates carried him off the ice on their shoulders. It was the only time in Kings history that a Kings player has been carried off the ice by his teammates.

“I have that on tape,” said Goring. “That was an exciting moment for me, but I always tell people that one of the great things about that series was the arrival of the LA Kings fans. I don’t know how many people remember, but that was the time when we were getting 10-15 minute standing ovations before the game ever started.”

“No one in the National Hockey League had ever done that,” added Goring. “They were the first fans that had ever done that. That was exciting. That was a great memory for me.”

Despite Goring’s heroics in game six, the Bruins won game seven to eliminate the Kings, who made the playoffs in six of Goring’s eleven seasons with the team, but never got out of the second round.

“We obviously didn’t have as much success as we would’ve liked,” Goring lamented. “I can remember some pretty good years that we had, but for me, not winning the Cup in LA was a huge disappointment. Every year, you’re starting off and you’re hoping you’re going to win one. For me, playing the first eleven years of my career and not winning a Cup was disappointing.”

“For LA, because I have so many good memories here, and it’s kind of like I learned to play hockey in the National Hockey League in LA, and to not be able to enjoy the success that I had once I went to New York is always something I wish could’ve changed somehow, some way.”

For Goring, all that would change suddenly on March 10, 1980, when he was traded to the Islanders in exchange for goaltender Billy Harris and defenseman Dave Lewis.

“I guess every once in awhile you get a break, and that certainly was a great break for me,” Goring explained. “At the time, I was very disappointed about being traded. I think I was in the second year of a six-year contract, so I wasn’t anticipating getting traded, I didn’t want to be traded.”

“I was committed to playing in LA for the rest of my career with the possibility of not winning a Cup, although who knows—everything is subject to change from year to year,” Goring elaborated. “But it didn’t look great. Our team was only going to be average to above average, so unless things changed, it probably wasn’t going to be in our sights.”

But the change of scenery also meant a change of fortune.

“[Being traded] was tough for me,” said Goring. “It was very difficult. But once [the trade] happened and I was sitting on the Island and then you take hold of the team you’re playing with, you think, ‘holy smokes.’ You now have a real chance to win a Stanley Cup because the New York Islanders, the year before, had the best record in the National Hockey League. They were upset [in the playoffs] by the New York Rangers in 1979.”

“Right away, I recognized this as an unbelievable opportunity to win a Cup,” added Goring. “There could’ve been half a dozen other teams I could’ve possibly been traded to. That was as good a hockey team as I could go to.”

Indeed, Goring’s move to the East Coast placed him on an already-loaded Islanders roster that was led by Mike Bossy, Bryan Trottier, Denis Potvin, Clark Gilles, John Tonelli, Bobby Nystrom and Billy Smith that went onto win the Stanley Cup for four consecutive seasons from 1979-80 to 1982-83.

Goring’s arrival gave the Islanders a big shot in the arm, as he added character, a strong work ethic and some additional scoring. In fact, Goring is widely credited with being the final piece of the puzzle that put the Islanders over the top.

“It was a good fit,” he said. “As I’ve said many, many times, they were a pretty good hockey team before I arrived. I like to think I made them just a little bit better.”

“I gave them something that I think they sorely needed in a couple of different areas,” he added. “One is that I have my own character, my own way of doing things and I think that really helped them because I wasn’t a 22-year-old kid. I came in and I didn’t try to run the show or anything else like that. But I’m a pretty loose guy and I say what’s on my mind. I think that helped that club.”

“Just as important, I gave them secondary scoring. They never had secondary scoring they could count on. I was proven, I was a thirty-plus goal scorer. Right away, I gave them something they really needed.”

Goring retired as an NHL player after one season with the Bruins in 1984-85, but not before winning the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy and the Lady Byng Memorial Trophy in 1977-78, and the Conn Smyth Memorial Trophy in 1980-81—the Most Valuable Player in the playoffs that season.

Goring went on to coach the Bruins, the Spokane Chiefs of the Western Hockey League, the Capital District Islanders of the AHL, the Las Vegas Thunder, Denver Grizzlies and Utah Grizzlies of the International Hockey League (not the current version of the IHL), the Islanders, the Anchorage Aces of the West Coast Hockey League and the Frankfurt Lions, the Krefeld Penguins and the DEG Metro Stars in Germany.

Today, Goring, 60, can be seen on MSG Network in New York, serving as an analyst for the Islanders and on MSG’s “Hockey Night Live” show. But he took time out from his broadcasting duties to participate in a fantasy camp sponsored by the Kings this past January.

Goring was on the ice with the camp participants, still sporting one of the two flimsy helmets that were given to him when he was twelve years old and continued to wear throughout his entire professional career.

“I still have my helmets,” he said. “I like to think I had a couple of trademarks, but that certainly was one of them. It was unique and, more than anything else, I won’t say I viewed it as a good luck charm, but I certainly had a lot of success with it.”

Anyone who remembers Goring will remember his helmet, with his fairly long, brown hair flowing out of it as he sped up ice on a breakaway.

“I was asked many times why I didn’t change and go with something with more protection. But I didn’t wear it just for protection. I wore it because it was comfortable and it was kind of like it was part of me and I never wanted to change it.”

Something else that has not changed was apparent on the fantasy camp ice as well. While watching him play the game, even though it was obviously not at the level of an NHL contest, it was obvious that Goring still has the same love for the game and dedication to it that helped make him a four-time Stanley Cup Champion, and it should surprise no one that he still has so many fans and is remembered so fondly here in the Los Angeles area.

---

This story was originally published on Frozen Royalty, where you can find more in-depth coverage of the Los Angeles Kings and the NHL.

Best Way To Get Your Pint Glass Refilled Without Getting Off Your Couch

It may sound like a Muppet with a hangover, but The Growler is a two-liter glass bottle with a vacuum clamp-cap, and Dock Street will fill it with their own microbrews straight from the tap. They’ve got a bright and bubbly Belgian number with a citrus bite, and a brown and brooding American porter with chocolate notes, or a spicy rye IPA with a whopping 6.8 percent kick. Take it home, take your shoes off, pour into your own pint glass (or coffee mug, or sippy cup) and quaff. Refill, and quaff again. If capped properly and refrigerated, the remainder should stay fresh for three days, but we’ve never let a draft brew sit within arms reach for that long. Dock Street will also box up one of their wood-fired pizzas, which will look nice on your coffee table accompanied by hand-crafted suds.

Dock Street Brewing Company, 701 S. 50th St. 215.726.2337. dockstreetbeer.com

Unpretentious Beer Geek Award

A man of the people, Adam Ritter is at home talking business, the Phillies and even porn with just about anyone—including his mother-in-law. Unlike so many other ale-men of his ilk, he’s into sharing, not hoarding, knowledge of brew. He just about froths at the mouth when you get him going about doppelbock, saisons and IPAs. In a world full of condescension, Ritter is a straight shooter and a true tutor in the fine art of enjoying craft beer. You tell him what you’re into, and he’ll find a beer to match your palate. On top of that, he’s quick to offer a sample before you commit to a whole pint unlike some other owners in our city. (We’re looking at you Peters and Hartranft.)

Sidecar Bar and Grille, 2201 Christian St. 215.732.3429. thesidecarbar.com

Best SF-Style Fag Bar

An “Alphabet of Unreason” (sans apology to Mr. Ballard and the gents from Long Hind Legs) for the dear old Bike Stop : Assorted bears, cubs, daddies, extravagant fetish gear, hoods, interactive jockstraps, kinky Levi/leather men, nasty otters, piss queens, randy showboats, trashy underground vices, wasted xyloid young Zeuses (and/or zeros)—in short, at its best, a trip to the Castro without having to leave town. Or deal with that tiresome West Coast ’tude.

Bike Stop, 206 S. Quince St. 215.627.1662. thebikestop.com

Unlikeliest Bar To Find A Great Beer List

There’s not much good to say about Penn kids. In general, they’re whiny, obnoxious and entitled. But as future yuppies, some do have one good quality, painful as it is to admit: they appreciate good food and drink. How else to explain Mad Mex’ s beer list? The mini-chain from Pittsburgh with a branch in the heart of Penn’s campus has OK food, cheesy decor, frozen margaritas, and a half dozen of the best IPAs on the planet. Avery, Bell’s, Bear Republic, Stone—they touch all the bases. And they were one of the first bars in the city not named Monk’s to carry Russian River Damnation. So thanks, Mad Mex, for enlisting Penn kids on the side of craft beer in its ongoing battle with the Bud/Miller/Coors behemoth.

Mad Mex, 3401 Walnut St. 215.382.2221. madmex.com

Best Bar To See Titties And Drink Great Beer

Philly gets its character from Mom-and-Pop places, the little guys like Joseph Fox Books and John’s Roast Pork. Extending Mom-and-Pop love to strip clubs may seem like a stretch, but it’s warranted with the Pennsport . Delilah’s has girls for days, but it’s slick and corporate, and their hard sell on the lap dances makes it feel like a swanky used car lot. Pennsport’s a regular tap room, a little shack on Delaware Avenue that happens to have topless girls walking on the bar. There’s a crusty old lady at the cash register changing twenties into piles of ones, and the pints of Yard’s and Flying Fish on tap for $5.50 are a thing of beauty. Get a table, play some pool and let the strippers in the background provide the louche atmosphere.

Pennsport Pub, 1920 S. Delaware Ave. 215.336.7033. pennsportpub.com

Best Beer Receptacle You Can Crush On Your Head After Chugging

Ahh, the beer can. Big in the 1970s, eventually our little aluminum friend lost most of its market share to the longneck bottle. But the beer can is making a bit of a comeback, and there’s more to beer cans than just a Pabst Blue Ribbon pounder. Suburban brewer Sly Fox already releases its excellent Pikeland Pils and Phoenix Pale Ale in cans, and will soon add Route 113 IPA to the list. Yuengling releases almost all of its beers in cans. Cans are also smaller, and therefore easier to ship, so beers from some of the excellent brewers in Oregon and California are easier to get in cans on the East Coast. Plus, you can’t shotgun beer from a bottle. Please note: There are no runners-up in this category—don’t smash any beer bottles against your head.

Best Bar To Pretend You’re Not In Northern Liberties

Once upon a time Northern Liberties was its own smug little kingdom, kind of like the Shire in Lord of the Rings . The artists and hipsters had the 700 Club to themselves, and there was parking for all. A decade later, NoLibs feels like Old City North on the weekends, when young drunks from Finnegan’s Wake and McFadden’s invade the neighborhood like bands of marauding orcs. Retreat is advisable, and the best place to hide is Druid’s Keep. It’s a friendly joint with a heterogenous clientele that includes an unusual number of off-duty strippers. There’s good beer, darts and pool, and it’s particularly fine in the summertime, when you can sit in the backyard and watch the Phillies projected on an adjacent condo wall.

Druid’s Keep, 149 Brown St. 215.413.0455

Best Drink Your Grandfather Probably Drank

Rittenhouse Square is known for a lot of things: a great public park, a nice neighborhood, excellent restaurants, etc. But maybe it should also be known for the whiskey that shares its name, Rittenhouse Rye . Rye whiskey was popular in the Northeast United States after Prohibition ended, and Rittenhouse Rye began production in Philadelphia in the 1930s. The brand is now owned by Heaven Hill and won North American Whiskey of the Year in 2006. It’s great in a Manhattan or an old-fashioned, and even better straight. It’s tough to find at a state store (the LCB doesn’t carry it regularly), but plenty of good bars in town, including Southwark, keep it stocked. The best part about Rittenhouse Rye: If you can find a bottle it’s dirt cheap—just over $20. At that price, whiskey this good usually has to be bought off the back of a truck.

Best Drink For Teetotalers

Sure, we all enjoy the beer of myriad great local brewers that dot Philadelphia and its suburbs. But for those of us who don’t or can’t imbibe alcohol, a couple of local brewers also make an excellent root beer . Even a mass-produced root beer is still pretty good, but the root beers produced by Victory and Yards are incredible, both on their own or in a root beer float. You’ll have to go to the breweries or to one of the local bars that serves it (Varga Bar has Victory; nearby Percy Street BBQ has Yards) to enjoy the drink, but it’s more than worth it. If you’re too lazy to do any of that, there’s still Hank’s, named for Northeast Philly secessionist and former State Sen. Hank Salvatore.

Best Night Out in the Northeast

There are three reasons to hop the train to Northeast Philly: melt-in-your-mouth butter cake from the Danish Bakers, hardcore discount shopping at Franklin Mills and a night of drinking at the Three Monkeys Cafe , perhaps the only bar in the entire northeast section of our city that doesn’t have plastic Bud Light banners adorning the walls. Located within stumbling distance of the R7 Torresdale stop, it’s an easy commute from Center City, and worth it for their better-than-pub-grub menu and warm, neighborhoody atmosphere.

Three Monkeys Cafe, 9645 James St. 215.637.MONK. 3monkeyscafe.com

Best Bar Name

What’s happened to bar names? They’ve gotten so sleek and impersonal lately: Tria, Time, Noche, Noble, Apothecary. There’s even a bar called Bar, which is about as funny as naming your dog “dog.” 12 Steps Down is a classic of more recent vintage, but the older ones tend to be better: Doobie’s, the Happy Rooster, Dirty Frank’s, Woody’s, Khyber Pass before it lost the Pass. The really colorful names are out in the neighborhoods, though. There’s Katnip, Sit On It, Tadpole’s Hole, Cadillac Slim’s, Billy’s Chili Pot, Queen of Sheba, Carlette’s Back Yard, Les and Doreen’s Happy Tap. And then there’s Big Faces , on Eighth and Venango. The name refers to the faces on $100 bills, and there’s just something awesome about naming your bar after Benjamins.

Big Faces Lounge, 800 W. Venango St.

Best Bar In A Bar

The bar in bar—that piece of wood or formica or marble by which staff is separated from customers—doesn’t usually offer any surprises. They can be straight, or shaped like an “L” or a horseshoe—that’s it. Then there’s the mutant piece of mahogany that Prohibition Tap Room inherited from Canavan’s, the previous tenant. It has two arms that stick out at right angles from the main bar. These protuberances can seat three people on either side, and one on the end. This allows everyone to talk with each other, thereby solving the age-old, large group-straight bar paradox. Nothing’s for nothing, of course, and the odd configuration does make it harder for drinks to reach customers. But there’s a certain camaraderie in helping a pint reach its destination, and it’s fun to watch the bartenders shoot coasters down the stick.

Prohibition Tap Room, 501 N. 13th St. 215.238.1818. theprohibitiontaproom.com

Best Bar Special

Don’t believe any of the guidebooks. Real Philadelphians know the best pizza in town is at Tony’s Place in Mayfair, a bar on Frankford Avenue for over 50 years. Tony’s makes tomato pies where the sauce is on top of the cheese, and they make them so well you’ll wonder why there aren’t more places offering pizza this way. Tomato pies are what God eats when He wants pizza. Yeah, Tony’s is a bit of a haul from Center City, but it’s worth it. It’s even more worth it on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6 to 10 p. m., when tomato pies are half price. The french fries are also among the best in town, to boot. The place gets packed, so get there early.

Tony’s Place, 6300 Frankford Ave. 215.535.9851. tonystomatopies.com

Best Bar To Pretend You’re Not In Old City

Old City was a rotting neighborhood in 1980, but Sassafras was the hottest spot in town. It was a coke-on-the-bar, sex-in-the-bathroom kind of place, a real house of debauchery. In time, the scene faded, Old City gentrified and Glam and Bleu Martini and 32 Degrees and the rest of their ilk arrived. Somehow Sassafras abided, and nowadays it’s an island of serenity in a sea of bachelorettes wearing blinking dildos on their heads. With apologies to Southwark and Chick’s, Sass may be the prettiest vintage barroom in the city. With its sloping tile floor, ceramic wainscoting and pressed tin ceiling, you can pretend you’re not in Old City—or even in this century.

Sassafras, 48 S. Second St. 215.925.2317. sassafrasbar.com

Best Place To Make An Ass Out Of Yourself And Pay Through The Nose For It

Rent a cozy private room at Chinatown’s horrible singing emporium, Yakitori Boy . Have a bite to eat from what they call their Japas menu, Japanese small plates that are delivered to the room. Once you’ve mustered up enough courage to pick out a song (most likely after two or 10 Sapporos), time will start to fly by. The business-minded karaoke people here will let you stay waaaaay past your allotted time with the meter running and simply slip you the check when you’ve blown out your vocal cords singing “Unchained Melody.” Goodbye rent money, hello hangover.

Yakitori Boy, 211 N. 11th St. 215.923.8088. yakitoriboy-japas.com

Best Music In A Bar

Some things can’t be trusted to the general public, namely All-Star voting and picking music in a bar. If old-fashioned jukeboxes were an exercise in limited self-government, then Internet jukeboxes are musical anarchy. And what do people do with their newfound freedom? Must ... play ... Weezer/Pearl Jam/Lynyrd Skynyrd/Coldplay/Dave Matthews. Or they get in Johnny Cash vs. Lil’ Wayne pissing matches. Or put on an album’s worth of Lords of Acid at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. Better the benign dictatorship of the 700 Club , where Tracy Stanton and an assorted crew have been pouring drinks and spinning vinyl for more than a decade. No “Sweet Caroline,” plenty of Black Keys, Sam Cooke, Django Rheinhart, Lou Donaldson; that’s atmosphere. Now if the 700 folks could just stage a coup at WXPN.

700 Club, 700 N. Second St. 215.413.3181.

Best Bar in the Middle of Nowhere

In The Death and Life of Great American Cities , urbanist Jane Jacobs wrote of the problem of border vacuums, areas where borders inhibit cross traffic so much that development can be seriously imperiled. Take a look at a satellite shot just north of Center City and you’ll see a pair of borders: the Vine Street Expressway and the old Reading Railroad viaduct. It’s so close to Center City, yet feels like the middle of nowhere. Fortunately, things aren’t all bad: There’s a great little bar, The Institute , just north of Spring Garden at 12th Street. The beer selection is usually fantastic, there are a couple of flat-screen TVs and a decent amount of street parking. Yeah, it’s north of Spring Garden. Whatever, you chicken. Try going North for a chance and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by one of Philly’s better beer bars.

The Institute, 549 N. 12th St. 215.765.8515. institutebar.com

Most Committed Old School Cocktail Master

Channeling one of his heroes, 19th century flame throwing celebrity bartender Jerry “The Professor” Thomas, Christian Gaal artfully and gracefully heads up the bar staff at Rittenhouse Village restaurant Noble American Cookery with the zeal and eccentricity of Hunter S. Thompson (another one of his heroes). His craftsman touch with olde tyme cocktails like the sazerak is matched by his taste in clothes (he’s most commonly adorned in waistcoasts and sleeve garters). A committed raconteur, his gift for gab and flare for the dramatics only heightens the experience of patronizing the barroom of this alcohol alchemist.

Noble American Cookery, 2025 Sansom St. 215.568.7000. noblecookery.com

Best Place to Share the Dancefloor with Philly Pop Royalty

Talking about the Barbary as a hip, young dance destination is redundant. It’s in every corny advertorial neighborhood guide you can get your hands on. On weekends, Michael Madonna Prince is $8 to get in, and if you show up at 11 p.m. you’ll wait in a 50-foot line for an hour. Lame. However, owner John Redden does a good job keeping the fun going on weeknights with regular parties like Tigerbeats (Mondays) and Bouffant Bangout (Wednesdays). On these cover-less nights you own the floor and you may even find yourself rubbing elbows with Philly favorites Amanda Blank and Spank Rock’s Naeem Juwan. Surprise surprise, you can buy them both a beer and talk about their records; they’re down. The dirty little beer and whiskey joint probably won’t attract any Hollywood celebs (hello, this is Philly) but we have our own local sweethearts and ours can out drink those scrawny L.A. bitches any day.

Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave. 215.634.7400. myspace.com/thenewbarbary

Best Place To Avoid Everyone You Know

People say Philly’s really just a small town, and they’re right. Does that make it warm and cozy or claustrophobic? That depends on how many exes, stalkers and former business partners are in the barroom. To paraphrase the Cheers theme song, sometimes you want to go where no one knows your name. That means heading to a hotel bar. Why not make it the bar at the Sofitel ? They pour a great cocktail, there’s mixed nuts on the table (cashews!) and the waitresses wear these fetching black dresses. It’s like taking a mini-vacation from your life.

Sofitel, 120 S. 17th St. 215.569.8300. sofitel.com

Best Place That Still Allows Smoking and Also Has Fin Du Monde For Under $7

Trying to find a decent bar in which you can smoke since the partial ban went through is a bit of a trial. Most of the few Philly bars that still allow smoking know very well that smokers have nowhere else to go and will therefore put up with tiny tables, shitty beer selection, air quality reminiscent of the monster on Lost (which is what happens when you pack half of the heaviest smokers in town into four bars) and staff attitudes that are generally terrible. Now, non-smokers reading this are probably thinking, “Why are smokers complaining about air quality, quit or smoke outside or stop whining,” but non-smokers can shut up and skip to every other bar writeup in this section. This one’s for you, smokers: 12 Steps Down is an Italian Market bar with friendly bartenders, tables that can sit more than four people, pool, breathing space, an excellent beer selection that’s not super expensive and ashtrays. Now don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

12 Steps Down, 831 Christian St. 215.238.0379. 12stepsdown.com

Best Place To Watch 15 Football Games At Once

Problem: You want to watch every single NFL game on a Sunday afternoon, but most sports bars are full of angry douchebags who take cues in style and attitude from the cast of Jersey Shore . Solution: Head to Field House , the surprisingly solid sports bar in the Pennsylvania Convention Center. Field House has decent food and 50 plasma televisions, including sets in every booth. From most places in the bar, you can see every game on a Sunday afternoon, with several of the televisions in an awesome rectangle-of-four-televisions setup. Not completely immune to douches, but worth it if you absolutely need to see almost every team in the NFL play at once.

Field House, 1150 Filbert St. 215.629.1520. fieldhousephilly.com

Best Place To Play Darts

Darts is a game inextricably linked with the drink. This combination of razor-sharp projectiles and alcohol has bred several idiot-proof varieties—plastic boards, rubber tips—just in case your friendly bar owner doesn’t love the idea of potentially blinding his patrons. But in this safety-obsessed world, it’s the truly great bar that not only has real darts but has them out among the blissfully ignorant masses and not tucked away in some fearful corner. By this measure, the Dark Horse Tavern is a dart-lover’s mecca. Their eight dartboards are right in the thick of the action, adding to the danger of this already dangerous game. Each booze-soaked battlefield is just an errant dart’s throw from a bar so you won’t forget just what makes this game great.

Dark Horse Tavern, 421 S. Second St. 215.928.9307. darkhorsepub.com

Best Tiny Place To Catch A Band You’d Pay Through The Nose To See In NYC

It’s always a nice surprise to see a band you have your eye on throw a  Necktie date on their itinerary. With a typical $10 ticket price and space for about 100 people at a time, it’s a steal. A lot of bands that end up at Necktie are following up dates at the Mercury Lounge or the Music Hall of Williambsurg. Not huge price tags but, ya know beers at those joints are gonna be like $12 each, and many of them sell out quickly. Last year saw visits from indie darlings Gang Gang Dance, Fuck Buttons, Girls, Fiery Furnaces, Fucked Up and many others, and 2010 will no doubt be littered with locals throwing record release parties and shows from several “next big things.”

Kung Fu Necktie, 1248 N. Front St. 215.291.4919. kungfunecktie.com

Best BYOB Venue With A Caged Rat

While most nightlife proprietors have animosity toward rats, Connie’s Ric Rac co-owner Frank Tartaglia has a soft spot. For the past year, South Philly’s BYOB music venue has kept a caged rat right on the bar as a nod to their homespun, grimy brilliance. Originally bought as food for Tartaglia’s pet snake, Rick the Ric Rac Rat would give concert-goers the old once over as they ventured to the BYOB share fridge for another beer. Alas, the boys of the Ric Rac are going legit, recently applying for a food and liquor license, which spelled the end for Rick. Where is he now? “One of our customers adopted him,” says Tartaglia. “And we were going to get rid of the snake but on his last night at the Ric Rac, the rat we fed him fought back and ate the snake’s head!” Tartaglia set the fighting rat free to invade other nightclubs as the Ric Rac was given a clean bill of health. They expect to begin serving food and booze in the spring.

Connie’s Ric Rac, 1132 S. Ninth St. 215.279.7587. conniesricrac.com

Best Bar For Young Gays To Get Bought Drinks

Sometimes it seems like girls have it so easy. All they have to do is put on some heels, do their hair, expose some tit and—Bam!— they’re drinkin’ free all goddamn night ! They just bat their lashes and lean over 45 degrees and any dude with at least one working eye will come running to their alcohol rescue. But what’s a young gay who’s artsy lifestyle affords only a few PBR cans before pushing their monthly budget to do? Knock is the answer. The swanky decor and older gentlemen’s crowd make twentysomethings (dressed in something other than a V-neck sweater and bootcut jeans) stand out like a doe-eyed target. Be careful though, boys, the drinks are strong at Knock (don’t accept too many, it’s trashy), and you may end up puzzled with a business card on the pillow next to you. Sometimes it helps to bring a book or magazine, it makes you look extra lonely, and sure enough you’ll have an upside-down shot glass placed in front of you with a wink from across the bar flying your way in no time. Score.

Knock, 225 S. 12th St. 215.925.1166. knockphilly.com

Best Hipster Bar To Play Pool

Tattooed Mom ’s is like a movie set. It’s a biker bar without the bikers. It’s a dive bar in a decidedly un-dive neighborhood. The punk-club feel of the upstairs barroom will leave you feeling like you have ventured into a Jim Croce song, and with the dirty-but-diverse jukebox, you can pick the perfect soundtrack. Down balls and beers as you strut the floor like Paul Newman in the Color of Money . After all, isn’t that why we play pool in the first place?

Tattooed Moms, 530 South St. 215.238.9880. myspace.com/tattooed_mom.

Exquisite Interpretation of the Neighborhood Restaurant
3870 17th St., San Francisco
Castro neighborhood
PH: 415.621.3870
Open for dinner, Tue.–Sun., 5 to 10 p.m. (till 10:30 p.m. on Friday and Saturday)
Reservations, major credit cards accepted
www.frances-sf.com

Chef/Owner Melissa Perello just can’t seem to shake her fine-dining background. The young chef, who has helmed the kitchens of remarkable restaurants such as Charles Nob Hill and the Fifth Floor, has opened what is intended to be a casual family neighborhood restaurant in the city’s Castro district.

But the French-influenced dishes that come out of the kitchen of her new Frances restaurant – named after her grandmother – are far from casual. While they aspire to be simple and comforting, the dishes are beautifully plated and tantalizing to the taste buds.

This highly anticipated restaurant, which opened late last year, has garnered so much praise and attention that it’s nearly deafening. In fact, just last week Frances was named a semi-finalist in the Best New Restaurant category for the prestigious James Beard Awards for 2010.

With so much hype, it took a lot of control on my part to manage my expectations as I went to Frances for dinner with my friend Ken last week. (Making reservations via OpenTable have already become tricky with some weeks fairly open and others extremely tight. So the lesson with Frances reservations is to be flexible and grab anything you can at this point.)

The restaurant in the heart of the residential area of the Castro was once the home of a Hawaiian eatery and briefly a Filipino-fusion restaurant. The space isn’t very large, and that’s the first complaint you’ll probably hear about Frances. The tables along the wall are squeezed to get maximum seating and people waiting for a table crowd the tiny front area in what is probably a bar if you can see past the gathering.

The décor is contemporary and warm, with a high-end touch that gets a bit of whimsy from the funky letterings Frances uses for its signage and imprint on its daily changing menu.

The menu reflects the California trend of sustainable and market-driven dishes, and Chef Perello has designed it with an interesting starter category called bouchées – five small plates each priced at $6.50.

Ken zeroed in on the Panisse Frites or Crispy Chickpea Fritters served with a Meyer lemon aioli. Because I knew fritters would be deep-fried, I didn’t try Ken’s panisse frites. But given the happy sounds coming from each bite, I got a sense that Ken enjoyed it. (Note: I’m sure Frances probably use some kind of healthy vegetable oil to fry the fritters, but I still can’t get past the idea of something bathed in hot oil.)

Since I skipped the fritters, I ordered the Crisp Pork Trotters for myself (Ken’s seafood-vegetarian so I knew he wouldn’t touch this.) I couldn’t remember which part of the pig the trotters came from (I later found out it’s part of the feet) but I remember having them at other restaurants and they were always crunchy and fun to eat.

At Frances, the pork trotters was served like a crab cake, with the trotter formed into a disc and then pan-fried and served with a gribiche sauce and pickled baby vegetables. The plating was so beautiful (as was the tiny bowl) but I felt the trotter cakes didn’t really showcase the pig. While it tasted fine, to me it didn’t remind me of pork. Cute though.

We could have gotten a few other bouchées but instead wandered into the appetizer section that featured a soup, salad and gnocchi (and one other item). Ken went for the Roasted Parsnip Soup ($8), which was a smart choice because a lot of the early buzz has been for Perello’s seasonal soups.

The soup came in a bowl with a dollop of brown butter crème fraiche in the center sprinkled with bits of pink lady apple pieces. The waiter poured the parsnip soup at the table, but unlike other restaurants that serve soup tableside, the waiter here poured the soup directly onto the center mound of crème fraiche, ruining what I thought was a beautiful presentation. (At most restaurants I’ve seen soup poured around the bowl.)

I guess the waiter was helping Ken mix all the ingredients, but basically it just ruined the photo op for me. :( The soup just looked like a beige bowl of gloop, but Ken said he enjoyed the body of the parsnip soup and thought the contrasting tartness from the apples was a nice touch. I think he called it “delightful.”

I ordered the Local Dungeness Crab Salad with winter citrus and Star Route mizuna ($12). I knew that this simple salad of greens and citrus would be light because it has to be in order to showcase the subtle sweetness of the season’s Dungeness crab, and this salad delivered.

The salad looked refreshing and elegant, with a variety of citrus from blood oranges to an unusually orange citrus that was almost like kumquat in thickness and color but was too sweet to be kumquat. I appreciated the variety of interesting citrus selected to blend with the rest of the salad.

I had to uncover the mizuna to reveal the crab meat that was all hidden underneath. Even though it was hidden, there was no denying the crab was the star. The crab was cooked perfectly, tender and lightly seasoned to bring out the natural sweetness of the crab. The restraint in this dish is the true genius in serving crab because the natural flavor is so delicate that any kind of sauce would overpower it. So while this was a simple salad, it was also a “delightful” choice for me.

Moving to our entrees, Ken ordered the Caramelized Atlantic Scallops ($22). We debated for a bit on how many scallops he would get because while we both love scallops, restaurants often give you just a few pieces despite the high cost. I guessed three, and I was right. The three seared scallops laid across a pile of toasted farro, fava greens and wild mushrooms.

I’ve read others who felt what is offered in this dish is small for the $22 price tag, but Ken said the scallops were cooked perfectly and the hearty farro made the dish feel more substantial.

I ordered the Sonoma Duck Breast ($25) because you know my rule about seeing duck on the menu. The slices of almost rear duck breast were served with Contechino sausages that added a nice savory flavor. The duck also sat on a butter bean ragout (everyone seems to be serving beans these days) with sautéed escarole. Everything on the dish was cooked nicely, and I enjoyed the sauce that pulled it all together. What was also interesting for contrasting texture was what seemed like bits of croutons sprinkled on top that added a surprising crunch now and then.

Side note: Chef Perello can be seen at the window looking into the kitchen. She spent the night in the expeditor role, making sure dishes coming out from the kitchen looked perfectly plated and got to the right tables. I think it says a lot about the kitchen staff when the executive chef’s menu is executed so well without her in the kitchen.

We neared the end of our meal and as Ken and I looked over the dessert options, there weren’t anything that intrigued me. My rule with dessert is to go for something I probably can’t get anywhere else. So that means I generally skip the chocolate cakes or crème brulee options unless they’re made with a unique ingredient.

Ken and I decided to share the Chocolate Mousse because it came with a burnt caramel sauce and I’m all about burnt caramel right now. The plate, another beauty, came with three scoops of chocolate mousse each topped with a thin cookie with powdered sugar. The burnt caramel was underneath, but not liberally dousing the dish. Instead, its smoky flavor (that reminded me of coffee) was like accents to the balanced mousse that was not too dense but not too airy. It was an impressively restrained dessert that (for me) wasn’t too sweet. (I’ve read some food boards that said this dessert was too sweet.)

I haven’t written much about the wine selection at Frances because both Ken and I skipped drinking (I’m still on my wine cleanse). But Frances has a top-notch sommelier in Paul Einbund, formerly of the two Michelin-star Coi. Along with developing a strong list of wine, Einbund has created a house blend of red and white that’s sold for $1 per ounce. So you get a decanter of wine at the table and the server deducts how much you’ve drank to determine your total cost.

Our dinner, which lasted almost two hours, didn’t feel rushed or hurried. Frances’ servers are professional and friendly, and the food really shines despite the cramp quarters. (Along with the tight space, be prepared for a lot of noise. Ironically, I couldn’t hear over the din of buzz when talking to Ken across the table, but I could hear clearly the people talking sitting on both sides of me.)

With most hyped new restaurants in town, high expectations can dampen the experience because who can really live up to such standards. But at Frances with the talents of the kitchen headed by Perello, this is one overly hyped restaurant that rises to the occasion and meets the expectations head on.

Single guy rating: 4.25 stars (A Welcomed Addition)

Explanation of the single guy's rating system:
1 star = perfect for college students
2 stars = perfect for new diners
3 stars = perfect for foodies
4 stars = perfect for expense accounts
5 stars = perfect for any guy's dream dinner



Food papparazi
After I was seated at my table at Frances, out of the corner of my eye I noticed Food Network Chef and Marin resident Tyler Florence in the house enjoying dinner with two others. Given Florence’s busy schedule (he’s developing three restaurants and expanding his retail empire with his stores and organic baby food line), I was surprised to see him having dinner out. But it says a lot about the buzz surrounding Frances that it’s become a destination restaurant for the Castro neighborhood (one the neighborhood has been needing for a long time).

Technical note: To all you camera nerds, this is the first restaurant review that all the photos were taken with my Canon DSLR Rebel camera using my new Canon EF 50mm fixed f/1.4 lens. I got this lens as a Christmas gift, and I’ve been testing using it out at restaurants. I love the photos I get in well-lit restaurants serving up small portions (the lens take really close up shots so it’s difficult to capture a large plate unless I back up a lot).

I don’t know how often I’ll use my big DSLR camera because it’s still a bit awkward to be holding up the camera and taking pictures in a restaurant. I’ll probably use it for restaurants that have an open layout (where the room is big and people won’t notice me as much) and when I’m dining alone (I can pretend to be playing with my camera) so I’m not embarrassing my dining partner. So most of my reviews will probably still use photos from my point-and-shoot Fuji. See if you can tell the difference.

The choices are big, the polls are narrow. That's what really grips, and it won't be derailed by news of titanic fury

I have been trying really hard to get worked up about the latest stories of Gordon Brown's bad temper. I have drunk a gallon of coffee, done some star-jumps, read the coverage three or four times, shouted at various radios and televisions, stomped up and down the road. And do you know what? Nothing. Nada. I just can't do it. Excited? Surprised? Not at all.

Andrew Rawnsley, of our sister paper the Observer, is a fine and trustworthy journalist. When he says his new account of Brown's premiership is based on meticulous and numerous interviews, I believe him. And when Lord Mandelson dismisses this account, I'm inclined to disbelieve him. When Rawnsley says he has left out dramatic stories about the prime minister's temper because he hasn't been able to source them well enough, I believe that, too. Such stories have been doing the rounds for a year. A book based on unverified tittle-tattle would have been easy to write, and more lurid than this.

The problem is that revelations about Brown's expressions of anger and frustration in private are hardly news. The picture of a driven, short-tempered and sometimes foul-mouthed man inclined to bully those around him, or at least to vent his frustration in ways that intimidate them, is familiar. It is only one part of Brown's character. He is also a serious man who struggles hard to resolve difficult policy problems and who possesses remarkable staying power.

That much the public knows. It is some way from the tales of almost deranged anger that were current a year or six months ago. My reading of Brown, from talking to ministers, is that he did have a period of near-meltdown – when he realised the wheels were coming off his premiership, and he was staring into the political abyss – but has partly recovered since. He is clearly tougher than the ministers who were plotting against him. He has found, once again, a story to tell.

Meanwhile, just as David Cameron once scooped easy plaudits by comparison with Brown, now the Tory leader doesn't look quite so impressive. The polls have narrowed. On the economy, there is no longer clear blue water bet­ween the main parties, as the Tories have put a brake on their cuts rhetoric and downplayed differences on tax. Internal party bickering has intensified. The inner clique around Cameron seems worryingly small. Some of their new policy ideas look like undercooked ­gimmicks. They aren't making the headway in the northern marginals they'd expected to. There is, quite clearly, a Conservative wobble going on.

Now Lord Heseltine has pitched in, warning Tory activists that a hung parliament is the likeliest option. What's all that about? My guess is that although it reflects a reasonable reading of the polls, Hezza is too much of a natural loyalist to be speaking out of turn, and too shrewd to make gaffes. So I suspect he was put up to it by Tory high command to inject a bit of fighting spirit into the troops.

Still, the election is going to be far more interesting than we could have expected only a few months ago. Could it be that the stream of Blairites leaving politics, with James Purnell the latest and perhaps most serious loss, have been making a mistake – jumping from a ship that is waterlogged but not actually sinking? A few months ago, the ­Rawnsley book might have come like a final blow. Not now. He has taken some paint off the prime minister's car, but he hasn't caused a crash.

Brown should be under no illusion. As his private polling will tell him, the public are not fond of him. It was interesting, though depressing, that the soul-baring strategy with Piers Morgan seems to have paid dividends. Pray God we don't have an election campaign of competitive exhibitionism among party leaders as a result. That would be grisly, but also a mistake, for it's clear that this election will not be decided on the basis of character. Brown isn't so bad, Cameron isn't so good, for that to be critical.

Instead, it will be about what it should be about, which is economic and social policy. In terms of pure politics, this spring's budget will be the most important for a generation. It is crucial to understand that Alistair Darling, ­perhaps the only Labour politician whose reputation has risen lately, cannot deliver a cynically political budget. If he tried it, the markets would panic, the pound would collapse, and a Tory landslide would be certain. Optimistic talk of the fruits of economic growth, and calculated vagueness, will come across as disingenuous blather.

Darling has to produce convincing numbers to explain how he intends to slash the deficit, which will be a legal requirement. We know pain is coming, both in spending cuts and (probably) further tax rises. But the timing and placing of the cuts are still mysterious. Should VAT rise? Should Trident go? What will happen to the financing of council services? Will middle-class university students be made to pay more?

These are some of the decisions that matter hugely to the whole country, even if the next set of figures in April confirm that Britain is still just out of recession. George Osborne has to ­produce a plan that is at least as clear. Again, if the Tories try to fudge it, they will lose any lead in economic competence and could even lose the election. So put aside stories about shouting at aides, or stabbing pens into car seats, and let a bigger battle commence.

I can't wait. Nor can I honestly say that this battlefield will help Labour fight back. A stuttering recovery, in a country that has lost so many jobs and companies, whose education system continues to underperform, and in which inequality has increased, is not a sound basis for political revival. The bleeding away of talent and experience means Labour's top team seems denuded and short of new thinking.

My guess is that, in the end, the electorate will remain bored and fed up with Labour, and that the Tories will have spent so heavily in the key marginals, that Cameron will make it. What has changed is that this is no longer dead certain. Labour is reeling, but still standing. Nick Clegg is doing far better with the Liberal Democrats than the Westminster ­in-crowd has noticed, so a hung parliament is indeed possible. A minority Tory administration would be a nightmare for Cameron – and after it, ­anything could happen.

Anyone who's interested in politics ought to be gripped by what's ahead. The choices are big. The polls are ­narrow. That's what to get excited about, not Brown's titanic grumpiness. I don't want to sound po-faced. A little tittle, a touch of tattle? Fine by me. But it's time to move on.

As the general election draws ever nearer, both Labour and the Conservatives are fighting for the co-operative vote

It was described as an "experiment in industrial democracy": a radical idea by the owner of two department stores to turn all his employees into "partners" who would collectively own the company. That was in 1929, on the eve of the Great Depression. More than 80 years on, the John Lewis Partnership is now owned by a trust on behalf of more than 70,000 workers, who have a say in the running of the business and take home a share of its profits.

Never has the notion of "employee-ownership" been more popular than now, in the run-up to the election.

The apparent success of the John Lewis co-operative has left politicians of all hues aspiring towards a similar model – not for businesses, but for hospitals, councils, job centres and schools. But whose idea was it? After all, mutualising the public sector is a vision that both Gordon Brown and David Cameron are desperate to claim.

Last week it was the turn of the Conservatives. The party laid out plans to allow public-sector workers such as nurses, social workers and teachers to form social enterprises owned by employees. Cameron described the idea as "revolutionary": "If someone owns something, they care about it even more and they work even harder to make it better." And while there would be no profiteering, the workers would be able to share any financial surplus if they cut costs and improved quality.

The Conservative leader described it as the "most significant shift in power from the state to working people since the sale of council houses in the 1980s".

But while he compared it to a policy brought in under Margaret Thatcher, the notion of mutualising the public sector has its roots in Labour tradition.

It was clear last week that Cameron hoped to appeal to that sentiment and reach out to a new set of voters. Cameron and George Osborne, the shadow chancellor, unveiled a series of posters that read "I've never voted Tory before but…" alongside a document entitled Power to public sector workers. In it, they cited a government report on its NHS "Right to Request" scheme, which allows workers to set up a social enterprise, including a poll that found 64% of people wanted social enterprises to take control of services, compared with 11% that would choose the government.

"The Co-op movement has long been associated with the left," wrote Ben Macintyre in the Times, pointing out that the Co-operative party had been in alliance with Labour since 1927. The Spectator, the right-wing magazine, congratulated the Conservatives in its editorial comment. "Labour has, disastrously, abandoned this idea," it concluded, adding: "Only James Purnell is left, forlornly proclaiming empowerment as a Labour mission."

It was referring to a speech last week by the former cabinet minister, who on Friday announced he would be quitting parliament at the election, in which he spoke of how his party had forgotten some of its co-operative roots and argued it was time to look for ways to give power to the people.

"The Labour tradition has always been communitarian in spirit, but not always in practice," he told his audience at the London School of Economics. Purnell argued that Labour has been looking for ways to "strengthen community through the state", but the answer "was staring us in the face, in the form of the Labour movement itself, and the ideas of organisation, reciprocity and political action on which it was built". "After 1945," he added, "we forgot some of those lessons and neglected the habits of association and organisation out of which Labour had grown." Little had been done to redress social capital, he added, pointing to a dramatic decline in trade union and Labour party membership.

His speech was based on a document, We mean power: ideas for the future of the left, edited by Purnell and Graeme Cooke, who runs a project called Open Left at the think-tank Demos. Purnell said Labour should be flattered by the Tories' desire to present themselves as progressive. The difference, he said, was that the Tories believed less state meant more society. "It's not state or society, but state for society. This means the state should focus on its supporting role, on how it can help society heal itself," he concluded.

For its part, the government moved quickly last week to try to reclaim its grip on "employee-ownership". After all, it was already known that the party's manifesto would include similar ideas about mutualism. It also pointed to the NHS scheme that is already running, which allows staff to create social enterprises which can innovate and be more responsive to local needs. Ed Balls, the schools secretary, said there would be 200 co-operative schools set up by the end of the year. Last week they increased their fire. First it emerged that debt-ridden Hinchingbrooke hospital would be taken over by a private company – with the front-runner one that specialises in employee-ownership. Then it emerged it planned to rebrand the London borough of Lambeth the first "John Lewis council". The Liberal Democrats, too, support the notion of co-operatives.

As for the Tories' latest proposal, some have criticised it for being too light on detail. They point out that the party launched the Conservative Co-operative Movement in 2007, but nothing has been heard since. They also claim that Tories have underestimated how complicated contracts would need to be between the government and the co-operatives. The unions were also dismissive, arguing the policy was a cover for spending cuts and eroding pay and conditions.

For their part, Tory advisers say they have made plans for a team in the Cabinet Office to help staff start enterprises from "day one" of a new Conservative government. They say that, since 2007, there have been pamphlets and articles making the case for co-ops and that last week's announcement shows how serious they are. Among the pledges was a right for people to become their own boss for all public-sector workers, apart from the armed forces, police and the courts. Like employees at John Lewis, public-sector workers could benefit from financial success and vote on how things were run.

Tories also point to other announcements, such as allowing parents to set up schools, encouraging local mothers to create "maternity networks" and letting community groups set up housing trusts. As for Purnell's intervention, they say that his claim that "empowerment" had become an empty word because politicians don't mean it is at the heart of what is wrong with Labour.

One thing is clear: the rallying call of all parties this spring will be power to the people.

After watching the supposed "grand-finale" of All-Star Saturday, the Sprite Slam-Dunk, I am left to quote Mr. Five-Dollar Box, Charles Barkley:

"That was turrible," he said in his exaggerated Southern drawl.

Unbelievably bad. You would be hard-pressed to come up with something so underwhelming as Saturday night's signature event.

It felt like expecting Hayden Panettiere for a date only to discover after the doorbell rings that Judge Judy Sheindlin is smiling at your peephole.

I mean she's funny, but much better to watch from a distance, like, on television roasting litigants.

The Sprite Slam-Dunk was much better to just not watch at all. Imagine if you'd spent hundreds of bucks to watch that in person.

It just may be worth filing a class-action lawsuit against David Stern for even selling tickets to that mockery of a contest.

More interestingly, I found myself watching how disappointed the crowd was and seeing the NBA players on the sidelines faces as each dunk seemed to pile on to the boredom of the one before.

There was truly only one really good dunk, and that was DeMar DeRozan's catch off of Sonny Weems' pass from the side of the backboard into a windmill.

That was the only perfect score of the night.

Anyone who believed that this contest would be any good after hearing the field must watch basketball from an underground cave.

DeRozan used better dunks in the "dunk-off" against Eric Gordon than he had Saturday sans the backboard windmill.

Gerald Wallace is an NBA veteran who has better things to do than try and win a contest that he should've never been in.

Wallace looked old and detached from the festivities, partly because he knows he's a game-dunker and doesn't have the creativity or flair for a contest of that nature.

Shannon Brown, the high-flying Laker that Kobe Bryant and many others predicted to win it all, looked out of his league and nervous, pulling-off some generally boring dunks.

I felt really bad for him as it appeared that he wanted to win it so badly that he found a way to go out and lose it. His last dunk could be done by 95 percent of NBA players.

Kobe tossed him an oop and Brown threw it down with his left hand. That's it. No spinning, whirling, tomahawking. No creativity. Just an alley-oop.

No disrespect to Chris Paul, but he's not known as a dunker, and he could've pulled that one off.

Nate Robinson won it for the third time, but honestly after that debacle who cares? Robinson himself didn't seem to care.

He just wanted to get out of there, because after his entertaining showdowns with Dwight Howard and Gerald Green, this mess was a joke to him.

We love you Nate, but your dunking half-life has officially ended.

Stern should've seen this coming. With a rookie, a veteran who isn't a creative dunker, and an overcooked past champion he must have thought Brown could save it all.

Maybe the fact that Mr. LeBron James decided to skip the festivities after proclaiming he would do it last year killed the spirit.

I don't know if King James could've saved that rummage, but his star power would've made a difference, even if he tried really difficult dunks and missed them.

At least we would have had something to be excited about.

In regards to the other events Saturday night, the three-point shootout was by far the most entertaining.

The Celebrity game was dishearteningly comical, to the point that I felt bad for all involved and couldn't bear to watch them embarrass themselves.

HORSE lacked organization, thus making it look like a charity event for kids rather than something that was worthy of being televised.

The Haier Shooting Stars competition was decent, but nobody really clamors to see WNBA players and old-timers shoot jumpers.

I was more focused in on my biggest female-athlete crush on Becky Hammon than anything else that was happening.

Throughout the competition, I was praying she would win so I could see her for an extended amount of time accepting the trophy.

The Skills Challenge appeared as if the NBA went to the hotel rooms of Steve Nash, Deron Williams, and Russell Westbrook and made them put down the booze to come perform.

Westbrook was nabbed at the last-minute to replace the injured Derrick Rose, the defending champ, and he looked like it.

Williams looked slower than in previous years and seemed to give up, and Nash went just fast enough to beat out Williams.

Paul Pierce's victory in the three-point shootout didn't come easy as he had to fend off rookie sharp-shooter Stephen Curry, but Pierce put all of his energy and competitive fire into the contest and it showed.

Pierce, Curry, and Chauncey Billups' performances in the three-point were the only passion-filled showings all night.

Where are the days when guys like Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, and Dwyane Wade would come out and showcase their skills?

All of the great talent in the league, and the best we could get was Shannon Brown?

Maybe this year's All-Star weekend was marred by all of the collective-bargaining agreement talks that Stern is getting migraines from.

His focus clearly wasn't on the events of Saturday night, and after learning the league expects losses of 400 million, he'd better make it better fast.

If there aren't better headliners next year, Stern may find that his losses are building up.

It won't be easy to come up with something that the people will fully embrace, but after watching Saturday night unfold, someone better try.

I can't imagine sitting through such ridiculousness in which the Dallas Cowgirls were the highlight of the night.

Oh, and Becky Hammon.

 

10.30pm: Round-up
Two players missing in action and presumed out are James Browning and Surinder Sunar.

One player doing a lot better is TeaamPokerStars Pro Vicky Coren who is up to 60,000. She hit a set of 2s apparently and got paid.

10.24pm: Misguided Robin Hood
Robin Hood is renowned for taking from the rich and giving to the poor. Team PokerStars Pro Portugal Henrique Pinho has just taken chips from a poor player to eliminate him and then very quickly given them to another poor player to double him up.

The first hand saw Pinho move all in from the button in to the short-stacked small and big blind. The big blind folded but James Gray called all in from the small blind with [kd][td] and was ahead of Pinho's [jd][7s]. The board ran a rollercoaster [js][ac][2c][kc][7d] to end it for Gray.

A few hands later Pinho was involved in another all in show-down and once again he had the worst hand. His [as][js] faced-up against Dave Cooke's [kc][ks] and the board ran [8c][7s][qd][3h][8s]. The busy Portuguese is on 23,000 right now.

Scrub this and write your caption here instead

Team PokerStars Pro Portugal Henrique Pinho

10.11pm: Orpe torpedoed
EPT presenter Michelle Orpe's tournament life is pretty much over. She's got about 1500 left after getting [jd][js] in on a [th][7h][4d] flop. The pain was quite plain as he called and was shown a set of 7's. Maybe a miraculous few double ups await?

10pm: Dropping like flies
Level 7 has kicked off with plenty of carnage with players dropping left, right and centre. Jonathan Heath thought he had sucked out when his pocket 7's caught a set on the flop versus Dan Rankin's Kings before another King spiked on the turn. All the chips had gone in pre-flop and Rankin is now up to 33,000.

Shortly after Dominic Cugudda fell to a rivered gutshot (albeit getting it in pre-flop in a coin flip). Still it's a fairly brutal way to go when you're trying to dodge just four outs. Jamie Dale was the lucky recipient of the pot.

Then over on Jeff Kimber's new table Thomas Muhlocker got it in with [9d][9c] against Sadan Turker's [as][th] for a 30k-plus pot when the board hit one of his over cards. There had been an aggressive dynamic between the two players and it had been only a matter of time before the two were due to have this kind of car crash.

9.48pm: Turn of luck
Four players were still involved in the pot when the turn came giving a [as][3c][qh][7c] board. Nick vd Marel was in second position and led for 2,775 and was only called by table chip leader Julian Hasse. After the river came [4s] he led again, this time for 3,275 and was called quite quickly. vd Marel opened [7h][7d] and with that his stack has risen to 55,000 with Hasse's dropping to 53,000.

This is the table where Teddy Sheringham is sat and he along with at least two more players have over 40,000 chips. It would be of little surprise if we see the end of day chip leader emerge from this group.

9.40pm: Back to the grind
A total of 170 players are returning back from break as the blinds move up to 200-400 with a running ante 50 putting an increasing pressure on the short stacks. We're expecting quite a few players to fall by the wayside in level 7 and in the process for a couple of big stacks to emerge from the ranks.

A lot of players will be looking for a good spot to get their chips across the line

The Hyundai A-League 2010 Finals Series is a series of firsts for the competition.

For the first time 6 clubs, including Perth Glory and Wellington Phoenix in their finals debut, will appear in a Finals Series with first playing off against second in a home and away series.

The third and fourth placed teams get home advantage when they face the sixth and fifth teams respectively in knockout matches.

In making the finals series Gold Coast United became the first club (foundation year aside) to reach the Hyundai A-League Finals Series in their debut season.

With home ground advantage still up for grabs for Perth Glory and Wellington Phoenix, Round 27 will make for interesting viewing as both teams have the chance to host the a Hyundai A-League Finals Series for the first time.

And with the Premiers Plate up for grabs in the final match of the Hyundai A-League 2009/10 season, when Sydney FC take on Melbourne Victory, it really is time to be part of something bigger.

Wellington Phoenix v Central Coast Mariners
Date: Friday 12 February 2010
Venue: Westpac Stadium, Wellington
Local Kick-Off: 7.30pm (5.30pm AEDT)
Referee: Chris Beath
Head-to-Head: All matches (played 8): Wellington Phoenix wins 3, Central Coast Mariners wins 3 (2 draws)

Live and exclusive broadcast on FOX Sports 1, 1 HD and Sky Sport 3. Hyundai A-League club radio broadcast partner is The Radio Network 1035 AM (Wellington) and Coast FM 96.3 (Gosford). To purchase tickets visit www.ticketek.co.nz

Wellington Phoenix squad: 2. Manny MUSCAT, 3. Tony LOCHHEAD, 4. Jon McKAIN, 5. DIEGO, 6. Tim BROWN, 7. Leo BERTOS, 8. Paul IFILL, 9. Chris GREENACRE, 11. DANIEL, 13. Troy HEARFIELD, 14. Adrian CACERES, 15. Eugene DADI, 17. Vince LIA, 18. Ben SIGMUND, 20. Reece CROWTHER (gk), 22. Andrew DURANTE (c), 40. Liam REDDY (gk), *two to be omitted*
In: DIEGO (promoted)
Out: Nil
Unavailable: Mark PASTON (gk) (leg – season)

Central Coast Mariners: 2. Matthew CROWELL, 3. Shane HUKE, 5. Brad PORTER, 6. Brady, SMITH, 10. Panny NIKAS, 11. Dylan MACALLISTER, 12. Matthew LEWIS, 15. Andrew CLARK, 16. Nigel BOOGAARD, 18. Alex WILKINSON (C), 19. Matt SIMON, 20. Danny VUKOVIC (GK), 24. Bernie IBINI-ISEI, 29. Nick FITZGERALD, 30. Mathew RYAN (GK)
In: Dylan MACALLISTER (promoted), Nick FITZGERALD (promoted), 24. Bernie IBINI-ISEI (promoted)
Out: Pedj BOJIC (suspended), Adam KWASNIK (thigh - 2 weeks), Chris DOIG (groin - indefinite)
Unavailable: Pedj BOJIC (suspended), Adam KWASNIK (thigh - 2 weeks), Chris DOIG (groin - indefinite), Nicky TRAVIS (hip flexor - 1 week), John HUTCHINSON (ankle - 10 weeks), Jonathan BROWN (groin - 2 weeks), Ahmad ELRICH (ankle - indefinite)

Newcastle Jets v Adelaide United
Date: Friday 12 February 2010
Venue: EnergyAustralia Stadium, Newcastle
Local Kick-Off: 8.00pm
Referee: Gerard Parsons
Head-to-Head: All matches (played 15): Newcastle Jets wins 5, Adelaide United wins 6 (4 draws)

Live and exclusive broadcast on FOX Sports 1, 1 HD and Sky Sport 2 (delayed). Hyundai A-League club radio broadcast partner is. To purchase tickets visit www.proticket.com.au

Newcastle Jets Squad: 1. Ben KENNEDY (gk), 2. Angelo COSTANZO, 3. Adam D’APUZZO, 5. Ljubo MILICEVIC, 6. Ben KANTAROVSKI, , 8. Matt THOMPSON (c), 9. Sasho PETROVSKI, 11. Tarek ELRICH, 14. Michael BRIDGES, 16. Jason HOFFMAN, 22. Kaz PATAFTA, 26. Ali ABBAS, 27. Scott BALDERSON, 29. Mirjan PAVLOVIC, 30. Dion SHAW (gk)
In: Jason HOFFMAN (promoted), Scott BALDERSON (promoted), Mirjan PAVLOVIC (promoted)
Out: Nikolai TOPOR-STANLEY (hip – 1 week), Jin-Hyung SONG (hamstring – 1 week), Labinot HALITI (suspended – 1 week)
Unavailable: Jobe WHEELHOUSE (groin – 1/2 weeks), Shaun ONTONG (Achilles – indefinite), Sean ROONEY (calf – 1 week), Fabio VIGNAROLI (knee – indefinite), Marko JESIC (knee – indefinite), Neil YOUNG (gk) (face – 1/2 weeks)

Adelaide United squad: 1.Eugene GALEKOVIC (gk), 2.Robert CORNTHWAITE, 3.ALEMAO, 4.Iain FYFE, 5.Daniel MULLEN, 6.CASSIO, 7. Lucas PANTELIS, 8.Kristian SARKIES, 10.Adam HUGHES, 11.Lloyd OWUSU, 13.Travis DODD (c), 14.Scott JAMIESON, 17.Michael MARRONE, 18.Fabian BARBIERO, 19.Mathew LECKIE, 20.Mark BIRIGHITTI (gk), 21.Mark RUDAN, 24.Marcos FLORES, *3 to be omitted*
In: ALEMAO (promoted), Kristian SARKIES (promoted), Mark RUDAN (returns from injury)
Out: Nil
Unavailable: Joe COSTA (knee – long term injury list), CRISTIANO (knee – indefinite)

Perth Glory v Brisbane Roar
Date: Saturday 13 February 2010
Venue: ME bank Stadium, Perth
Local Kick-Off: 4.00pm (7.00pm AEDT)
Referee: Peter Green
Head-to-Head: All matches (played 14): Perth Glory wins 2, Brisbane Roar wins 9 (3 draws)

Live and exclusive broadcast on FOX Sports 1 and 1 HD and Sky Sport 2 (delayed). Hyundai A-League club radio broadcast partner is 107.9 Life FM (Adelaide). To purchase tickets visit www.ticketmaster.com.au

Perth Glory Squad: 1.Tando VELAPHI (gk), 2.Danny McBreen, 3.Jamie COYNE, 4.Andy TODD, 5.Jamie HARNWELL, 6.Chris COYNE, 7. Jacob BURNS, 10. Wayne SRHOJ, 11. Branko JELIC, 12.Scott NEVILLE, 13.Scott BULLOCH, 14. Steven McGARRY, 16.Adriano PELLEGRINO, 17.Todd HOWARTH, 19.Naum SEKULOVSKI, 20.Aleks VRTESKI (gk), 21.Mile STERJOVSKI, 23.Andrija JUKIC, 28. Tommy AMPHLETT, *four to be omitted*
In: Tando VELAPHI, Jacob BURNS, Branko JELIC, Adriano PELLEGRINO, Mile Sterjovski (all return from injury)
Out: Nil
Unavailable: Viktor SIKORA (Thigh – 1 week)

Brisbane Roar squad: 1. Matt HAM (gk), 2. Andrew PACKER, 3. Luke DEVERE, 4. Pieter COLLEN, 7. Michael ZULLO, 8. Massimo MURDOCCA, 9. Sergio VAN DIJK, 10. Steven BRYCE, 11. REINALDO, 13. HENRIQUE, 14. Adam SAROTA, 17. Mitch NICHOLS, 20. Griffin McMASTER (gk), 21. Tommy OAR, 22. Ivan FRANJIC
In: Mitch NICHOLS (promoted)
Out: Matt McKAY (suspended – 1 week)
Unavailable: Nil

North Queensland Fury v Gold Coast United
Date: Saturday 13 February 2010
Venue: Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville
Local Kick-Off: 8.00pm (9.00pm AEDT)
Referee Ben Williams
Head-to-Head: All matches (played 2): North Queensland Fury wins 1, Gold Coast United wins 1 (0 draws)

Live & exclusive broadcast on Fox Sports 1HD & 1 and Sky Sport 2 (delayed). To purchase tickets visit www.ticketek.com.au

North Queensland Fury squad: 1.Paul HENDERSON (GK), 2.Robbie MIDDLEBY, 3. Chris TADROSSE, 6. Ufuk TALAY 7.Jason SPAGNUOLO, 9.Robbie FOWLER (c), 11. David WILLIAMS, 13.Beau BUSCH, 14.Chris GROSSMAN, 16. Paul KOHLER, 17. Osama MALIK, 19. James DOWNEY 20. Justin PASFIELD (GK), 23 Rostyn GRIFFITHS, 24. Dyron Daal, 26 Matt SMITH, 27 Terry COOKE, *two to be omitted*
In: Ufuk TALAY(returns from injury), Dyron DAAL (returns from injury)
Out: Jack HINGERT (not selected), John TAMBOURAS (not selected)
Unavailable: Jacob TIMPANO (hamstring 2/4 weeks), Scott WILSON (knee – indefinite), Shane STEFANUTTO (knee – indefinite), Jeremy BROCKIE (broken leg), James ROBINSON (knee- indefinite), Karl DODD (knee – indefinite)

Gold Coast United Squad: 1.Jess VANSTRATTAN [gk], 3.Michael THWAITE, 5.ROBSON, 7.Zenon CARAVELLA, 8.ANDERSON, 9.Shane SMELTZ, 10.Jason CULINA (c), 11.Charlie MILLER, 13.Bas VAN DEN BRINK, 14.Joel PORTER, 15.Tahj MINNIECON, 16.Kristian REES, 17.Matt OSMAN, 18.James BROWN, 19.Andrew BARISIC, 20.Scott HIGGINS [gk], 23.Steve FITZSIMMONS, 36.Dino DJULBIC, *three to be omitted*
In: Tahj MINNIECON (return from thigh injury), Matt OSMAN (promoted), James BROWN (promoted)
Out: Nil
Unavailable: Steve PANTELIDIS (suspended – 4 games), Adama TRAORE (ankle injury – 3 weeks), Daniel PIORKOWSKI (ankle injury – indefinite)

Sydney FC v Melbourne Victory
Date: Sunday 14 February 2010
Venue: Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney
Local Kick-Off: 5.00pm
Referee: Matthew Breeze
Head-to-Head: All matches (played 14): Sydney FC wins 3, Melbourne Victory wins 5 (6 draws)

Live and exclusive broadcast on FOX Sports 1HD & 1 and Sky Sport 3. Hyundai A-League club broadcast partner is SBS Digital Radio 6. To purchase tickets visit www.ticketek.com.au

Sydney FC squad: 1.Clint BOLTON (gk), 3.Stephan KELLER, 4.Simon COLOSIMO, 6.Karol KISEL, 7.Brendan GAN, 8.Stuart MUSIALIK, 9.John ALOISI, 10.Steve CORICA (c), 12.Shannon COLE, 14.Alex BROSQUE, 15.Terry MCFLYNN, 16.Chris PAYNE, 20.Ivan NECEVSKI (gk), 22.Sung-Hwan BYUN, 23. Rhyan GRANT, 26 Hayden FOXE, *one to be omitted*
In: Brendan GAN (promoted)
Out: Mark BRIDGE (Toe – 2 weeks)
Unavailable: Kofi DANNING (knee – season), Matthew JURMAN (foot – season), Sebastian RYALL (knee – 1 week)

Melbourne Victory: 1.Mitchell LANGERAK (gk), 5.Surat SUKHA, 6.Leigh BROXHAM, 8.Grant BREBNER, 11.Marvin ANGULO, 12.Rodrigo VARGAS, 13.Nathan ELASI, 15.Tom PONDELJAK, 16.Carlos HERNANDEZ, 17.Matthew FOSCHINI, 19. Evan BERGER, 20.Glen MOSS (gk), 21.Robbie KRUSE, 22.Nick WARD, 23.Adrian LEIJER (c), 25.Aziz BEHICH, 29.Nik MRDJA, *two to be omitted*
In: Nathan ELASI (promoted), Matthew FOSCHINI (promoted), Surat SUHKA (return from injury)
Out: Matthew KEMP (knee, season)
Unavailable: Billy CELESKI (knee, season), Mate DUGANDZIC (knee, 1 week), Kevin MUSCAT (suspended, 1 week), Steven PACE (abdomen, indefinite), Archie THOMPSON (foot, 3 weeks)

For many NBA observers, Feb. 18 is a holy grail of sorts—a date worthy of endless speculation and praise.

So many readers flock to pieces that discuss this event, in fact, that Bleacher Report 's Hoops Community Leader asked, in an e-mail, that we writers ramp up the trade deadline coverage.

I will not be worshiping at that trade talk altar and hope my reasoning will convince some of you to shut your yappers.

Without delay, here are five reasons I hate the annual deadline chatter:

 

1) Countless Rumors, Minimal Deals

Hundreds of trade proposals and rumors flood the internet in the months leading up to the deadline. How many of those trades materialize?

Maybe two or three.

I blame it on 2008. Then, Pau Gasol, Jason Kidd, Shaquille O'Neal, Mike Bibby, Kurt Thomas, and others swapped uniforms in one of the busiest deadlines in recent memory.

When one blockbuster trade succeeds, it leaves some fans hungering for more of the same wheeling and dealing.

The Los Angeles Lakers have not lost three games in a row or failed to reach the NBA Finals since they acquired Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies on Feb. 1, 2008.

Even moribund Memphis has benefited from the donation of its former franchise star.

Marc Gasol, whose draft rights were included in the deal, is a rugged center with a nose for the ball and a budding low-post game. GM Chris Wallace used the cap space from the salary dump with the Lakers to snatch up All-Star Zach Randolph.

The odds of another transaction working similar wonders are slim to nil.

Trade talk, to me, is often no better than ghost-busting. As much as I love those movies, I have better things to concern myself with than the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man or a river of slime.

Writers spend so many hours dreaming up garbage trades, that they convince themselves such claptrap is possible.

That thought provides a nice transition to my next peeve.

 

2) Stop Being a Homer

As a devout Houston Rockets fan, I am aware the expiration of Tracy McGrady's contract could provide GM Daryl Morey with a few million to spend on a free agent next summer.

With no state income tax, world-class health care, some of the best restaurants in the world, a relatively low cost of living, and the fourth largest population in the U.S., Houston will be an attractive destination for at least one baller seeking an address change.

I do not harbor delusions that Dwyane Wade or LeBron James will call the 713 or 218 area codes home. Chris Bosh isn't likely to fly here any time soon.

Get real.

Nothing irritates me more than brainless trade proposals cooked up by brainwashed fans. You know them better as homers.

A friend of mine still thinks Pat Riley might want to trade for Erick Dampier's expiring contract and another Dallas Maverick if he thinks Wade will walk in a few months.

"It makes sense," he says. "Miami doesn't want to lose Wade for nothing."

My friend could use a dose of reality and a whack on the forehead. If you have any old 2x4s in your garage, I'm taking donations.

The Heat will have more money to spend than any of the other 29 franchises thanks to Riley's shrewd work in the bargaining room.

In case you have not heard, Miami would like to keep Wade and build another championship team around him.

I wrote this summer that he could bolt for the Bulls because common sense makes that possible. Wade grew up in Chicago, and Derrick Rose is a way better point guard than Mario Chalmers, Carlos Arroyo, or Rafer Alston.

Wade and James do not have any notable Texas connections, and the three teams in the state already employ franchise players.

Miami and Cleveland can pay Wade and James $30 million more than anyone else over the life of a max contract.

Half-baked trade suggestions are not limited, however, to the crown jewels of the 2010 free agent class.

Some dopey fans want their teams' GMs to ship out dead-weight and aging bit-role players for Monta Ellis. How about Kobe Bryant and Chris Kaman for Keith Van Horn's always expiring contract and a bag of chips?

If the Lakers and Clippers also throw in Shannon Brown and DeAndre Jordan, I'll upgrade those chips to sour cream and onion.

That trade sounds good to me. I might be the one getting robbed.

 

3. Cheap Way to Get Reads

I do not want this piece to be seen as an attack on those devoted to trade speculation. If you love transaction talk, try not to take this personally.

Any piece published on this site with the word "rumor" and "trade" in the title usually gets read by hundreds, sometimes thousands of folks.

There are enough writers eager to bum off CBS 's, ESPN 's, SI 's, Fox 's, or Yahoo! 's reports. I could probably write 20 articles per week if all I did was reword Marc Stein and Peter Vescey's trade speculations.

Trade rumors rile up readers. The average fan also cares more about Bryant and James comparisons than the upcoming collective bargaining agreement or the game's nuances.

I choose to tackle tougher, less popular topics. As I watched Drew Brees hoist the MVP trophy last night, I thought immediately of Chris Paul. Will he ever get the chance to fill that savior role in the Big Easy? The New Orleans Hornets were a feel good story before the Saints, but cost-cutting and revamped competition in the West has silenced the buzz.

A quick scan of my favorite writers on this site and elsewhere—Charley Rosen, Fran Blinebury, Erick Blasco, Andrew Ungvari—should explain my aversion to cheap thrills.

Every time a columnist for a major newspaper writes that a free agent could or should head to that city, at least one Bleacher Creature accepts the opinion as gospel.

The minute I read Richard Justice's column about Chris Bosh in the Houston Chronicle , I felt sorry for Rockets' beat reporter Jonathan Feigen.

I don't have access to his email box, but I can guess the contents of a few inquiries that populated it that day.

"John (spelled wrong, of course), when is Kris Bosh (spelled wrong again) coming here?"

"Dude, when's the press conference?"

"Bosh in Houston = Rockets 2010 champions!"

I just puked.

 

4. Fans Play Reporters

One Bleacher Creature who no longer publishes here authored at least 30 trade rumors, none of which turned out to be true. He claimed to know " someone in the front office" for every team.

I have written at length about the Tracy McGrady situation in Houston because I watch every Rockets game and boast an informed opinion about the team.

I have never claimed a friendship with Morey or any other executive in the organization. I base my opinion that Morey might not trade McGrady on quotes from the GM and Feigen's stories in the Chronicle .

The MIT grad says he wants a young star or expiring contracts back in any deal involving T-Mac. He told Feigen he does not want stop-gap players or to take on needless, bad contracts.

From there, I evaluate a player's performance relative to his contract, a team's willingness to part with him, and the benefits and drawbacks of a potential deal.

It does not take a Rockets' insider or a MENSA member to deduce that Morey does not want Jared Jefferies or Eddy Curry.

If all trade talk was rational, or at least well thought out, I might be more into it.

 

5. Cretinous Chatter

The Washingston Wizards need a face lift and a roster overhaul. I do not doubt that at least one player who wears a Wizard uniform will head to another zip code in the next few weeks. Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison are popular names, and it would not surprise me to see GM Ernie Grunfield hand over one or both stars.

I also do not doubt that Morey may try to swing a deal for Butler before the deadline hits.

The standard response to trade questions, though, is true. Any competent executive is always on the phone trying to improve his roster, in June and in February.

Hornets GM and coach Jeff Bower has undoubtedly received calls about Chris Paul. That does mean the Wake Forest product is on the trade block or that a deal is imminent.

Too many hoops fans, and perhaps some scribes, do not understand the difference.

Vescey reported in the New York Post that Lakers' GM Mitch Kupchak had talked to Raptors' GM Bryan Colangelo about an Andrew Bynum-Chris Bosh swap. Did he report or fabricate?

More likely, some pissant in one of those organizations threw out those names, and Vescey published a story about it to attract attention. On one level, that proposed deal makes sense for both parties. Then again, the streaking Raptors would be giving up their best player prematurely, and the Lakers would be surrendering a potential franchise center with a bright future.

Think about the various blockbuster trades in the last decade. How many of them started as rumors?

The San Antonio Spurs dealt for Richard Jefferson, not Vince Carter. Gasol went to the Lakers, not the Bulls.

When Shaquille O'Neal began to flounder in Miami, no one speculated he would head for the desert.

I am often skeptical when I read rumors, because agents and GMs alike can use them to create leverage.

I would bet my life savings that Lamar Odom's people told Yahoo! 's Adrian Wojnarowski that he was "close" to signing with the Heat to get Lakers' owner Jerry Buss to up his offer.

Buss pulled his initial proposal off the table in a sure-fire negotiating ploy.

Odom was never going to leave the defending champions to play in a city where he spent one year of his life. Uh-uh.

Remember when Corey Maggette signed with the Spurs for the mid-level exception?

Turns out, the Spurs benefited from his last-minute spurn.

You can talk trades all you want. Feel free to leave me out of the conversation.

Plus, the more time I spend speculating where a player might go, the less time I have to enjoy this great game.