Wow, was this a big news week, or what? First we have the Royal Wedding, then America's Most Wanted is... well, no longer wanted, if you know what I mean. It's hard to top what's happened this week with anything new. But despite all the excitement, here are a few items that caught my eye:

Freebies and Goodies

Legacy Family Tree has announced a contest at its new Facebook page where contestants could win one of five special Legacy Family Tree software/webinar bundles and even a new netbook computer. Deadline is TODAY, so don't dawdle!

You Could Win a Year of Family Tree Magazine and a Geni Pro Account! Contest ends on May 8, 2011.

Help Wanted

Robert Baca of The Baca/Douglas Genealogy and Family History Blog is Looking for a Spanish translator to help him with a couple of documents.

Nancy at My Ancestors and Me asks: Do You Search Systematically Or ...?

Susan Petersen at Long Lost Relatives.net asks: Could You Walk Away From Genealogy? No, but I've known a few people who have.

Michael John Neill is seeking input on the "Daily Genealogy Transcriber" from users and followers of his blog.

DNA: Do you hold the Gift of Life? from Tracing the Tribe: The Jewish Genealogy Blog by SCHELLY TALALAY DARDASHTI

In Elusive events, Geniaus wants to know: How do other Australian Genealogists find events?

In the News

Hard to believe it's still there: Activists want N-word gone from Calif. gravestones and follow up Prison Industry Authority offers to replace offensive gravestone markers.

We want to see more: Google to Send Hordes of Photographers into Businesses for Street View Photos.

Ever wanted to travel back in time to your favorite city and imagine how it actually existed hundreds of years ago? Mapping the New Age of Augmented Travel.

In case you missed it: Facebook Group Helps Photographs Scattered by Tornado Find Their Owners

Trove of historic records of Holocaust goes online

Historic Philadelphia Graveyard A Magnet For Genealogy Researchers

Outside looking in at historic cemetery in Exeter Township

From the Blogs

Get your TECH on at the Carnival of Genealogy, 105th Edition at Creative Gene!

Stories such as this were not uncommon in East Tennessee during the Civil War: My House Divided - Civil War Saturday by by Susan at Nolichucky Roots.

Are you getting the most Twitter bang for your tweet? See Publishing with Twitter from Moultrie Creek Gazette by Denise Barrett Olson.

Sad, but interesting: Separate But Equal? WWI Draft Registrations from Into the LIGHT by Renate.

Two from GeneaBlogie by Craig Manson: Research Note: A Bit of Info about SSDI and Research Note: The SSDI (Part II).

Using Autsomal DNA Testing to Identify An Adoptee's Roots from The Genetic Genealogist by Blaine Bettinger.

George Washington's Beer Recipe from Minnesota Family Historian by MNFamilyHistorian

Like trains? Like maps? Then this one's for you: Railway Maps of the World Now Available from The Map Room by Jonathan Crowe.

I dream of moments like this: A Tale of Two Photos from Family Archaeologist by Linda Gartz.

The Last Byte

Despite all the big news this week, this one stuck with me for some reason: Claude Stanley Choules dies at 110; last known World War I combat veteran. Not only do I find it amazing that he lived to the ripe, old age of 110, but after serving in two major wars, he still considered himself a pacifist. "He didn't believe in war," his daughter is quoted as having said. Perhaps serving in two wars is the reason.

Did I miss any good stories this week?


To subscribe to my Google Reader shared items (which are some great stories that I just didn't have time to post here), please visit my Google Profile.

Be sure to check out the weekly picks of Randy Seaver, Diane Haddad, Megan Smolenyak, Susan Petersen, Greta Koehl, Donna Pointkouski, Lynn Palermo, and the Follow Friday posts listed on Geneabloggers. Happy reading!

Haha, what “happened” this week in Barack Obama’s life? Nothing of great import, surely! Except for OWNING comedy and OWNING assassination, that is! That weird scraping sound you hear is the sound of Barry’s GIANT BALLS being dragged around the country, while we collectively open wide our American Mouthhole to lovingly teabag him in the [...]

Scotland emerges from its election completely and utterly changed.

A huge historic Nationalist victory; the worst Labour result in seats since 1931; the Tories still, despite a decent campaign, in retreat; and the worst Liberal result since the 1970s.

This is a Scotland of surprises. The SNP won 45.4% of the constituency vote to Labour’s 31.7%, a lead of 13.7%; while on the regional list the SNP won 44.0% to Labour’s 26.3%, a lead of 17.7%. This has produced a Parliament of SNP 69 (+23), Labour 37 (-7), Con 15 (-5), Lib Dem 5 (-12), Other 3 (+1).

This was an election which was meant to be a foregone conclusion and which Labour took for granted it would win [See Gerry's earlier colums from 19 April Ed]. Now even the assumption that the PR hybrid Scottish Parliament could not produce an overall majority for one party has been shattered. The SNP have won on 45% of the first vote over 70% of the seats: the sort of parliamentary misbalance for which Westminster was famous.

Scotland’s political geography has been transformed in a watershed, realigning election. The constituency political map of 2007 was one shaped by a lot of Labour red in the Central Belt and lots of Lib Dem orange rural seats in the North East and Highlands. Now that map looks very different; the Labour red has been reduced to a few isolated islands; the Lib Dem orange obliterated apart from Orkney and Shetland; mainland Scotland from north to south, west to east, is SNP yellow.

The Scottish Parliament has an addition member system with constituencies taht are contested with First Past the Post and an addition regional list system that tops up the parliament to make it more proportionally representative. Labour used to have a gridlock on constituency, FPTP seats; in 2007, what it thought a bad year, Labour won 37 to the SNP’s 21; this time the SNP won 53 to Labour’s 15. Places which have never voted Nationalist have been won; Glasgow, a city the SNP have long had trouble challenging Labour’s grip saw five Nationalist constituency gains. In Edinburgh, the party won every seat bar one, and in Lanarkshire, a host of the most unreconstructed Labour figures fell to the SNP tsunami. Traditional places which have been more SNP, such as Dundee, Aberdeen and the Highlands, have become even more so.

All of Scotland’s parties will be different. The Nationalists are now a genuine, nationwide movement, early-Blair-like in the scale of their appeal. Scottish Labour no longer has many of the long-term ‘bedblockers’ who were seen as nursing their seats for life. Both Labour and Lib Dems have suffered significant reverses. Compounding their problems their Westminster MPs, who are huge problems for both parties, will have more prominence and status because of the scale of their losses.

The Nationalist victory carries with it huge opportunities and challenges for the SNP. How does Alex Salmond keep his ‘big tent’ coalition together? How does he enact the hard choices which the age of austerity and public spending cuts implies? And how does he marry his safety first politics with the need for radical politics, challenging the gatekeepers of institutional life?

Then there are the issues of Westminster, the British state and independence. The SNP want to see radical reform of the Scotland Bill, which derives from the flawed Calman proposals of partial fiscal autonomy. They want more economic powers, more taxation powers and real fiscal autonomy. There must be a chance that the UK Government of David Cameron will make significant concessions.

Then there is the huge question of independence and the issue of the independence referendum. The conventional logic says, with patronising wither, that Alex Salmond can have his small victory today, but in the real world the separatist cause will never win a plebiscite. That’s still the best bet at the moment, but don’t be completely sure.

The SNP has an opportunity to reshape Scotland, a once in a generation moment, while the crisis of Scottish unionism, of a Labour, Lib Dem, Tory or non-party kind is a deep, long term, existential one. The independence referendum was once seen by unionists north and south of the border as a maverick, eccentric demand; then they said it was beyond the powers of the Scottish Parliament; and now we are arguing about whether the Nationalists can win such a vote. So far this debate is moving in one direction. Such a vote will have many unintended consequences, change the nature of the UK, and be an international event.

Whatever one thinks of Alex Salmond’s brand of populist, opportunist, catch-all politics, it has paid rich dividends. Scottish politics and Scotland have been remade and will never be the same again. The SNP has been utterly changed and looks like it is morphing into an inclusive nationwide movement for change. The Nationalists under Salmond have developed a convincing story of what the Scottish Parliament should be: the fulcrum of public life and aiding the evolution of self-government.

The Scottish Labour Party, the party which gave so much to the dream of home rule and devolution, has paradoxically been weakened and disorientated by the establishment of the Scottish Parliament. Rather bizarrely from the earliest days of devolution, under Donald Dewar, Henry McLeish and Jack McConnell, Labour had little idea what the purpose of devolution was about beyond seeing off the Nats.

What underlines all of this is Scotland’s future as a political community, society and nation. This election is a positive affirmation of that future, and of the desire to express it differently to the Westminster/Ukanian mindset. And that brings me to Tom Nairn, Scotland’s greatest public intellectual over the last four decades.

I am proud to call Tom a friend as well as an inspiration over my entire adult political life, and as Scotland voted SNP, and the British electorate turned its back by two to one on even the mildest degree of electoral reform, I couldn’t help but think back to the words and thoughts of citizen Tom. After the global financial crisis and the local political crisis of MPs expenses, the British state is stuck in gridlock and seems unable to embrace the most timid and incremental reform, which parts of the British establishment see as ‘unBritish’ (i.e. David Starkey and other historians). This will have many consequences for how Scotland’s future evolves.

The Scottish debate will now develop its own form, shape and structure, but I think we have come to a new fork in the road: the end of one part of Scotland’s history, and the beginning of a new one. The old one was the account of Thatcherite/Tory bogeymen and the Old/New Labour dichotomy; the new one will be shaped by a Nationalist politics offering the prospect of a different kind of nation, one told in a very different voice, and shaped by hope, optimism and a sense of generosity.

It may not have the momentous feel of any one of the Arab Spring revolutions, but Scotland, in its own way, has just undergone its very own Scottish Spring.

I'm mostly known around here as the LA burger guy on A Hamburger Today. It's true, I am a burger devotee, but if you are asking me what food I cherish the most, the answer is easy: pizza. It is my first and greatest food love, and that's saying something. My favorite things in this life? A girl from Texas, my family, and then pizza.

As you might imagine, my New York City childhood is more than a little bit responsible for my pizza predilection. As a boy, my father and I would travel back and forth across the city in search of a slice. We'd ride the Belt Parkway out to his childhood stomping grounds in Bensonhurst to eat what I will always describe as the perfect Sicilian slice at L&B; Spumoni Gardens. Sometimes it was a ride up to Arthur Avenue in The Bronx to the strange stuck-in-amber stretch of mid-century Italian-Americana. Suffice to say, my earliest and best food memories are pizza-shaped.

So I am duty-bound to alert you, dear Slice'rs, to my impending public embarrassment. I'll be appearing on tonight's episode of Kitchen Nightmares (gulp)! The folks who produce Gordon Ramsey's tough-love, restaurant makeover show asked for a Serious Eater to sample the reworked menu at the LA area restaurant called The Capri and I stepped up (and opened wide).

I'd hoped this post could a treatise explaining how I was misrepresented through the editing process, but the truth is I just don't know. I'll be watching it for the first time tonight with the rest of the audience—it's on Fox at 8 (7 Central).

Maybe I'll get lucky and my screen time will amount to just a split second of me gorging on pizza, but however it goes down I'll write a follow up post reviewing the pizza so you can get a better sense of whether Capri makes a pie worth your time. Until then, please be generous with your judgments of my performance; I've never had to eat on TV before, let alone on TV with Gordon Ramsey yelling at a cuddly pair of twins who own an Italian restaurant!

Comedy writer and TV producer John Lloyd is a lifelong fan of all things Mac and of a 15-year-old Porsche 911

What's your favourite piece of technology, and how has it improved your life?
Well, the Mac completely changed my life. I first came across that little boxy square Mac in the 80s – it was a cubic thing. I was taught to use it by Lise Mayer, one of the writers of The Young Ones. It had everything you needed, it was the most exciting thing. I'm a dedicated Apple Mac person.

When was the last time you used it, and what for?
I use my Mac all the time – more or less 24 hours a day. I've got five different computers, and that is the other problem – how do you collate this variety of information, because I use them all for different purposes.

What additional features would you add if you could?
That's difficult to say, because all these devices now have many more things than I have time to use – but two things: one, something similar to a Babel Fish, with perfect translatability, because I work in many languages. Instant translation from one language to another. Another thing I would like is perfect speech recognition technology, so that I could speak words into a computer and it would transcribe them perfectly.

Do you think it will be obsolete in 10 years' time?
Definitely. We will probably have stuff where you will be able to speak to it directly, almost like an implanted chip. We're almost seeing the demise of the keyboard, such as the way we use the iPhone.

What always frustrates you about technology in general?
Very banal things. Fifteen years ago, I thought that I'd be smart if I was working in batteries rather than in television – we still haven't come up with a battery that lasts forever. But my biggest frustration is forgetting to bring the charger. I also get very annoyed that every new iteration of a phone or computer requires a new set of plugs. I'm starting to think that's how computer and phone companies make most of their money.

Is there any particular piece of technology that you have owned and hated?
I do wonder why they haven't managed to make a quiet hairdryer yet. My wife uses one every morning and they're incredibly loud, aren't they.

If you had one tip about getting the best out of new technology, what would it be?
Ask your children – unless you are a child. Kids seems to be able to do these things almost intuitively, while adults find them almost impossible. I've never read a computer manual in my life, so I always ask my children how these things work.

Do you consider yourself to be a luddite or a nerd?
I think neither, really. I think technology has great advantages, and I'm lost in admiration for the people who create it all. But if you meet a great chef, or great composer, it's equally as mysterious how they do what they do.

What's the most expensive piece of technology you've ever owned?
Probably my car – I have an extremely old Porsche 911, it's about 15 years old. It was second hand when my wife bought it for me, but it was pretty pricey.

Mac or PC, and why?
I just think everything is better about the mac – the prettiness of the design, the ease of comprehension. It just feels like when you go from a Mac to the PC, if feels like going back to the horse and cart – slow and clunky. Creative people almost always tend to be Mac people.

Do you still buy physical media such as CDs and DVDs, or do you download? What was your last purchase?
I still do, and I know I will for a while, but I'm beginning to think I really should have a Kindle. I have thousands of books, and I read an enormous amount, but I think there is no question about the convenience of the Kindle. But I do like buying DVDs and CDs. I bought a lot of spy thrillers on DVD last year when I was scripting Johnny English 2 – from the Bourne Identity right back to The French Connection.

Robot butlers – a good idea or not?
No. I don't want a robot. I'm against them – it's a bit like convenience food, you're a lot better off preparing your own food, aren't you?

What piece of technology would you most like to own?
I'd love to have a helicopter, but I'm going to have to work a bit harder before I can afford one of those.

• John Lloyd co-created the BBC series Not the Nine O'Clock News (with Sean Hardie) and ITV's Spitting Image (with Peter Fluck and Roger Law). He also produced all four Blackadder series and is the brains behind QI. The QI app is available from the App Store.

This Breakfast Topic has been brought to you by Seed, the AOL guest writer program that brings your words to WoW Insider's pages.

World of Warcraft is the largest MMO on the market and by far the most popular. It's nearly impossible to not strike up a conversation or make a few friends while playing WoW. After all, it is a game that revolves around taking 9 or 24 other people into a raid and defeating pixelated dragons with overbite problems. When you're in a raiding guild, you tend to grow close to the players you raid with daily. You may or may not know them on a first-name basis, but you know their voices when they come into Vent. You share stories about your toddler running through the house chasing the family dog with the remote-controlled car he got for Christmas.

What about taking it a step farther and meeting the people behind the avatar? I myself have only met two people in real life who I met first in WoW. I was meeting up with a group of friends after class for a drink, and one of the girls in our class brought her boyfriend. I had never met the guy in person prior to that night, but when he introduced himself, I recognized the voice almost instantly. He was my guild's gnome tank who was always cracking jokes. Little did I know, he not only lived in my area but was dating my classmate.

The other person was a girl I had been talking to for a number of months. She was looking at colleges and was going to be in my area to check out a local college. We met up for lunch and spent the afternoon touring the college I was already attending. I was scolded for doing the tour guides' job.

Have you ever met anybody in real life who you knew first in WoW? How did you know them in the game? Did you meet your significant other in Azeroth?

---

Filed under: Breakfast Topics, Guest Posts

Breakfast Topic: Have you met any WoW players in real life? originally appeared on WoW Insider on Fri, 06 May 2011 08:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Licensed iStock Photo.

Look at yourself. Deep inside where you cannot hide. That internal part of you where no one else goes and that often you pretend that isn't there.

Excellent students of life take the time to answer good questions.

Sit down with a piece of paper and play twenty questions with yourself.

1. If everybody where I work was just like me, what would this place be like?
   
2. What one thing, if I did it every day, would make the biggest difference in my life?
   
3. What is the one thing - that when it happens at work - causes me the most stress every day?
   
4. What is the one thing - that when it happens at home - causes me the most stress every day?
   
5. If my face froze in my most common expression, what would it be?
   
6. If the last conversation I had with my spouse/ child was the only one they remembered - how would they remember me?
   
7. If today was videoed for a group of my peers to watch - what would be their criticisms?
   
8. If today was videoed for a group of my peers to watch - what would be their accolades?
   
9. If someone looked in my checkbook and saw the daily spending habits reflected there - what would they say about my finances? (If nothing is written in there, it says something too.)
   
10. What is the one thing I do every day that if I gave it up, my life would be better?
    
11. If someone else said to me the worst thing I said to myself today, what would I have done?
    
12. If every day was as well planned as today, how would I be living?
    
13. If I ate every day like I ate today, what would I look like in a year?
    
14. If I became just like the two people I choose to be around the most at work - what would I become?
    
15. If I watched as much television as I watched today- everyday - how many hours would I spend a week?
    
16. If I had an extra hour a day that I could spend doing anything I wanted - what is the one thing I could do in that hour that would improve my life the most?
    
17. If as many people helped me today as I helped others - how much help would I get?
    
18. What is the longest period of time today I focused on one task?
    
19. What is one simple thing that costs no money that gives me joy?
    
20. If today was my last day, would I have done anything differently?

You are the sum total of what you do EVERY day.

You Are What You Do.
You are not only what you eat but what you think and do.

Ninety five per cent of what you accomplish in this life is due to your habits. (Be Excellent in Anything: Four Keys to Transforming The Way We Work and Live  )

Now, that you've written your answers, you've written your own plan for improving your own life.

Own.

That is the word. Why do people not fulfill new Year's Resolutions? They don't OWN them.

If someone else has told you something you need to be - that is their goal for you. Be honest inside your heart and gut where no one else can see and work on a habit that makes the most difference to YOU.  This is your life. You get one chance. It is time to move forward. 

Write it Down.

In Brian Tracy's book, No Excuses! The Power of Self Discipline he cites a study  done of people who complete their New Year's Resolutions.

Of those who DON'T write down their goal - only 4% complete them. Of those who DO write down their goal 44% of them complete their goals. (That is an 1100% improvement in the likeliness of accomplishing your goal by just WRITING IT DOWN!)

There Can Be Only One.
Select ONE thing. One habit from your list above. Write it down as a goal.

"I will balance my checkbook every morning."

"I will walk for 30 minutes a day."
"I will join Weight watchers and count my points."
"I will cook dinner for my family every night."
"I will get up early and have my quiet time every morning."

Take the next 31 days to work on Just that one habit. Not two, not three, ONE. ONE! ONE! Experts in this sort of thing like Leo Babauta in his book the Power of Less shares to pick one habit and work on that one until it is ingrained and then add the next. This works!

Just one thing to improve your life the most. What is it?

It is in your list above.

Put it On your Calendar
Consider doing it first thing in the morning before you leave your house. Set it on your calendar. Set an alarm.

Setting the appointment takes the think-work out of having to figure out every day when you'll do something. And at the end of the day you are tired and low on self control and just won't do it. The appointment with yourself makes it mindless. And that is what habits are, something you do without thinking.

Now!

Write it. Own It. Put the appointment on your calendar right now.

Do it!

I have a grape vine in my backyard that I planted about 6 years ago, it has never produced mature grapes yet, the last three years it started to get grapes, little ones. But they just died off, never becoming mature grapes. The vine its self got massive, stretching out all over the place. But [...] Related posts:

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Is there a correlation at all between Aspergers and a lower attention span / capacity to concentrate? I am new to this diagnosis and know that for myself, unless I can get obsessed in a topic, I have extreme difficulties concentrating long enough to truly understand information that I'm intaking from textbooks, follow peoples conversations and recall stuff they've said earlier to build a complete picture of the convo, or even holding thoughts long enough to adequately get through my day in an orderly fashion while making sure I have everything I need for each stage of the day. Is there a way to emulate the kind of concentration I get when I'm cracking a tough computer science code or playing world of warcraft in other aspects of my life? What has helped you stay concentrated on things that are important? ...

An interactive campaign from Sweden that asks the public to place themselves in the shoes of someone less fortunate and imagine what their daily lives would then be like is this year?s winner of a United Nations award designed to honour advertising that promotes the ideals and goals of the world ...

Mother's Day - the one day of the year set aside to honor our mothers and to acknowledge the many things they taught us - is just around the...

this is exciting. who cares about my life? that's right. everyone. so what a perfect opportunity to have a whole blog dedicated to it.

oh woe is me...there are so many things i could post here. but i'll have to save it for when i'm more emotionally pumped to write stuff. note the informal lack of capitalization and proper grammar. the only consistency here is words. only moderately coherent.

if J is reading this...stop being a stalker.

Looking back, I'm not entirely sure how March of Dimes became our cause in the aftermath of Gabriel's death.  Perhaps it was because I had supported them before, perhaps it was because of the research they support and several friends with now-thriving preemies.  Possibly it was because it was giant, far-reaching, recognizable, had to do with babies and was easy to explain.  And of course, there hasn't been an organization devoted to helping families suffering from premature birth before viability due to malpractice and bad luck; not that I've found yet anyway.

There certainly was a drive that both my husband and I felt to do something, anything that could be in Gabe's name, in his memory, in his honor.  Something that might emphasize his mark on the world, his importance to more than just the pair of us, some way to ensure that his very brief life was not forgotten.  A vague feeling that if we could do some good, then it somehow made his death – not ok, never ok – but better?  More palatable?  More bearable?  I’m not sure how the logic works, if it is present at all, but there is a visceral need to drag meaning and goodness out of the senselessness and personal tragedy of losing our son.

So immediate and necessary was that need that I now wonder if it wasn’t simply that March of Dimes was there.  We began donating, twice a year, on his due date and his birthdate.  We asked others who remembered him to do the same.  It was easy, and if it didn’t vanquish the need to cement Gabriel’s legacy, well, would anything?  I rather think it’s a lifelong struggle to remind others that I have a son, that he mattered and continues to matter.

I think, though, that what happened next was natural, if not inevitable, given what I’ve just written; I was approached by my new boss (a close former colleague) and asked if I would please, please attend a lunch.  The lunch happened to be a kick-off to the annual March for Babies fundraising, which would culminate in the annual walk, held annually at my workplace.  It’s something that my workplace takes very seriously, and each division is asked to form a team and raise funds and produce walkers.  Because of the changes in leadership in our division, we’d had no team leader for two years and the division badly needed someone, and please, she begged me.

At first, I thought she was asking me because she trusts me, or because of my volubly expressed desire to be of help to her in any way, and despite a rising knot in my stomach at the thought of actually doing something more than simply donating, I tried to pass off a grimace as a smile and reluctantly agreed that free lunch was never a bad thing.  She thanked me, relief written clearly on her face, and said something I regretted hearing:  “Well, I know you and Jason donate every year since . . . well.  Thanks.”

Ah, yes.  Asking the one with the dead premature baby did make a lot of sense.  The pit of dread in my stomach grew, and I questioned whether or not I really wanted to participate after all.  But given that I’d committed myself, I attended that kick-off luncheon, agreed to be the fundraising team captain for my division.  I also threw away, uneaten, the meal that was placed before me just as a child was paraded around at the front of the room; a child of the same age Gabriel would have been, born prematurely but now doing great!  we were hastily reassured.  After that he (naturally a he) was then taken to the back of the room and in the sort of torture that can’t be planned, let down to toddle and coo directly behind my seat.  I listened with half an ear as the roomful of people spoke enthusiastically and proudly about their prior participation and how good it felt to be saving lives, all vaguely reminiscent of an olde-time tent revival.  I wondered if there was anyone else like me struggling to breathe deeply and evenly, fighting back both tears and a panic attack.  The knot of dread was growing into a full-blown ambivalence and I questioned what I’d gotten myself into.

That was only the beginning though; the ambivalence and uncertainty only increased from there.  I felt like a fraud raising funds, as if I were trying to claim prematurity for our issue or blame it for our loss.  While there is no denying that Gabriel’s premature birth was the cause of his death, I have never considered him a premature baby.  There was never any hope of survival from the moment they finally determined me to be in active labor and dilated beyond four centimeters; innovations and advancements made in the last few years are astonishing, but not yet applicable to a twenty-one week old fetus. In a way, I was relieved, then and now, that we were spared the crushing decisions made alongside an incubator containing a tiny, fragile human. We never had to meet neurologists, worry about infection, be unable to touch our son, have to decide when a life hung in the balance what 'quality' really meant. We never had to choose between a shower or sleep and what might be the only time we had with our son; we knew we were down to minutes when the doctor left the room. In many ways, we felt lucky to have escaped the horror of the NICU experience. I never want to diminish that experience by claiming my son was a premature baby, by appearing to take a share of a world to which we never belonged.

Added to that churning internal struggle and growing conviction that this did not feel right to me was a curious request.  The division leader, a very Important Person, had taken an interest in the MoD campaign.  Suddenly, there was pressure to produce a viable fund-raising strategy, to get the word out, to recruit walkers, to do more than simply meet the absurdly low goal that had been set.  I was asked to meet with the division’s communications coordinator to make a plan and she asked why I’d volunteered.  She was relatively new and I didn’t work closely with her, so she didn’t know.  After I delivered a terse, short version of events, saying we were doing this for our son, she teared up.  And then her face lit up and she asked me if I would share my story, because it would really help the fund raising efforts to personalize it.

The ambivalence ratcheted up ten levels and morphed into tension and full-fledged anxiety.  Share my story?  Well, is that so hard?  I do it all the time – here, on my blog, in real life.  Gabriel has never been hidden away.  And yet . . . something felt so wrong about this.  Sharing our story is one thing, selling all we have left of our son for profit is quite another.  But wasn’t I already trading in on him just by invoking his name?  Wasn’t I saying I was doing this for him and asking relatives to donate for him?  And, as my husband pointed out, wasn’t his story what we hoped to help prevent in someone else’s life by working with the March of Dimes?  But it felt so wrong, so very wrong, as if she were asking me to write down how it feels when your heart is ripped out and shattered and your life irrevocably altered for general consumption, or worse, as a fundraising opportunity.

Begrudgingly, I considered it, wondering even then at the disquiet I felt.  Finally I decided that if I were to write the piece, I could draw my boundaries.  I could share his story on my terms.  I wrote a carefully crafted 500 or so words in which I summarized our experience, crystallized our pain and touched on the ways I changed after why I felt it important to participate in things like the March for Babies.  I handed it over, knowing it was my heart on a platter, and it was passed around to relevant people for approval.  The reviews were lovely; it was poignant, concise, moving, sad.  [I] had no idea how powerful a piece it was.  Could [I] maybe make it into an appeal letter?  My heart dropped, and though I tried, I could never do it.  That crossed a personal line for me, one that may have been visible only to me or made sense only to me, but it was beyond my limit. 

After that, whatever enthusiasm had initially appeared in the rush of a new project was buried under the uncertainty, anxiety and a growing resentment that I no longer wished to participate and had no recourse to change my mind. I'd made a commitment, I'd talked myself into believing that I was honoring Gabriel when my instincts were telling me this wasn't right for me. Then came two unexpected things that further derailed me.  First was the Makena debacle.  I refer you to tash’s blog for a good overview of that, if you happened to miss it.  To be raising money for an organization that lobbied to support this sickened me.  That particular drug – 17p – is supposed to be part of treatment protocol in my next pregnancy and may end up unavailable to me.  I was infuriated, hurt, and felt deceived by March of Dimes for their vocal support of something that ultimately turned premature birth into a money-making venture for a big pharmaceutical company.  While MoD subsequently retracted their support, claiming they had no knowledge of KV Pharmaceutical’s intentions, the damage had been done.  I seriously considered pulling out at that point, but my husband remained earnestly eager to continue.  For him, this entire experience was galvanizing, fulfilling.  It was bringing him peace while I was left with an increasingly bitter taste in my mouth.  The second thing was another chemical pregnancy, the third since losing Gabriel.  It left me distracted, angry, hurt and depressed, and there was no energy left to spare for a cause I’d felt only a dubious connection with and that filled me with such unease.  And of course, work was so busy and we were so short-staffed and in the end there were plenty of very reasonable reasons for my lethargy and dispassion.

As the walk drew closer, I grew more morose and short-tempered. It culminated a week ago in a big, ugly cry like I'd not had in months and finally the naked admission that I simply didn't want to go. I didn't want to be surrounded by women and children, by living reminders that we never had the choices or chances. I didn't want to be raising money for a cause that felt so removed from the reality of my loss. I didn't want to make sense or bring meaning out of the senseless and meaningless. I wanted to be there with my own symbol of hope in a prominently pregnant belly, or on my hip, or in my arms or not at all.

As a team leader I was terrible – we did no fundraisers, we never even sent out an email to the entire division. It was thanks only to my husband’s earnest efforts that my division did anywhere near as well as we did (he raised half our funds) and I was plagued with guilt over the poor job I'd done.  I'd invoked my son's name, I'd proclaimed it was in his memory, and I'd done so little.  Surely I could have exerted myself for Gabriel?  Certainly I could have pushed aside the weary, tired litany of longings and regrets and done something brilliant and positive to really mark the importance of his life?  But no, I could not bring myself to try, except for one or two occasions. I posted my piece on my blog, I asked a bunch of people I admire to retweet a link to my fundraising page. I passed my first goal, and set a higher one. All the while, I was trying desperately not to think about how not-right this whole endeavor felt to me. This world of prematurity . . . it wasn't Gabriel's, and it didn't feel like mine.

I tossed these questions over and over, all of last week, leaving me snappish and weepy by turns. I yelled at my husband Sunday morning, tears in my eyes, that I didn't want to go; I didn't want to do this. I drove sullenly, a hollow sort of brittleness surrounding me, and waited for the event to begin with a surliness that probably drove people away from me. Everywhere there were children, people, laughing, greeting each other, taking pictures. We took some as well; in each, I have a pained expression on my face, a clear wish to be done with this.

I did walk, my husband by my side. We didn't talk much of Gabriel, or our hopes for his sibling. We talked about the weather, the improvements to our workplace campus that we hadn't seen. We talked about how good he felt about doing this, and how foreign that felt to me. When we passed the butterfly garden – a grouping of large butterflies of different colors, each bearing a child's name – I couldn't hold back tears; he held my hand until we were beyond the sight of them. I looked forward to the ride home with an eager hope that once it was all behind me, I would finally rest more easily, perhaps feel better about it all.

Instead, the weight of that anxiety and the heaviness of misgiving only feels more settled on me, much like the weight of grief I carry. I am realizing now that the ambivalence is about so many facets of living after his death, and was exaggerated by choosing a cause that I am not fully aligned with.  I think I just sort of went into it ignoring an uncomfortable feeling I should have listened more closely to, and hoping that it would make me feel better about losing Gabriel.  That we'd have done something for him that makes a difference, makes the world a better place.  And while it felt that way to my husband - he really got so much out of this - I came away realizing that not only did this exercise not make me feel better, I don't think any big thing will make me feel better about his death or more connected to him.  I am learning, or maybe remembering, that for me, acknowledging the ways in which I've changed, the small daily things like remembering to appreciate beauty and understanding the fleetingness of life, are the moments in which I feel closest to him and most at peace with this strange after-life, that small actions directly benefiting those in need feel more right than big organizations.  I think it's ok that this wasn't a transforming thing, and that it's ok to feel not great about it. I hope that saying - hey, I tried to honor my son and honestly, it didn't do what I hoped it would for me - may help someone else feel less guilty about their own search for meaning or their own ambivalence.

Have you become active in any similar organizations since losing your child?  Has that been a healing experience for you, or did you experience similar feelings of discomfort or guilt?  What things have you done to honor your children’s lives or memories that have brought you a sense of fulfillment or peace?

 



"What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark? It would be like sleep without dreams." — Werner Herzog

This week's edition of News From the Craft + Style Blogosphere presents experimental storage space, the impeccable Miller House, an entrance into the minds of autistic artists and "fantasy science."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Legendary designer and architect Eero Saarinen constructed his elegant, mid-century Miller House in 1957. This timeless piece of modernity, once a private family residence, is now the property of the Indianapolis Museum of Art and has recently opened to the public for the first time. The colors! The carpets! The elaborately patterned window draperies! [Via Dwell]

 

 

 

Illustrator Katie Scott recently took on a familiar subject, but with an entirely unorthodox vision: imagining a (fictional) version of the human body. As she says, “The foundation for this project came from a recent interest in early science, and particularly antiquity’s habit of entirely fabricating the inner workings of the world around them. I like the idea that in an age of such scientific uncertainty, anybody with enough conviction in their theory (and a well drawn diagram) could claim science for themselves, resulting in incredibly strange and peculiar scientific thought. So with this in mind, my aim was to make a book of fantasy science, with a focus on the hybridisation between different categories of nature.” [Via It's Nice That]

 

I'm obsessed with Drawing Autism, a recently published book that celebrates the artistry and self-expression found in the drawings, paintings and collages created by individuals diagnosed with autism. The work of over 50 international contributors exhibits unique perspectives on how these individuals see the world and their places in it.

Here's an excerpt from an artist's answer to the question, "At what age did the act of creating art enter into your life?

[Via 50 Watts]

 

A topic as mundane as "storage" might not seem worthy of experimentation. However, it seems that an  intrepid fellow by the name of Eric Schall (as well as LIFE Magazine) sought out every size and type of closet, chest and cabinet about fifty years ago, producing both miniature and life-size models to support their notions. It's crazy to imagine a time when closets were a foreign idea, but pre-World War II, everything was kept in trunks, wardrobes and on hooks. To someone with a lot of stuff (and nowhere to keep it), this is a project I wish I'd been a part of. [Via AM on the Present Tense]

 

Do you know of a forward-thinking art, style or design blog? Post it in the comments! And make sure to check out past installments of News From the Craft + Style Blogosphere!

Poll: 20% Of Divorces Involve Social Media Network JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Some have called it the new-age "lipstick on the collar." The "it" isn't referring to traditional infidelity, but spousal cheating through social media. A recent poll revealed that 20 percent of divorces now involve Facebook somehow, and 80 percent of divorce lawyers are reporting a spike in cases where Facebook is used for evidence. Attorneys said cheating begins with innocent Facebook messaging and checking status updates, but it's more than just a computer; it's a portal into someone else's life. "I've had a lot of friends and a lot of other acquaintances, they either split up with past relationships because they're married or their friends were like, 'Oh, my ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is on Facebook,'" said one woman who doesn't want to be identified because she said Facebook led to infidelity in her relationship. The woman said her boyfriend was slowly led astray by other women online. "Come to find out, he had been sending messages to his ex-wife and to all these other people on Facebook," she said. "It gives me an opportunity to find things the other side may not necessarily tell me up front. I can now find it from Facebook," Jacksonville attorney Eric Friday. Therapists said the social media network is reconnecting former lovers. Even celebrities are not immune. Actress Eva Longoria has said that her ex-husband Tony Parker strayed with a woman he kept in touch with on Facebook. "People are on there looking for old high school sweethearts, and most of the time when they're doing that, they're looking to reconnect with old friends, but it actually turns out that it leads to cheating and infidelity," said private investigator Joshua Askew. "There's so much out there. You can easily find someone, as well as all the pictures that people post," Askew said. "There's the temptation with these pictures that you haven't seen someone in years and now you know exactly what they're up to." So how do you know if your Facebook conversations are threatening your love life? When is the information you get online too much information? "It's not just the temptation. There's the perception of the spouses on there," Friday said. "If the other spouse sees you've got contact with all these old flames, whether you're doing anything or not, it might look funny to your spouse." Experts suggest spouses share their Facebook passwords to prevent secret dialogue with others. Facebook Cheating Leads To Divorce - Jacksonville News Story - WJXT Jacksonville

What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you... and to hear the lamentation of their women!"

Sports! Everyone knows how great they are to watch and participate in, but what about when it comes to enhancing your social life? Actually, there are all sorts of sports that can give your social life a boost so…

Sports That Get You Socializing is a post from: TheRugged

 

I’ve traveled quite a bit over the past couple of years. Each time I leave I swear to myself that I’m going to dedicate some time to take decent photographs. Each time I come back with an Obligatory Wing Shot from the flight, a few snaps of the people I’m with, and maybe one from my generic hotel room. Maybe it’s laziness, or awkwardness keeping me from venturing off to explore a new city or town. Or maybe it's a resistance to what’s uncomfortable. 

My definite comfort zone, when it comes to shooting, is people. As long as there is a face in my frame, I feel a sense of ease, paired with a sort of instinctual reflex about how to approach the situation. But when I'm trying to photograph a city, town, or landscape, I feel like I'm fumbling a around, not knowing exactly where to start. It makes me admire great documentary  photographers like Stephanie and Meredith, and so many others who are able to tell stories with their cameras regardless of whether they're photographing a person. 

And it makes me wonder, what’s your comfort zone? Do you feel an ease with people, or do you enjoy the control of being able to compose a still life? And if you’re good at photographing places, landscapes, frames sans faces, what are your tricks? What’s your approach? And what sorts of things are you looking for?  

What do you want most in life? Your two front teeth? Get lost. We’re not dentists. You’ll get what you’re given and show fake gratitude. And your present is the grisly prospect of Glee: The Movie. That’s right. A hundred shrill voices in unison, pumping out of a cinema PA at skin searing volume. What [...]

Photo by Helga Weber

By Ali Luke

Do little things make you unnecessarily stressed?

Do you feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction with your life?

Do you struggle to see other people’s point of view?

It’s often hard to keep a sense of perspective in our lives. We’re constantly bombarded with urgent-seeming stimuli – like texts, phone calls, instant messages, tweets and emails. We live each day in a rush, fighting our way through an endless to-do list.

And we often grumble and complain about problems in our life, while ignoring all the good things which we have. We might get blinkered and feel that our opinions are the right ones.

Changing your perspective can be incredibly refreshing. It might:

• Open up new possibilities that you hadn’t thought of before
• Help you to heal a relationship with someone who you thought had “stupid” values and opinions
• Calm you down when you’re feeling stressed
• Let you enjoy and appreciate all the good things you already have

Here are seven simple ways to change your perspective. Give one (or more!) of them a try, today:

#1: Ask “Will it Matter in Five Years”?

When I’m anxious about something, this is what I often ask myself. Almost always, the answer is that it won’t matter in a week, let alone in five years.

Some days – even some moments – are life-changing. You’ve probably been through some of these – like exams, job interviews, the decision to get married, or buying a house.

Most of what we worry about, though, is fleeting and trivial. Maybe you’ve made a mistake at work, or you’ve had a dinner crisis which means your family is eating pizza for the third time in three days. It’s really not worth stressing yourself over.

#2: Draw or Write About a Situation

Maybe you’ve got a big decision to make, or a big problem to confront. It might have been on your mind for days or weeks; it could even be something that you’ve talked about (or argued about) with your partner.

The problem is, you feel like you’re not getting anywhere. You’re just as uncertain or anxious as you were before.

This is a great time to grab a pen and paper. Either write about the problem – perhaps in the style of a journal entry, or as a list of ideas – or draw something which represents the current situation. By doing your thinking on paper, you automatically start creating structure and order, allowing you to see things from a new, clearer, perspective. Chances are, you’ll find several possible solutions.

#3: Write a List of Things You’re Grateful For

Whatever your current situation, you’ve got loads of great things in your life too. Some of us (me included!) find it all too easy to moan about stuff which isn’t going well – but pretty hard to spot the everyday good things which we take for granted.

Spend five minutes writing a list of things which you’re grateful for. They can be big (“my parents’ love and support”) or small (“fresh coffee”). This is a powerful exercise to do on a regular basis, perhaps every week. You can also do it as a family.

#4: Go For a Walk

When I’m feeling a bit fed up or out of sorts, I try to get outside for a walk. Often I don’t feel like doing it – but as soon as I’m out and moving, I find my mood dramatically improving.

Walking is a great way to get yourself physically away from whatever’s stressing you (your work, the state of the house…) and to give yourself a chance to think. If you can head somewhere relaxing, like a local park or area of woodland, you’ll find that your thoughts quieten down and that it’s easier to get things into perspective.

#5: Go Travelling

Getting away from home – whether that’s for a few days or a few months – can be an incredibly powerful, even life-changing, experience. Just staying in a different city will jolt you out of your usual routine (and perhaps help you figure out what you’d like to add into your daily life).

If you go abroad, you’ll be able to experience a completely new perspective. You’ll see how life can be lived in hundreds of very different ways. You’ll have the space and time to reflect on your own life, and you may well be motivated to make big changes.

Even the duller bits of travelling can be powerful: a long airplane ride might be a rare opportunity to read a whole book in one sitting, for instance.

#6: Ask “Why” – And Keep Asking

Next time you’re struggling to get perspective, ask why you do something. Channel your inner child here – be tenacious in pushing for a real answer!

If you’re working a job you hate, why are you doing it? Perhaps it’s for the money – but do you really need that money? (You may well do. But it’s possible that you’re trying to support a lifestyle that’s actually making you miserable.)

It can be uncomfortable to look at the reasons why we’re pursuing the goals that we have. But by being honest with yourself, you can open up the possibility of change.

#7: Listen to An Argument for The Other Side

Most of us have deeply held beliefs on some subjects – perhaps religion, politics, morality, social justice, or similar weighty issues.

You might find it very hard to understand how anyone could be so crazy as to support the “opponents” of your particular viewpoint. It’s an interesting exercise to read or listen to an argument put forwards by a group which you’d normally totally disagree with.

I’m not suggesting that you should change your views or compromise your values. But I am suggesting that you recognize that there are intelligent, thoughtful, good people who have different opinions from you. You might well disagree with them – but it’s useful to see where they’re coming from.

This can be a powerful and even upsetting way to change your perspective, so proceed with caution, and don’t get drawn into arguments yourself: just listen and make the effort to understand.

Are there any areas of life where you need to get some perspective? If you’ve got any thoughts or ideas to share, the comments are open…

Author bio:

Ali writes about personal growth and development on her blog, Aliventures. As well as blogging, she writes fiction, and is studying for an MA in Creative Writing.

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The Uru-eu-Wau-Wau are one of the tribes who will be affected by the Madeira River dams. © Fiona Watson/Survival

Europe’s largest bank, Santander, has suspended its funding for Brazil’s hugely controversial Santo Antonio dam, citing environmental and social concerns.

The decision is a serious blow to the project, one of a series of dams planned for the Amazon that have prompted protests in Brazil and around the world. Earlier this year, three indigenous leaders from the Amazon traveled to Europe to protest against the dams.

© João Zinclar

Santo Antonio and another dam, Jirau, are both being built on the Madeira River, at an estimated cost of US$15 billion. Both dams will devastate large numbers of indigenous people, including isolated Indians whose presence near the dams has been documented by the government.

Santander is Europe's largest bank © P Clayton/ geograph.org.uk

Santander (parent bank of Sovereign in the US) had reportedly been due to provide approximately US $400 million for the scheme, but has now suspended its funding pending further environmental and social impact studies from the Brazilian authorities.

Many organizations around the world, including Survival, have called for the project to be scrapped. Valmir Parintintin, leader of a Parintintin Indian community, stated, ‘The government has still not come and spoken to us about what impacts the dam will have. The market, the supermarket of the Indians is the river. If the dam is built, what will happen to the Indians’ way of life? Will anybody bring us food? No. Nobody will bring us anything. We are very worried.’

Survival’s Director Stephen Corry said today, ‘The only thing this dam has generated so far is a huge surge of public outrage at the way the government is apparently prepared to ride roughshod over indigenous people in the name of ‘development’. We hope Santander’s move will send a powerful signal to the authorities in Brazil, and that they might now actually listen to the people on whose lands these dams are being built.’

Today is the National Day of Prayer in the U.S., and I want to share with you the importance of prayer in our ministry.

I felt wildly unworthy to write on this topic, so I sought wisdom from Eleanor. She is our Prayer Ministry Manager.

At first I thought I would share with you some of her insights, but I think I will keep it simple and share with you an example of the power of prayer.

Every day in our contact center, we speak with sponsors who are going through difficult times. When we receive a prayer request, we send it to Eleanor and she compiles a weekly brochure.

This brochure is passed out to every employee at chapel on Wednesdays and we take time to pray through the prayer requests listed.

On May 2, 2001, we prayed for Cindy’s* 16-year-old daughter, who had run away from home. We asked for God to protect her and lead her back to her family.

Ten years later, Eleanor received this letter from Cindy:

Dear Brothers and Sisters in the Lord,

It’s been many years since I received this amazing letter from you. It so overwhelmed me to know there were others out there praying for my daughter when all I was able to put before Him were tears and an occasional ‘Jesus, help us. Jesus, be with her.’

From that I have a framed verse on my desk: Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who built it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep (Psalm 127:1-2).”

The letter continues:

I know it was such a small thing compared to the parents whose child had bone cancer and needed to have his leg amputated, or the lady whose husband had died, but the moment we discovered our child was gone is a realization I’ll never forget.

We must live with the fact that she so badly wanted to get away from her life here. Once, the police called to let us know she’d been picked up for hitchhiking and scolded us for being bad parents. We also had to listen to what other ‘Christians’ said to us. Ouch.”

But God is good, and He answers our prayers.

My daughter and her husband now live in California and she made me a first-time Gramma last year. Although her husband told her to ‘get rid of it’ when he heard she was pregnant, she kept the baby.

She told me that she loves God and is through making mistakes. She is now taking very difficult university classes and is excelling with a 95 percent average. More importantly, we are a family again. Thank you and love to you for your prayers.”

How has the power of prayer changed your life?

*Cindy’s name was changed to protect her identity

LINK UP: If you write a post about the National Day of Prayer or about the importance of prayer in your life, please link up with us so we can all benefit. Thanks.

My Account l Sponsor a Child l Help Babies and Moms l Crisis Updates

I recently posted a quote on the Facebook Page About Stress Management that addressed the different forms of stress we face:

• "Stress is like spice - in the right proportion it enhances the flavor of a dish. Too little produces a bland, dull meal; too much may choke you."
  ~Donald Tubesing

One reader voiced what I think many people would think: "LOL, I don't think any stress is good." This is a common sentiment because so many of us are experiencing too much stress--with busy lifestyles, being bored is almost a luxury that most people don't face; we're too often rushing to get everything done, multitasking to the max, and closer to the "choking" end of the stress spectrum. However, without challenges that give our lives meaning (or at least keep us busy), we do tend to get bored and even depressed. We need something to stimulate us and get us up in the morning.

That's why some level of stress--and certain types of stressors--can be a healthy thing. We call this positive form of stress "eustress," and we need just enough of it to keep us feeling excited and alive, but not so much that it gets us until the realm of chronic stress--it's a balancing act.

Sources of eustress may include roller coaster rides, vacations, promotions at work, or other events that get us excited or cause us to use new skills that we enjoy, but require adjustments nonetheless. And too much eustress can still be a negative thing because it all contributes to wear and tear on us--too much is still too much. But the right amount can be delicious.

The following resources can help you understand more about the "good" type of stress, as well as the "bad" kind, and its "ugly" consequences, and give you ideas on how to minimize the bad and maximize the good, at least enough to make your day.

• Why Eustress Is Your Friend
• How Stress Affects Your Body
• What Causes Eustress For You?
• How To Get More Good Stress In Your Life
• What Is An Adrenaline Junkie? What Can You Do If You Are One?
• Self Test: Are You Hooked On Adrenaline?

Do you have a good balance with "good" stress and "bad" stress? What are the sources of "good" stress in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments here, or on the Facebook Page About Stress Management, and share this post to get a conversation started with your friends.

Late last season there was a discussion about key rivalries in the NHL. Most people jumped to the conclusion that the Tampa Bay Lightning's number one rival was the Florida Panthers, despite the Cats being rooted in a decade of ineptitude. The answer that came out of the Lightning's dressing room however, pointed farther north, straight at Washington D.C.

The Lightning and Capitals have been beating the hell out of each other over the last few years, with the Caps generally having the upper hand. But after going back and forth with the Capitals for the lead in the Southest Division this season, the Lightning have won the only battle that really matters this year: they have eliminated the Capitals from the Stanley Cup playoffs on the strength of a 5-3 win in Game Four, sweeping the vaunted Red Machine in four straight.

They beat them on the strength of timely scoring, a sound defensive structure, and world-class special teams.

For the Lightning, this means a rest and a chance to get wounded soldiers like Pavel Kubina and Simon Gagne healthy again while they wait for the victor of the other Eastern Semifinal series, either Boston or Philadelphia.

For the Capitals, it is time to decide not whether to change, but how much.

Media buzz has suggested that Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau would lose his job if his team was swept, and when asked about his job security at this morning's media meeting, he called the question "stupid." Whether it was or not remains to be seen.

Speaking as a viewer from outside the two markets involved in the match, it seemed to me that the media zeroed in on the Capitals and how much pressure they were under, and how they were under-performing. Mentions of the Lightning usually involved praising or maligning Guy Boucher's 1-3-1 system, or praising Martin St. Louis, the resergence of Vincent Lecavalier, or the performance of the third line of Sean Bergenheim, Dominic Moore, and Steve Downie.

But the Capitals chatter will die away now. We won't have to listen to moaning about whether Alex Ovechkin will push his team over the hump, or ravings about what an abject failure Niklas Backstrom has been in these playoffs.

Now the focus is purely on the Tampa Bay Lightning.

GM Steve Yzerman has been very quiet this postseason, but he must be ecstatic about the playoff performances of the players he's acquired: Eric Brewer, Dwayne Roloson, the aforementioned Moore and Bergenheim, and even Marc-Andre Bergeron, who scored the goal that stood up as the game winner in the deciding game, all came through.

For the Caps it's time for apologies, excuses, and teeth-grinding. In Tampa Bay it's time for celebration and rest.

At least for a few more days.

(Nolan Whyte writes about the Lightning at Raw Charge and at Frozen Sheets Hockey. Follow his tweets @nolanwhyte.)

Poll

Was May 4, 2011 the greatest day of your life?

• Yes! Yes! Oh man, yes!
• Duh. Do you need to ask?
• Actually I'm a Caps fan. I'm going to go pour ashes over my head.
• My wedding/birth of child/shagging Elvis was good, but yeah, this is better.
• Have you already forgotten that whole Cup thing? 2004? Hello?

  35 votes | Results

Less than two months ago Giuliano Grazioli was in charge of coaching Barnet's toddlers and arranging school visits for players – now the club's league survival is in his hands

For a man who introduced himself to the club in 1998 by scoring five times against them in a single game, Giuliano Grazioli is remarkably popular at Barnet. Born in Finchley and for five years a player at Underhill he has already earned enormous affection, but if the Bees remain a league club on Saturday night their current caretaker manager will pass into legend.

In late March, seven games ago, Barnet's position looked irretrievable. At that stage, Lincoln City were six places and 12 points ahead of them with a game in hand. With the final game of the season approaching the Bees know that a home win against a generally out-of-sorts Port Vale (though the less said about their 7-2 win over Morecambe at the weekend the better) coupled with Lincoln failing to match the result against Aldershot would lift them to safety. And Lincoln's form is monumentally dire, amounting to two draws and eight defeats in their last 10 games.

Survival would cap a remarkable return to football for Grazioli, the former striker who remains best known for the equaliser he scored for Stevenage Borough against Newcastle United in the 1998 FA Cup fourth round. A little over two years ago he suffered a head injury which forced him into a sudden retirement and out of all work for over a year. His wife, who had recently given birth to twins, became the family's breadwinner and Grazioli, as he puts it, turned into "daddy day-care". So hands-on was he that one mother at a local playgroup took him to be "one of those gay nannies". Indeed, this interview was conducted in his living room while he monitored his sick twins as they watched television behind us.

"You love your kids to bits, but it seriously got me down," he says of that period. "The money stopped, everything stopped. I can honestly say it was a difficult time. The kids were great, and you looked at them when you're feeling down and they'd bring you back up, but there were times when I just thought: 'Jesus.'

"You can see why some players do turn to alcohol, or drugs, or gambling, when they finish football. It was mainly the lack of money that stopped me going down that route, because there were times back then when I was depressed. The wife wanted to stay at home with the kids but she was the only one who could get us money, so it wasn't to be. I was doing all the mummy stuff. And I tell you what, it's tough going."

Last year, after he was cleared to return to work, Grazioli got a job in Barnet's community department, where his duties involved arranging players' visits to local schools, coaching toddlers, and organising the ballboys. But even then he had a plan to force his way into the first-team set-up.

"I decided to do it, but that I would be really busy about it. I'd make sure I was at every home game, and I'd make sure that the chairman saw me there, and I'd make sure I spoke to the relevant people," he says. "And a couple of times there were rumours that they were going to bring me in, but nothing. It got to the point where, about six months ago, I said: 'You know what, I don't know how long I can do this for.' Because the money isn't great, and I want a future for my kids. You look at it and say, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? You get disheartened. Then it was my birthday on 23 March. I had a lovely day, I went to bed, woke up in the morning and I had eight missed calls."

They were all from Martin Allen, who had signed Grazioli in 2003 during his first spell at the club, and who had been named the club's third manager of the season on Grazioli's 36th birthday. Suddenly, he was the assistant manager. "I thought: 'Wow. I've got someone like Martin Allen, and I've got the opportunity to watch him and learn,'" he says.

"People say he's crazy but I tell you what, he's a very intelligent man. The things he does, there's a method to it. And I learned a hell of a lot. That was my aim, to work under someone and learn for a couple of years. And even then, I don't know that I want to be a manager. I've seen what the job does to people, bringing the stress home to the family. I don't want that sort of life, and it's not like I'm at the sort of club where I'm going to be taking home bundles of money for handling all that stress. I thought no, No2's probably my role." After three games and seven points, Allen left to join Notts County, and Grazioli was in charge.

"For two weeks it was great, and there was a buzz about the place," he says. "I know the fans are upset, and they've got every right to be. We were in such a bad state, and he's come in and changed it around so much, and brought optimism to the whole area. When he left, there was a sort of a void. But I said: 'You know what, I'm not going to change anything.' Why should we change? It wasn't Martin who went on the pitch and played. Let's get the players doing what they were doing, and hopefully it'll just spiral."

He has benefited from the guidance of Lawrie Sanchez, who has joined the club as a consultant. The involvement of the former Fulham and Northern Ireland manager will bring back bad memories for fans of Lincoln, whose last relegation, in 1999, was inflicted upon them on the final day of the season by a Wycombe team then managed by Sanchez. "He's very unlike Martin. Martin was very rah, rah, rah," says Grazioli, banging the table, "but Lawrie's more laid-back, a very shrewd man, very bright."

Given the position the club was in when he was called to the dugout, there is no doubt that Grazioli's sudden promotion must already be regarded as a success. "Six weeks ago, when I came in with Martin, we had a meeting with the players and we said that our goal was to get to the last day of the season with a chance. That's what we've done," he says. "And I've loved it. I look back and think, this could be something that I want to do. I don't have to stay as No1, but just be around every day. I'm managing the club I love, and there's not many people out there who can say that."

And with that, Grazioli returns to his children. They have chicken pox, and Toy Story 3 has just finished. Fortunately he is one man who needs no exhortation to reach for the stars.

Mother's Day is this Sunday, and if you've been good, chances are that you've already got the perfect gift picked out and on its way to dear old mum. She's earned it, right? Of course she has!

But what about all the other people in your life? Those folks who represent, in some way, all the virtues that motherhood embodies—sacrifice, nurturing, unconditional love? For example: your wife, your single father, your new-mommy friend. They're worthy of gifts, too.

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Once again the guys over at Megasteak have thrown out another bit of video game/short film gold! If you’re a fan of Tetris (piss Tetris, like I do), then you’re sure to get a kick out of this one! The premise is a simple one: What if the rules of Tetris applied to real life? Gods know that I’ve abused my aptitude for stacking multi-coloured blocks in order to cram more sh*t into a suitcase I’m packing for a trip or whatever… the outcome in this video is a little less… positive.

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Last week we covered the topic of outsourcing - when and how to pass off projects to gig workers. This week we tackle a related question: what's the difference between a copywriter and a marketing communications consultant? Is there a difference or is it just semantics? What can you expect when you hire one or the other?

 

Michele	Here's how I consider marketing consultants to be different than copywriters. To me, a marketing consultant (in B2B content marketing) as someone who helps define the strategy and build out the content plan. These are the folks who help clients map their content to the buying cycle, identify content gaps, and build an editorial calendar.  Not all consultants have the inclination or skills to be a great copywriter. In turn, a copywriter is somewhat tactical and should be hired when you know what you what content you want to create. As the name implies, copywriters should be very deft at writing. Like a consultant, a good copywriter will ask the right questions to learn about the audience, but they don't necessarily set up the plan. Both roles are very important and should work in tandem. But, companies need to determine if they need help with the plan (a consultant) or world-class copy (a copywriter). Sometimes, you'll be able to find someone with both skill sets, but often people focus on one area.
Jamie	Cog vs. Machine Any good copywriter is, by nature of how she does her work, a good marketing communications consultant, but not every communications consultant is a good copywriter. Good copywriting comes from having a strong understanding not only of words, but of the context of those words, the mindset of the people reading those words, and the action those words are meant to drive. A good consultant, on the other hand, may be able to come up with a solid strategy, but unable to translate that strategy into strong copy. From an employer's perspective, I think a "copywriter" is seen as someone who takes direction and completes smaller, stand alone tasks, while a consultant is someone who can see the Big Picture and steps up to help drive the bus. Both provide a valuable service, but the first is seeing only one cog while the second is gettign a sense of how the whole machine runs. Often, the role is dicated by how much leeway the employer is willing to give and the writer/consultant simply scales his services depending upon the need.
Wendy	Although I have called myself a copywriter on occasion, I have never called myself a "marketing communications consultant", it reeks too much of the "sanitation engineer" for a garbage man school of thought.  Not to be completely Zen but: I am what I am and the writer you need for your job is the writer you need for your job. Look straight to the skills and accomplishments of the writer and beyond any fabricated titles.
Kate	I go back and forth on this one. While "communications consultant" sounds a lot snazzier at MBA reunions, most of my clients would give me a blank stare if I called myself that. A good copywriter IS a marketing communications consultant. It's our job to find out what makes the customer tick and then mold the copy to kick them into gear. We should be very comfortable creating or working with marketing tools like creative briefs, buyer personas, messaging maps and etc.  Anyone who calls himslef a copywriter and thinks it's just putting words on paper with no thought to the marketing aspect won't last in this profession very long. So I call myself a copywriter when I talk to clients and "Corporate Communications Consultant" at cocktail parties. And I smile to myself because it's actually the same hat - one just has a few more bedazzles on it. ;  )
Heather	For me "copywriter" is the generic.  I am not sure Marketing Communications Consultant is exactly right for me either but I do agree that to truly communicate what I do "copywriter" is too simplistic.  I recommend a tag line such as "Copywriter - Focused on B2B Communications" or "Copywriter - Specializing in Memorable Ad Copy". Lets face it not all of us are witty enough to write GroupOn ads and others would slit their wrists before agreeing to write a 10 page white paper on reducing your postal costs through better address quality.  Not all Copywriters are created equally so why should our job title claim that we are?

 

Have you ever hired a marketing communications consultant or copywriter? Do you feel there is a difference?

Are you a marketing communications consultant or a copywriter? Why do you call yourself one or the other and does it make a difference in your work life?

 

Post by Sasha Brown-Worsham

May the fourth is officially Star Wars Day. One might ask themselves why that is, but the answer is obvious. "May the Fourth be with you." Duh.

Now any Star Wars fan worth their salt knows the truth, though. That is to say that every day is Star Wars Day. Don't believe me? Think about it for a second. There is almost no situation in life that cannot be directly answered by Star Wars. Wondering whether your teenager will ever get it together and mature? Look to Luke!

He went from whiny little brat in Episode IV (A New Hope) to hard core Zen Jedi by Episode VI. And that's not all ...

At its base, Star Wars is a universal story. The struggle between father and son for power. The triumph of good over evil (even if it takes decades). The coming of age of young boy into man. A love story and the way that love clouds your judgement. A great tragedy, followed by last-minute redemption.

Just typing these words makes me want to go back and watch all six again. But have you ever noticed the way that Star Wars can be applied to almost everything in life? We shall use politics as an example. In this case, these are the roles for our current political leaders:

Emperor: Rupert Murdoch. He is sitting atop a fortune and all kinds of power and he pulls the strings of the entire right by barely lifting a finger. Darth Vader: Glenn Beck. He is determined to spread lies and emotionally manipulate people into following him. JUST LIKE Vader! Jabba the Hut: Rush Limbaugh. Clearly. He's crass and he would love to have Hillary Clinton on a chain beside him. Lando Calrissian: He's smooth, he's slick, he's big Bill C! Bill Clinton is Lando, obviously. C-3PO: Sarah Palin because she is shiny, pretty, and a good communicator, but cowardly and ultimately vacant. R2-D2: Michelle Obama because she is the closest thing Luke has to a significant other in the movies and he gets stuff done! Luke Skywalker: In this case, Obama is a lot like Skywalker, the young and idealistic upstart who has to learn to find his way. Hans Solo: Clearly this is Joe Biden. The grizzled renegade whose heart is in the right place, but who always says the somewhat offensive thing. Princess Leia: Hillary Clinton! She is strong and takes no nonsense, but she is also busy fighting for what is right. Yoda: Charlie Rose. He's not short. But he is smart and wise!

Really this works for everything where there are two sides and one is good and one is "evil." The movies were, in fact, meant to work in this way, to be universal and to apply to real life. "Only a Sith thinks in absolutes" was Lucas' jab nod to the Bush presidency.

Oh and relax all you Republicans who are frothing at the mouth right now. I am sure you can do it on the other side, too.

May the fourth be with you and happy Star Wars Day!

Do you apply Star Wars to life?

Have you ever yearned for a more passionate love life? Have you ever wondered why you haven't found your soul mate, or if you have, have you wished she or he was more romantic? This spring you can stop wishing: On April Neptune moved into Pisces, ushering new era of enchanting, extravagant romance. Neptune changes signs once every 14 years, so this is a major shift. Here's what it means for you.

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Today I would like to share with you an interview I've done with designer StrangeProgram, an artist with an extensive gallery on deviantART that shows a colorful and interesting style.

Check out the interview!

1. First of all we would like to thank you for taking the time to provide abduzeedo.com with this interview. Please tell us more about your art and design background and what made you become an artist and designer?

Hi, no problem! I started doing art because my mom did a lot of art. She was constantly doing either watercolor painting, or sketching, or anything, really. So early on in my life, my greatest artistic inspiration was her. As time went on I began to explore interests in graphics design, particularly forum board signatures, and began trying to make them. I constantly wanted to expand my technique and eventually I shifted to larger canvas sizes to improve the potential I could do with the work. I think what made me do it at first was just the excitement of learning new techniques and expanding on styles.

2 How did you come up with your style, what made you explore more this style and what in your opinion is the main characteristic of it?

Well, I really wanted to create a style where the true stars of the show were the colors, the textures, and the contrasts. To create something pleasing to the eye using these utilities as your main device is a lot of fun! So eventually I started coming up with more and more ways that I could use them to my adventure to sync with my techniques. As time has gone on, I've been able to develop more interesting techiques to apply. I like expressing myself using the color, the texture, and the contrasts - it isn't so obvious that it is my emotion expression, but that is a good thing to me. I think the main characteristic to my work is how comfortable I am with expressing myself using it - It always flows so naturally with how I feel and what I am thinking.

3. How's your workflow for your projects? How would you break down your workflow in steps?

As my mom has been doing artwork for her entire life she's always stressed the importance of defining your values with your darks and lights and balancing them in the piece of artwork. I always try to begin with some brainstorming, trying to get some idea of where the light source is going to be, what the values are going to be and how I am going to distribute the light shades and dark shades evenly in the piece, and where the negative space is going to go and how I am going to use it. I'll come up with a basic idea of what and then slowly work my way up, distributing detailing evenly. I like to decide where the real impactful stuff is going to be early on, and plan what I'm going to do to separate this piece from the last. I always begin with which colors I am going to use in mind. I would say that my main resource for planning is my imagination. I try my best to visualize what is going to happen.

4. What's the importance of the computer in the creative process?

Really the greatest advantage of the digital age for the artist to me is just the sheer amount of directions that you can go with it, and how much different things you can work with to create one piece. The ability to illustrate in one program, 3D model in another, and paint in another and then put it all together really is a phenomenal combination of different techniques that the artist has chosen to apply into the completion of one single project. The capability that an artist has to utilize all these different programs and all the different tools available in them is limitless.

5. Apart from the profits, what type of satisfaction do you get from your work? And how much this matter in your life?

The satisfaction of expression is one thing. It is my favorite way to communicate, without ever having to tell anybody anything. It feels like a release sometimes. In a less abstract way it also just keeps me interested and gives me something to pay attention to. There is a lot of enjoyment to be had completing something and being proud of it. The way it helps me express myself is important to my life - it's a craft that I have come to build up and enjoy working with.

6. What are your favourite 5 websites, and why?

Google.com - This is probably the most important and took for granted. For research, just looking at pictures of things (Not using them!), or researching something that has to do with the work that I am doing. Having a search engine available is also a great advantage of the computer in the creative process.

Deviantart.com - There are a lot of resources here, in the resource and stock images part of the website. It is also where I upload a lot of my artwork. Also a great way to keep track of other artists whos work I enjoy.

sxc.hu - Free stock image site. A lot of good stock photos here.

Depthcore.com - Essentially an inspiration portal for me - a lot of very inspiring and talented artists who release artworks on a regular basis together as a collective.

Kular.adobe.com - I was a little hard pressed to think of another one, but even though I don't use this website very often, I have used it before and it is no doubt very useful for coming up with combinations of colors that work well together in design.

7. Advice for those who are starting out their career. What kind of references are important for those who want to work with this kind of style?

The best advice I can probably give is to really get comfortable with your tools. Get comfortable with the tools in all the programs you use. You can do this through tutorials, or, you can do like I did, where I essentially just always kept trying to use a new tool with every new project I made. Sometimes the results aren't in your favor, but once you come to learn and master a lot of the tools in the programs you use that'll be your greatest asset in really developing a comfortable relationship with the work you do. I use a lot of geometric references and have been trying to introduce some perspective based techniques into my work, so I guess the best starting point for someone trying to work with a style like mine is to try to come to some technical foundation that you can apply your creativity to.

Where to find this artist

http://strangeprogram.deviantart.com/

More work of this artist

“For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health…” Who can imagine what that really means when you’re standing in front of your dearly beloved family and friends, hands joined with those of the one you love, on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life? Yes, [...]

What I mean by that is, believers are told that God has given us dominion over the creatures of the earth and waters. We are told were God’s most beloved creations. Now since you don’t believe in a God, how do you determine your value? Is your life not more important than an animal or [...]

While both sides in the AV debate know they are right, the truth is such electoral reform will neither revitalise nor destroy our democracy

In my suburban corner of London, I chaired a local meeting to air the AV referendum issues last night, hoping it would help me decide which way to vote: with the prigs or the brutes?

I'd like to join many friends in voting yes with the former, but keep being drawn towards the nos.

The prigs may earnestly extol the public benefits which may flow from AV and – coincidentally – boost their own prospects. The brutes may mock the sensibilities of their opponents (the kind of people who would have brought Osama bin Laden to trial!) and extol harsh realities which – coincidentally – reinforce their own position.

Never mind. There has been virtue and villainy on both sides in this thoroughly uninspiring campaign, which has failed to inspire most voters. And as expert opinion – try this excellent paper produced by the Political Studies Association (PSA) — confirms, both camps are exaggerating the likely impact of a change to AV.

It can't be emphasised too often that we really don't know how it would work out in practice or who would most benefit – but it will neither revitalise nor destroy our democracy. It is another "leap in the dark" – to use a phrase invoked about the 1867 voting reform bill – but only into a very shallow hole.

Today's Guardian carries an editorial urging the paper's progressive readers who may feel no-ish, like me, to think again. Allegra Stratton writes a helpful guide to myths on both sides, while Patrick Wintour reports on the latest cabinet spat between George Osborne and Chris "Paxman" Huhne.

I provide a potted history of AV here, while Andy Sparrow live blogs Ed Miliband's performance – rather good, I thought – on Radio 4's Today programme. He (Ed, not Andy) also writes on Cif.

In west London, our suburban meeting was attended by about 60 people (none of them Colin Firth, the neighbourhood's most famous yes), mostly middle aged to elderly concerned citizens of all classes, colours and creeds, with (we counted) a slight pro-yes majority which the discussion did not reverse.

Yet again I was struck by the confident certainty of many of those asking questions: they KNOW they are right. Not much anger, but certainly strong feelings. Right at the end, the last but one questioner warned against ignoring disaffected minorities only to have the final questioner ask what, exactly, is wrong with majorities?

The four panellists, two Lib Dem, two Tory, all elected as councillors, London assembly members and one MP, conscientiously gave what are now – I hope – familiar arguments to you.

One candid Lib Dem yes called AV "a small change which will make a big difference". A cunning Tory no man said he could see the case for full-blooded PR voting, but not for AV.

Creditably, speakers mostly stuck to the issue, not to the result's impact on the dynamics of the coalition: the absence of a Labour speaker (I didn't pick the panel) may have eased any awkwardness about the love that dare not speak its name.

As I have written here before, the yes camp's most powerful case is greater pluralism: that 95% voters no longer divide Labour/Tory as they did 60 years ago or Liberal/Tory as they did in the 19th century before universal suffrage.

Voters nowadays want to vote for lots of different parties – from socialist and Green to Ukip and BNP via the Celtic nationalists who, between them, share some features of all four.

It is the job of a political system to reflect realities on the ground, isn't it? Well, yes. But another reality is that the political system is also required to elect governments that can stay in power long enough and take decisions effectively enough to keep the ship of state afloat.

That usually means two parties, or blocs of parties, which AV may actually deliver. The alternative is chronic instability, Israeli-style. That's unlikely here.

Westminster's system, whereby the executive (government) is chosen by the legislature (the Commons) from among its own members simply complicates matters.

Around the world, AV is widely used to pick leaders and winners – from mayors and party leaders to Colin Firth's 2011 Oscar – but that is not the issue tomorrow. It's about electing a parliament that can handle sovereign matters of life, liberty and taxes.

But here I go, falling into the campaign's main trap, namely rival claims that AV will change politics in fundamental ways which expert analysis of AV around the world says it won't.

More coalitions? Not necessarily. Harder-working and more honest MPs? Not likely. No more tactical voting? Nonsense. And an end to seats for life? Ditto. Greater proportionality? Sometimes. Higher turnout? No conclusive evidence. Calmer, more grown-up politics? Not on the evidence of this coalition. Etc, etc.

Does all of the above matter if disaffected voters feel the system listens to them more, even if their second and third preference votes don't change much? It might do, though I suspect many disaffected voters are just that, unhappy with their own lives and inclined to vote against the system, or not at all.

As I say, both sides have been making spurious claims as well as solid points about fairness or stability. But at bottom, the onus is always on advocates of change to justify a change which may only serve to heighten disaffection if it fails to deliver the benefits it promises. One man's fairness, after all, is another's injustice, and they cannot always be reconciled.

That's where the prigs strike me as doing little better than crossing their fingers and hoping that – for instance – AV will sustain the anti-Tory "progressive" majority which they claim to exist in the British electorate.

I'm not convinced by that claim either, by the way. There is probably a majority for spending money on better public services paid for by other people's taxes, but that's as far as I'd go.

We all know there are reactionaries and progressives in all parties, across a host of issues, and how they end up voting on AV is hard to predict. Will Lib-Labs rule for ever – as Ed Miliband clearly hopes – or will Ukip assert greater leverage on the Tories via second preferences (the new name for tactical voting?) and deliver a right-leaning majority bloc?

Or will voters split their allegiances in all sorts of cunning ways to keep the politicians on their toes? We don't know. But we do know that, at the end of the day, we need some people to govern and others to hold them to account on our behalf, ready to govern themselves.

Today's editorial says AV "would take democracy back to its grassroots". It's a nice thought, and it would certainly allow voters greater scope to differentiate between candidates. But once all those fair votes have been transferred and counted, politics returns to closed doors and deal-making, all the compromises we know in our own lives.

I can live with that – it's a world I know well. And it would not change much under AV. What's more we can all see how it might work because, just a year ago, we witnessed the hasty closed-door formation of a coalition in unlikely circumstances.

I happen to think it was probably the best available outcome for the country at the time, a fairly stable government capable of taking strong decisions – even wrong ones – during a global economic crisis.

I'm still not clear what's in it long-term for the Lib Dems, even if they win a yes vote tomorrow, which they might – despite those negative polls – on a differential turnout.

So this morning we heard the enjoyable sound of Ed Miliband – whose sincerity on this issue I do not doubt – saying he wants to reach out to other parties and end the "hate each other" culture (I fear AV has not cured that in Australia) while solemnly explaining why he couldn't share a yes platform with Nick Clegg because he'd posed as the poster boy of the new politics, then shockingly sold out. As the Yanks say, go figure.

So I will vote no tomorrow, with no great enthusiasm, in the knowledge that I am helping – I hope – to save us all from another panacea which will disappoint. On a more trivial level, it reminds me of the euro debate, another panacea which simply swopped one set of problems for another.

Come to think of it, the brutes were, by and large, for sterling and the prigs for the euro. Check it out – and ponder.

By the fourth interval, I was ready to get out of the pool. The only problem was the workout called for 12 repeats of 100-meter sprint swims. The long course pool and I were not having a great start to the spring and this workout, while better than my last dip in the 50-meter pool, was kicking my ass. The thought of calling it a day and succumbing to the fatigue with the “well, I gave it the old college try” attitude popped into my head several times. But each time, the idea seemed less than satisfactory. Sure, this workout was hard. Yes, I was snagging a bit of extra rest in between 100-meter intervals. But the thought of climbing out of the pool with the workout half done, well, just felt pointless. I kept going, convincing myself that I could try just one more, knowing that I would be more disappointed with bailing on the workout than I would with a slow time. Interval No. 11 was my slowest of the day. I had one left and figured I’d swim strong with as much effort and concentration on form as I could. On the return 50, I started to think about my teammates from The Seneca 7 over the weekend. I could feel their cheers and their positive attitude pull me through the water. I was filled with gratitude for a center of encouragement, for fun and laughter and joy and the ability to do the things I love. And wouldn’t you know, my time for the 12th and final interval was one of the best of the morning. Not terribly surprising. But a good lesson. Recently, I read a fabulous blog post from a runner who was creating her own manifesto. (Sadly, I am that girl — the one who loved the post, forgot to bookmark it and now can not, for the life of her, find it again to share with you.) As I worked through that grueling swim workout, it occurred to me that to help solidify what I learned this past weekend, it would serve me well to create my own manifesto of sorts. What do I want to take from a fabulous weekend into my daily life? Here is my Seneca 7 Manifesto: Always say “yes” to an idea that intrigues, inspires or energizes you. Even if it scares you a bit. Even if you don’t know exactly how to do it. Patience comes from truly believing everything will work out just fine. Trust is realizing that everything already is just fine. Elegance comes in many forms and is most powerful when simple and authentic. Be open to trying new things and you can discover the wonders of chia seeds in oatmeal and smoothies. There are times when you get further by going slower. Reward yourself. Often. Occasionally with cookies. When in doubt, search for the beauty. It’s never far away. Never forget: Do the math! Blog update: Remember Jenna Hanson, the runner and skier from Honeoye Falls-Lima High School who broke her neck and came back to win a gold medal at the Empire State Games? She won the ultimate high school female athlete through online voting at HighSchoolSports.net. Her story was featured in today’s USA Today. Whenever I need to find my own “tank full of sass” her spirit and energy continues to inspire me.

It has been my experience that too many of us, as Christians, have been confused about love. We have assumed that attaining the look of love was the same reality as actually being transformed into a loving person.  I'm not saying that we have consciously planned on being shallow or noncommittal, but that somehow we have settled on the cosmetic instead of the real.

We have developed an "altar"  ego, a look for church that lasts, at best, just a few minutes longer than the church service itself.  All we have really accomplished is to perfect the art of acting like Christians.

I think we have yet to learn to consistently walk according to the standards of Christ's love.  I hear how quick some are to speak about the flaws of those they supposedly love, and I wonder, what kind of love demeans an individual behind their back?  When I witness unloving words from a Christian's mouth, I am reminded that we have much to learn about Jesus and what it means to follow Him.

David prayed, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer" (Psalm 19:14).  

Our words are the by-product of our meditations.  Whatever is brooding in our hearts will eventually ascend to our lips.  If we have unforgiveness prowling within, our conversations will be barbed with negative comments; even in moments of light-hearted banter, if we are harboring bitterness, it will slice through our speech.  Jesus taught that 'the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart" (Matthew 12:34). We cannot fix our words without first fixing our hearts.

When the Lord judges us for our words, it is because He is seeking to purify our hearts.  True, the heart is deceitful above all things and it is difficult to know our own iniquity.  Yet if we simply pause and listen to how many of our words are without love, we can track them back to the real problem: loveless hearts.

A New Anointing
Christians are in the fire of God.  The Holy Spirit is purging the church from negative chatter.  A fresh anointing is at hand where God's people shall speak with the character necessary to represent Him.  What the Lord told the prophet Jeremiah He is speaking also to us:

'therefore, thus says the LORD, "If you return, then I will restore you ? before Me you will stand; and if you extract the precious from the worthless, You will become My spokesman"" (Jeremiah 15:19).  

Let us pray that as God exposes our lack of love and a time will soon come when we will pray with credibility: "You have tried my heart; You have visited me by night; You have tested me and You find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress" (Psalm 17:3).  

Do we see this? God judges the quality of our entire lives by the soundness and substance of our words.  Thus Jesus warned, "But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment" (Matthew 12:36). Let us consider Christ's warning soberly. He continued, "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned" (Matthew 12:37). James adds, "Judgment will be merciless to him who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).  I have a holy fear in my heart concerning these warnings.  I know that if I am merciless toward others, God will be merciless toward me.

Character Counts
Sometimes I think we try to mask our critical attitude by calling it "discernment."  The fact is, most of what manifests in our discussions about others is simply judging after the flesh.  If we truly love an individual, we will be as loving in their absence as we are in their presence.

Jesus said His disciples would be known by their love. Paul said that the love of Christ is supposed to control us, which means it is the nature and discipline of love that keeps us from joining in verbal attacks or even subtle criticisms. You see, it takes character to avoid being sucked into gossip and criticisms. There is a high road we can take. It starts with prayer, it extends to grace, it is slow to speak, it approaches an individual with a meek heart, it talks privately with the person; it is forgiving when wronged and patient with the spiritually immature.  

Of course, if someone is involved with criminal activity or seriously endangering others through their sin, we must love the greater community and take steps to protect the innocent. There is a time to discipline or even publicly expose sin (Matthew 18:15-17), but it's after we exhaust other means of correction ? and even then, our motive should communicate our hope of redemption and not allow our disclosure to become a smokescreen for revenge.  In all things, love must guide our words.

Child's Eye-View of Love
Recently my youngest daughter, Eden, sent me a list of quotes that came from little children. Each child was asked to describe what love meant to them. Their answers were, at times, quite intriguing.  One in particular, from a four year old boy named Billy, has stuck with me. He said, "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

That thought seems to say it all: "When someone loves you . . . your name is safe in their mouth."  Behold this clarity of vision as love is defined by a little child.  When we truly walk in Christ's love, those around us will be safe ? and others will see the love of Christ that controls us.

Beloved, to walk in covering love is to show ourselves truly acquainted with Christ. Let us ask God, "Father, show me my heart. Is Your love ruling, even in the unseen areas of my life? Are the names of others safe in my mouth?"

We are complicated people. If we follow Jesus, the story of our lives has been forever changed—his story becomes our own.

That’s what happens when we cast our allegiance with him. But sometimes the new story is superimposed on the old story instead of replacing it. We end up living out a mash-up of two different stories: the new “in Christ” story and the old “before Christ” story.

 

Your DNA is not your destiny

A good friend got me thinking about this dichotomy. He loves Jesus, does lots of ministry, is married, and he has been more flirtatious than most men, which, to his credit, he always confesses. And his father was a serial philanderer who abandoned him when he was eleven.

We were talking about a flirtatious episode when we both noticed that he spoke like a fortune-teller: “I’m afraid that one day I will be unfaithful to my wife.”

Beneath the genuine gospel story in his life was another: biology is destiny. He was the son of his father, which meant, in his undercover script, he had heavily tainted DNA. He was two personalities in one.

 

Sinful instincts are smaller than God

Once the old story was exposed, we could trounce it, at least for now, and re-affirm that we both had a heavenly Father, we were joined to him by blood, and our Father was making us like himself.

If we follow Jesus, the story of our lives has been forever changed—his story becomes our own.

Then I started thinking: what competing scripts do I have?

Most of my stories aren’t so much shaped by my past as they are by my own sinful instincts. My personal preference follows the lines from an old SNL sketch by a now-U.S. senator: “I am just a fool. I don’t know what I’m doing… they’re gonna cancel the show… I’m gonna die homeless and penniless and twenty pounds overweight." It’s a bit juvenile, but I can still hear it.

 

Your identity isn’t in the old story

Are there multiple story lines in your own life?

If you grew up in a home with events such as divorce, a parent’s secret life, abuse, drunkenness, or suicide, these old stories can influence you more than you think. If the tone was favoritism, criticism, or anger, check for a controlling storyline from your past. Or if you experienced the easy road of prosperity and were shielded from the troubles of life, you might have a story that suggests entitlement: “my Father would never let me go through hardships.”

We all have these stories that aim to become our master story. Our goal is to leave only one story standing—this is the master story.

 

The only story that matters

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:13–14).

This is the story that subverts all others.

For more on replacing your story with God's, check out Redemption by Mike Wilkerson

San Diego, Calif.-based backup/disaster recovery appliance maker Arkeia Software on May 2 released a simple upgrade to provide what it calls "source-side Progressive Deduplication" for all the appliances it has shipped since July 2007. Firmware retrofit, here we come! The upgrade adds the new features in Arkeia Network Backup Version 9.0 -- including two-phase backups for shorter backup windows, agent-side AES-256 encryption for maximum security, and enhancements to the Web user interface for improved ease-of-use. Arkeia's so-called Source-side Deduplication (yes, it's patented) compresses backup data on the client machine before the backup set is moved across the LAN or SAN. Arkeia contends that its deduplication improves the entire system because each unique block is stored only once, whether one or all clients use that block. Duplicate blocks, begone! By reducing the overall volume of stored data by a large percentage, Arkeia claims this appliance firmware update will enable an extension of life of current appliances used for backup-to-disk. Who doesn't want a longer life? Even machines, as smart or as dumb as they might be, are also into this. Long live storage devices!

A hypothetical condiment shortage is coming to the world and you've only got time to hoard one single condiment. If you're Floyd Mayweather, the answer is simple: A.1. The rest of us might have...

How do you deal with bulimia, depression, or anxiety in your social/work life?

I've been bulimic since my early teens, and I'm in college right now. It's increasingly difficult for me to get to know people, maintain relationships, focus on my studies, and be self-motivated or initiate projects. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I have binge-purge cycles with far less frequency than before, but I still feel like it overwhelms my life. I'm just as overwhelmed with the idea of recovery. Meanwhile, how can I just live with it? Does compartmentalizing apply to disorders like this? I don't have insurance/money for doctors or nutritionists, not does my college offer therapy/personal counseling.

examples where bulimia and other problems intersect in which the bulimia-baggage prevents me from dealing with other problems:
- I can't concentrate on work because I just ate and feel overwhelmed thinking I must either throw up or stop thinking about throwing up. I'm unable to do either so I end up distracting myself with browsing the internet or I nap for hours. I've sabatoged so many projects this way.
- I have a lot of social anxiety I want to overcome, but I avoid socializing/doing something simple like eating lunch together because I binge elsewhere. Or I feel like being with people I like isn't worth eating or being around food. Or I'm paranoid they know I'm bulimic. I lie so much.
- I feel like my attention span has shortened rapidly in the last few years. I haven't been able to do things I normally enjoy doing (reading, making things, talking to people), because my mind switches to 'What can I eat? Where can I eat? When?' etc or just simply 'I can't do this, this is boring, I have so much to do, other anxious thoughts', within minutes of trying to proceed with thing I normally enjoy.
- I also worry that I've become more stupid/lazy/vocally inarticulate as I got older because of frequent dehydration/electrolyte imbalances.

possible solutions? please give me more ideas, as well as how to implement them.
- take on more personally fulfilling projects so I'll have less time to think about food (I worry this will just increase the stakes for when I mess up)
- regularly exercise so I don't freak out about eating when I should be working
- take general good physical care of physical affects of bulimia-- drink a lot of water, brush teeth immediately after purging?
- find an OA group or something similar (suggestions on what organizations, and on how to make the most of it?)

I need advice from people who have personally dealt with bulimia/eating disorders or depression/anxiety, while maintaining at least a minimally productive life. I just want to get through college and love my friends/make new ones and make things I'm proud of.

throwaway email:anon.acct@gmail.com

I've been railing at this a while and wondered how others went. I'm a fiercely independent person, but conversely have a lot of trouble supporting myself because of my inability to stick with a job long. I'm always dissatisfied, and on the move to something else - which makes maintaining rent and so on tough. By my age, I should be much more financially independent than I am. Otherwise, I'm perfectly self-supporting. I can take care of myself and run my own life well enough to survive, but where I come apart is always work and finances. Are you independent? Are you really not independent in some areas of life? What aspects of your life give you this independence? ...

I was invited to attend the Milken Institute Global Conference 2011 by my friend Leo Bottary on behalf of Vistage International. Having never been, I wasn’t sure what to expect. My first thought: holy cats, there are a LOT of powerful people here. My second thought: most of them are way smarter than me. My third thought: wow, this is going to be quite an event.

All of these things were true.

Help Wanted: Seeking 12 Million Jobs

This was the panel led by Vistage Chairman and CEO Rafael Pastor, and featuring people like John Engler (former Governor of Michigan), and Susan Windham-Bannister, President and CEO, Massachusetts Life Sciences Center, and a few other smart cookies. The topic was to answer questions like this: How will the Great Recession and its aftermath change the structure of employment in the future? And the answers were interesting, challenging, and pointed towards some really difficult business and government decisions left to be made for us to have any success with finding more jobs for people.

For instance, Susan Windham-Bannister from the Massachusetts Life Sciences Center explained a program where they spend some government money to help grow new businesses, and then seek out venture money to further develop these companies. On the one side, government wants to create more jobs, which leads to a better level of prosperity for a state. On the other side, venture capital firms want to keep overhead low, so it was my feeling that perhaps these two forces were at odds with each other. Never the less, that’s the environment as it stands right now, and that’s the challenge facing business and government.

2.2 Trillion Dollars in Unmet Infrastructure Needs

Thoughts of how this gets solved were tricky. Mary Kay Henry, International President of the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) pointed out that there are 2.2 trillion dollars in unmet infrastructure needs, and that there seems to be a big gap between that number, which would create many jobs, and the funding, which seems to favor projects other than infrastructure. Meanwhile, to point out again what Susan Windham-Bannister was saying, funding something like a $13 Million pumping station allowed Genzyme to build an additional $10 million business unit that created 300 jobs.

So, how will those challenges be handled? How does one decide when “roads and bridges” are what’s going to fuel growth and contribute to a better quality of life?

The ROI On These Projects Is Huge

John Engler, former Governor of Michigan and president of Business Roundtable, pointed out that fixing up the US air traffic control issues is a $40 Billion project, but that this adds nothing to the deficit over time. He also pointed out that similarly, improving electrical power efficiency is a huge opportunity that reduces waste spending and thus provides a strong ROI for the project. The question/problem/opportunity then becomes, why is it that government gets in the way all the time?

Engler said this poignant gem: “China didn’t set up US regulatory rules. We did this to ourselves.” One other gem of his was calling for some kind of testing acceptance between Europe and the US in things like safety compliance. For instance, he said, if they crash a car in Europe to measure its safety and it passes, that same car should be deemed safe in the US. That would speed up acceptance of things like drug trials and medical device implementation, and it would give us a faster marketplace for growth.

One of my favorite bits was when Rafael Pastor asked this question: Is unemployment cyclical or structural? Meaning, is unemployment just something that comes in waves, or is it something that’s symbolic of a system/structure problem? His point was that one’s view of this problem partially helped prescribe a point of view. I found that question something I hadn’t much considered before, and that, such as it was, is what I found most of all at this event.

If you want to learn more about the panel you can actually watch it here.

What I’m Learning at #GC2011

These people are economists, nonprofits, financial wizards, and futurists. I got to meet with Jeff Clavier from SoftTech for a moment. Tomorrow, I’ll spend some time with Bill Gross, and others. It’s a far cry from the crowd I normally spend my days with, and that has proven interesting, but also instructive. For what I also thought about after spending this time with these people is that what you and I know, this whole social media thing, is every bit as important as we sometimes think it is.

Because one thing I’ve noticed is that these conversations don’t spread far enough. People are writing into notebooks, not tweeting to their constituencies. People are meeting with old friends, not opening themselves up to serendipity. People are, more than ever, going to need what we know how to do, to wire up these global conversations that travel in and around the real global economy. They’re going to need to follow more people like @bill_gross, who made it easy for me to keep track of two rooms at once.

But we, on the other hand, are going to need to turn out social media skills on things far more interesting and challenging than our Klout scores. We have to look at what influence really means. We have to understand how to equip and empower more than 140 characters worth of value. We have to realize how trust spreads in this new frontier. We have to help people with strong voices in person become strong stewards of those voices in their new digital tongue.

So, not only were the panelists seeking out 12 million jobs, but you and I have the opportunity to think bigger than what we’re doing right now, and see what we can do to improve the lot of people all over the globe. It’s big. It’s more than what we normally think about in the course of a day. And it’s everything.

What say you?

The price you pay for reading this blog is that every now and then I go off the rails and write about things I have no right to write. Right? Well, today I want to write about the meaning of life. No, I'm not kidding. What is the darn meaning of life? It's a question that has puzzled mankind since, well, at least since I was in junior high school. Now the truth is that deep down inside we all

Nashville, Tenn., to many is where dreams come true or die. It’s where “starving artists” are found. And where people are trying to “make it.” I knew that Nashville would hold a special place in my heart. Last Monday, the FIT Project was about to fall apart. I didn’t have a plane ticket for starters as well as a place to crash and a ride to/from airport, race start/finish and a million other things. I knew deep down in my heart that the trip would happen, I just didn’t know how. A lot of us say we live by faith, but we never actually know what that really means. As I have alluded in some past articles, the last two years have been ALL about faith. To keep it real, I’ll give you snippets of what the past five days looked liked for me . Two days before I was supposed to leave, an anonymous person used their credits for my plane ticket. A friend from church gave me a ride to the airport (at 4:30 a.m. I might add). Thirty minutes before my flight was departing, a stranger (turned friend) said she & her husband could pick me up when I landed in Nashville. And I hung out at the expo with them till late afternoon. Five hours before I needed to sleep, a friend of a friend of a friend found me a place to stay. And the husband is training for Western States (although he was traveling so I didn’t get to meet him). I walked from the Convention Center to their home. A good four miles. Thankfully, my legs are used to being transportation . Got a ride to/from the race. Had to change living spaces on Saturday afternoon after the race (surprise!) and stayed with a wonderful family just outside Nashville. Their four kids pretty much fell in love with me. So, despite not knowing what would happen when I got to Nashville, it all worked out. Is living by faith scary? In some ways, YES. But when you don’t have a choice, you believe in the process. And living by faith for a planner (had a event planning company for six years) is not an easy thing. But I’ve become a stronger & more compassionate person in the process. How have you seen faith in your life?

Nonprofit Blog Carnival

Allyson Kapin of The Rad Campaign hosted the April Nonprofit Blog Carnival with the theme of Fostering Nonprofit Innovation. Read all the ideas from the people who know.

Nancy Schwartz, of Getting Attention, hosts the May Nonprofit Blog Carnival with a call for What Book Has Changed Your (Professional) Life? What a great theme that we can all respond to.

The Royal Wedding

Ah, the wedding was beautiful! But Madeleine Milan, writing at The Duck Call, found Three lessons for nonprofits from the royal wedding. Madeleine says, "If the British monarchy can open up and use social media, there's no excuse for your organization not to." That's a challenge, me thinks.

Marc Pitman, the Fundraising Coach, took up the theme with his 3 Ways that Fundraising is like the Royal Wedding. How do vetting, asking, and community connect the royal wedding and fundraising?

Agnes Vishnevkin, of the TriCom Foundation, pointed out this article through Twitter: No wedding gifts, please: William and Kate request charity donations instead - a USAToday piece about the royal couple's favorite charities.

The Cause Marketing blog explained how you too can Cause Market Your Wedding Like the Royal Couple. This clever post says, " It's a joyous time for the young couple that has inspired lovers and romantics across the globe, along with the usual amount of commerce and, even better, some charity."

Nonprofit Careers

Interning at nonprofits has become popular. Lauren Scherr, an intern at The Case Foundation, provided a video for future interns, Making the most of your internship. Scherr says, "We created a short video to document the highlights of our experiences as well as to share our tips for success at any internship, whether in the nonprofit/philanthropic sector or elsewhere."

Job seekers really should get The Nonprofit Times' 50 Best Nonprofits To Work For 2011. It costs but only $7.95. The top nonprofit? The Wounded Warrior Project (WWP) in Jacksonville, Fla. The Times' article says, "Steven Nardizzi, president & CEO of the Wounded Warrior Project (WWP) in Jacksonville, Fla., doesn't just try to encourage his employees to find fun in their work. He awards them."

Fundraising, Social Media, CSR

Confused about the finer points of CSR? For GrantWriters Only has a post about the differences between Corporate Philanthropy, Corporate Sponsorship, Cause Marketing, and Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR). Author Melanie Negrin writes, "As grant professionals, we are often asked about seeking money (or in-kind donations) from corporations, and many organizations believe that obtaining money (or in-kind donations) from corporations involves a single approach. This is not the case."

Robin Stephenson, writing at Ragan.com, explains 10 ways nonprofits should use Twitter. She says, " Tweeting is a great way for nonprofits to spread their message, yet not many know how to leverage it. Here are 10 techniques for getting the most out of the platform."

Purple Duck University devoted the latest issue of its newsletter to social media for nonprofits. See especially, Why Facebook for your Non-profit? The intro says, Facebook "is one of the most powerful and viral ways for organizations like yours to connect with your target audience, share your story and participate in real-time conversations quickly and easily."

Philantopic slices and dices all the most recent data about corporate foundations in Key Facts on Corporate Foundations. The article says, "... just over half (52 percent) of corporate foundations responding to the Foundation Center's annual forecasting survey expect to increase their giving in 2011."

The sad truth is that nonprofits continue to face funding challenges. Fieldstone Alliance provides 185 Cutback Strategies. And this list is only a partial one! They are nicely catagorized though to make for easy reading, if not easy implementation.

Frank Barry, of NetwitsThinkTank, gives us another terrific case study, Social Media, Fortresses and Free Agents with Danielle Brigida of National Wildlife Federation. This is a video interview with Danielle.

Amy Sample Ward, writing for the Stanford Stanford Social Innovation Review, asks, How does celebrity impact your fundraising? Amy says, "So why do we keep thinking that celebrities are so important to raising money? Two recent reports share data about the actual role celebrity connection plays in nonprofit fundraising and both say the same thing: Forget 'em!"

Photo by Getty Images

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About two years ago I went to work for a startup. To make a long story short, the startup fizzled. We were successful, just not successful enough. Or, put another way, there came a point where even really big breakthroughs didn't justify throwing good money after bad.

After a little more than a year of burning the candle at both ends, we pulled the plug. It wasn't an easy choice.

Am I glad that I gave up the relative safety of my staff job for the high risk of a startup?

You bet.

Would I do it all over again?

In a heart beat.

But there are a few things -- ok, more than a few -- that I would have done differently, if given the chance. The startup I went to work for was a digital publication, rather than an agency. But in many ways, the experiences translate. In fact, those experiences also translate to the business of being a freelance writer.

Freelancing for iMedia, I get to interact with a wide range of businesses and individuals. I speak with people who work at brands, and people who work at large agencies, as well as technology vendors. But some of my favorite people to talk to are the folks who struck out on their own and started their own agencies. There's just something really compelling about the energy, creativity, and commitment that goes into a startup agency. These enterprises require great work, long hours, some money, and more than a little luck to succeed. But even the ones that do succeed make mistakes -- sometimes very big mistakes.

I reached out to several agencies that were startups not so long ago. I asked them to share their candid assessments of what worked for them in that first year, and what they could have done better. So, before you quit your day job, tap into your savings, and strike out on your own, you may want to consider the advice from these agencies. And, as always, please use the comments section to share your two cents. If you worked at a startup and have something else to add, let the community kick it around. Or, if you're contemplating the launch of your own agency and you have a question, put it out there. Who knows, you just might get an answer that can make the difference between success and failure.

Bad economy, bad move?
It's a terrible time to start a business.

You've probably heard a phrase like this at least a hundred times since the economy nearly fell off a cliff back in 2008. I began work at my startup in the fall of that year, and I have to admit that even as I was packing my desk, excited about my new venture, I couldn't help to think that I was making a huge mistake. After all, this wasn't just a bad economy -- it was being compared to the Great Depression! So why would anyone in their right mind chose this time to take the biggest risk of their life? I mean, you'd have to be an idiot to make a jump like that, right?

Well, that's not how Traction CEO Adam Kleinberg sees it. He started his agency in 2001, which -- if you remember -- was another "worst time" to start a business.

"I always joke that it was the worst time in history to start an agency, but that's not true," says Kleinberg. "It was the best time. When we moved into our first real office, the economy was in the crapper so we were able to get a dirt-cheap lease on a beautiful office in a beautiful building. As the economy started to turn around, rents went up."

While rent was one factor, other costs like labor, supplies, and just about everything you need to run a business tend to be cheaper in a down economy. But that doesn't mean that you should dive in with reckless abandon, either.

"You have to be careful not to over commit," says Kleinberg. "But at the same time, you have to realize that opportunities arise from chaos."

The business cycle
Whether you work for yourself or at a larger agency, you probably know that getting someone -- anyone -- on the phone after lunch on a Friday in the summer is a dicey proposition. Actually, getting much of anything done in the summer tends to be harder than it is any other time of the year. Ditto for Christmas and Thanksgiving.

As an employee, you might feel especially good about these periods. After all, there's something nice about an occasional lull. But if your name is on the door, that lull can be a disaster.

"The one thing I wish I had known when I started this business was the cyclical nature of it," says Kleinberg. "For instance, summer months are often very slow. Early on, I'd think the world was coming to an end by August, but just as I started writing my own obituary, the phone would start ringing. If you're starting your own agency, you are stepping on a roller coaster ride. Beware."

Obviously, you can make financial plans to cope with the feast/famine cycle, but it's just as important to have the right mindset to make it through the lean months, especially if you're in that critical first year.

Stay healthy, stay working
When you begin a startup, things you once took for granted, like sick days, go right out the window.

"The one thing that we distinctly remember about the first year of business is that we rarely got any sleep [and] we also got sick often," says Tynicka Battle, CEO of ThinkTank Digital. "It sounds like an old adage, but you have to take care of yourself. Important things like health and family can fall by the wayside when you are so focused on deadlines and growth."

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Sloane Crosley may hail from New York, but any young urbanite can empathize with her exploits. Whether she's embarking on a disastrous trip to Portugal in an attempt to be more spontaneous, trying to find the perfect apartment, or riding in a really smelly cab, Crosley projects an air of good-natured haplessness that appeals to the klutz inside all of us. Her first book of essays, I Was Told There'd Be Cake, was a New York Times bestseller and was optioned by HBO; the sequel, How Did You Get This Number, has just been released in paperback.

In addition to her literary efforts, Crosley is the co-proprietor of the photo blog Sad Stuff on the Street, which she runs with her former long-distance boyfriend, SF-based Greg Larson. In advance of her Bay Area readings next week, we talked to Crosley about her family, her TV prospects, and the bi-coastal competition for sad stuff.

Your essays cover a wide swath of your life, from your childhood to your recent exploits. Are you ever concerned that you'll run out of material?
 
Not really, because the essays are from my perspective, and unless I get concussed tomorrow (always a chance), that viewpoint will always be there. It may shift, but it won’t dry up like a well. If it does, I suppose I can always write an essay about running out of ideas for essays.
 
How do your friends and family feel about their portrayals in your work? They're not always presented in the best light. Do they forgive you because you're even harder on yourself?
 
I always think the most realistic light is the best light. My dad is a classic cheeseball-but-loving dad, my mom is a bit flighty, and these are things I would say to their face. And write. And bind and sell. There may be a comment or two here and there that rubs them the wrong way, but if a reader then walks away from the essay sensing that there’s genuine affection between my friends, myself, and my family, I think it serves the people in the essays better anyway. Luckily, they’ve all agreed. Plus, you’re right – if anyone is going to have a real ass made out of themselves, it’s going to be me. I’m the professional here.
 
You recently quit your job as a book publicist. How has that affected your writing life? Have you found yourself nitpicking the work of your own publicists?

 
Plural! Publicists, huh? There’s just one at a time. Wow, this makes me feel like I should have a rider. Fiji water at bookstores or I’ll flip the f*&k out.   Meanwhile, you’d have to ask the kind woman who passed these questions on to me. I don’t think I’m more or less nitpicky now that I’ve quit my job.  I will say that I thought I was going to be able to set aside some quality “crazy author” time, but the writing expands quickly to fill up your whole day and before you know it, it’s 5 p.m. and you have no idea how that happened.
 
I Was Told There'd Be Cake was optioned by HBO. How is that process going? Are you writing a script?
 
I wrote the script, actually. I had a great time doing it. Man, the people at HBO have those jobs for a reason. They’re fantastic. But they were all stocked up on lady programming, so they won’t be making the pilot.  Sorry!
 
You spend/spent a fair amount of time in SF. What do you like to do when you're in town?
 
It’s hard to play favorites with San Francisco. The sights I like are pretty typical, so I won’t list them all – driving over the Golden Gate is the best. Or sitting in Dolores Park. Meanwhile, I think it’s a little weird that Tartine won’t let me sleep there. Because I really want to. But noooo, no cots for me! Also Zuni, Mission Street Food, La Taqueria. There’s a place that sells lavender marshmallows in The Ferry Building. The issue with San Francisco is that everything is so delicious and interesting to me that I am basically incapable of just getting a veggie burger or a beer somewhere. I always want to take advantage of every meal and every drink. Shopping-wise, there’s a store called BellJar that I love. They have the best jewelry. Also City Lights for books and then Vesuvio for drinks. The best sorbet in the world is made in Oakland by my friend Noah at Scream Sorbet. Please stop reading this and go there now. Did you not hear me say “best in the world?”
 
Weigh in on the SF vs. NYC debate. What does each side have that the other doesn't?
 
Part of what I like about San Francisco is that it doesn’t feel like it’s having an active conversation with New York. If anything, I can see it scoffing at and/or feeling an inferiority complex about L.A. Or thinking it’s cooler than Austin.  So I don’t really see it as similar or different from New York. Maybe if I was involved in something more specific – for example, San Francisco has a famous ballet. If I was a ballerina in San Francisco, New York might weigh more heavily on my mind, and vice versa.
 
The "Sad Stuff on the Street" blog features a lot of stuff from SF. Is that just a consequence of your co-founder being based here, or do you think we have a special talent for producing sad stuff on the street? If the latter, why?

Mostly the former, though you guys know how to knock it out of the park.  My theory is that New Orleans and Vegas have both our cities beat on the melancholy trash front – but the residents of those towns are too busy partying to get appropriately sad.

Sloane Crosley will appear twice in the Bay Area: On Monday, May 9th, at 7:30 pm, she'll read at Booksmith, 1644 Haight St., Upper Haight. On Tuesday, May 10th, at 7 pm, she'll read at Diesel, 5433 College Ave., Oakland. Both readings are free.

When asked where my books come from and what they are about, I'm often at a loss – the impulses are from the deep unconscious

Following the publication of Tolkien's Gown, in 2004, I was occasionally asked to give a public account of it, and by implication of myself. I found this rather difficult. Not for reasons of shyness – I love being in front of an audience – but because I didn't, from the outset, know how to begin. I couldn't do it. I still can't, not without stumbling about, not in a nutshell. Give me 10 minutes, or better yet an hour, and I can tell you. But ask any publicist – and I did – and they will recommend that you give a quick and accurate précis of your subject. Can you, in one sentence, give a clear indication of what your book is about?

Does this sound stringent, and unnecessarily taxing? It isn't. "A bored bourgeois French doctor's wife embarks on an affair, which doesn't work out, so she kills herself." If you change the integers just slightly, and make the husband a minor Russian functionary, you will have quickly defined the plot difference between Madame Bovary and Anna Karenina.

Oh, but surely the differences and the details are what is important, not the summary of the plot? Of course. There's something wrong with the question, if a publicist can frame it so blithely. Asking an author what his novel is about is likely to elicit a ferocious scowl, and the suggestion that if you are so interested, read it. You wouldn't ask a painter what a painting is about, would you? Nevertheless, if you invited Flaubert to talk at the Bournemouth Writer's Circle, or fancied having that bushy Mr Tolstoy to a literary lunch, you would expect them to sing for their suppers, and tell you, however ungraciously, what their books were about. "The morals of provincial life," Flaubert might mutter.

But when I finish a book, I am at a loss, and clam up (relatively speaking) because I cannot quite understand what I did, and why. They sneak up on me, books, and the impulses are often unconscious.

Why was I so identified with my poor local Coventry City football club, so devastated by their repeated failure and bedazzled by their occasional success? Why did it matter so much? My book Staying Up: A Fan Behind the Scenes in the Premiership (1998) was catalysed by a story in the Sun, sometime in the summer of 1997, suggesting that Gary McAllister (remember him? Lovely, cultured player) was about to sign for Coventry. What? Surely that couldn't happen. It did. And it left me feeling raw, as well as overjoyed. A few weeks later I made an appointment with Bryan Richardson, club chairman, and asked permission to write a behind the scenes account of the coming season.

"What sort of book?" he asked.

"I am," I said, "a university teacher as well as a season ticket holder. I am trained in habits of analysis. But trying to understand what is happening at a Premiership football club by watching from the stands is like trying to infer the principle of locomotion by watching a train go by ... " (He nodded, and didn't throw me out.) "I find this maddening. What I would love to do, for this coming season, is to be in on things, talk to you and to [manager] Gordon Strachan, be on the training ground, in the bus, the hotels, the dugout. To understand. And then to write a book about it."

To my surprise, and to his credit, he gave me the go-ahead, and by the time the season had ended I knew how a football club worked. Curiously, the effect of this was to diminish my engagement with the team, as if part of the appeal had been the aura of mystery that surrounded the progress of a football season, and imbued the players with their mystique.

Tolkien's Gown had a similar body of underlying frustration at its core. How can I reconcile a lifelong fascination with literature, with philosophy, with psychology, with the content and inwardness of literature, and at the same time be so compelled by rare book dealing and collecting – by the fetishisation of objects that had previously appealed to me only for their contents? This kindling was ignited, unwittingly, by the wife of a colleague of mine when I taught at Warwick University, to whom I (foolishly) showed a copy of my first catalogue as a rare book dealer, in 1982. She leafed through it. "How disgusting!" she said, and pushed it away as if it were child pornography.

It took 20 years for that one to mature, but I got a book out of it, so I suppose it was worth the insult.

With Outside of a Dog (2009) the genesis was more direct, and brutal. In my divorce some years ago, part of the messy settlement ended up with me losing all of my books, thousands of them, which apparently went with the furnishings of the house I also gave up. It had a powerful symbolic effect on me. I was devastated, nauseous, dizzy with anxiety. Why such a silly over-reaction?

I am lost without something to read. I hate thinking, it makes me feel alone, and anxious. Reading deflects this, redirects the energy, allows me to lose myself in a story, a person, a narrative. So my ultimate terror, in this respect, is to have nothing to read. To lose my books, as it were. What, I had to ask myself, is the role that reading – not serious reading, just plain bloody reading – plays in my life? Why am I addicted to it? Because, in some inchoate way, it has made me who I am. So my most recent book was both generated by the loss of my books, and is a long reflection of what they had meant to me.

I once heard that excellent Australian novelist Sonya Hartnett answer the question "Where do you get your ideas?" with an exasperated: "Where do you think I get them? I make them up." I was consumed by admiration, and envy. Lucky her. I wait for ideas to come, and then they don't. So, in the meantime what do I do? Fiddle and faddle about at the bottom of the garden at my writing desk, doing the sorts of things men do in their sheds.

Every now and again a book happens to me. I neither let it nor impede it. It has a relentless quality that makes me pay that sort of fitful heed that I call attentiveness. The driver, it seems – and I have only recently recognised this – is that there is some unresolved and unconscious anger at the foundation of each of my books, which result when some set of internal contradictions is ignited. But if this is necessary it is certainly not sufficient. Loads of things, more and more things, irritate me. It's one of the symptoms and pleasures of getting old. But just because my soul is filling with grit does not mean it is producing many pearls. Anyway, I don't write about what irritates me – why bother? – I write about my enthusiasms. About football, rare book dealing, reading. Things I love. I just need the right gritty catalyst.

I am now starting work, fitfully, on a new book, and having made myself aware of the unconscious motivation of my previous ones, cannot seem to locate the impulse that compels composition. Making a book, it appears, involves resolving something about which I am angry. I rather wish I hadn't come to understand this. Making the unconscious conscious can be dangerous, and strip you of the power not so much of inspiration as of composition itself. This is why some creative people are anxious about entering psychotherapy, for even if it helps to resolve some issues it may depotentiate whatever it is that simmers in the darkness.

But there's always something that impedes the onset of a new book. And if there is nothing to be irritated by at the heart of this one – which is about lost works of art – I suspect that's because I haven't located it yet. Or it hasn't located me.

It'll come.